🌠 Aligning Monthly Self Leadership with Values Based Living

Mentally Tying Together Daily Habits, Weekly Goals and Monthly Self Leadership

I just wrote a post about my new “Life Improvement System” which combines my values, the idea of Lōkahi (harmony) and my Clifton Strengths Assessment results into a cohesive system based on Demitri Martin’s Life Improvement Plan, yet now personalized to me (strengths, values and goals) and my life (farmer, writer, martial artist, mother, teacher).

How to Align My Strengths with My Goals

I usually won’t splurge on expensive tests, but I was satisfied with the Clifton Strength Assesment. Finding my values took me many tries and at least three years, it was nice to pay and have my strengths accurately mapped out in less than an hour. My particular strengths are restorative (adept at finding solutions for problems), learner (enjoys the journey of continuous improvement), intellection (deep thinking), input (idea collecter), responsibility (proactive, honest and loyal).

Thinking about how to apply my top five strengths to the self-leadership formula:

πŸ’‘ 1. THINK What good can I do? Intellection
πŸ“˜ 2. DREAM How to live my values? Resolver
πŸ› οΈ 3. PLAN What can I get done? Resolver
πŸŽ‰ 4. DO Celebrate where I am. Responsibility
🐒 5. LEARN Something from today. Learner
🐘 6. NOTICE What to change? Input

How to Remember All the Goals and Habits and To-Dos Easily

After redoing the weekly goal system I adjusted my Habitca Dashboard habits to reflect my new weekly goals. The life improvement system is a “fancy” system of storing my weekly goals. Habitca lets me store weekly and daily habits together in an easy to use way. Habitca is a free productivity, list app, that works either on the web or via mobile app, it has a catagory for “Dailes” (daily habits), To-Dos, Rewards and Habits. I like it better than Fabulous, Habit Bull, CheckList.com and Coach.Me for keeping all my habits in one easy to use location. I still use Coach.Me, but I prefer to use it secondarily to Habitca.

This is My Updated Habitca for the New Version of My Life Improvement System

I used to use rewards for tea, coffee, sweets, steaks and new books, but I didn’t really check in when I got any of those things, so instead I was able to use it to make some of my weekly habits into rewards themselves. That way my lists are not as long and also I start thinking of the habits of connections as rewards, and they really are, since I feel really good after checking in with my friends ext. Habitca is a little silly, it makes real life into a game, but I love it! Having a party (group) of a few people makes me more accountable. There are little game functions to do, like fighting bosses and changing equipment to boost stats, but it’s overall a habit list with just a little bit of fun flair to it. I’m in the Jack of All Trades guild if anyone wants to join me there. Dailies loose health points if you don’t do them everyday, so that makes me really conscious of if the habit needs to be done on the weekend or not, if not it goes into the habit section instead and it’s great being able to add to-dos in the same page because I check in with my habits everyday. I like to add links to the activities I do online, that saves me time when I go to do the activity. In the end it feels like the school planners that I used to list all my homework when I had a lot of different classes at once.

Connecting the Day to Day to My Inner Values

I watched a show about the brain with John Medina (The Life of the Brain), he talked about how it was important to learn “schema,”(a representation of a plan or theory) and that knowing the overarching idea about what was going on aided learning and memory. It felt kind of like cheating when I changed the schema of my life improvement play based on the habits, instead of the other way, yet it was important to better organize and customize my life improvement system. The purpose of the system is to give meaning and value to my life, while not unbalancing it. It’s supposed to be filled with meaningful, but not impossible things that are achievable based on my strengths in reality and also significant to me. Demitri Martin said the unexamined life isn’t worth living, for me the system was more about fighting a malise and getting rid of the feeling my life doesn’t matter because I’m mortal and average and I can’t do anything important because I have many responsibilities to my kids ext and I’m just a normal person (not wealthy, nor famous ext).

I wanted to stop being persistent and start being perseverant. Instead of pushing rocks up mountains without stopping, I wanted to push the right rock up the right mountain.

All year I’ve been thinking about Einstein’s quote “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.”

I think I’ve finally expanded my consciousness enough to solve the problems I was ruminating about going into the year, how to fix the relationship with my daughter, how to fix my life, how to stop feeling overwhelmed, how to find meaning beyond chores, how to cope with the feeling of debt, how to step back from emotional codependence, where to go with homeschooling my kids.

It’s interesting because stepping back and trusting my daughter solves most of my problems.

To fix the relationship with my daughter I needed to be not exhausted, so I needed help caring for her and to spend less time with her. Instead of filling her with love I stepped back telling her love comes from within and that although I love her if she can’t find the love within her heart she won’t feel loved. I stepped back from my expectations that my daughter would be “good” (quiet, calm, polite, conscientious, socially appropriate) while keeping non-violent boundaries for both of us and letting go of my expectations that I would be “good” as in able to make my daughter quiet, calm, polite, conscientious, socially appropriate. I accepted my daughter how she is (wild, loud and spirited) and accepted myself how I am (needing calm, needing more breaks and rough at speaking the truth nicely) and decided on boundaries that I would need to survive and possibly thrive living together.

To stop feeling overwhelmed, I also stepped back from trying to make my daughter “good” (still make her clean ie brush her teeth and respectful ie no yelling or hitting in the living room) and stepped back from trying to be “good (showing up as a teacher for my kids too much at the cost of rest and health),” redesigning the school curriculum and expecting a slower, yet steady, learning pace, as well as doing a lot of writing to solidify my wants and needs and help clarify my values vs abilities to use time management.

With that extra energy not spent trying to be “good,” I found meaning beyond chores through redesigning the value-based living life improvement system I’ve been using for six weeks, writing on my blog (https://bubblegummonkey.com/) and starting a family farm.

By letting go of the feeling of debt (still have a student loan, but let go of shame and regret) I had time to center myself and know that I do have integrity and values, even though I am in debt.

I learned that I was trying to prevent my daughter from being angry and throwing fits because it made me tired due to emotional codependence, instead of because I really cared about helping soothe my daughter and I surrendered her emotions to her, while still being open to soothe her if I can and when she comes to me.

I got new inspiration about homeschooling because I let go of competing with other moms/teachers/kids to be the best/know the most and instead thought about what my daughter’s strengths were, how I can help her build on her strengths and what basics would be the most helpful to her potential. So instead of trying to learn what everyone knows faster or more, I’m trying to teach what could be the most helpful skills or what is interesting to my daughter mentally or foundational for building her personal skill set for life balance, being a human being and also as a potential worker who serves humanity in her preferred ways.
I could only do that from taking a step back from normal and taking a step back from a competitive mindset that was based on ego of being a parent with the smartest kid and fear of being a parent who cheats a kid out of the best education they could have had to not have to worry about them being shot or molested in public school.

So taking a step back was the key to being able to move forward in new, healthier directions from today onward. A direction of love towards my family, friends, and humanity, a direction of taking breaks as a parent and a direction of customized education, which was the original reason for homeschooling that became corrupted over time by fear and ego.

I have daily habits, I have weekly goals, I think I will do this self-leadership monthly. Because the trend of stepping back has been a good one lately.

My Values Based Monthly Plan

This month of October:

πŸ’‘ 1. THINK What good can I do? I can finish up as much farm work as I can do, possibly leveling, weeding and seeding the moss lawn and putting weed cloth, mixing soil and adding transplants to the veggie grow beds and leaving the major weeding and morning glories for another year.

πŸ“˜ 2. DREAM How to live my values? In particular, it would be nice to live by “aloha ‘aina” this month, because I won’t have access to our nursery for the rest of the year. Setting the food plants in order and decluttering the garden would be great goals.

πŸ› οΈ 3. PLAN What can I get done? I can spend at least 10 minutes and maybe up to an hour doing the above goals, moss lawn, veggie bed prep, kaizen blitz clean up each day.

πŸŽ‰ 4. DO Celebrate where I am. I’m so happy I fixed things with my daughter, us fighting and power struggling and me trying to soothe her dozens of fits every day was wasting all my time and energy. Between fights and over teaching her I had no energy left for personal goals or well being even though I had some time. I’m glad that period of my life is over.

🐒 5. LEARN Something from today. The only way through is not forward, sometimes if you are going through hell, take a break or step back and go a different way around.

🐘 6. NOTICE What to change? If there is a way to clarify my goals and make the many things I want into more streamlined, easier to remember chunks I think that would help. Making a visual reminder of my goals may help me stay on task. The inspiration is there in my heart, but my brain needs more mental clarity to be more effective.

Want to Find Out or Clarify Your Own Unique Values?

By the way my self leadership template is at the bottom of the Inner Citadel (home page) it comes from the free Life Values Invetory program’s “Optimal Self-Leadership” supplemental guide to florishing. That’s a really cool free website that is a great place to start examining your values based on the 14 most universal values and how they interplay. Russ Harris has a really cool list of 60 values in his book The Confidence Gap (also available as a free PDF). My family used this list of 51 Hawaiian Values to pick our 3 family values earlier this year (which was really exciting for me, since I knew other families that had them and we never did). I also have some Japanese values. I find not all Japanese or Hawaiian values do translate and perhaps that is what makes Earth so beautiful, that there are so many diverse values. I started with the 14, but quickly found using the list of 60 gave me more personal results and reconnecting with my cultural (where I was raised) and ethnic (my blood) heritage deepened my personal connection to my values even further. Each step gives you more understanding, but there isn’t really a limit to the satisfaction of living a life of virtue that agrees with your own particular soul.

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⭐ New Life Improvement System First Week

Aloha! This is the week six, only two days have passed since I turned in week 6 late, but since the begining I wanted to align this system with my own values instead of using Demitri Martin’s system. I do want to use his system, but I want to localize it for myself, today is the first day I felt like I had time to do that kind of adjustment.

Improving the self improvement system, I stayed up late one night and my emotions came through to me that the values I had been living with were wrong with me and the ones I wanted to live by were:

Proactivity replaces entitlement.
Resilience replaces complaints.
Perseverance replaces excuses.
Authenticity replaces courage.
Mindfulness replaces persistence.
Humility replaces wisdom.
Serenity replaces power.

I’ve also been introduced to the idea of “lokahi” (unity, but also making something broken whole) and I want to use it in some way to help me organize my life in a less overwhelming way. I know no matter how I organize my life I have to “do” the same amount of things, but maybe having the “schema” will help reduce the cognitive work load of living by my values.

Lokahi Triangle. Ola (health) as harmony in three key and interconnected relationships. Ke Akua. Hoβ€˜omana/ Spirituality. Na Kanaka. Humankind. Lokahi. Harmony. Ka β€˜Aina. Land.

I also know my strengths from the gallup strength finder test: Learner, responsibility, input, resolver, intellection.

Those are the three ingredients I want to work into the improved version of my life improvement system, my values (the ones I want not what I have known or am framiliar with), my strengths and the concept of life balance or “lōkahi”.

Na Kanaka (Human Kind):

Life Time Goal: Live with Humility, Authenticity, Mindfulness

Using: Learner Strength (I’m not good with people, yet, but I can learn), Input Strength (I can swallow my pride, take advice and learn from others).

Large Practice: Assertive Communication

Tiny Plan: Become grateful and use problems as time to connect with other people.

πŸ—Ή Gratitude Challenge – Consistent gratitude for 30 days. -Nomz “It’s helping me so much to be doing this together with someone, I don’t need a running buddy to run, but for whatever reason having a gratitude buddy has helped me be consistent and stop making excuses about why I can’t do this.”

πŸ—Ή Connect with Loved Ones: Look Up – Rachel Stafford. Just look up from the phone/computer/chore ext at the eyes of the person talking to you. “It’s possible to say “I can’t do this right now, but we can talk later,” and then talk later, really talk. When I wanted to always drop everything for my kids, I almost never did, now I’m trying to listen to them 2/3 times and ask them to wait for me 1/3 times.”

πŸ—Ή Connect with Loved Ones: Look In – Rachel Stafford. Try to look inside to how someone else could be feeling. “I’m starting by looking at them when they are probably happy (even that is hard for me, most of my life I thought since I can’t really know how they feel why even bother guessing?) and as I get better I’ll try to be able to look at them when they are in a lot of pain or angry.”

πŸ—Ή Connect with Other Humans – Check email, direct Facebook message with my friends, look in the eye of people talking to me directly. “The hard part of this is knowing what counts as connection, for me reading a feed isn’t connection, yet a direct messege is, I know because it makes me smile to get a direct messege and reading my friend’s feed makes me feel distant from them weirdly enough.”

πŸ—Ή Read books or Articles – “This is a way to connect and respect other people and also learn from them. For some people it doesn’t give a sense of connection, but for me it does. Shout out to all my readers, you guys really inspire me, I read articles from most of my readers and it’s an exchange of ideas where we all grow together, that’s what I believe anyways.”

πŸ—Ή Radical Acceptance: Did you receive all people/someone exactly as they are? -“I’m accepted all my readers, young old, male female, it makes it easy to accept others who accept you and hearing my words makes me feel really accepted by others, I’ve also accepted my “willful” daughter more than ever. Still working on the rest of humanity.”

πŸ—Ή See problems as opportunities. -Arleen Lorance “I saw all problems between people as an opportunity to connect with people, which is kind of like cheating, but also sincere now.”

Ke Akua (Spirituality):

Life Time Goal: Live with Serenity, Proactivity

Using: Intellection Strength

Large Practice: Kaizen, Kon Mari, Minimalism

Tiny Plan: Get Ready for a Kon Mari week.

πŸ—Ή Malama Pono – Be forthright and proactive in your life. -Demitri

πŸ—Ή Walk Away: From anger, ego, people who put you down, fear, the past. -Dr. Jurisharma “Walked away from people who put me down by saying that bloggers are people who don’t want to hear other people’s opnions or not real writers.”

πŸ—Ή Boldly Celebrate Yourself – Nomz “Doing the new “Life Improvement System” based on my values and strengths is really empowering, it’s me celebrating what I want my life to be and how I can get there instead of living by what works for others or what others value most.”

πŸ—Ή Creative Endevors… Brainstorming. Drawing, painting, and/or sculpting. -Demitri Martin “Actually writing should be here too, did do some writing lately. Writing is like painting with words or sculpting with ideas.”

πŸ—Ή Create your own reality consciously. -Arleen Lorance “I had a “hot” curry that my sister told me was “mild,” it is crazy but I honestly could not taste the spice, I thought my dad was crazy to say it was spicy. I trust my sister so much I couldn’t perseve the spice she told me wasn’t there until I found the box that said “hot.” Right now I’m trying to fight the feeling I can’t get anything done because I have trouble with my oldest child and it tires me out, I keep trying to prove that even though I don’t get everything I want done I can still do “something” but the feeling is still there, it’s still a struggle to believe the truth, even though I know that it’s true.”

πŸ—Ή Have no expectations, but rather, abundant expectancy. -Arleen Lorance “I am, I have no expectations that this system will be better than the first or that either will help my life, yet I’m still trying with an open mind to see what happens.”

Ka ‘Aina (That Which Nourishes):

Life Time Goal: Perservierence

Using: Responsibility Strength

Large Practice: Permaculture Gardening, Martial Arts, Stoic Living

Tiny Plan: Teach martial arts in the non-growth season, farm in the spring and summer. Stoic Quote of the Day.

πŸ—Ή Aloha Κ»Δ€ina: “Planted on grain of wheat today, and was so amused by the way a single grain looks special in a pot when they go unnoticed in a field, of course as a whole they feed more people. The garden constantly brings me new experiences and new wonder.”

πŸ—Ή Be the change you want to see happen instead of trying to change anyone else. -Arleen Lorance “Particularly starting a tiny family farm, because in Hawaii most of the food is shipped in and the economy is very negatively impacted by the high food costs that result and also the farmers at the port of origen are somewhat abused by being under paid.”

πŸ—Ή Did you let people help you/provide others with opportunities to give? -Arleen Lorance “For me this applies to letting my family help me run the farm without nit picking them perfectionalisticly in a way that makes them not be able to help me and in the months I can’t garden it applies to letting my kids help around the house and with school time, it also applies to accepting money from my husband with gratitude instead of shame after working most of my life it is hard to take his money to stay home and school our kids, but if he will support me I should take the support I need to do the things that matter most to me (schooling the kids and nurturing the kids).”

πŸ—Ή Respectful Parenting – The philosopher Immanuel Kant said that rational human beings should be treated as an end in themselves and not as a means to something else. The fact that we are human has value in itself. If a person is an end-in-themself it means their inherent value doesn’t depend on anything else – it doesn’t depend on whether the person is enjoying their life, or making other people’s lives better. We exist, so we have value. “I’m starting with respectful parenting, but after the class is over I plan to expand slowly towards the rest of my social connections, my birth family, my husband, my friends, everyone I meet, people I don’t know… “Recently I read this proberb: if you plant for a month, plant kalo (taro/food), if you plant for 10 years plant koa (tree/shelter), if you plant for 100 years teach the children, that is why these things (respectful parenting and farming related goals) are together now.”

Lōkahi (Harmony/Life Balance):

Life Time Goal: Resilience

Using: Resolver Strength

Large Practice: Self Leadership

Tiny Plan: Keep working with this Life Improvement System

πŸ—Ή To communicate and illuminate healing and more importantly, to reunite that which has been broken back into unity, and awarenessβ€”in short, to renew… – Dr. Maka’ala Yates “Worked with my dad on the cars for a bit, searching for a paracitic battery drain.”

πŸ—Ή Did you set weekly goals? -Demitri Martin “Yes, redid the system.”

πŸ—Ή Did you take daily steps toward achieving those goals? -Demitri Martin “Yes, especially by finding a better schema, it’s not working backwards to cheat it’s working backwards to find a bridge between real life and my heart.”

πŸ—Ή Errands: Do your cleaning, marketing, and pay your bills on time. -Demitri Martin “Yes, kept up with the cleaning I commited to do, don’t have marketing, paid the bills on time for the first time this year.”

☐ Money: Keep careful track of your income and expenses. -Demitri Martin “Still a not yet.”

Letting Go: What I Chose to Let Go Off from the Life Improvement System 1

Old Schema: Mind (Removed because my mind is too broad a catagory for me right now). Body (Removed because my body is well). Aloha & Relationships (Removed because I’m so drained already, aloha is about filling your self, grounding yourself and then spreading love, I need to do the first step first right now). Kuleana & Career/Personal Management (Removed because as a stay at home mom, homeschool teacher and non-profit farmer this area of my life is basically sacrificed for a larger relationship and family section and a smaller focus within my balance section more than covers the important aspects of this schema).

Old Weekly Goal Focuses: Eat better. (Removed because my health is good and I eat well). Exercise. (Removed because it’s a habit, but it doesn’t require my focus, it’s already become a life style). Did you help a friend/stranger? Uplift those around you? Do something nice for someone? (Removed because it’s too hard to judge if I helped someone else or uplifted them, I want to do this, but I don’t want to be score keepering it, I don’t want to be doing it conditionally for the point, I want to keep doing it, but not in this way, I want it to be a biproduct of the way I live rather than the goal, and I also believe that me wanting to help others puts me in a place of judgement that they are not already fine the way they are, that life isn’t already fine the way it is, it creates pity rather than compassion and understanding for me. I want to help, but in a free and adaptable way depending on what I can do and in a more intuitve way. I also want to help from the inside out, by bettering myself first (not making a profit, but reaching an inner peace and inner balance and living normal life in that way). Instead of trying to find all people “beautiful,” I’m just trying to accept that they “are” as they are, I don’t think all people are beautiful and I don’t think it’s neccesary that they all are beautiful to appriciate the diversity and harmony of human life (I’m glad you can Arleen, it’s just not in me to do it!).

The New System First Week Review:

21 Points of 22 Points = 95% for the first week of October, even though it’s been two days I wanted to move the evaluation off Sunday so I can relax and relect without worrying about getting this done on that day. It feels really good to have a system I created for myself instead of using someone else’s goals to run my life. I’m glad I used my free time for this today. This is my most like serries, so it was reader inspiration that helped me allow myself to take the time to do this! 🌻

P.S. I didn’t edit grammer yet nor make my own graphic so I will go back for those things another time, I just wanted to get this out there.

The next week I was able to streamline a little more.