Friday I wanted to do MORE than I did do, I also wanted to BE MORE than I was, I wanted to KNOW MORE of who I was… I wanted to be further along my journey of life. But of course the end of the journey is death.
Today I feel completely at peace with myself, with what I am, the little bit I am finding out about myself, with where I am in life, it’s a wonderful peace.
Right now I’m trying to reflect on the difference, what made the difference? One difference was today I woke up before dawn.
Lizards have a real third eye on their forehead, it lets in light that tells them the season, so they know when it’s summer (their mating season) among other things. They like to bask in the sunlight at dawn and get their calendar all sorted.
I’ve noticed I very much like that as well.
It wasn’t so much earlier, I didn’t do so much more, but it just gave me a “time space” to be me. Time and space seem to be two different things but they are not, they are inseparable physically like electricity and magnetism. Many people don’t understand electromagnetism, it’s the fourth or fifth college physics class that not everyone gets to, but many people have a car, your car has a magnet called an alternator, it spins and the spin puts electricity in wires surrounding it to charge your battery. The battery drains as it starts the car, as you drive the alternator recharges it for the next start. The gas powers the explosion that moves metal pistons which turn gears and shafts to drive the wheels forward, but the alternator powers the starting system.
I’ve always wondered how can I help the world? When I was about 4 I cut a shield and sword out of cardboard to practice for a career in fighting monsters. I was legitimately disappointing when I found out it’s not a thing. And even more disappointed when I learned sometimes we humans are the monsters. But perhaps writing is a good fit for me, for I can discus the monsters that plague us, the monsters within.
se·ren·i·ty/noun: serenity; noun: serenities
1. the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.”an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city”
late Middle English: from Old French serenite, from Latin serenitas, from serenus ‘clear, fair’ (see serene).–Oxford Languages
One thing that I’ve found is “special” about me is my serenity, it’s wavering and imperfect, and it isn’t unique, but neither is it ubiquitous.
It’s a took I’ve learned to make and I think pretty much anyone could learn it as well.
I think it all begins with a love or at least acceptance for who you are in the moment.
One scene from “Kung Fu Panda” summed it up better than anything more serious I’ve ever come across:
MR. PING: Po, I think it’s time I told you something I should have told you a long time ago…
PO: [Looks up] Okay…[Mr Ping pauses dramatically…]
MR. PING: The secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup![Po feigns excitement.]
MR. PING: C’mere! The secret ingredient is… nothing![Po is taken completely by surprise.]
MR. PING: You heard me. Nothing. There is no secret ingredient!
PO: Wait wait wait…it’s just plain old noodle soup? You don’t add some kind of special sauce or something?
MR. PING: Don’t have to. To make something special, you just have to believe it’s special.[Po looks at his father with dawning realization. He picks up the Scroll and looks down at the golden reflective surface. For a moment, Po stares at his reflection on the scroll, then his eyes widen. He gets it now.]
PO: There is no secret ingredient…
Maya Angelous, her words strike me as honey to my brain, but also they seem as hard and true as papapya seeds. I’ve saved her books to read for later, as if I’m not at the level to be able to read them, but whenever I read her quotes it seems to invigorate my soul, her words are not only supportive, but it feels like she offers me strength from across the veil of death.
If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.
You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
Continue to be bold, courageous. Try to choose the wisest thing and once you’ve chosen the wisest thing go out and try to achieve it. Be it.
I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘Well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.
You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.– Maya Angelou
So update, as I started writing this post in the morning, took the afternoon off to go to the park where we search for lizards with my daughter, then came home and found a really great post by Thomas, The Happiness Nerd, about Fun Raising, it was great to me and ironic also. A few days ago I was worried about “doing more” yesterday and today I accepted that I needed to relax and do good, but at the speed that works for me, at a pace that is flexible to the needs of my family, and my well being as well. Exactly when I felt the least like I “needed to” do more to “fix the world” or “be enough” I found my path for being able to do something towards my personal nemesis cause.
I wrote an article December 31st, 2019 about Mingi, killing babies because they grew their top teeth before the bottom or other reasons. I found out from “Omo Child: The River and the Bush”. I unfortunately find causes that could use support left and right, but I don’t know why this one hit me in the gut as “the worst thing humanity is doing still”… for all the press black lives matter is getting (and I agree with it) I’m afraid people don’t know what to do to make it a reality instead of a complaint. There are black lives, ended by blacks, they are being saved literally by Lale Labuko, but he then needs to fund raising the children. I’ve done a light investigation of the foundation checking on their needs, their status. They are available via Amazon Smile if you shop on Amazon and click “Omo Hope” as your charity choice.
If everyone that has spoke out about black lives matter actually supported black lives via Omo Hope or African Rode or donating blood to Life Bank for women who give birth in Nigeria. “To date, LifeBank has moved over 22,000 units, served 400-plus hospitals, and saved more than 8,000 lives.”
I had no idea that donating blood once can save 3 lives, I don’t think there is any easier way to do that… When I had a both my babies at home I felt safe, I was 5 minutes away from a hospital, if I needed it, I’m type A, I live in the US, there was just no way I wouldn’t have blood if I needed it.
I just can’t believe that women are still dying from blood loss, that there isn’t blood for them if they want it (I know Jehovah’s Witnesses sometimes reject it, you do you) but to have it not be there… that’s crazy to me.
When I read about life bank I immediately wanted to donate blood to the Red Cross, but I’m A+ so there really isn’t a need in my area right now for my type.
I just ask you to imagine a world where instead of rioting everyone donated $10 to a cause, instead of blood shed, we donated blood to mothers who deserve to have it save their lives, where instead of fighting about who is to blame we looked towards people finding solutions like Lale Labuko. This world could be that world if we make it so.
I’m going to be Fun Raising towards Omo Hope as best as I can, it may not be much I can do, so far it’s been $143.97 from me doing absolutely nothing except shopping mindfully, but it just feels like you can only stand by and do nothing for so long.
When you don’t know something is wrong, you can let it go, when you don’t know what to do, you can let it go, but when you know something is wrong and you know you can do something about it, how can you not act?
I’m urging all of you to consider fun-raising in your area, not for my mission, but for yours.
“Your vocation in life is where your greatest joy meets the world’s greatest need.”– Frederick Buechner
Thomas, author of the Happiness Nerd, is just suggesting 1 hour per week of something you can do and like to do, it seems so achievable to perhaps not reach my end goal of ending Mingi, but to at least be a part of supporting the people who may do so within my life time.
Of course, we will see if I really do this after the initial excitement is over, but so far I’ve contacted my local licence board to get my massage therapy license back and if that doesn’t work I’m open to doing art or writing or even cleaning garages to help those kids, because black lives (and all human lives) do matter, they mattered before they hype, they will matter to me long after the news moves on as well, because those are our brothers. If we can’t care for our brothers, or won’t, who are we then?
I am at peace with myself if I’m only supporting myself and my family, but I found out I am in a position to do more, 1 hour more and I promise to try. Not sure how it will go, but I promise to try to help those babies with teeth on the top, who are going are going to be slaughtered for that or for other reasons, by those who don’t know better. I can’t do it all, I can’t save them all, but I also can’t not try to help some. 🌈
“UNLESS someone like you. cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”– Dr. Seuss