๐Ÿ’ Mindfulness Monday VI ๐Ÿ”‡

SUPER HAIR CUT (BUT NOT AT SUPER CUTS)

let's go
Saturday I got an excellent “crazy hair cut and I love it.”
The new hair cut (not me – musician Cassie Ventura).

SUPER INSPIRED TODAY, BUT DIDN’T DO MUCH

Thank you to Chris at American Barber Shop downtown Santa Ana!

I was trying to let go of 5 items today (my normal Monday habit) and I didn’t really.

So I was wondering if my hair could count for 2 items? Since the left and right sides are gone leaving the middle to grow into this hair cut I got on Saturday. Since it’s not the first time I go through Shaun T’s T for Transformation book, I know he is going to recommend a hair cut soon…

I have had crazy hair cuts, but I’ve never actually asked for “the one I really wanted,” if I wanted Mr. T, I would get something short, but not Mr. T’s hair cut… At 35 years old I have never asked for the hair cut I wanted, ever.

Until Saturday.

My daughter chose 5 items really easily and well today, but for the first time, I struggled. I got rid of old boxes I was saving, cleaned the corner kitchen cabinet of clutter and wiped it down. Took out a lot of trash (2 bags). But mostly everything I got rid of was pretty clearly trash so… it didn’t feel like it counted.

I organized the tool bag, not as bad as I expected, a whole large bag of various glues, fishing wire, a few tools.

There were all sorts of things we don’t really need. A drill bit for a drill we don’t have (that wasn’t top quality anyways). But I didn’t pull the trigger and pick 5 things to get rid of, I just removed obvious trash consolidated plugs with plugs, tools with tools, electronics with electronics.

It was kind of a “trail of tears” of my clutter today…

I unpacked the red luggage I had waiting to go to Hawaii, which got postponed from May to June, June to July, July to August and now I don’t think we will go at all (since we come back before October, so it’s such a short time now…)

It was like failure in terms of getting rid of anything except obvious trash, plastic packaging, cardboard boxes, ext. But I kind of respected the house, made peace with the house and started liking my home more.

We shift our rooms around a lot as our daughter was born, she grew, our son was born, he is growing. Right now he is climbing tables to try to eat small contraband choking hazards… so at first I just isolated everything dangerous where ever I could, today I kind of undid the clutter that was caused by my doing that a few months ago.

We have a really small kids room and two rooms, one is our bedroom with only a bed, laundry hamper, wall mounted TV, and electric heater with electric fan and alarm clock (I really like it sparse). The TV is there because it used to be our living room, yet I actually do enjoy having a TV in the bedroom, which is really against the traditional Feng Shui rules I used to enjoy.

When you only have two rooms apart from your kid’s room and bathroom, Feng Shui really has to get blurred and “creatively” interpreted

I was cleaning the bathroom, which has annoying mold I battle, but never seem to eliminate. Sometimes I think I could eliminate the mold if I had no husband since he showers and refuses to turn the fan on so the moisture will dissipate… but it wouldn’t help really, because I wouldn’t stay here anyways I would move back to Hawaii and fight against even stronger mold.

Anyways, cleaned out the diaper bucket with affection, took out the recycling (to the outside waiting area), moved all dishes out of the school room, organized 1 kitchen cabinet completely, organized the tool bag.

I noticed clothes try to stray, not many, but my daughter’s socks are going crazy in the shoe closet… they need a little box or something. The swimming and exercise clothes are getting out of hand since I put them to dry and then don’t have a habit of when to take them in and where to put them.

I noticed books still get messy, I think I want to rubber band groups of books together so my son will stop throwing them all over the floor four times a day, but I think my daughter will still be smart enough to get them.

I noticed papers are in too many places, some in the kitchen, some in the hall closet, some in the school room.

I have a lot of journals that are in a nice school box, but it seems like there may be excess as it’s overflowing after unpacking my travel luggage for the trip that probably isn’t happening this year.

I’m really starting to feel optimistic about life, my daughter took in gifts of recycling money that replaced the money she donated, so I didn’t need to have worried she gives too much away. It’s a pretty ebb and flow of receiving and giving, which I’ve never been able to feel, because I was raised in a super stingy way and I’ve become stuck like that.

I actually got the new drawing tablet to work really well, unexpectedly quickly, however almost too well, since my son and daughter hog it during the day when they see that it’s hooked up. I kind of hate it, I tell myself I love it that they will build that skill, that they can use art as therapy, that it’s cool to be able to teach them, but I also hate it because I haven’t been able to use it while they are awake and I haven’t been awake when they aren’t since my son has been fussy at night and I haven’t gotten enough hours of sleep for the me time to be worth the sleep deprivation.

Bitmoji Image
Can’t use my new digital drawing tablet because I feel it’s valid for the kids to explore artistically and then the day passes by…

I didn’t need to worry about not exercising at all, I’ve been doing double work outs finally, so I have an extra rest day earned instead of being in debt by two.

Marie Kondo said there are two reasons you don’t get rid of things you don’t need or want, 1. Fear for the future (will I ever afford a drill bit to replace this one if I get rid of it?) or 2. Attachment to the past (my son’s umbilical cord, I’m never really going to need it, I’m keeping it in case he wants it, I don’t think he really will though).

I don’t feel overly fearful or stuck in the past, yet today I was stuck transferring this I didn’t want back and forth, sure organizing them, putting them in a better location and everything together, yet kind of unable to choose even 1 thing to let go off (except trash).

Bitmoji Image
I don’t know.

REALLY CLOSE TO THE END

I’m starting to have a really divided opinion about the tools in particular (I half way want to scrap everything and half way want to keep everything).

It’s weird though because I’m not getting closer to a decision, I’m feel like it’s becoming like two different paths in the woods, the one where I keep a comfortable amount of clutter (like a normal person) and another one where I become radically minimalist (discarding tape rolls with tape on them that I don’t need, letting go of a glue gun I have no projects for).

I don’t know who I am enough yet to know what the right thing is. Am I an artist who likes things pretty clean or am I a minimalist who likes to discard everything not in use to find a certain spiritual answer to a question I’m not yet aware of?

Is minimalism here making my life easier, or is it an important part of who I am and of my life?

I don’t know yet.

I spent enough time cleaning, the bathroom looks better (thank you vinegar – I don’t know why but just vinegar alone worked better than baking soda with vinegar…), the kitchen is just a little better, the closet is a bit better, the school room is just a bit better, there is 2 bags less trash in the house.

My daughter discarded her 5 items, a plastic bunny she didn’t love, a T Rex donated to her cousin, a book she was okay giving away, and two other toys I can’t remember. The important thing with her is that she can mentally process when she is “done” or could be done with an item, it’s not that she has too much, but when she gets disinterested by something she rarely ever wants it again, so why live with it?

I guess I feel guilty for not doing my usual habit of letting go of 5 items. I guess I didn’t check the box.

The other things I did do today, didn’t give me personal satisfaction.

Teaching the kids art, teaching math, teaching reading, cooking, cleaning, sometimes I’m able to get an honest feeling that it was worth it and enjoyable, but not today. I don’t why. Sometimes we teach more, like today we did the derivative of x^4 and my daughter showed she understands that calculus concept of simple derivatives needed in physics to change acceleration to speed… that kind of thing normally makes me happy. But today it didn’t.

BECOMING A “REAL” FAMILY?

We are working as a team more than ever before as parents, and also my daughter helping me with my son, and also my son lifting my spirits, it’s interesting (to me, maybe it’s obvious to you) that the cleaner the home gets the easier it seems to be to get along well as a family and get little things (like car registrations ext) done.

Clientmoji
It feels like I did nothing today, but it was for sure 2 store sized bags of trash going out…

I did a lot of tiny things that affect everyday life a lot today, like making a second drying area for dishes so I can put away my dishes away without putting away my room mates dishes (who cook more than me). It sound stingy that I don’t want to put away their dishes every time, but I really don’t. Nor do I want them to have to put away my dishes. If we used the same amount or if I didn’t have the kids to look after maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but actually it wastes a lot of my time that both of my kids would love to have back or I could use to have a tea, which I like to do and haven’t today.

I don’t feel great about today, I feel like I let myself down a little by not at least looking deeper into my emotions about why I didn’t let go of anything for the first time since I started the 5 things challenge years ago. But rather than not post, I’d rather post the honest truth that I had a lack luster decluttering day, then hide in shame. I feel like a ship at sea with no wind, I know the wind will come back, but I don’t know when.

THE FUTURE

What I have left are school paper clutter, family paper clutter, personal paper clutter, kitchen clutter, and mementos. Short term I’m imagining doing the kitchen, which for me, means nothing to me, medium term I’m imagining really going digital with no papers for the family and me and minimal papers for school, long term I’m sure I’ll actually get rid of a lot of mementos (I think so anyways). I’m not sure yet if I’ll heal from being over cluttered as a child and turn normal or if under my skin I’m an authentic minimalist.

Clientmoji
I am not less conservative than I was, I’ve always been a weird blend of traditional and radical, but now it shows more. It actually feels really good for people to know (or guess) that I’m an “extreme” kind of person by seeing me, since I’ve always been that way internally.

THE PAST

The first step in the Kon Mari process is imagining an ideal life, then examining ๐Ÿ‘’ clothes, ๐Ÿ“š books, ๐Ÿ“ƒ papers, ๐Ÿ’ป everything else, still everything else ๐Ÿ“Œ and ๐Ÿ’Ž mementos. It’s an interesting process, I’ve done it a few times an it’s always surprising how much I have that I’m unaware I have and how much lighter I feel when the clutter leaves my life.

Imagining the end is the hardest part, Pinterest helped me in imagine my ideal life, as well as a post by Eunice Faye about daring to dream and another about taking respite from everyday life to enjoy the beauty around us.

dream big
I’m starting to be interested how it will end?

THE PRESENT

Today I learned again, that I don’t know myself very much yet, it’s not surprising since it had never been a priority in school. and I’ve only been out of school for 5 years.

It becomes relevant to decluttering because to know what items should be in your home, it requires you to know a lot about who you are. Are you a musician, a chef? Who you are defines some of the items that will be in your home, not only what you do, but what you value, what lifts your spirits?

Those things become relevant, specifically the glue gun makes me question if I will be building a bird house or doll house with my kids or if I should let it go and trust I can rebuy one if I need it later?

It becomes a question of prudence vs abundance, and since I don’t know where I stand internally I’m hesitating externally, my body doesn’t know if it “sparks joy” or fails to spark joy right now.

I’ve frozen rather than fighting or flying away.

I chose the muter speaker sign for today because I can’t hear my heart today, even though things are going well in almost every way, I have a disconnected feeling, which could be due to sleep loss, but I don’t think I will ever really know exactly why?

Do not worry about tomorrow finishing Kon Mari, for tomorrow finishing Kon Mari will worry about itself. Each day week has enough trouble clutter of its own.

Matthew 6:34 > Bubble Gum Monkey’s non-offensive reflection about de-cluttering.

I’m beginning to suspect that there is no “end” to clutter, just a reduction such that it’s more easy to live in the home, and perhaps takes a bit less time and energy to manage the items there are… I’m for some reason wondering what Jesus did about clutter right now. I know he kept a small amount of clothing (or at least I heard that though the grape vine) but I wonder if he had all sorts of carpentry clutter? Or a junk drawer in the kitchen?

I read an article about what the bible does say about clutter (spoiler alert the bible is anti-clutter) but I have never lived by the bible over internal sense of morality, so I can’t say, “okay that’s easier for me now then.”

 But more importantly, I kept my vision. I kept my values. I kept my mission.

If you donโ€™t know what yours are, I encourage you to think about them. We worked through our family culture and vision to decide what to keepโ€ฆand we got rid of more than half the things we own in less than a month. Once we knew what mattered, it was easy to part with what didnโ€™t.

Because we knew who we wanted to be and what we are called to do, we had guidelines to attach to what had to leave and what could stay.

I no longer wanted to be a rich young ruler, sad because I had too much clutter in my life to serve Jesus unreservedly.

– Lisa Yvonne

That helped a lot, it’s not that I’m going to serve Jesus unreservedly after I’m done (probably) but I do want to live my own life path unreservedly and I do notice extra things have a way of draining the limited energy I have to do that.

Complete respect to those of you who know your mission and follow it, whatever it is, and thank you to Lisa Yvonne for spelling it out the internal process of decluttering and inspiring me to consider selling things (something I don’t like to do). Any advice from someone who got rid of half of their things in one month seems pretty legit to me, regardless of having a different mission in life, that takes a lot of mindfulness.

Is it too late to count the trash as 5 items and just say “I won?”

Thank you for joining me on this journey, I didn’t consider it very personal at first “cleaning house” but it becomes “putting your house in order” and it becomes deeply personal over time.

you are essential
One thing that is a definite “spark joy” is you my reader, I won’t declutter you. You guys are part of my essential path whatever it is. If you don’t read me again, we will have had this moment forever now, it became part of my experience on this crazy world to share this day with you. ๐Ÿ’ž

One thought on “๐Ÿ’ Mindfulness Monday VI ๐Ÿ”‡

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.