๐ŸŒ  SEE THE GOOD SUNDAY โ›ฑ๏ธ II

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Swimming almost everyday… because of the kids.

Enter the dog days of late summer, yellow summer. I’m still practicing focusing on what was good enough rather than what was left undone.

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The reason this is the best year of my life, I’ve spent it with my son.

WHAT’S GOOD WITH THE FAMILY

Time Outs Helping.

Finding a way to live with the three of us together at home.

The kids bonding with their dad more, dad stepping up.

all the best
Kind of have to organize finally, ran out of excuses.

WHAT’S GOOD WITH ME

Enjoying Writing

Enjoying Harvest Moon with My Daughter

Enjoying Writers Meeting (Via Google Meet)

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Well, stay-cation actually…

COOL THINGS THAT ARE OPEN NEAR ME

Baby Beach

Cancun Juice (Tacos)

CVS (School Candy)

SOMETHING SUBTLY WRONG WITH MY LIFE

I’ve achieved many of my goals this week and this year, notably my resolution to stop yelling at my kids. But to be honest I find lack of satisfaction, is that hedonistic adaptation? Or lack of purpose? Or lack of direction? Or just normal?

I was grateful during the week with the small points of triumph, progress and improvement, but today, it’s as if they are stale… I feel like I want “more” but I can’t say more of what… perhaps I’m drifting from my values?

I used to advocate this strategy:

๐Ÿ’ก 1. THINK What good can I do?
๐Ÿ“˜ 2. DREAM How to live my values?
๐Ÿ› ๏ธ 3. PLAN What can I get done?
๐ŸŽ‰ 4. DO Celebrate where I am.
๐Ÿข 5. LEARN Something from today.
๐Ÿ˜ 6. NOTICE What to change?

๐Ÿ’ก 1. THINK What good can I do? Be open to find what’s missing in my life, despite having so much, doing so much, something feels so off kilter.
๐Ÿ“˜ 2. DREAM How to live my values? I want to build more teamwork in our family. I guess I felt like giving up on that today, because it was so stressful.
๐Ÿ› ๏ธ 3. PLAN What can I get done? I’m going to finish the Nanny 911 book, but I also need my husband to catch up, we do so many different things, but this needs to have solidarity.
๐ŸŽ‰ 4. DO Celebrate where I am. I worked really hard about switching our discipline which wasn’t working, it’s largely worked, I’ve done something very hard and it’s been great for getting back to learning together and enjoying the weekdays.
๐Ÿข 5. LEARN Something from today. Tonight we watched two Nanny 911 episodes and I noticed that my husband is very negative about the moms, it’s interesting how hostile he is (he wanted to punch one, called her annoying, when she hadn’t done anything particularly annoying). I’ve felt a weird hostility since we had children as if my husband loves me as a person, yet also hates me as a mom. Seeing how he is somewhat borderline misogynistic made me feel like maybe we have made a lot of progress compared to how things could have been. I don’t know why there is so much resistance to believing things could get better, but there seems to be a ton of baggage from his parents that he is bringing into our family and as much as I don’t want to pry, it’s not going to stay with my kids.
๐Ÿ˜ 6. NOTICE What to change? We still need to become a team, he needs to understand that even if his mom or step dad was abusive, it’s not going to be an option for our family, we don’t deserve and won’t take a repeat of his childhood, what exactly that means I don’t yet know.

When I started the Nanny 911 shift in our family I knew it would be hard to get support or appreciation from my husband, I did it without that, the kids came on board, I came on board, we are all happier, yet I’m still getting attacked and undermined and a general lack of solidarity and teamwork. My husband watched Youtube with the volume on while my daughter was giving a presentation at our family meeting today, to me that’s disgusting, and disrespectful. It’s been such a struggle getting my unruly daughter to work as a team with me, now I’m finding the larger challenge is still ahead.

It’s weird because it sometimes feels like we have so much mutual respect then all of a sudden a nasty comment or blatant violation of a family rule or boundary. I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but on the other hand I don’t believe in a 1 year old or a 4 year old being mistreated by a 40 year old who doesn’t want to grow up…

I’ve heard a lot of people either break up their marriage and go on well, or start with a good marriage and go on well, but I haven’t seen so many from a half way place like ours.

Is my marriage half shitty or half functional? Depends a lot on if your an optimist or a pessimist… I am an optimist.

I’m going to push forward no matter what, as I went through the Nanny 911 book and process it showed me how I wasn’t owning the responsibility of being an adult before, because it’s nicer and easier to be a child. For my husband to loose that facade of being entitled to being taken care of at the detriment of the kids is going to be harder than it was for me since his mother has always babied him. I grew up from a teen to an adult, he has to go from a big baby to a man, that’s going to be painful… I was so juvenile in my expectations if I was honest with myself, which I was, that I can’t blame my husband, even though it’s been really difficult parenting with him and really unpleasant quarantining with him, I think he brings his skills to the table and it’s not his fault they suck, just the as is situation.

When we had our first daughter we both sucked at parenting, I’m finally getting better, but that means changing everything important and even though it’s gotten wonderful results this resistance is extremely challenging for me.

Anyways when your going through hell, just keep going right? Teamwork or death (jokingly).

Why are problems a good thing? Because they are all opportunities to flip like Tyrannosauruses flip Ankylosaurus to eat their soft underbelly… the other sides of problems hold solutions, growth, a better life…

Going to try anyways. Always going to try.

๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿป So Here is My Life Saturday ๐Ÿ’€

I’ve never seen the real “So Here Is Your Life,” but I have seen Sesame Street’s “So Here is Your Life (loaf of bread episode),” as a child it introduced me to the idea that lives were finite and multipotent.

I just chatted with a buddy from school, via Linked In (because I’m fun like that) and he had gotten divorced, remarried, moved across the country, got his dream job, and about to move again and hopefully start a family… it felt like we just had breakfast together in our school club.

It was 2012, so I guess 8 years had passed, it feels like 6 months to me…

In that time I also got moved, got a new job (hospice), got married, got a second job at the mall, quit my second job since I was too morning sick, had my daughter, worked with my daughter, quit my first job, moved to Hawaii, moved back to California, had my son, moved back to Hawaii, started writing in this blog more often, moved back to California, the coronovirus came, I lost the marital art’s class I taught on Sundays, I now attend a writers meet up on Saturday at noon, I got interested in fun-raising.

I’m 35 years old still, later this year I’ll be 36! Woo! I’ll be so cool then right?

Anyways, I’ve been trying to meditate on a stoic quote of the week each week this year, I got a little off track, but I think Saturday maybe a good day to keep track of it.

Last Sunday the week rolled over to week 31, and the quote for me changed to:

โ€œRegard [a friend] as loyal, and you will make him loyal.โ€

– Seneca

I disagree with this one, Cesar got stabbed multiple times by people he treated and regarded as loyal, and unfortunately myself as well, and I’m guessing you too reader?

So I’m going to replace that quote on the list I didn’t make, but have followed for years with my favorite one:

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

– Marcus Aurelius (I can’t find it directly, but translations vary so much)

Meditations is Marcus Aurelius’ (one emperor of Rome 161) journal to himself about how to live a good life. It’s the second journal I’ve ever read (Ann Frank being the first). People’s journals to themselves really strike me in profoundly a different way then books where people intend to sway others. This is a public blog, but I find myself talking to myself in it, we are all different, but maybe the core of humanity is similar enough that was truly matters to me, my struggles and solutions, may help others in some way? Maybe just to inspire others they can be the master of their souls? For all my failing and imperfections, I am the master of my own soul, I own myself with my errors and triumphs and you can as well. Everything can hinder you, but nothing can stop you in the long game.

Marcus Aurelius’ book is very old so you can get it for free. Meditations, my gift to you!

Book 2: When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The
people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful,
arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this
because they canโ€™t tell good from evil. But I have seen the
beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized
that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my ownโ€”not of
the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a
share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one
can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my
relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like
feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and
lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at
someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.

– Marcus Aurelius

I can’t find my favorite quote in Meditations, so I’m not sure if it was attributed or not, thought the sentiment matches Marcus pretty well.

Book 5: In he morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present- I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and for which I was brought into the world? Or have I been made for this, to lie in the bed-clothes and keep myself warm?- But this is more pleasant.- Dost thou exist then to take thy pleasure, and not at all for action or exertion? Dost thou not see the little plants, the little birds, the ants, the spiders, the bees working together to put in order their several parts of the universe? And art thou unwilling to do the work of a human being

– Marcus Aurelius (George Long Translation)
literally dying

MEMENTO MORI

“Memento mori” remember you must die (an artistic or symbolic reminder of the inevitability of death) it can be popular with Christians also, but it’s the calling card of the modern stoics (including myself).

Making peace with death became easier because I knew some cultures that were already at peace with it, certain native american tribes are calm about death, traditional Mexican culture was quite at peace about it, Chinese Buddhist culture was mixed about it, rather than totally in fear as most Americans seem to be… but for me it started with Sesame Street and also Tuck Everlasting (a fictional book about how potentially annoying it would be to live forever as others died around you).

So thought I wanted to replace stoic quote 31 with my favorite one, but since I can’t find it directly I’ll keep Helen Keller’s:

“True friends never apart maybe in distance, but never in heart.”

– Helen Keller

I think Helen Keller was quite stoic, but I’ll examine it further next year week 31 and move on for today because I want to exercise before the writers meet up at noon.

Thank you reader for joining me on this winding and twisted journey of life.

Many thanks
Looking for the rational behind carrying friends in your heart as a stoic? Albert Espinosa covers it better than I ever could in “The Yellow World” a very creative book about his time with cancer and the loss of his leg and adjustment to living in a new way. Where my yellows at? ๐Ÿ’›