“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”– Goethe
I got really inspired by this quote the first time I heard it…
and never stopped.
It’s almost impossible to describe how much quotes get to me. Probably as much as authors would like readers to be “gotten to”.
I remember the end of “The Lorax”
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not”– Dr. Seuess
MONOLOGUE OF ME TALKING TO MYSELF
Me: Maybe because I was 5 years old, maybe for other reasons, I had never thought about that.
I just assumed someone would take care of everything I needed and wanted, even though, often no one did.
It was a real wake up call.
Sometimes someone else is the someone, true, but sometimes it has to be me.
But if I am the someone, what is the what?
Hopefully what matters most is the what.
Myself: Yes, but everything matters differently to everyone.
Me: Sure, but I’ll go with what matters the most to me then.
Myself: Okay, a bit selfish, but okay, what matters most to you?
Me: I guess I don’t really know, other than the kids and if you ask me in detail what about the kids I don’t really know.
Myself: I guess it’s time to reassess your values and define your priorities clearly!
Me, Myself and I: Yay! Values revaluation. Woo!
The ones that got a gold star are what I feel I really need in my life right now to keep progressing, not what is most important to me over a life span.
MY GOLD STAR VALUES FOR RIGHT NOW
Acceptance helps me cope, I need that.
Compassion helps me approach my loved ones in a respectful manner.
Fun refills my tank to do go, as much as I kind of hate admitting I need that, I need that.
Persistence beats skill over time, I need that focus to allow myself to grow in cooking, writing, drawing and living.
Self-acceptance, to be aware of my thoughts, feelings and actions, prior to accepting them it’s sometimes hard to even notice them.
Self-control, to act in accordance with my own ideas, it makes me feel good about myself, which boosts my spirits in order to carry on day by day.
Joy. It’s not just fun, it’s the reason for helping orphans ext, it’s a good feeling, but not necessarily fun.
WHAT GOT CHOPPED?
Intimacy, kindness and love, because I picked compassion, when I have compassion I don’t have many unkind things develop, I don’t feel the need for intimacy vs compassion and although I value love, I feel the need to be whole and complete within myself without seeing love as a value right now.
Right now I’m in a less codependent season of life, I’ll still take and give love, but without it being my main focus.
Skillfulness and humility (seemingly at odds) are both going to take a back seat to persistence and acceptance. I will write as best I can, draw as best I can, exercise as best I can, live as best I can and that will be my focus rather than underplaying or touting how poorly or well it goes.
Assertiveness is chopped for now, I will be persistent about doing things myself rather than assertive about asking for help, for the most part, I’ll take the help, but asking will take a back seat to learning and doing it myself in this season of my life.
In this moment what matters most for me to focus on are:
As a girl I remember truffula trees as extremely beautiful… as an adult, I still like them, but they aren’t quite as beautiful in this moment as they were in my memory, I’m sure my mother was like that. I remember her as beautiful in the years I was a baby, average in the years I was a child and kind of gross when I was grown up, probably because I can’t separate who she and her face mentally, more than the aging process.
In medicine someone can be considered alert if they are “alert and oriented times 4”, three is also good enough, at two they are so confused that you can just take them to the hospital against their will because they may have high blood sugar or head trauma or something crazy going on – that were they less confused they would say – thank you for saving me. Even if they don’t thank you later, the law says go ahead.
The four criteria are name.
1. What’s your name? (Freebie.)
2. Where are you? (Kind of hard if you are super drunk…)
3. What date or at least time is it? (I don’t always know this.)
4. What are you doing here? (I usually know this.)
I propose a fifth criteria of what are your most important life values and focus right now?
I say this because even after I check my current values, deeply and honestly, I keep forgetting throughout the day.
So, I try to schedule reminders or times to reflect.
I like to have a theme of the day in the morning, but as my values and focuses shift I have to shift the schedule as well.
I know the values are right for me, when checking them invigorates me, I know they are wrong when I no longer get any joy from checking them.
Possible new schedule:
The schedule is something I have to wear in like new boots, it never feels right the first day.
Actually this post was going to be about priorities not values, but I realized I needed a refresh.
I suppose I’ll prioritize my values right now, I don’t think I’ve ever done that, I’ve picked 6 or 7 and left them as equals.
In terms of what I feel I need to learn or grow to be a more balanced person in the moment and head towards my goals this feels right:
1. Persistence 2. Self-Acceptance 3. Self-Control
MID TIER IMPORTANT BUT FLEXIBLE
4. Acceptance 5. Joy 6. Fun 7. Compassion
I defiantly want joy and fun on the weekend now looking at it again. Fun Saturday and joy Sunday.
Perhaps Friday check-ins and acceptance.
Perhaps self-acceptance Thursday?
Monday self-control, Tuesday persistence, Wednesday compassion?
I’ll give it a try that way.
Had to make a Google Keep Note of that or I will for sure forget.
What’s different in 2020?
I prioritized my values for the first time:
1. Persistence 2. Self-Acceptance 3. Self-Control
So when I check in on Friday and plan for Monday I will be weighing those values higher.
What are your priorities, really, do you really know them or are you just saying family and love without thinking?