“Forgiving and being forgiven are powerful elements of healing for the soul.”

– Terry Goodkind

Ikagai = Helping Kids, Martial Arts, Fitness, Art, Music

VALUES REFLECTION JOURNAL:

SAT Faith Can I trust me? 🎵

SUN Unity, feeling comfortable as a family.

MON Proactivity is knowing what I want.

TUE Teamwork is finding how to work smarter in a group.

WED Connection, shareing my passion with the world and accepting others gifts.

THR Purpose know what I can do, what is most importat, where I stand.

FRI Creativity is thinking of new ways to do better.

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HEALTH JOURNAL:

Social Health: “The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” – Epictetus I know what it means now to be uplifted, I’m happy to have people that do that in my life now.

Physical Health: It’s been a while since I exercised, but I’m doing a lot of garden labor, so I’m okay with it.

Mental Health: Writing is supercharging my productivity lately, so I don’t want to lose that, it’s also helped me sort out some of the not-nice brain changes from the isolation of the pandemic, I don’t even know exactly what to call them. It’s wasn’t as clear as depression or anxiety, there was a nagging almost meaningless – an almost apathy, there was a disconnection from my emotions, there was a constant feeling of overwhelm – an overwhelming overwhelm, a sense of powerlessness, raging anger, and gigantic mistrust of authority and a murky confused sense of what my real responsibilities are due to the attempted push of the public health’s onto the individual.

My pandemic is over, for a long time I didn’t even process in what way it threw me off, because it wasn’t over yet and I was just trying to get through. But my pandemic is over now, no offense to people who are ill or are afraid or are dealing with it. But I need to move on from dealing with it, to dealing with the fall out of it, that’s where my mind is and my mental/emotional health. I’m declaring it endemic in my mind as of today and I’m going to fully enter recovery now, even if I have to wear a mask at the store or whatever, it’s over for me in my mind as of now, because that is all I could take of worrying about it, there is no sympathy or empathy left that I could provide, I’m 100% empty of being able to participate so I won’t, I am a mental defector now.

Enough fighting inevitable death, enough face imprisonment, enough marginalizing human beings by vaccination status, enough pretending restrictions are freedom, enough shutting down normal life, it’s been enough.

“If a plant cannot live according to its nature, it dies; and so a man.” – Henry David Thoreau

“One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.” – Henry David Thoreau

“To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.” – Abraham Lincoln

“If you want to change the world, start with yourself.” – Mahatma Gandhi

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last Saturday I was working a on a science challenge. This Saturday friends came over and we had a BBQ and also planted the lawn grass seeds, it’s going to rain today, but the rest of the week I have to remember to water it. It’s always nice when those friends come over.

Sunday: Last Sunday I did more work on the rock wall. This week it would be good to split the bamboo, I also should find a shady spot for the mushroom logs. The Irish Moss is here, I want to top the wall with that, the Chamomile is here perhaps put that with the Narcissis bulbs (didn’t). Got to water the patio garden better too, but there is also a rodeo, so who knows how much work I will get done?

So we did go to the rodeo (my first) and it was cool. Before we left I cut back more weeds near the lawn and fertilized it. I walked out to my fallen down greenhouse, knocked down by the storm and picked it up, I hope to rebuild with bamboo…

I’m feeling more optimistic about being able to take on the landscaping and my own goals as well, but also kind of fragile like I don’t want to expose myself to negative people at all, I just want to nurture my small victories like a spark in tinder, not even kindling.

Monday: Last week found out the grass green needs to be cut to .12 inches or 2 pennies high… wait for 2″, cut it down and fertilize it with nitrogen. This week it’s almost all cut down and it’s reseeded, today is day 3 for the new seeds. Been painting a wolf>griffin paint by number for an upcoming birthday.

A bit of a tough day, but productive, my daughter finished her Social Studies for 1st grade, so just English left of first grade. My son did math after my daughter finished and I only did a bit of watering the morning glories, narcissus, the lawn, the wheat, and then a little bit of leveling the front garden, placing weed cloth, placing soil, taking out the trash, finding 1/2 tubing to go in before the waterfall foam does (since it is easier that way). Worked on the wall, leveling, adding soil to gaps, moving rocks. Noticed there isn’t electricity that close, except the gate, hopefully can piggyback that way later. My daughter has been sick, but we had an extra test so she isn’t COVID sick, which is good because I would have to call off our martial arts class if she was.

Tuesday: Two weeks ago I decided to build a front fountain, last week I moved the pot in place, yesterday I ran the plumbing. Still to do get rocks, laying the weed cloth, staple weed cloth. So today I should probably finish splitting the bamboo, but before today the wall needed work, so hopefully today. I didn’t work in the front today, I did “extra-extra” laundry, and worked in the back making a place for the driving practice net and expanding the green, and cleaning the patio which my son threw manure compost all over…

I have watermelon and sunflowers seeds for the “front” front garden between the hedges waiting, I also need to dig some beer traps into place for slugs I can also try cedar repellant spray.

We scheduled a trip to the dino exhibit, my sister will have to take my kids since I didn’t get vaccinated as of yet/probably won’t, I have to remember I owe my friend $31 for the tickets… the rodeo being this Sunday, picking up my dad at the airport next Saturday, the dino thing, it’s all a bit overwhelming on top of my front garden, back garden, home school, and Wednesday group, but I guess everything is okay. I also want to decorate for the spring, but I don’t know if I’ll meet my goal of doing it by the first. Also want to make a photo book for my son and I totally haven’t started.

Wednesday: Last week the beach day was wonderful, we did a science/math/martial arts meet-up. Learning the hebrew alphabet got three more letters: אבג-דהו-זחט-יכל. On Wednesday we have a scout group, this week we filed for incorporation as an educational charity.

Thursday: Last week I installed the golf cups and we covered Lincoln in school. I worked on my son’s first photo book, filed for an EIN/charity status/incorporation of a non-profit, and made a website for our adventure scouts.

Friday: Last week I ordered two colors of plastic wood material. Today our scout group (The Adventure Scouts) was approved as an educational charity/non-profit corporation. I drove my sister for surgery, when I got back I didn’t know if I would do anything more, but then I did work on the lawn, water it, weed it more, split the bamboo, take some cuttings, move some cinder blocks as planters and plant all the bamboo, arranging it and washing the fallen leaves off the driveway. Things are not perfect but they are going well, I feel more inspired to be working on a community garden for the Adventure Scouts than I did just to work on “a garden”.

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FOCUS GOAL:

Other Goals: Photobook, whale painting, LED lights.

Garden Goals: Plant rhubarb, plant lavender.

Butterfly Garden: 1. Stone Pathway. 2. Trench Electrical. 3. Assemble Fountain 4. Adjusting

Putting Green: 1. Water Until Sprouted 2. Grow to 2″ 3. Trim Green/Curb 4. Weed/Groom

Sunflower Garden: 1. Level/Weed 2. lay weed cloth by hedges 3. Mulch a path next to that 4. Plant sunflowers and watermelon

Future: Fix the Pathways with Plastic Wood. Move Ferns. Place Green House.

OTHER GOALS
Fix the small pond – Get more organized – Live life to the fullest.

This week a lot got done, but I also feel kind of lost about exactly what needs to get done first, especially in the garden. I need to splice some LED lights and finish the birthday stuff and photo book soon…

🍁

“Passion rules reason, for better or for worse.”

– Terry Goodkind

Ikagai = Helping Kids, Martial Arts, Fitness, Art, Music

VALUES REFLECTION JOURNAL:

SAT Faith Can I trust me? 🎵

SUN Unity, feeling comfortable as a family.

MON Proactivity is knowing what I want.

TUE Teamwork is finding how to work smarter in a group.

WED Connection, shareing my passion with the world and accepting others gifts.

THR Purpose know what I can do, what is most importat, where I stand.

FRI Creativity is thinking of new ways to do better.

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HEALTH JOURNAL:

Social Health: Karate/Scouts Classes = 3 School Meet Ups = 1.

It’s going really well so far finding a balance between enough fun and enough time to clean and do chores ext.

Physical Health: It’s been a while since I exercised, but as I’m building a rock wall I think it just makes sense to save energy for that… it’s possible I will do both, but if it comes down to one vs the other I think the rock wall needs to get done first so that construction materials don’t stay as a mess.

Mental Health: Writing is helping me plan more and connect the dots between what I said I wanted to do last week, what I’m doing now and what I’m planning for later. It’s soothing, doing the work of building is soothing too, it’s still a mess and my projects are a mess, but seeing some progress makes me feel like I’m going to eventually finish the things I wanted to finish.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last Saturday I was worried the rock wall would take so long it would stall the project, but since it rained I went to the hot springs. This week I went to a small Farm Fest, which was mostly music, but I didn’t worry too much about the wall, I guess I’m starting to trust myself that I will finish it. I was also working on figuring out the tide to make a Science Challenge for our Adventure Scouts. Ended up making 4 info pages, a badge and a St. Michael’s Mound printout.

Sunday: Last Sunday I was able to work on the rock wall’s bottom level, later that week a friend said it was “beautiful” and it made me so inspired to keep working and do a good job… I can motivate myself to an extent, but external motivation can boost my moral as well. This Sunday I did more work on the rock wall, filling gravel/soil in the gaps, continuing the second layer on the back further along and the top layer, I like the way filling with soil makes the wall look old. I specifically studied an old wall in an ancient village in the City of Refuge and I am kind of using that style. The wall is sloped like a Japanese wall to deal with seismic shifting of our area when the nearby volcano drops its caldera. So it’s a combination 牛蒡積み Japanese rock wall and Hawaiian rock wall.

Still waiting for Chamomile, Lilly of the Valley and Irish Moss to come… So, like most springs I’ve over spent on garden stuff and now rushing to install most of what I have to make room for the new orders ext.

Monday: Last week we had a good school day and fun in the front garden, this week I started the day in a productive moon. Woke up early did laundry, it smells nice in the room from washing the blankets yesterday. Cleaning up some cheese wax mess from yesterday’s mushroom project. Was researching the golf green project, I don’t golf, but I’m the gardener in our family, so I found out the golf greens are cut to .12 inches 1/8th or less than 2 quarters high… so you wait for the grass to be 2″, then cut it down and fertilize it with nitrogen. I can’t buy a cheap mower less than 1″ high, so I got a hand trimmer that hopefully will do the job well enough for us at home… I only have a week until my dad gets back, I’m hoping to have the patio clean and the bamboo garden in the front done by then. I did some work on the wall, and leveling/weeding, I was able to move the fountain base in place and check the position.

I know I was “supposed to” stop spending but I bought about $80 of tools needed to install the $200 of stuff I already bought… and I considered it a bit.

Tuesday: Last week we did a lot of Health Class and Theme Hospital. This week I’m so excited about the garden.

Today looking at the pot in place I can imagine connecting the water flow from the rock wall into the pot it wouldn’t require too much work and I have all the plumbing/pumps already. I would need some waterfall foam that I don’t have, but at least I have the plumbing/pumps/rocks…

This project started with my husband bringing me that pot when he moved, then I wanted to put it somewhere nice, because it’s nice, then I wanted to make it a fountain, because it seemed easy, then I thought in front of the bench would be a good place to look at it, then I noticed I would have to move a rock wall to move the bamboo to place the fountain. Then I did that, I moved the wall my dad built. In the process I built a new wall, dug up all the bamboo, and started laying down weed cloth to make the area easier to weed… it’s been going well, but I have this fear of not finishing.

One thing I need to do to finish is get rocks for the pathway, another is staple down the weed cloth, another is finish laying the weed cloth. So there is a lot to do still, but having the pot there gives me some hope.

I ordered more wheat, watermelon, sunflowers, the watermelon and sunflowers I want to plant in the front between the hedges, the wheat up on the areas that are very full of sticks and not soil… I was pretty sad last year that none of the watermellon made it, but I wasn’t consistent watering and I didn’t protect enough against slugs, and I put it out as very small plants rather than bigger plants, so all those things can change, I can do beer traps, I can try cedar repellant spray, I can wait until the plants are larger to put them out, I can water more consistently… I want to start a community garden someday, but usually the people who do that are successful gardeners, not… hmm… unsuccessful gardeners… so I’ll keep working on it. I know down the line learning irrigation would help, but I have bitten off the front garden landscaping, the golf putting area landscaping and I need to repair last year’s fountain as well…

The morning glory seeds I just got are sprouted… soaked them when I got them, it feels like they came immediately after I thought about trying again.

Wednesday: Last week the beach day was kind of epic, this week was even better. We had martial arts class twice. Some students were late, it was really fun both times. We got a lot of new students but they fit in really well. I had such a good time learning Hebrew from one of the students, I have nine letters now אבגדהוזחט and about two words, fish is dg דג and father aba אבא. Hebrew is descended from phonetician letters like English, but for some reason it reminds me of Japanese and that makes it easy for me. I forgot the dance game, so it was okay, but I think I’ll make a checklist in the future. A little girl did the Science Challenge I made for our group, I was so happy she wanted to do it, a few boys tried out the math challenge, that was cool too, but I was so busy in that particular moment that I couldn’t appreciate it. I’m trying to learn everyone’s names but I’m not doing well,

Thursday: Last week had friends over who played outside with us, it was great, this week I woke up early and started translating people’s names in an effort to remember them:

I translated one family’s names to Japanese and Chinese, they are the “gift of their father”, “the strength of God”, “shine” and “sunny”. 父亲的礼物 Fùqīn de Lǐwù 神の贈り Kami no Okuri. 礼物 Lǐwù/贈り Okuri, 上帝是我的力量 Shàngdì shì wǒ de Lìliàng 神力 Shénlì 神の力 Kami no Chikara/力 Chikara, 輝 Huī/Ki, 晴天 Qíngtiān 晴れた Hareta. Another are “hermet”, “wind”, “eyes of greatness”, and “peace”. 隐士 Yǐnshì, 風/风 Fēng, 眼睛的偉大 Yănjīng de Wěidà 大眼睛 Dàyǎnjīng, 孝平 Xiàopíng. Another are “royal forest’s meadow”, “promice of God” and “God is salvation”. 皇家森林草甸 Huángjiā Sēnlín Cǎodiàn, 上帝的应许 Shàngdì de Yīngxǔ, 神是救恩 Shénshì Jiùēn. Another are “angel” and “increasing surplus”. 天使 Tiānshǐ, 增加盈余 Zēngjiā Yíngyú. Another are two “white wave” 白波 Báibō 白波 Shiro Nami. Another is “supreme God” and “atom” 至高无上的神 Zhìgāowúshàng de Shén, 原子 Yuánzǐ. My name is pig foot, my husband is red, my daughter is light and my son is peace. 猪脚 Zhūjiǎo or 桜 Sakura 櫻 Yīng, 赤 Chì, 亮 Liàng 孝平 Xiàopíng.

Thursday: We covered Lincoln and Nixon in Social Studies, also a little WW2. I died my hair, I did what seemed like extra laundry. I want to install golf holes to the yard… but it seems like my energy is suddenly flagging. That’s ironic that I’m not “flagging” (placing flags) because I am “flagging” in energy. Hopefully I pick up a bit after digesting lunch, maybe it’s just digestion that is making me so sleepy. At the beach yesterday someone commented that she hoped we could get grants, I was thinking we didn’t need grants, but then today I started doing paper work to incorporate a non-profit for our scout group, me might not get grants, but they we “could” so it might be worth it. We really don’t “need” more funding, but if we did get it then what could we do with it? Here in Hawaii the incorporation papperwork was so easy, it was just two pages, I printed it out so we could sign them Wednesday. Ok, I installed the cups after all, but later cut my finger being over confident about the safety, I still like the tool though.

I was peacefully clipping along with “Gertrude” and with my left hand I saw a weed, I tried to pick that with my left hand and my right hand didn’t not mow the area the weed and my hand were in… so, little cut. But okay overall, put pressure, iodine ext. Will be more careful next time.

The backyard over time:

Friday: Last week I got funding for the little flags and I felt hopeful, this week I have installed the flags already I bought last week. It’s not complete, but it’s a start. I’m starting to be better at landscaping.

The wood has rotted, so we eventually need to replace that, I got two colors of plastic wood material coming to see what the plastic wood will be like one is “Bungalow” one is “Brazil Wood” in our area it needs to be not wood and not metal, so plastic is the key…

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FOCUS GOAL:

Butterfly Garden Project: 1. Build Wall/Spread Bamboo 👷‍♀️ 2. Weed/Mild Leveling 👷‍♀️ 3. Secure Weed Cloth/Edging. 4. Stone for Pathway. 5. Trench Electrical. 6. Placing/Assemble Fountain 👷‍♀️ 7. Adjusting (Need to dig up pump and place plumbing)

Putting Green Project: 1. Reseed Lawn 👷‍♀️ 2. Trim and Weed 👷‍♀️ 3. Fix East Corner

Sunflower Garden: 1. Level/Weed 👷‍♀️ 2. lay weed cloth by hedges 3. Mulch a path next to that 4. Plant sunflowers and watermelon

Future: Fix the Pathways with Plastic Wood. Move Ferns. Place Green House.

OTHER GOALS
Fix the small pond – Get more organized – Live life to the fullest.

This week three things happened that went from dream to reality, putting in the golf flags and cutting the grass, building the beginning of the new fountain, and filing out the two-page form to incorporate a non-profit corporation for out little scout group. None of those things were crazy, but they were all dreamed of then executed in the same week, that makes me feel pretty powerful. I’ve found a little pride in myself, my dad is still away, I hope when he comes back I still feel that way. I’ll try to stay in the moment.

🌼

“The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.”

– Terry Goodkind

Ikagai = Helping Kids, Martial Arts, Fitness, Art, Music

VALUES REFLECTION JOURNAL:

SAT Faith Can I trust me? 🎵

SUN Unity, feeling comfortable as a family.

MON Proactivity is knowing what I want.

TUE Teamwork is finding how to work smarter in a group.

WED Connection, shareing my passion with the world and accepting others gifts.

THR Purpose know what I can do, what is most importat, where I stand.

FRI Creativity is thinking of new ways to do better.

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HEALTH JOURNAL:

Social Health: Karate Classes = 5 Scouts Meetings Zoo = 3 Ocean = 2 Park = 1.

Going into the week, I’ve noticed going out once a week seems better than multiple times, perhaps it will take some time to get used to going out more often, other people are being a lot more social, for a long time when I was out people I didn’t know didn’t talk to me, now people are saying how they are or introducing themselves, inviting me places ext.

Physical Health: I’m so torn between doing Abs and Total Body or taking a break, because I want to finish the rock wall this weekend, so I’m not sure if I should use my strength for that or if by exercising I will be stronger…

Mental Health: I’m really enjoying writing, it helps me process life and settle my thoughts. I’ve gotten over being perfectionistic with the font, wondering if it will matter (I know it will matter to me, to me being more accountable with the week), I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about if I’m not good enough or wondering what I should be doing, now it’s just an enjoyable hobby that builds my skills and makes me happy. Maybe someday something else, but today it’s a relaxing activity.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last Sunday my dad left on a repair trip, my husband took me out for tacos for our 10 year anniversary, and I did some garden work. This week I really want to be consistent with the project, but there was a point where I realized it would be more work than I thought it would be and I was a bit overwhelmed and unsure of my own timeline. I got going on the rock wall, it’s really soothing, but it also goes slow. I did one row across the bottom, and started a second row across the bottom for more stability, but I’m about 10 minutes away from finishing that, also been doing a second and third row and moving rocks along the line of the project. So finishing up the bottom, shoring up the first three levels, finishing the top level, still to go, then clearing and leveling the path on both sides of the wall, then digging up and spreading out the bamboo… even then there will be work to do, but that foundational work will make it easier to move, to see everything, to work around that whole area… I think so anyways.

Putting up the rock wall feels so slow, but I know I already moved a lot of rocks, yet it feels like it is taking forever… in the front garden it looks like things have gotten chaotic, yet I think it makes more sense to finish the wall before tidying up. Ordered some Chamomile, Lilly of the Valley and Irish Moss to try to seed something else after I weed… I think Irish moss would look nice on the rock wall on the front, Chamomile out by the street and Lilly of the Valley around the trees… another $52… on seeds, I hope some of them make it… to be honest my consistency watering isn’t the best. Yet the hedges are doing well, so if I can just keep hope alive for a time, it may be enough…

Sunday: Last week started working on a new low rock wall in the garden. The rock wall was put there to keep our larger dog (now dead) inside, it didn’t work, it looked unfinished and my sister got hurt falling from it… Since then I’ve learned a lot about the Lava Rocks, I’ve been digging them up and when I dig them up I see how they are supported from medium and small rocks, it’s also part of the Shinto religion that a rock has a spirit, so it gets spiritual support from the rocks that balance it, it’s good to have at least three rocks to balance each large rock and for the rocks to be partially buried at the bottom to tie them into the garden, however, I’m not super worried about if there are three or more, if I need more I use more. I like the rocks, I guess like some people like animals, because you can talk to them and they don’t talk back. I don’t like having an all black garden and our rocks are black, but I do like some black. Most people in the area do a garden that is extremely in the style of our area, I don’t want that, I want to blend where we are with my ideal garden rather than just give in to the area. If the area was as it had been for a long time that may be different, but actually most the flowers that moved in (Himalayan ginger) were not always here, but came recently, so they aren’t traditional but rather “invasive” so if I removed them and started fresh it isn’t hurting native wildlife or an ancient ecosystem. Woke up wanting to work on the wall, but I went to the hot springs because it was rainy.

Monday: Last week my husband has started work in this state for the first time, this week it was a productive school day, bundling Spanish, English, and Theatre together. We had fun in the front garden, but in the back garden less so, because my son was throwing things in the pond again, either I’ll have to keep him away or tether him to me, otherwise he just won’t stop throwing things in there. I was gardening the flower garden, which was fine, then the other side of the front, which was quite overgrown, then the back, it’s kind of overwhelming to see so much that needs to be done during the same day. Maybe I will have to leash my son to me when we are near the pond… I didn’t clean the whole house, but I did clean the office/school area, that felt nice, I also did a ton of laundry and the normal infinite amount of dishes… My daughter wants to be in the theatre with her best friend, before she didn’t want to, but now she does want to, I think she would like it a lot as an extrovert. My daughter started using a smart watch, it was fun watching her tell me what the weather would be tomorrow and then seeing how she slept.

Tuesday: Last week we finished Social Emotional Learning class. I’ve noticed I’ve been really short-tempered with my kids and for a long time I was too tired to be able to crawl out of that hole or lie to myself that I would, but maybe now I can. Sometimes they don’t warrant me being kind and patient, like one hitting another in the face with something hard ext, but sometimes they do, I’ve got to try to parse the difference better. I know I don’t have infinite patience to listen to their stories and watch their dances ext, but I have some, maybe if I was smarter with how I use it I could make it go as far as possible. I’m really enjoying gardening and teaching the kids with my dad away on vacation, he criticizes me enough that just seeing him makes me tense, my husband just started working again so I think we will get our own place soon enough, but sometimes it makes me sad that my dad and I don’t have an easy and fun relationship, it’s not the worst ever, but it’s grating for me, on his part he doesn’t say if he is disappointed, frustrated or depressed, but it comes off as a miasma of unhappiness that gets old to be around when you have two young kids who you are trying to produce an uplifting, inspiring, life-affirming environment for… I see each day of life as a gift, I’m trying to enjoy mine and teach my kids not to let life go by without noticing the good and making time for things they like to do, my dad looks like a fountain of unhappiness most of the time with some grumpiness and abrasiveness mixed in for variety. I don’t know if our relationship is unpleasant vs toxic, but I guess I don’t want to look too hard because I don’t want to know about an extra problem right now. For my part, I think all I can do is determine that I’ll live the best life I can and whatever challenges are presented I’ll find a way through that demotivation to be the best myself I can be.

So I got a new book about boundaries, looking forward to that… without writing this I wouldn’t have really though twice about needing to work on that even more. My daughter started her first audible book Zero G, that was cool, she just wasn’t ready for that before. She is 6 now, I would imagine it would be easy to start listening to books, but her mind gets so overwhelmed. We did a lot of Health Class and also Theme Hospital to catch up the class with the other classes that started much earlier. At the end of the day we did Chemistry nomenclature, which is hard, but it went okay, what makes it hard is that there are ions, covalent compounds, and acids, so it’s just a lot of layers at the same time instead of bit by bit. I like it though, we all have bodies, all our food has chemicals and we already learned the Elements so it’s like learning the next step of what we know, even though it’s really hard, it’s also really relevant. My son is painting a lot and singing a lot, I’m happy to see him enjoy himself. He started painting more and ripping the paper, so I finally decided to get some canvas for him just a $15 pack, but it feels like a big transition for some reason.

Wednesday: Last week we went to the beach/karate/drama/lunch/swimming and I learned אבג. This week we got the wifi hot spot charged so I can bring a computer to the beach, that may be fun. Woke up early so I started listening to Boundaries, Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. In general, the book says, responsible “to others” but “for ourselves”. The beach day was kind of epic, martial arts good turn out, good progress, I always like smiles and laughter, drama after looked really fun, but I couldn’t watch because I was teaching music, I was able to introduce Prodigy Music Lessons to that child and she looks like she is just going to love it and her mother followed up about home practice, so that was unexpected but nice. We have volunteers to run dance next week and math and science. We are working on a science challenge. I wasn’t tired after, but rather invigorated, I felt fully alive and really happy to be alive, I felt like I was in balance between being myself and giving my kids good experiences, between taking moments for myself to enjoy life and teaching a few things that I could, it felt very “wa” very in harmony with the universe.

Thursday: Last week forgot to do Mario is Missing for Social Science but covered Sacagawea, this week did an agriculture exam and had friends over who played outside with us, it was great. They said my rock wall was “beautiful”, sometimes in life you meet people who are so nice they almost make you hate yourself for being so bitter and jaded and short-tempered, yet instead of hate you just become “Ernie and Burt” friends, I love those times. Life alone is like a bicycle, but life with friends is like a tricycle, it’s easier, it’s more balanced, it’s more limiting too in some ways, groups move slower, take longer, have to compromise, but it can feel very soothing to know you are not the only one struggling through half or all the days of the week. In Japanese “thank you” means “life is hard”, but it’s not sarcastic, in Japan the volcano erupts, it destroys whole cities, tsunamis come, they destroy whole cities, fires burn whole cities, things are better than before, but modern time has brought atomic bombs that destroy whole cities and the nuclear meltdown… so are they better? Or just different? Japan is seen as privileged and advanced, but gender equality isn’t necessarily in place, racial equality doesn’t exist strongly, there is a daily mundane struggle for finances and a decent life as well as a broader sense that even though technology is so advanced it can be a double-edged sword capable of advanced disaster and devastation, it’s kind of bred a race of fatalist, of which I am a part. When you imagine your life as a bubble it might not seem hard, but over a life time there tend to be huge disasters, for my grandmother it was her son drowning and then raising his two kids, for me so far it was losing a baby, we all have hard lives at times, so it makes sense to help one another when we can in what way we can.

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”

– Bruce Lee

I guess I’ve always wanted to find that place where I can help, but not in a way that kills me or leaves me drained and now that I’ve found it I’m really happy on the inside, I don’t smile a lot so I don’t know if people know. I feel like it takes a few seconds to smile and life doesn’t leave many gaps of a few seconds during the day when people are around, but on the inside I’m smiling more.

Friday: Last week we did computer coding, but I forgot about robot time. This week, I’m so excited to plant some narcissus bulbs, as well as do more work on the wall and dig up the rest of the bamboo… Digging the bamboo up with a spade shovel went well, my friend told me to dig it up then split it, I was trying to split it and dig it up one by one… which wasn’t going well, it’s nice to have friends. I remember when we bought that bamboo, my husband bought it for me, I was so full of hope to be growing a beautiful garden and veggies and bamboo for building and papaya trees, I had no idea how long it would take to learn the weather, better protect the plants, become consistent with watering ext. Was that four years ago already? It took a long time to move, then losing my first crop of bamboo discouraged me, then starting my daughter on a SPD treatment was so draining everything went to seed, then her starting school, coming back to home school, then a huge snow storm tore up a lot of the property, so… at many times I wanted to force myself to be consistent in the garden, but I just couldn’t… but the spring comes again and again I want to make my own mini botanical garden/sanctuary from the world/community garden.

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FOCUS GOAL:

Finish the front garden!

> Butterfly Garden Project: Looking at the front garden plan trying to break down steps, 1. building the wall by the hedges to move the rock pile in the way of the bamboo as well as to define the front area. 2. planting the bamboo behind the rock wall 3. defining the area for the bamboo to grow into. 3. weeding the garden beds/bamboo bed. 4. putting down weed cloth and securing it in the paths. 5. gathering and placing stone in the pathway. 6. planning a near by place for compost. 7. trench for electrical. 8. placing fountain pot. 9. Fill and assemble fountain. 10. Adjusting fountain possible water plants… find a place to return outdoor toys…

> Front Garden: Level slightly with cuttings, mulch a path on side of wall to help hedges grow in, perhaps sun flowers and watermelon?

OTHER GOALS:
Fix the small pond – Get more organized – Live life to the fullest

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Something New in 2022: For a long time I debated if my week would start on Sunday or Monday, in the end, I start my week (for my journal, in my mind, ext) on Saturday now, ending on Friday. I start on a high note and end on a high note.

Meta Emotion: Looking back at the first month I was very inspired as a teacher 18, sometimes struggling with discipline 5, and sometimes recovering from illness 5 so that leads me to choose the “knowledge is power” bitmoji for the month.

Physical Health: 19 intense workout days this year plus extra light ones plus this meal plan and I have a ton more energy than before. Much more water, much more veggies, much more exercise = a ton of stamina. It isn’t at all “perfect” nor even completely a routine habit, but I have so much more patience, strength, and stamina again, of course, I’m motivated by wanting to teach martial arts so there is a passion behind the habit so it’s not drained my will power to just check the box, that matters a lot.

It was crazy that I was able to go from out of breath and lagging to so active again in a month, now I’m doing 3 pull-ups again, not a ton, but at the end of December I was struggling to do 1 and just, in general, could feel my body aging way beyond my actual years. I think for a lot of ex-athletes we really know how to eat or exercise, but that doesn’t happen until we give ourselves a reason to do it, we need that “team” or “goal” or “finish line” we need some kind of metric and deadline.

Social Health: I’ve made such good friends out of people I knew that were potential friends for years and years, the pandemic threw us together into a new state and yet the pandemic was such a dark time it’s hard to be like, good thing the pandemic happened now I have more friends…

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

– Epictetus

Mental Health:

The first week of 2022 I was uncharacteristically pessimistic and guarded, I knew I was in danger of trying to live so cautiously that I may have died while alive… I remembered some quotes about the issue of really living:

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default.”

– JK Rowling

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

– Hellen Keller

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up.”

– Stephen Hawking

Those quotes helped me keep making choices towards my goals and who I wanted to be, but there was a lot of sluggishness to shrug off. I turned to strange things like repeatedly throwing myself Kwanzaa parties, my daughter’s favorite author ML Spencer gave us a free preview of her new book and it was really amazing just like her last book (Dragon Mage). Little kindnesses from other people lifted my spirits, someone loaning my son a toy car, a child giving a lollypop to another child without one, those little things make it seem like life is worth the trouble. When I was writing it helped me identify my mental state, my dreams, my goals, much more than without writing, it has been worth it to help me see the forest for the trees.

When I remembered the ancient history of martial arts, that Ng Mui, a female monk from the Henan Shaolin Monastery (destroyed by Manchu forces), defeated emperor Kangxi during his reign in 1662-1722 and retreated to the White Crane Temple to save kung fu which had dwindled to one teacher it helped me understand myself and my way forward in life and in martial arts. You may not be the last, but someone ahead is counting on you to keep moving forward. So, I restarted martial arts and that restarts my whole life.

What helped: for me organizing the house and cleaning the house both pay dividends, they cost time and energy, but it does help me like to be where I live and that matters to me having a good attitude about the future and patience with my kids. Organizing my time helps too, otherwise, I don’t get as much done as I want to do, like music and art ext. Going outside more for school takes me back to the kind of school I wanted to lead for my kids, Charlotte Mason-ish (less religious though).

BIG GOAL:

Exercise – Engage in an Adventurous Life – Keep Teaching Karate

FOCUS GOAL:

Butterfly Garden

OTHER GOALS:
Fix the small pond – Get more organized – Garden Rhubarb

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