“Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Faith in myself. 🎵 SUN Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. MON Proactivity, know what I want. ⚡ TUE Teamwork smarter group work. WED Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. THR Purpose know what I can do. FRI Creativity thinking of new ways to do better.

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.“

– Andy Warhol

Last Week: A lot of decluttering but not done.

This Week: I feel lost. Midweek, I feel more hopeful because the flowers are blooming, it may be silly, but it is true.

ANTI-DEMENTIA REMINDERS: Stuff coming up: Clean up.

Sat dad goes to airport, Wed Science Fair, Sun May 1st Tournament

Next year: Jan-May 15th Turn in 990

GOAL JOURNAL: AIM FOR THE STARS AND FALL ON THE MOON

Phone Calls Monday (If Needed) or Clear Memory, Update the School Forms and Notes Tuesday, Update the Website for the Scouts Wednesday, Blog or Website Thursday and Check Finances Friday.

HEALTH JOURNAL:

Mental Health: I feel a little overwhelmed still, but I also feel like I am doing a good job.

Physical Health: Doing well. Felt sick Sunday night and again Monday night, kidney pain at night, but I know I am not drinking enough water.

Social Health: Good and bad, my dad is still draining, knowing he has issues, not being able to not notice, nor help. Grateful for my friends.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last week I went to help my friend clean and it brought me some peace and joy. This week my friends from Isreal sent an awesome fossil-finding video for the Science Fair we are hosting. I am looking forward to that. The friend we were helping clean passed inspection, which was good, but there are still pests and work to be done at her house so I hope she will continue onward to a comfortable point though it’s great she passed inspections. Friday I got my driver’s license changed from California to Hawaii, I didn’t know if it made sense, but I don’t know that often anymore. I don’t know where I will be next year, but I am here this year, so I guess it does make sense.

Sunday: Last week my dad threw a fit that my daughter didn’t take his dish right away and it just reminded me of why we are moving away from him, my daughter is six, she doesn’t need his drama and expectations that she will be his maid. I didn’t yell at him, but almost. And if I don’t yell, in my heart I turn my back on my dad’s way of living. The best revenge is being different from people you don’t respect. This week my dad is gone helping out at his childhood home, which he owns a part of now, the time apart is good for me. We released a mouse we caught in the kitchen, changed the straw of the chickens, cleaned a closet, tried to iron on scout patches to a vest (I burnt the piping), we through out trash from the garden, the kitchen, the halls, the bathrooms, the front garden, the pond area, a carload… it felt good, more than normal, less than an extreme clean. Did a lot of laundry. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. In a week I have a tournament and I haven’t been exercising nor eating well, I expected that though, I knew it would be busy with the Science Fair and cleaning up… Tuesday is the first Japanese language meet up we have been talking about having for a long time. I’m so tired today, I know I did a lot, but I think I am getting sick because I haven’t been this tired in a long time.

Monday: Last week I appreciated this journal, that when I am overwhelmed I can still see goals completed or brainstormed from days I had a clearer mind. This week I found this quote:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”

– Roberto Assagioli

I like it, it makes me feel peaceful. I have this world in my mind, the things I want to get done, cleaning up, exercising, cooking better, and I have the real world, knowing I am tired, knowing I am raising kids pretty well and they are my priority, knowing my living situation stresses me out. And I’m searching for the intersection of the two, what can I do in the real world towards living out my dream world.

Right now I am having my coffee, it is 6:16 AM, I’ve been up, I’ve started the laundry, as I did I passed a dog pee puddle in my dad’s bathroom so I put a cloth pee pad there. In a few hours maybe the dog won’t have peed on the floor in there, since my dad isn’t home he won’t use the bath towels on the pee spot… which are hard towels to get the smell out of. So my life is better in that way well he is gone. Only dog pee on the cleaning rags and dog pee pads.

I folded the household cleaning towels and hand-washed the drying towels. These simple things keep the house running well, if there are towels people clean spills if there are no towels the spills pile up and cake onto the kitchen.

In the life I want to live, there are no indoor dogs to clean up after. In that fantasy life, I am thinking about illustrating or drawing books.

I’m still waking up and still on my second coffee, but one laundry was put away already and another just finished washing. I think the morning time is a great time to start the laundry.

I’m restarting the Daniel Tiger Serries with the kids, the first show’s theme is “If something seems bad, turn it around and find something good.”

We had a good breakfast with eggs from our hens and guava and cherry jelly on waffles, we did some Agriculture review and moved on to the end of Collaborative Theatre. I vacuumed the floor and wiped down the chairs and tables, it sure needed that. I’ve been sorting keep vs trash. My daughter picked her core value of “Courage” so we got her an orange belt, in my martial art’s school we pick our colors by value.

Today I watered the patio, but I am tired… I cleaned my daughter’s school desk, the whiteboard… a bunch of little things, but now I am so tired. Going to a new meet-up tomorrow, I wonder how tiring it will be? Then the science fair I think will be fun, but I’ll be setting up the green screen for the first time… then this Friday maybe a friend coming over, then Sunday a tournament and a friend’s house, a busy week for me.

Tuesday: Last week my week I went to help clean, when I left I finally felt comfortable that it would be enough to pass inspection, which was the goal. This week is totally different, calmer. The Japanese meet-up got canceled so it was great to get a rest day.

Took it easy on the kids, did a waffle breakfast, and started school late. Still did math and theatre/computer coding, but it was a slow pace to start. The weather has been super rainy lately, it’s good for the plants and to have extra water, but even I the pluviophile, am looking forward to a few days of sun to go tidy the garden.

Trying to refresh my goals in my own mind, I am netting off the patio when the poles come because screening it seemed too hard for my limited construction skills. I want to go through the garden, make it look nicer, do repairs… but everything feels like it takes so long, and then I’m worried my dad’s next construction will be right on top of whatever I did – because it might be. The first pond I made, he ripped out and built a gazebo above it… there is so much space here, I don’t fully understand why he is like that. My greenhouse is pretty well blocked by his mill/woodwork tent… I don’t know why we target the same space around the property, but it’s more than annoying and makes me afraid to start anything. It’s half an acre, it’s mostly unoccupied and unused, but whatever I do seems to be in the way of whatever he does, and… that gets old.

Today made chicken soup, planted ginger from bulbs… did some yard work,

My kids forced me outside today, the first half sunny day in a long time. It did feel good to work, to cut down weeds, trim the grass lawn. There are koa trees, there are strawberries, there are (baby) avocado trees doing well… I usually see what isn’t done or perfect in the garden, but there are things going well as well… my native soil is really good for Mexican Sunflowers, “Tithonia diversifolia, as a fertilizer contains 1.76% N, 0.82% P, and 3.92% K. This plant does not require a large amount of nutrients because it is able to increase the amount of essential nutrients in the soil itself.” * So I guess that means my native soil kind of sucks… Owari Satsuma, Cold-Hardy Avocado (Persea americana ‘Mexicola Grande’), and Soursop (Annona muricata) are all supposed to be good to grow in my region, they all have peels so that would work against the horrible slugs we have here… I wish I was strong enough to draw up a business plan and a landscape plan and start today, but instead… I will work at it slowly… get rid of the trash start building garden beds.

Ok, looked up the avocado spacing. So I will be thinking of where to move the avocado trees, guess they don’t need special soil and the spacing can be pretty close but is usually 7-10 feet and can be 15 feet.

🌳 Trees I want: Persea americana, Owari Satsuma, Annona muricata. Ok so emailed Plant It Hawaii that has all the plants I want and waiting to see what they say. Hoping to plant trees now, tend them this year, and then hopefully they will survive while I am gone. Feeling more optimistic about the far future, even though not the near future, somehow I will get there.

Wednesday: Last week the kids playing with large bubbles were just too cute, it was a failure to make bubbles to juggle the recipe should be water 1.5 cups, soap 0.5 cups, corn syrup 0.25 cups, and microfiber or wool gloves, we had cotton gloves and bubble mix, but not soap, also we should have straws to make the bubbles. So we will try again soon on chemistry day.

Today is the Science Fair, I want to take the chickens, the gate, the martial arts stuff, the regular beach stuff, the science fair stuff… my son’s apple tree, the green screen stuff, I think I can, if the chickens are next to the kids and the gate is in front, I think I can.

Did take the chickens, so far we have had 9 entries and I’ve been making the green screen versions with 3 left to go. A lot of the parents and kids had fun, the projects were really cool, how to make a rainbow, how to tell a safe to eat egg, how to raise chickens, how to grow an apple tree, the families of animals, the gas content in the air and it’s effect on fire, vinegar and baking soda volcano, home made wrapping paper with chromatography, and fossil finding from Isreal. We may have some late entry projects too.

The parents who liked science were really happy, it became clear who the nerds among us were, myself included. But for most the kids it was their first public speaking experience, which is interesting because it shows you a side of yourself that gets nervous that you may not have known you had.

Thursday: Last week I found peace with not wanting to live with my father. This week the kids and I are all sick, my throat hurts. Still had to go to the post office to get my gi, which is a bit large. Did my best working on the science fair videos adding titles, background music, background text, cropping, and stabilizing.

Friday: Last Friday I spent the day at the DMV, doing errands with my dad and my friend passed inspection. Sick today, my throat hurts, but I put on “I want to break free” by Queen and “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees and I feel a lot better. Last Sunday I was telling my sister disco never died it just moved around to different countries, I really think so. I think the Beatles and Disco never die.

80s Music I Want to Break Free – Staying Alive – Take On Me – Feel better already.

I had never seen the music video for “I want to break free,”I love it, it’s so Monty Python meets Daft Punks.

My sister likes theatre, I don’t, but I love music, I feel like it fills the same need though, but I just like music better. I think in the end they are both about the same thing, “life elevated” beyond just dishes, work, eating, traffic, laundry, survival, a little bit of joy, and beauty in this world of mundane chores and responsibilities. My son is begging me for math right now at 7:30 and I just want coffee and music.

My week is over, trying to get better before Sunday, don’t want to get other people sick at the tournament. The science fair was a huge success and I am really grateful, but on the other hand, I don’t like to feel like only my scout/friend group is good and stable and everything else isn’t. I get impatient with my kids not remembering the rules on a daily basis, I’m harsher with them when they lie or don’t remember than if they just admit they did something intentionally… probably too much, but while being sick being patient is almost impossible for me, I’m struggling with it.

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Something new this week: We had our first science fair.

Something good this week: The kids engaged with the science fair, it wasn’t just something they “had to do” most of them had fun with it, and a lot of them relished it.

Something unexpected: My A0 gi is borderline too large after my last A0 was so small I had to get a new A1 gi… Damn you again inconsistent size labels.

⚗️

“There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Faith in myself. 🎵 SUN Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. MON Proactivity, know what I want. ⚡ TUE Teamwork smarter group work. WED Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. THR Purpose know what I can do. FRI Creativity thinking of new ways to do better.

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.“

– Andy Warhol

Last Week: Wanted to catch mouse, set traps, but no luck.

This Week: I am on a decluttering kick. Caught the mouse unharmed Monday. Another Thursday.

ANTI-DEMENTIA REMINDERS: Stuff coming up: Clean up.

Fri DMV Appt, Sat dad goes to airport, Wed Science Fair, Sun May 1st Tournament

Next year: Jan-May 15th Turn in 990

GOAL JOURNAL: AIM FOR THE STARS AND FALL ON THE MOON

Phone Calls Monday (If Needed) or Clear Memory, Update the School Forms and Notes Tuesday, Update the Website for the Scouts Wednesday, Blog or Website Thursday and Check Finances Friday.

HEALTH JOURNAL:

Mental Health: I’ve heard it a thousand times, when you focus on helping others you don’t worry about your own problems as much, but I am experiencing it more now. I spent Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday cleaning with a friend, Wednesday teaching martial arts, and hosting a mini car race and bubble fest, today is Thursday and it’s been a better week than I’ve had in a long time.

Physical Health: I’m a tiny bit sick, but not bad at all 89% well. The kids are 100% and 99% better according to them.

Social Health: Good and bad, my dad is hard to live with, but we are clashing less since I was gone most this week. That really isn’t the same as getting along. I was able to help my friends, that feels right to me.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last week most the family was sick. This week everyone was better. I went to help my friend clean.

Sunday: Last week I felt some turmoil of not knowing if I am coming back here summers or not at all, I still don’t know. My dad threw a fit that my daughter didn’t take his dish right away and it just reminded me of why we are moving away from him, my daughter is six, she doesn’t need his drama and expectations that she will be his maid. I didn’t yell at him, but almost. And if I don’t yell, in my heart I turn my back on my dad’s way of living. The best revenge is being different from people you don’t respect.

CLEAN UP We cleaned my friend’s house until about 10PM, I didn’t intend to have the kids out so late at all, but I wasn’t watching a clock and I wanted to help finish. We did a lot but didn’t finish. I helped move a desk, plug the computer back in, wipe walls and baseboards, wipe toys, move shelves, move a table, clean chairs, organize tools and a cleaning area, and pest control area, wipe paintings, and take the trash out… My sister puttied holes, moved books, boxed items, groomed dogs built a bed… I cleaned a fridge and another friend cleaned the freezer, some other people washed dishes… toys seem to take forever…

Monday: Last week I filed the application for federal borrowers defense of my student loan. This week trying to register for a tournament. It is a rare night I am up past midnight. Sorting over last week I see that one good thing about this kind of journal, is that when you are overwhelmed you still see goals completed or brainstormed from days you have a clearer mind.

In the morning we had caught a mouse without hurting it, my sister took it to the junkyard to live, there is food and water there, and chickens may eat it, but it won’t hurt a different house.

My new lotus plants are growing very well now, planted them last weekend, and gave them out Wednesday, today they are much bigger, and at about 18 days they need soil.

I’m having a coffee, hiding from my dad, I just don’t want to talk to him. I tell my sister to be direct and talk with him, but don’t like to talk to him lately myself. I guess I will, but just not until I have something to say.

The book I was reading last week called “Outer Order, Inner Calm” was by an author I like, Gretchin Rubin. It starts by saying that 1. First, we make choices – what possessions to keep and what to do with them. 2. Once we’ve cleared through our things, we create order by organizing, repairing, and attending to neglected areas. 3. Next, we reflect on ourselves, to know ourselves – and others – so that we can take those individual insights into account. 4. Then, once the clutter is vanquished, it’s useful to cultivate helpful habits to maintain that order, and 5. add beauty to make our surroundings more inviting and comfortable.

I’m trying to summarize that 1. Pick your tools. 2. Fix your boat holes. 3. Know your size and shape. 4. Oil your sword and armor. 5. Carve the maidenhead.

I was able to register for the right tournament today, the first time I am fighting under my own school.

Tuesday: Last week my week I was very much grieving the relationship between my father and I. The one that we had while I grew up, when he pushed me away as a big kid, as a teen girl, as an adult who doesn’t agree about parenting or life. This week I went to help clean, when I left I finally felt comfortable that it would be enough to pass inspection, which was the goal.

Wednesday: Last week our group did an egg hunt, a dino tent, lotus and strawberry plants, lots of fun, and good vibes. This week, the meet-up was amazing again, most weeks feel like they are more amazing than the week before, but sometimes chill weeks are nice too. The kids playing with large bubbles were just too cute, it was a failure to make bubbles to juggle the recipe should be water 1.5 cups, soap 0.5 cups, corn syrup 0.25 cups, and microfiber or wool gloves, we had cotton gloves and bubble mix, but not soap, also we should have straws to make the bubbles. So we will try again soon on chemistry day. There was a birthday cake, forgotten candles, but a wonderful song. The race track was super small but the younger kids had a great time with it, they really went to town with the blocks building little cities and things. Tuesday my husband laughed in my face when I told him I was fighting in a tournament, he didn’t say why… he couldn’t stop laughing to say anything. Then he tried to talk and he just started laughing hard again… So. That really sums up what my family support system is like, which is why it’s great having a friend-based support system.

Thursday: Last week having trouble registering for a BJJ tournament because there were two, two weeks apart here in the same town, which is rare, got it cleared up Tuesday and was super excited to be fighting under my own school name for the first time. I’ve made some peace with my father, that he is hard to live with, but that it’s okay that he is how he is and with myself that it is okay if it is hard for me to live with my father and that I don’t like to live the way he likes to live. It’s okay I need to move, it’s okay if I am uncomfortable before I move, it’s okay to have a hard time living with family, it’s okay to try my best and have it not work still, it’s okay for me to need things neat, it’s okay if I don’t have the time and energy to move back when my dad needs help, we have other family members who can or other people can, it doesn’t have to be me if it isn’t good for me or for him. I don’t need to stay near him, I don’t need to stay with him, I don’t even need to be here when I visit I can rent a nice place for $600 a month to visit in the summer, which is really doable for a whole month. In Brazil, it was $200 a night for half a three-star hotel room. This week has gone by quickly, it felt really good, I guess I do like the work of work, even though I’m so paranoid about my kids I don’t have the trust it would take in the world to leave them to work. I feel alive just knowing I am going to fight again, I don’t know why it matters, I don’t have an explanation, but I definitely feel different. Even though I haven’t trained, teaching has kept me from forgetting much, and I am in decent shape from exercising at the beginning of the year so there isn’t much to do, like a Spartan I can relax before fighting because I have trained all my life to fight and only relaxed in the times others would be preparing to fight. Which really I don’t recommend, I don’t know why I was so obsessed when I was younger, other than saying maybe it’s the only time I am at peace, and peace is a good feeling.

I feel a little sick today, but I have 9 days to get better so I think that is great, I’ve fought a tournament with a bad flu before, long before when that was okay… I don’t think I’ve ever had so much room for weight, a featherweight goes from 114 to 124 lbs and I am about 115, so 118 with the gi, so six lbs can be gained exercising and I will be okay, so I am not worried at all about that and that is a very nice feeling. I was paranoid my gi color would not be allowed, because it specifically isn’t on the rule book, so I bought another gi, same issue with my belt, but I don’t know if anyone is going to check the rules… Anyways it feels good to have the right equipment, mouth guard, gi, belt, nothing fancy, but everything meeting the strict rules in case they are enforced.

In school my daughter got through Collaborative Theatre to 92%, finished the last test before the final, there were four schools of thoughts about teaching acting, emotional copying, imagination, body posture, and something else… I have to admit I don’t really care for theatre. My son covered halves and quarters. Forgot I had an DMV appointment tomorrow, it was so far in the future when I first made it.

I’ve been catching up on laundry today, my sister’s, my dad’s, mine, the dogs, still have kid’s and my husband’s to go… Someone used my dish towel for dog pee which is “super annoying” now that the dish towels have blue stripes… Cleaned dog poop from my sister’s room, filled the lizard water, caught a second mouse. I still hate cleaning up after some else’s dog.

I have been sorting beach stuff better, put inflatables together with life vests. Put face crayons with balloons and the Happy Birthday banner, all the birthday stuff essentially. Put a lot of science stuff together, wiped the markers, separated the scout folder, art folder and put science papers in the new acrylic paper stands. Putting away stuff from the beach makes me feel good. Martial arts is mostly all together.

My husband wants to go back to California, I am not sure if I want to go with him or not. I don’t mind him, but I dislike the place so much I just don’t know yet, I want to go somewhere new rather than somewhere I know I don’t like being.

The school year is ending soon, my daughter has a science project, play production, song, and essay due but is nearly done with all the curriculum except the Agriculture final and theatre 8% and final. Then we can make a review presentation/portfolio of the year.

I am nervous about my friend’s home inspection tomorrow, I am not nervous about my tournament but it’s on my mind. So is the Science Fair and driver’s license appointment. It just feels like a lot.

Taking some book notes from Outer Order, Inner Calm:

“Feeling overwhelmed is a reason to try to maintain order, not to abandon order. Outer order contributes to inner calm.”

“Keeping too much stuff keeps us stuck in the past and cramps our ability to embrace the present.”

“The days are long but the years are short.”

“Even if we can’t create or maintain perfect order, it’s still worth trying to make things better.”

“A true home is the finest ideal of man.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.” – Anthony Trollope

“It is far easier to keep up than to catch up.”

“At home, don’t allow (your room) to be used as a dump zone for other family members.” I don’t know how to fix that…

Friday: Last Friday I fell in love with the idea that some people come into your life as blessings and others as lessons. This week I’ve really digested that message and I agree with it so much it has become a belief already in only a week. I spent the day at the DMV, doing errands with my dad and it was okay, but I can see why I don’t want to do it more often. Super happy my friend passed the inspection today.

My week is over, I have some markers to take over to my friend’s house tomorrow. I’ll drop my dad off to the airport on the way into town. My mexican sunflowers bloomed, my lotus are growing well, things are going well in general, I sometimes worry about leaving and sometimes can’t wait to leave, but hopefully, I will be back in the summers, because I want to keep working on the garden and keep seeing the kids here. but if I don’t I will do the best I can to help the scouts from where I am ad to live my best life wherever I am.

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Something new this week: My first sunflower on the farm.

Something good this week: Helped a friend.

Something unexpected: Registered to fight again.

🫧

“Passion rules reason, for better or for worse.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️

I feel pretty emotional today, sentimental, but also churning like storm waters. I don’t get this way a lot, so it is more interesting ad less troubling. I see Terry Goodkind’s quote and I miss him, he died a few years ago, I liked looking forward to new books from him ad imagining him somewhere making a stew, or with his family, or getting mad about something, somewhere also alive.

I look at Yosemite ad remember the thud-thud of walking o that path, I was lucky enough to go in the winter, summer ad fall, to look down from the peak in a thunderstorm ad a clear day. I really enjoy that place. It is just a beautiful place in my heart that never gets old to me.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Faith in myself. 🎵 SUN Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. MON Proactivity, know what I want. ⚡ TUE Teamwork smarter group work. WED Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. THR Purpose know what I can do. FRI Creativity thinking of new ways to do better.

GOAL REMINDERS: Last week: We decided to move out of state next year, so it is hard to know what to do, how much to save and how much to invest in repairs ext. The kids were sick so taking care of them took priority.

This week I should get my room, my items, and the common area in order and clean, such as a mouse snuck in on Friday so that will take my free time.

ANTI-DEMENTIA REMINDERS: Stuff coming up: Clean up. Next year: Jan-May 15th Turn in 990

HEALTH JOURNAL:

Mental Health: Things are tense, when I have the energy I pick up the yard, but my dad just throws trash peels right on it. I don’t know if normal people are that messy, or if something is wrong with my dad, but my husband and I hate seeing it. It kind of brushes our brains the wrong way.

LONG STORY I don’t know if he is throwing a fit or being rude on purpose or is just gross, but I don’t ask because I don’t want to mislead him that I want to explore his emotions with him or offer emotional support. I have tried to do those things in the past, my dad didn’t care to try my suggestions, which is fine, but the whole thing seemed frustrating and time-wasting and he really needs someone who can communicate a lot better than I can.

If I had to guess it seems like my dad didn’t think about being divorced as much before my husband moved in, I don’t exactly know his thought process, but he kept throwing fits since then, which we told him was okay. And it is okay that it happened, but not okay like we want to keep living together, I have trouble telling him the truth that he is difficult and unpleasant to live with because I don’t think it is fair to try to make him change when we have no intention of staying long term now. I don’t usually pray but I find myself praying in the morning to get through the day without blowing up at him.

“Betimes in the morning say to thyself, this day I shalt have to do with an idle curious man, with an unthankful man, a railer, a crafty, false, or an envious man; an unsociable uncharitable man. All these ill qualities have happened unto them, through ignorance of that which is truly good and truly bad.”

– Marcus Aurelius

On a bad day, my husband is idle, unthankful, false, and envious, but he is always sociable with our kids and charitable in general, on a bad day my father is all these things, and for some reason, it is harder to accept that the man fate or God gave to me would be worse then what I chose myself.

I never wanted to see my dad the way he is now, at times my husband is a bully and that was difficult to wrap my mind around when he showed me his normal personality after years of pretending. But though it has been almost 30 years since I looked up to my dad, I had never looked down on him. I try not to look down on anyone, but it is a daily challenge lately. He was so scared of COVID that while practically everyone else in our family got sick and recovered, young and old, and he stayed so scared, it became very difficult to respect that. His sister got sick ad recovered, my aunt, all my cousins, and somehow he was just obsessed with his own risk which really drove me away. I am sure a lot of people were scared, and being scared is fine, but he took it to a level that I think will prohibit me from being able to respect his powers of logic or objectivity. It is weird with elders because all the social rules are different than kids. On Reddit I read about a family where the elders wouldn’t stop eating spoiled ketchup, with kids, you just throw away the ketchup, with some elders, they throw such a fit, even if you replace the ketchup they can’t stand the insult of you removing their property, they can’t believe their matchup is spoiled or that the guideline dates are for safety, but rather they are lies to sell more… since moving to Hawaii I have got sick eating my dad’s food so much, 2-day old spaghetti, but with mold on it ext that I honestly couldn’t feel and for him this week that he is sick to his stomach. He rips open a pack of my carrots or chicken, takes one piece, and leaves all the rest to rot even though we have a ton of glass Tupperware… he leaves bags of dry food open and it attracts mice who poop and eat in the bag and then he keeps the bag and offers my kids to eat some too… the first year we visited we had food poisoning as much as we were well, then we all stopped eating my dad’s snacks and meals and have been a lot better. It may sound like elders who eat old food have lost it and you can just keep an eye on them, but legally it isn’t the case, if they are half-crazy you have no legal grounds to tell them what to do or force them in any way to change.

I wish I could just talk to my dad, just tell him I don’t think the way he prepares food is safe, but when I have he just argues that it is safe ad then he attacks what I cook as too processed, even though it’s absolutely not more processed that what he eats. So after being attacked and ignored enough times, I don’t feel like finding a new way to bring it up, but rather I am attempting to live the best life I can alongside someone who has radically different opinions on most things and I count the months until when my husband estimated we could move, he said next year, so nine more months. I sound very dependent to myself right now, but with one special needs daughter, and two homeschooled kids, I am okay with that, the kids get more from me if I don’t have to work and care for them, I see it as a season of life and it feels right for us right now.

If I could talk to my dad and he would listen I would say 1. Get a psychologist you like to deal with your divorce ext. 2. Take a food safety course so you can hear from professionals how to stay safe in the kitchen. 3. Don’t push others away ad expect them to come back, make a choice to either have space or have company and then commit to it. 4. Even if we don’t live with you, we will still gladly help you with things if you stop being disrespectful, that is too much to expect from me.

If I could ask my dad questions without him being rude ack I would ask 1. Are you okay from the pandemic or are you still paranoid ad scared? 2. Do you throw trash because you are throwing a fit or do you like to or you think it isn’t gross to be around? 3. Is your memory okay? 4. Do you want to get a part-time caretaker for cleaning or an organizer to help you with your room? 5. Are your monthly expenses alright for whatever your retirement is?

But I don’t talk to him or ask him, because I am here for nine more months and if he fights with me about any of it, then those nine months will be harder ones.

SHORT STORY I’m having trouble living my best life at my dad’s house for the next nine months until I relocate, but I’m doing my best, helping in the ways I am okay with such as dishes and laundry, and not in the ways I’m not going to like pretending to agree with him about raising kids, being permissive to my kids while we live here, comforting him about his anxiety which I feel he needs professional help with.

LIFE LESSON Living with family doesn’t always save time and money, it can be good or bad, but it really depends on the exact situation, how much the way people’s preferred house rules align. Some people are emotionally draining and while some people love to help with that, but other people will be unable to thrive alongside those types of people and never live their best lives together.

Physical Health: I’m a little sick, but not bad. The kids are still sick.

Social Health: Good and bad, my dad is still getting on my nerves, but my husband and sister are trying to support me and I appreciate that.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last week my son was really sick at night. This week everyone was sick with like a runny nose and cough.

Sunday: Last week my husband and I realized this state is not our forever home. This week I felt some turmoil of not knowing if I am coming back here summers or not at all, I really want to know where I will be in the next five years, and I really don’t know. I’m trying to relax about it, but it isn’t easy. My sister was a bit sad that it wasn’t working out even though she did her best, and a good job at that.

Monday: Last week in school we were catching up on Collaborative Theatre. This week I filed the application for federal borrowers defense of my student loan, it has been eight years of having the debt hanging over my finances, I really hope that I can get rid of it and it will be a turning point in the right direction, but either way I need to do my best from where I am.

The book I bought called “Outer Order, Inner Calm” was by an author I like, Gretchin Rubin. It starts by saying that 1. First, we make choices – what possessions to keep and what to do with them. 2. Once we’ve cleared through our things, we create order by organizing, repairing, and attending to neglected areas. 3. Next, we reflect on ourselves, to know ourselves – and others – so that we can take those individual insights into account. 4. Then, once the clutter is vanquished, it’s useful to cultivate helpful habits to maintain that order, and 5. add beauty to make our surroundings more inviting and comfortable.

This is different from Marie Kondo’s order of reflection of your ideal life first, then choices, then clean up, then organize and add beauty.

I’m interested to try it this way.

Looking at the excuses from the book “when I have time, I could do a cool project with this thing” is probably the worst for me, “I can’t deal with this thing until everyone around me agrees about what we should do with it” is a real one as I am not the homeowner, “I don’t have the space to put away this thing properly” is a real but not common issue, “I don’t have the time or energy to decide what to do with this thing,” is probably the most common issue, “I’ll definitely use this thing as soon as I change my life in a major way. I’ll get a puppy. I’ll lose thirty pounds. I’ll form a band,” is something that does happen but not that much.

So my most frequent excuses for not cleaning clutter are:

1. “I don’t have the time or energy to decide what to do with this thing.”

2. “When I have time, I could do a cool project with this thing.”

3. I don’t have the space to put away this thing properly.”

4. “I can’t deal with this thing until everyone around me agrees about what we should do with it.”

5. “I’ll definitely use this thing as soon as I change my life in a major way. I’ll get a puppy. I’ll lose thirty pounds. I’ll form a band.”

So questions to ask with this method: “Do I need it?” “Do I love it?” “Do I use it?” “Is it superfluous?”

For clothes does it fit, do I wear it, do I love it or is it useful… Is it in bad shape.

Reading the book so far, I don’t like it that much, it reminds me of Marie Kondo, but at this point, I don’t notice this book inspiring me to tidy up as much as The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up did.

Trying to sprout Lotus still, nothing so far, but the water being so dark makes me think the seeds are breaking their seeds open at least… the temperature should be 70°-85°F/21°-29°C which it almost is… I think it is 68° so if I keep changing the water daily it should take a week. I think I put them in water on Sunday, but it could have been Saturday… or even Friday.

Trying to sprout Guanabana it should take 3 weeks or a month to sprout in the shade, they like some shade, don’t care about soil, and take 4 months to grow a good root system, they can fruit in 3 or 4 years.

So my house is a mess… I see my daughter’s water bottle in the office while she is at the dining table (carried it to its spot in the kitchen), cookie bag (put it away in a box near the office), gummy bear jar (moving it to the bar), found a third book (put them all in the bookshelf), both kids’ tablets in the office (took them to the shelf).

So I stopped and made lunch, and got super mad at the kids for whining and fighting while I was serving them and prepping their food. So mad, but not sorry, just tired of hearing them squabble, forever tired. Meaning I am ready to punish them each and every time they squabble from now on because it was simply too much for me to live with.

Then we read the Outer Order, Inner Calm together and I text two friends about it.

My son self-identified as a big boy when we were on the patio potting up his apple trees, unlike my daughter who identified as a big girl immediately upon hearing the term my son identified as a baby for a long time. He planted his pea plants right next to his apples.

Tuesday: Last week my daughter had a weird meltdown and lied about her final exam. We are doing more reviews and trying to encourage a positive attitude about missing test questions as an opportunity to learn. But especially I don’t want her just clicking answers, because the amount that she does that is very near the amount that she is failing her final exam by… we added some honesty incentives to try to encourage honesty not only dissuade dishonesty. The actual amount she remembers when I talk to her is very decent, Agriculture 1 was a hard class and it was hard having spring break, break up the flow of it.

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.“

– Andy Warhol

Yesterday a reader comforted me about not being able to live with my parents, it was so helpful. I fall into a silly trap of seeing anything someone in the world has done and thinking 1. I can do that. 2. I have to do that. 3. It will be easy to do that. Like if the hair dye bottle has a rainbow sunset I think, okay after buying that hair dye I can just do that myself, I have to try that because I love that style and IT WILL BE EASY. Maybe the first thing is true, but the second isn’t and the third really isn’t.

In hindsight I am half Asian so a lot of my friends live with their parents, it’s considered not our culture to need to live apart, you are told that they care for you half of your life and you for them the other half, it is called Filial Piety. But there are four levels of filial piety, the first is sending money or financial support, the second is taking care of them, the third is caring about them (not a given in my culture that you can or will emotionally care about someone), the fourth level is letting them grow as a person. So perhaps that is the way that I can help, perhaps when I go my dad will treat my sister with more respect that we don’t actually have to stay even though we did try to see if we could. Or maybe it’s just part of my personal growth that I have to cleave more space between us and it didn’t have as much to do with the dog pee on the floor as I thought.

It’s the early morning and sports news is baring through where I would otherwise be writing in a peaceful rainstorm and it does make me angry, even though I don’t want it to, because I want to hear the rain and hear myself think.

Going back to the Outer Order, Inner Calm book, Gretchin also loved the Little House books, as did I, and she remembered that the chores in that book were “wash on Monday, Iron on Tuesday, Mend on Wednesday, Churn on Thursday, Clean on Friday, Bake on Saturday, Rest on Sunday.”

So here we are on Tuesday, but though I don’t mind baking, I don’t churn, I don’t mend, I do landscape, I do garden, and I don’t think washing will fit on one day…

So let me see wash extra on Monday, landscape on Tuesday, science outreach on Wednesday, garden on Thursday, bake on Friday, rest on Saturday, and clean on Sunday might work for me.

I’ve also been wanting to do more goal setting, meditation/deep breathing, stretching, exercise, playing games (it sounds silly, but when I get stressed I stop and it really helps me relax better if I do play games), and playing music and painting.

So maybe meditation/deep breathing Monday, stretching Tuesday, painting Wednesday or music, playing games Thursday, goal setting Friday, Saturday exercise and a second chance for painting, Sunday music?

In Outer Order, Inner Calm Gretchin suggests Update Spreadsheet on Monday, Process Expense Receipts On Tuesday, Work on Monthly Report on Wednesday, Invoice on Thursday, Make Phone calls Friday.

I think I will do Phone Calls Monday (If Needed) or Clear Memory, Update the School Forms and Notes Tuesday, Update the Website for the Scouts Wednesday, Blog or Website Thursday and Check Finances Friday.

After thinking about what I want to do as a person as an adult and a tech user, it’s super overwhelming actually. So I went back to reading the book.

When I was reading it I was thinking, the way you live with people you hate living with is largely denying the things you have (like loud news ext) by guilting yourself for not being more accepting of what you don’t like, in that way you preserve the ability to be there, but you lose a love of yourself the way you authentically are.

I could blast Mexican music in the morning, but I don’t because I won’t play loud things with anyone still in bed, my dad blasts loud TV in the morning and at night, it irritates me, but I can’t just be annoying as well, there is something in me that strives to be the best I can and though I may fail, I can’t try on purpose to be as irritating as someone else is to show them what it is like to live with someone like that.

But my cousins have lived with my grandparents and now my uncle all their life, and don’t like it, but tolerate it. I am unable to mentally make that choice for the permanent future and it’s been on the back of my mind why not me if they can? I think that if you have to live in conditions that don’t suit you it kills a part of you or strangles that part of you at least and I don’t want to do that, or maybe I can’t do that. Maybe none of us want to do that and some of us can’t? On page 86 of Outer Order, Inner Calm Gretchin says that if we know each other we can live in harmony, for example, that she doesn’t like dog toys on the floor but is fine with dirty dishes in the sink, her husband is the opposite.

I can’t find it in my heart to think that will be the case for my dad and me, right now there are four dog pee puddles from his dog, I’m pretty sure he knows that no one wants to clean his dog pee for him, but he isn’t going to clean it. I think he is okay with kind of forcing others to clean what they don’t want to because he just doesn’t want to do so. And that is worse than the dirt or the cleaning, knowing he will live in filth if you don’t clean for him, knowing he is broken somewhere in his mind, knowing talking to him wouldn’t be the same as talking to an average person… that is approaching the elephant of that there is something wrong with him, something that caused me a lot of pain growing up in a single-parent home with a parent who wouldn’t clean. Getting asthma, getting allergies, getting angry from all the dirt.

Wednesday: Last week we did slime again and a lot of martial arts. This week strawberry starts are going out… they were a huge hit and the lotuses were too. It was a lovely day, one mom brought Easter gift bags, one brought easter eggs to hunt, I brought a dino tent and lotus plants and strawberry plants. The total effect was just a lot of fun and a good feeling. It highlights the bad feeling at home feeling so good with my friends, at ease. and uplifted and supported.

Thursday: Last week we decided to throw a science fair and I told myself I am going to start reeling my spending in. This week I think I spent less, but I don’t really know I’ve been having trouble registering for a BJJ tournament because there were two, two weeks apart here in the same town, which is rare.

Friday: Last week I made bread again, and the dough was nice, but I made so much smoke frying it that I want to find a different way to fry it… This week I found a cool mother Teresa quote:

“Some people come into your life as blessings. Other people come into your life as lessons.”

That really sums up my life this year, many people who are blessings, some who are lessons. I still grieve my friends who left and still grieve how tricky it has been lately to enjoy living with my dad. Though it really does help to look at it as a lesson, I guess I was always hoping it would be a blesing until I read that quote and somehow I can accept it isn’t now. The big tree that got knocked half way over in the big storm got cut down today for $400, I think overall it was worth it because seeing it reminded me of the storm. The Giving Tree book always made me sad, but that is what happened to my favorite tree in this property, it got cut up for wood and only a stump is left… I guess it’s okay, dark but okay. My daughter graduated Spanish 1, the final took 3 attempts, 63%, 67%, 80%, I think that’s still impressive since she is 6.

My week is over, it feels like too many endings all at once, the tree gone, the idea of a future in this state gone, the idea of merging our families gone, new things too, a new martial arts school for me, a new “career” as a fighter beginning again, our science non-profit. So many good things, so many changes. Our new spring chicks are almost ready to move outside… we are helping a friend declutter and we are decluttering ourselves. It feels like a tornado of changes. I’m trying to put a patio curtain up… so the chickens won’t go on, but I feel like my dad will mess it up by leaving it ajar like he leaves the main doors and gates open which I F-ing hate. I know I was bitter this week, yet I want to be, so when I leave and wonder why I left I can remember why I went through the cost and effort of moving.

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Something new this week: We got the falling down tree cut down so we could move away from the storm that happened in our area and into the next chapter of life.

Something good this week: I’m going to be more responsible spending, I bought hair brushes for $13 and a $6 book on decluttering. I also spent $18 on netting for the patio and velcro for the patio, then more velcro and a tournament and a new gi and belt.

Something unexpected: Filed my student loan debt borrower’s defense appeal, I thought it would be harder.

🌳

“It sounds a paradox, but kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️

As I look at this quote today, I think about my husband and I trying to live with my dad this past half year, I guess to us all seniors are seniors and he will need caretaking any time now, but actually, he doesn’t sit still enough to live with. It seemed right to spend time with my dad so the kids can get to know him, but he may benefit from space and peace more than the intense scrutiny living with little kids can bring. Either way, it’s not the best fit, so the week is the beginning of a new era, where we are in preparation to relocate.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Faith in myself. 🎵 SUN Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. MON Proactivity, know what I want. ⚡ TUE Teamwork smarter group work. WED Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. THR Purpose know what I can do. FRI Creativity thinking of new ways to do better.

GOAL REMINDERS: Last week: I was struggling to do my normal stuff, the beach, the scouts, the cleaning, the garden, but still trying and still taking small steps forward.

This week: We decided to move out of state next year, so it is hard to know what to do, how much to save and how much to invest in repairs ext. The kids also have been sick so taking care of them has taken my gardening energy away.

ANTI-DEMENTIA REMINDERS: Stuff coming up: Student loan check for borrowers defense. Next year: Jan-May 15th Turn in 990

HEALTH JOURNAL:

Mental Health: My husband and I need a home, not that we are homeless, we have been staying with family to see how he likes the state. It’s okay, but he doesn’t love it, so we are going to try a new state and try to find somewhere all of us can be happy. It’s not the high cost of living or far drives, but the lack of Latin culture and radio, limited food, shopping, and activities. In California, I never grew to like the overcrowding, rude people, and overload of things to do, I needed breathing room and thinking space. Hawaii is the opposite for my husband, kind of a green Siberia. So we have decided to finish out the year here, visit Florida in the summer and move there or somewhere else the beginning of next year.

Physical Health: I’m fine, but the kids are sick. I’m glad we are not sick together because I don’t have people to lean on during the week so I end up a walking zombie who stays sick for a long time due to not resting.

Social Health: Things are unstable, each month living with my dad I keep being stressed and annoyed and then wondering if the next month will be better and it isn’t.

LONG STORY It’s not all bad, but I don’t like him overanalyzing why the kids fuss when they fuss, I don’t care for him second judging that I punish the kids for making a mess, he doesn’t help me clean so I really really don’t care what his opinions of what I have to clean are. I’m at my limit, because I have a limit of what I can do, and how I want to live, he doesn’t understand that, he doesn’t prioritize the same way I do, we are two different people, and that is okay, but he makes it harder for me to have my children be disciplined, ex his bed is never made, so I try to explain to my kids they have to make theirs, and it just doesn’t seem like they have to. In general, living with my dad makes it harder for me to enjoy the day, and harder for me to live with my husband. He stresses me out off and on throughout the month, the difference between our view points for example, he tells my son don’t get angry and I think that is bulls*ht, maybe don’t yell, but we all get angry. Those things grate on me bit by bit and in the end all arrows point to moving to get more space, which is probably just a normal and natural thing, but I wasn’t sure if we could share the space and spend time together and help care for my dad as he ages. The short answer is no. The short answer is just that my husband, I and my dad don’t mix well and it is a burden on my husband and me to try and probably just not even the best solution for my dad either, I’m not sure. But either way, we need more social space. He hates my chicken’s poop on the patio, I hate his dog’s poop in the house. But the biggest thing is that it just isn’t enjoyable and it goes from not adding much to my life to taking away from it. It’s really frustrating living with my dad, I gave it another try because I thought maybe we would be able to enjoy him being around the kids and us helping out with some stuff, but although staying the summers had always been fine, staying a year and four months was not fun. It showed me that the broken home ambiance I grew up with wasn’t magically fixed over time, it showed me that my dad has outdated gender expectations that are on schedule to be fixed in my children’s lifetime, but not in him nor even in my husband. I learned about the uncomfortable kind of home life that I don’t want to have. Just like I didn’t want to work to make money to help my husband pay for a Southern California house I didn’t want because I didn’t enjoy the climate, area and busy lifestyle I don’t want to work to put my emotional energy into a toxic and critical family who expects elders to have more respect then they have earned and more decision making power than other adults, just because… that isn’t what I believe in, and so in a way I shouldn’t be feeding it.

SHORT STORY Even though I don’t pay rent, the rent isn’t worth it.

LIFE LESSON I guess in the end it’s not bad to hope, not bad to try, and not bad to fail, but now that I can feel it isn’t going to work out it’s less painful than wondering if it would. Some things don’t work out, and that’s just okay.

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LIFE JOURNAL:

Saturday: Last week I unloaded the car from camping, and planted blueberries I was full of hope of starting a berry farm in Hawaii someday. This week my son was really sick at night, I think my husband and I were beating off a sickness, which just barely tired out my daughter, and got my son fairly sick.

Sunday: Last week we picked up our dog’s urn, I started soursop seeds and put away camping gear, and organized a little. This week my husband and I realized this state is not our forever home, we did not buy a house in our future state or anything, but mentally we are already sure we are not staying here next year.

Monday: Last week in school we made a lot of progress in Spanish and Agriculture. This week we are catching up on Collaborative Theatre. I checked in with Khan Academy and my daughter scored 94% on that First Grade Math class and she had graduated First Grade Math with 96% on Acellus, so since they were close scores it makes me more comfortable about Acellus being on par with other schools. School has changed a lot since I went to school. The math and English standards are much lower than what I remember, but the science and tech is crazy different than what I remember, so the total amount is somewhat more to learn now. I was looking at my goals and there really is not any reason that I can not transfer my goals to a new home when we get one, actually, it could be a lot easier if I am the only one in charge of my home to decide where to put things and how to use the water ext. I still hope to be involved with our scout group here in Hawaii, but assuming things go well I would be able to return for the summer and kind of work on the berry farm and the scout group in the summers. Tooling around on the internet I found my old university lost in court about false claims, so maybe I can get some of my student loan repaid by them.

Tuesday: Last week we have caught up in theatre as well. This week we nearly finished Agriculture 1 but my daughter just hit the buttons on the final and lied about it, so I got mad and then had to deal with how to punish her enough that she wouldn’t break the system we have and train her honesty.

Wednesday: Last week we did slime and elephant toothpaste and saw Hi’ilawe live. This week slime again. after the nice day at the beach I thought about why I did slime, it was because my dad had taken me to a small science expo at the mall, Launch Pad. So then I felt bad that I was not more greatful, but when I got home the laundry waiting, dog pee smell and dishes made me feel okay, both greatful and okay with having trouble living with the mess. It was pretty great today a lot of kids doing slime and painting and martial arts.

Thursday: Last week my favorite place came up on Momentum, Half Dome and I cleaned half my bedroom floors, blankets, baseboards. Chatting with the other moms we decided to throw a science fair in three weeks, I invited the Science Museum and the Environmental Restoration groups as guest judges, not sure if they will come or not. Bought $20 of patches, not really too much spent so far, but I think the extra table cloth and a few prizes will make it more fun. Then I over spent because I wanted a table cloth and then just got a bunch of stuff… $150 later, I keep telling myself I am going to start reeling my spending in.

I wrote this poem today:

חתול תנומת

.צפייה בחתולים, מבודר על ידי אנשים עסוקים תצטרך תנומה

Friday: Last week I was making nan with a new recipe and I noticed I had always 100% killed my yeast in the past and that answered a lot of bread questions. This week I made break again, and the dough was nice, but I made so much smoke frying it that I want to find a different way to fry it next week…

My week is over, somehow I did a lot today, laundry for my husband, his bedding, the house laundry, picked up soda and crackers for my dad, since he felt sick, made him jello, fixed the fridge ice maker which was frozen over, ran home school Spanish 1, did a lot of Science, Math and Music Fundamentals with my son, planted 25 bare root strawberries in a good citrus and steer manure blend in some new grow bags.

I drew this cat today…

My week is over again, it felt like it flew by. I was tired from the kids being sick and keeping me up, but since I was not sick it wasn’t horrible. I missed my friends who have made it 13 hours into the future, they have most of their day, then during their night I have the day that they had. So they can talk with me at night and it’s my morning, but so far I have been communicating with poems and cartoons.

This week I felt so alive at the beach, planning the Science Fair, gardening, I felt okay cleaning, cooking, doing school, I didn’t enjoy living with my dad… then I felt guilty, but being guilty you don’t like something isn’t the same as liking it, not at all. I don’t like when I feel like he is doing things for attention instead of being transparent and just planning more things that are together, I don’t like his “my house, my rules” attitude, when he needed the gutters cleaned it was “teamwork attitude”, when it comes to splitting bills it’s “teamwork attitude”, but he just wants to make rules alone rather than agreements or discussions that adults would usually have… so F that, really and truly F that.

As life goes on I can notice what drains me and what feeds me, what my real obligations and what obligations people want to push on me more and more… and I still spend a lot of time doing things I hate or rushing into the wrong things mindlessly, but at least it is less. I carve time in each week to enjoy life, not as much as I would want, but more than I ever have, so I am proud of that, it was hard for me and it is really good for my well being to in turn be more productive at cooking or saving money – ha ha ha, sometimes – and to have enough internal well being to have something to left emotionally and energetically to give to the community. Life isn’t perfect and it does feel busy with things starting up again and unsettled since my husband and I still don’t have our own home yet… but I am grateful for my kids, grateful the pandemic is over, grateful for this blog, which is still cool to me – because of you! Again thank you readers, I don’t always say it because I don’t want to seem like I’m selling it, but really thank you guys for sharing life with me a little bit.

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Something new this week: Planted Earliglow strawberries, they are June bearing, I have never done the June bearing kind of strawberries before.

Something good this week: I made peace with leaving this state, even though it is slated for next year and even though moving is a lot of hassles, it feels right.

Something unexpected: My husband and I came to the conclusion that we are moving out of state next year, I suspected it may happen, but I was never sure if he would settle into my home state or not.

⛵