A Month of Emotions
Looking at this month in review I can see that I was coping with stress and making progress with my goals, but at the same time totally guilty of overspending as well.
The first week was late entry science fair and making videos for that as well as finishing a robust school year. I felt joyful, greatful, exhausted, inspired, exhilarated, thoughtful, and blissful. So the tournament marked a new beginning in my life, with new friends, I’ve gotten closer with two other families I didn’t know well before and that is cool, even though I wouldn’t have wanted to put myself out there while missing my other friends, I got stuck with commitments to things that tie us together and then I find they ease the burden of living and add joy to my life.
The second week was we told my dad we were moving out of state when we could and he didn’t take it too poorly. I felt festive from buying legos unexpectedly for the first time in a long time, enraged the next day when my daughter just submitted a failed test without trying and lied about trying, then exhausted again trying to clean and organize and find a way to live a good life. I felt disheartened not to already have a place in life, the very next day I felt blessed when a little girl making slime said it was the best day of her life (I don’t know if she says that every day, but either way it was a cool moment). The next day I was angry that I do so much of the cleaning at home, the next day I felt hopeful that both I can help teach some kids some coding and that they will make a better world then we did. I was looking to sort out my items and my mind, but interrupted by life and the projects I start.
The third week I felt satisfied when we got large blocks, like some wish in my heart was finally come true, the next day I felt energized and did some rare weeding, I felt proud of my daughter when I figured out how much work she had done with me this past school year (our first official year together, homeschooling), I was (fixated) inspired to make oil and water charms with the kids, I felt serene at the beach due to being weirdly tired from not sleeping the night before, it was a different experience than normal, I was so proud of my son for finishing the Foundations of Music class and final, which was a decently hard class for his age, I felt like I did good teaching him and he did good learning and we make a good team overall. I felt joyful at the end of the week hanging out with some nice and fun people who like music like we do.
The fourth week I felt hopeful that the summer will be a good time between tense times not getting along and the hustle of future moving, the next day I was drained from the stress of the kids acting up since my husband left. The next day I was furious because of the same issue with my daughter just submitting failed tests instead of trying. The next day I had a hurt ankle and was both physically and emotionally spent. I felt really grateful to have so much help, participation, and enthusiasm from the parents and kids about the fishing event, I have this silent belief that God is always helping us have exactly what we need make it to all our meetups, it’s weird, but if feels right. I felt satisfied helping a friend for a bit and passing the time together, and then blissful teaching a lot of math in an integrated way to our mixed age summer school.
Today is June 6th, I didn’t know last month fighting the tournament would have a positive impact on my marital arts class and life in general, that’s something unexpected.
Meta Emotion: Looking back at the fifth month I was getting by a difficult transition period for me with some healthy and some unhealthy coping mechanisms from hanging out with friends, doing the best I can for others, but also over spending on robots and legos and craft items…
There is a sense of being out of control, but doing my best, a sense of hope as well as doom, a weird mix of stress and optimism, a hope for change and fear of the work of change and fear of the unknown mixed with hope something better is around the corner.
Physical Health: Well and then sick, want to start exercising soon.
Social Health: Surrounded by nice people lately and that feels good.
Mental Health: Dealing with being frustrated and lack of personal space the best I can. My projects and friends help take the edge off.
Something New: Our Adventure Scouts did our first fishing event, I can’t always do big events, but I am happy to have some cool ones under our belt.
What helped: Knowing a lot of us parents are struggling makes me feel less horrible to not be perfect or even stable or even organized.
DID: oil and water crafts with the kids, fishing with magnets with the kids, math and coding with the kids.
BIG GOAL: Organizing my stuff to live.
Physical Goal: Start exercise again.
Social: Keep up the Scout Group. (Going Very Well)
Mental: Fix the pond leak sometime, which means finding it, I have a lot of liner, I have waterfall foam, now it’s just move everything out, check everything out and rebuild.