“People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it’s true, or because they are afraid it might be true.” – Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
Last Week: Trying to move from survival mode to thriving, but it feels like I’m climbing straight up sometimes.
This Week: My husband came back, it does feel good, he hasn’t figured out our next step, but I am happy being here right now, even though I want my own space just knowing it’s coming helps.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: I’m having fun teaching, having fun with our group, having fun with summer school, trying to cook and clean more, but I have a lot of good moments where I see the kids empowered and I know I had something to do with it, I like to see my kids happy, I like to see the other kids happy, I know they both bring each other up.
Physical Health: Trying to start cooking more, but bit by bit, not all at once.
Social Health: Have the cave trip coming up and summer camping, looking forward to both.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week I drove a good part of the day dropping off my husband at the airport 100 miles away, so 200 round trip. This week I was super tired, I think I was fighting off being sick and then I didn’t get sick, so totally worth it to get some rest. It reminded me of what a good idea the Sabbath as a rest day was and the story of queen Ester that I watched with my friends on Purim this year, they left the country and I miss them.
Sunday: Last week I was feeling short of breath so I took it as easy as I could. This week I picked up my husband from the airport, it was a nice relaxing day and then he came in pretty late and we stopped to look at the stars on the way home. I really appreciated it, it was something I wanted to do and he remembered that I wanted to do it, it’s a really beautiful view where we were, though the night wasn’t clear to see nebula we saw “too many” stars, so many it’s hard to see the constellation groups because it’s all lit up.
Monday: This week my husband stayed home and took us out for boba, burgers and walking the town. I want to love him, but it’s hard, because I know he will leave me to move out of state and he doesn’t mind leaving without me. It’s hard to love someone who isn’t committed, he hasn’t ever done anything “wrong” but he also doesn’t prioritize me above himself and never has, that becomes obvious time and time again, he will live with me or help me, when it works for him and if not, then not. It leaves me half grateful and half guarded.
Tuesday: Last week I was nursing a hurt ankle praying it would get better in time for our beach day, it did. This week I was trying to sort through my things. Four weeks ago I wrote some school notes: that I wanted to focus on enthusiasm, breaking skills down, patience, more enthusiasm, and changing the system as needed to fit the student and encourage the kids to study smarter so you can learn more and contribute to your own well-being and that of others. Last week my daughter click-failed a Chemistry quiz/lied about it/I threw such a fit again. This week I’m really noticing a lot of progress in Chemistry class, that’s what tempts me to give my daughter a lot of work, that she is really at the stage of understanding it fully and retaining it, so she may say she doesn’t want to work, but then she does and she remembers, for example, the density formula, density = mass over volume, that week, the next week, she keeps remembering it. So it’s not perfect between us, she is a resistant and sometimes lazy student, but horribly bright at the same time so it’s a weird dilemma to push her or let her be.
Wednesday: Last week we did a magnetic vegetarian fishing contest, most the kids had a lot of fun. This week I gave out the ribbons for the fishing trip, it was nice to have a fast turn around, the kids were happy. Not every week is a big week, but it is fun having the special events like the Science Fair and the Fishing Competition. This time the summer sun felt so warm and the day was extra beautiful, the kids swam a ton, they went to the swings, climbed the rocks and somehow everything felt hopeful in the warm day. My son jumped and jumped to me, we made slime, which was my first science moment. I talked to another mom, who’s first science moment was looking at pond water, we have to do that one too. Each time we do slime it reminds me of the good time I had at the science store at the mall. Another mom brought blocks and it was fun to see a full house of block building and block cart racing after a long day of swimming, most of us stayed to see a beautiful rose red sunset that I wished I would have taken a picture of, but it was just gorgeous. The peace of it, the warmth of it, the fact that it was a different color, the light waves coming through were shorter because the sun was coming straight on, but the summer sun is more intense sending a red instead of the normal pale pink.
Thursday: Last week a friend came over for a shoulder massage, this week I am just relaxing, preparing for tomorrow’s math/coding day and the next day’s cave trip. I had trouble remembering the day, I was still happy from having a nice time Wednesday and seeing the sunset. I like to rest on Thursday so I have energy for Friday to see people and this week to go in the cave Saturday.
Friday: Last week had my coding/math/baking friends over. It was really cool. Wanted to see how much I could clean in 5-minutes, not that much… but finished the basic bathroom in 20 minutes.
BATHROOM: This week started cleaning the bathroom in 5-minute increments, 0-5 filled vinegar, sprayed down floors, baseboards, toilet, sink, mirror, shower, wiped sink top, killed 3 crickets. 5-10 wiped the toilet, scrubbed inside mineral deposits, put legos away threw away small time clutter like plastic for nail clippers ext. 10-15 wiped shower floor and debris, wiped baseboards, wiped cabinets, threw away trash. 15-20 started laundry from room, wiped bottom of towel bucket, put away vinegar.
BEDROOM: Did a 15 minute timer and time seemed to go slow, the floor and windows were already pretty clean and beds recently washed, so just making the bed, putting away legos with legos, balls and soft blocks in a bag, trucks in the toy box, clutter in a medium sized box in the closet, books with books, sprayed and wiped the floor, but it seemed to go fast.
PATIO: 20 minutes was perfect for the floor, tables, outside fridge, watering the plants, scrubbing the deck, surprising how much I can do in 20 minutes in some rooms and how little in others.
KITCHEN: My timer was stopped by my son, so I don’t know how long it took, did the floor, got some glass off, wiped most the cabinets, the counter, the stove, dried the dishes, washed some dishes, threw out some lids, wiped the coffee maker, put some clutter together on a tray to get cleaned up “sometime”, wiped the fridge down, wiped some seats off. The kitchen looks a lot better, I think cleaning the floor with a rag is faster than vacuum and mop and better at picking up crumbs, maybe an alternating combination would be best.
I’m pretty tired after doing those four rooms, bathroom, bedroom, patio, kitchen. That isn’t the livingroom, office or hall… I think cleaning the garage (laundry area), hall, office and livingroom on a different day would be best, because I’m pretty tired after those 4 sections. The outside, could really use a lot of work too… I washed a load from the bathroom and one from the living room and folded one as well.
It was nice having friends over, when I cleaned the kitchen after we cooked, it was cleaner than this morning, the bathroom and patio were cleaner the bedroom was cleaner than this morning. It was nice having people over, I have curry for tomorrow, I enjoyed cooking the pizza. We covered some math, some computers, some digital art, did some cooking, had fun, it was nice.
I’m happy a student moved through coding, but of course it’s more the honor of being trusted with another student to diversify their education, that shows a lot of trust from their parent home schooling them and from the student as well. It’s good to be trusted, but do I deserve the trust? I hope so. I hope at least to keep becoming someone who can deserve the trust other people put in me.
When my week was ending I was getting ready for a cave trip with the scouts, looking for flints I already had, glow dinos ext, so that I didn’t feel like I had time to think about the past week, I think that was the first time I felt like there wasn’t time enough to think. I don’t know if I like it or fear it, I’ve spent a lot of life without thinking and I think I don’t want to go back to that.
Something new this week: Ran out of flour and used half-almond flour, we ate the pizza, but it did taste weird, almond is so good for cookies, but not so good for pizza. It was fun having the little kids make little pizzas they seemed to enjoy it and ate all their little pizzas, it was cute and I bet it was a happy moment for them not only to have pizza, but also to have some control of their creations.
Something good this week: I got to give two sunflower clippings and it was an honor, because that was something I had wanted to do, provide starts for the community from my garden.
Something unexpected: When my husband came back, it was as if he had never been gone, even though we are independent, we also get along fairly well, especially him and the kids, he does the right things for me, but then he says something mean, I would really enjoy his company if he just didn’t say mean and stupid things as much, but after 10 years I expect he just will continue to do so.
Born to Be Alive 