“There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive.“– Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
GOALS THIS WEEK: Grateful to be alive, not overachieving this week, going to solidify some habits.
Last Week: Spouting tomatoes and clover.
This Week: Sprouting morning glories.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: Still invigorated with gardening.
Physical Health: A lot better.
Social Health: Doing well again, at peace.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week I did 43 pages of paperwork. This week I grafted cherry tomato from my first year here onto an avocado tree in my daughter’s square-foot garden. I moved the tall tomatoes into soil bags/aeroponic sponge cells, I soaked morning glory seeds (again) to spout, I moved the clover sprouts onto soil treys, I watered my avocado, which are in shock moving from shade to sun.
Sunday: Last week I was planning to graph tomatoes onto avocado, this week I did already! I was going to start aeroponics again indoors to make salads to eat, this week the aeroponic system is up and running with tomatoes. Used the plant bags for Roma tomatoes. Put lavender/cherry seeds into the freezer to cold stratify. Morning glory seeds soaked yesterday and can spout today. One compost barrel is ready for drop-off, and spouted clover, and alfalfa too. One compost bin set up, one to go. Had fun sailing, and did some Hilo gardening, clutter fight club, and shopping.
Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel, moved to grow bags. Need more steer manure and vermiculite.
Lavender – Cold stratifying.
Cherry Blossom – Cold stratifying.
Morning Glory – Ready to germinate.
Rhubarb, Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden.
Monday: Last week we are starting the medicinal herb challenge. This week I was super tired, but then got inspired and cleaned. Took the trash out. I cleaned up half the patio for bonsai round 2, the morning glories sprouted very quickly this time around, I wasn’t prepared for that and am tired.
Tuesday: Last week I was doing Nebacanezer with the kids, built a chicken coop, and had tacos. This week is more low-key, I was half as tired as Monday. We covered Engineering and social studies and Japanese alphabet. Did a ton of social studies,my son is grappling with carrying ones into tens for math. We have been doing more music.
Wednesday: Last week my mental landscape shifted to gardening.
A few years ago I was talking to an unschooling parent, about what to do during an unschooling day (I’m a homeschooler who does cover traditional subjects in lower rations and fine arts and electives in higher ratios than a traditional school), her children wrote responses to the classics like Aristotle, so in a sense, their school is a continuation of the academy, out doors, freedom of thought, but not freedom to avoid thoughtโฆ so that school wasn’t unschooling in the way I imagined it.
What I don’t resonate with about Montessory is the no tech aspect, what I don’t resonate about public school is the one method, one opinion is correct, one sized fits all reality they use to be able to teach high volumes, what I don’t like about homeschool, the work can feel very iosolated from reality and become unintegrated in an abstract way, what I don’t like about Charlotte Mason is it’s very draining. What I love about Montessory is respect for the kids ability and individuality, what I love about public school is the clarity of zones and schema, what I love about homeschool is the ability to fix low skill levels in a targeted way, add more fun things and not kill the natural love of learning and wonder about life, what I love about Charlotte Mason is the outside time seems to give learning more integrated meaning, it seems mentally and emotionally healing.
I’m planning my current day, (Tech/International/Global Leader Student Time) < Prepare to Save the World 8AM Language Studies 9AM Traditional Subjects 10AM Integration (lab/exploration or homework) (Montessory-ish Time) < Respect the Kids Natural Learning Process 11AM Music 12PM Cooking or Crashcourse or Cleaning (Charlotte Masony Time) < Daily Well Being 1PM Exercise or outside 2PM Reading or Art 3PM Free Time
It’s 7:24 now, my son wanted to do math, that would work for me, but no internet so I guess I could cover double-digit addition, but I would rather do it later on.
It was block day at the beach, a successful hand-off of blocks, it was nice a lot of new kids and some old kids and the normal kids, most having a lot of fun with blocks.
Thursday: Last week my daughter’s mental health treatment machine’s wires broke, she spent hours in inconsolable fits. The new wires are on the way. I made some clutter fight club graphics today. Cleaned up the front garden, cutting back weeds, collecting trash, jarring slugs in the slug jar behind the tree, collecting yard scraps… I want to add more vermiculite and steer manure to this really dense soil.
These avocados are doing better, one is doing poorly, I ordered an umbrella for it in case the full sun was the problem, I added steer manure compost in case roots were exposed, I watered and made drams to keep the water in better. I was proud of myself that I added the steer manure instead of “forgetting,” I also want to cut back the weeds and mulch around, maybe even buy trim so it isn’t hard to see the trees…
Friday: Last week we started Japanese lessons finally… which was awesome. This week was mathtastic, we had computer coding too, but a lot of the younger kids engaged in the Fibonacci series addition and some grouping by fives.
Something new this week: Found this quote: โThe more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.โ – Epictetus
Something good this week: All three of our coding families independently working, it’s nice to be together, but knowing they continue at home makes me feel like our program has rippled outward into the world.
Something unexpected: A larger amount of gift bananas… more than I ever expected.
“Passion rules reason, for better or for worse.“– Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
GOALS THIS WEEK: Cleaning house.
Last Week: Struggling with paperwork.
This Week: Feel better, not 100%, but 80%.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: I am so invigorated with the garden.
Physical Health: So much better, exercised once so far, but planning to do about 3 times a week.
Social Health: Doing well again, somehow made peace with the migratory nomadic lifestyle again.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week I wanted to catch up with our paperwork. This week I am 43 pages into the paperwork, but I found a great guide so I feel more confident writing a business plan. That wasn’t something I’ve ever done and I was intimidated. I went to my friend’s store opening, so proud of her. My husband left the state at night, the kids were okay with it, I don’t know how to feel about it, I don’t feel bad, I thought I would feel bad, but I’m focusing on eating better for the kids and I to have better immune systems and cleaning up around the house so when I leave in a few months everything is pretty much in order already… I’m onboarding five members to our non-profit corporation, doing paperwork for that… Fixing up my garden and hoping to help the community gardens soon.
Sunday: Last week I was sick with a fever and body aches. This week a tiny bit of cough left, but almost none. It was a great day, I went to a friend’s house and helped her garden, we moved a shelf into her shed, placed the old one in the garden and are getting some pots and beds ready for the spring. Then went to another friend’s house to garden as well and was able to block out a pathway, two garden beds, get some mint and some lemon balm planted. I’m having a lot of fun in the garden lately, at my home I am planning to graph tomatoes onto avocado.
Going to start hydroponics again indoors to make salads to eat, I eat $10 of salads a week, the hydroponic system cost $109 I wonder if it will ever earn it’s money back?
Got 400 plant bags for seeding, since I started 140 roma tomatoes I guess they will go quickly… I got lavender seeds again they did germinate well after cold stratification, I just didn’t pay attention to watering them enough. I got Cherry Blossom seeds, it’s still on my bucket list to sprout them. Morning glory seeds, they never have done well, but maybe I need to wait longer before planting them outside. Two compost barrels… rhubarb, clover, and alfalfa.
Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel, waiting to move to grow bags. Need more steer manure and vermiculite. Straw and weed cloth.
Lavender – Waiting to grow and share.
Cherry Blossom – Waiting to grow and share.
Morning Glory – Waiting to grow and share.
Rhubarb, Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden.
I did a class about mental redirection during the pandemic, it was helpful. I remember at that time I often felt like a loser, with 40,000 of student loan debt, no car, no house, no job, I have two kids I love, but our family life was chaotic, so I didn’t love our battles, routines, and overall life together. This year things are better because I’ve applied to have my debt reduced, I’ve got a budget to try to stick to for food and items, I still have no car, no house, and no paying job, but I have a unpaid job at a non-profit that I love and my family is getting along better. So I don’t really feel like a loser anymore, mostly because of having a martial art’s class and being involved with our Scout Non-Profit, but also because I have been writing consistently on this blog and I’ve been talking to other people. Even now that I talk to people I like more than ever before I find writing the blog helps me know my own mind, and it makes me feel better because I see the things that I do get right, where as in real life I notice more of the bad things. So thank you to you, my readers! It’s different than talking in person, but it is fun talking to the whole world as well, the feedback I get is often really motivating and inspiring. The main difference between talking and blogging is blogging gives you more time to think, so the quality of thought is a bit higher, that really helps me when I am making goals, reviewing goals and to be honest it helps in the feedback quality too. I love my friends in person, but often they are too tired to even think of something to say, or maybe not interested in what I am, but online though the relationship may not be intimate you can find people who deeply share your interests or who take the time to write very helpful comments which are sometimes more thoughtful or thought-provoking then we would have time to say in person.During lockdown in our urban area in our really small living areas I felt like a prisoner more than ever before, it added a lot of pressure to my life that was pretty much in crisis, so that it defiantly tipped me into a crisis and a depression despite not wanting it too. I didn’t really think I was depressed, but I knew my empathy had run out and that I was burnt out as a parent. My marriage survived, but didn’t bounce back to it’s pre-pandemic level and I don’t really expect that it will. But me as an individual I am more “not sorry” about who I am now, yes I was reading Sarah Knight books, but also over time I found I couldn’t be anyone else other than myself, so I started living as myself without being ashamed more and more, until I like myself and I don’t care what other people want me to be, I care about who I am. I trust that I am who I am to fill some need in the world for someone like me, it makes me feel at peace believing that.I used to feel like an idiot, because to be honest family members I trusted treated me like an idiot. But I am not any more of an idiot than anyone else, I just have strong and weak subjects, I couldn’t have known everything and I know quite a bit within my strong subjects, so… I know I’m not an idiot, even if I make mistakes and don’t know everything, that’s just human, I am human.This is still a hang up I can’t seem to shake, but 3/4 of my most negative mindsets changing is pretty awesome, so for now I’m not even going to worry about it. Though this feeling does affect me, it keeps me from finishing a book, it keeps me from feeling like an artist, from enjoying painting and music more.
Part of my mind is wanting to keep a lot of notes, but another part is wanting to let them go… I don’t all the way understand it, but when I took the Stregth Finders Test it said Input people like to keep notes or information but perhaps as a Resolver I like to get rid of them?
Notes about redirecting ANTS/automatic negative thinking.I would change Warrior to Martial Artist, Philosopher to Human, Story Teller to Teacher and Artist to Community Member. My duties at the Adventure Scouts have changed how much connection I get, how healthy my mind is as a parent, and changed the way I think about myself in everyday, so it makes sense why I feel better now. Instead of focusing on how much I struggle and fail, I almost constantly focus on how I can make the world better, that we are making the world better and how I enjoy helping my friends when I can… it’s less me focused, but there is still an introversion, a knowing myself, a trying to enjoy life for myself, it’s just less now, it’s found a good balance now. I had to think less about my kids, trying to solve their problems was driving me crazy, our even our problems, or even how to give them a reasonable home life… but thanks to PCIT I was lucky to find what was a good solution for my biggest problem child and then also just not thinking about it and still having problems has been good for me.
As a community instructor, I teach math, science, karate, and music, as a human I need to exercise, eat, write and talk to my friends, as a home schoolteacher I teach traditional subjects, but also focus on outside time, also focus on art, also focus on conscious life balance, as a Non-profit Director, I bring supplies to the beach, I update the website, I do paperwork and I try to bring people together to create a village for our kids and also for us, because we need a village to be really happy for the most part most of us need that.
That feels good, like I have finally found a good place in life, a humble place, perhaps a weird place, but a place I can use my talents to improve the world in a way that is significant to me, in a manner that suits me.
Monday: Last week taking it easy since I was sick. This week feeling good. Thinking about gardening. We are starting some medicinal herb gardens like peppermint, and coconut, maybe neem. I’m excited to try coconut bonsai trees hopefully soon. I don’t see whole coconuts too often, I guess some Walmarts have them, but ours is out of stock. 1. Mullien 2. Mugwort 3. Spilanthes 4. Comfrey 5. Lemon Balm 6. Holy Basil 7. Aloe 8. Sunflower 9. Oregano 10. Thyme 11. Lavender 12. Spearmint 13. Peppermint 14. Coconut 15. Curry Leaf 16. Cleavers 17. Italian Basil 18. Raspberry Tea 19. Garlic 20. Neem
Tuesday: Last week I was wondering about the scout group, where its ultimate fate lies? This week I still care, but I feel more grounded baking bread with my own family and both kids played a Mesopotamian civilization-building game (Nebacanezer) where they grow wheat for bread to feed the people, so we looked at the wheat we grew last year and made some bread together. My son beat the first mission and my daughter the first three. So math, civ games, some class, music 3 songs, lunch… Built a chicken coop and had tacos, it was very fun.
Wednesday: Last week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up, I cleaned one room well and put most the house in order, it felt nice. This weeks feels like 10 years after last week for some reason. My mental landscape shifted to gardening, a friend commented two weeks ago about how important food is to humanity and struggling between the kids and gardening since both take so much time and that reinvigorated my deep passion for gardening. So now we have a medicinal herb project going, but I hope I can be more consistent than I have been before. It was lovely to be with friends, it was a lovely day.
Thursday: Last week we sent my husband’s car to the port, he got his ticket to leave Saturday night. This week it feels as if he had been gone for ages already. My daughter’s mental health treatment machine’s wires broke, she spent hours in inconsolable fits. I’m so lucky we ever found that treatment, the new wires are on the way. The upside is I can see she still needs it, when we do use it I am not sure if she needs it at all, but without it, she can’t settle down to sleep, she gets crazy at night instead of tired, and she can’t do her school work without fidgeting or worrying or running off, plus she looks unhappy because she stays in a negative miasma of ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) that probably drives the other behavior, she picks at her face x40 more than normal and in general, just cranks up her natural neuroticisms to 11. I had some gift bananas so we made “banana” banana bread muffins. Built a turning composter.
Friday: Last week felt optimistic about the future again. This week I feel borderline crazily optimistic ie “exhilarated.” We made noodles and muffins and more muffins, we covered Kindergarten math, second-grade math, third-grade math, sixth and seventh-grade math, and high school algebra, it takes a different mental state to hold all the math together, but I enjoy it. We started Japanese lessons finally… which was awesome. It’s hard to overstate how much I enjoy seeing our friends, it’s only been more now that we are planning to migrate out of state back and forth.
Found this quote again since we started Crash Course world history:
“The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools and bars and hospitals and dorm rooms and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether youโll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether youโll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, will make your life yours. And everything, everything, will be on it.”The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools and bars and hospitals and dorm rooms and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether youโll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether youโll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, will make your life yours. And everything, everything, will be on it. – John Green
Something new this week: Set up an aeroponic garden in the kitchen for green onion or basil so we won’t have slugs on what we eat fresh, since our area is ubersluggy.
Something good this week: Been integrating world history lessons from social studies with Civ games and with Crash Course World History and with cooking, I like it when our curriculum is heavily integrated, plus my daughter integrates again with art.
Something unexpected: Gift bananas, they feel so special from the farmer.
Week One: The first week really concerned or I guess repulsed by the mental attitude of my birth family overall, super heartsick to be moving back to California which I don’t love, disheartened, did an article that made me feel blessed to be a part of something greater than myself, then I felt hopeful to be able to work with my daughter’s math anxiety now that she has it instead of her having to redo her math later like I had to, I felt happy taking my son to his first movie theater movie, then I felt dispair and depressed and angry and troubled all at the same time, but I’ll call it troubled, I ended the week feeling broken, I’ll call it hopeless. So much success and failure in the same week.
Week Two: The second week started I still felt miserable from the week before, then I was fatigued getting sick and feeling overwhelmed, the next day I was grateful thanks to music and a festival not cancelled, then I was just physically drained because I was getting sick, the next day I was even more drained and there was a hurricane so most stuff got cancelled, I felt really satisfied that the kids liked the light sabers more than I had hoped, I got more ill so by the time I made it to a sick bed I was spent and fell asleep like a child.
Week Three: The fourth week, I felt proud that our camping trip felt so right overall, the next day I was stunned trying to process so much that had happened on a sick brain, I was still shocked the next day about three days ago, then I got sick and felt serene, like I didn’t know what to do but it was okay to not have all the solutions, I felt pleased with myself for making it to the beach. it was taking me a long time to process, I was so exhausted with illness the next day I felt apathetic I ended the week thoughtful about us, the future, humanity trying to fix the past in the present.
Week Four: I felt optimistic with our first wellness meet up, hopeful the next day, excited the next day, concerned about the move coming up the next day, I was sad to be leaving my friends, then I was sick and emotionally spent, then I was touched by a student being sweet.
Today is August 12th, I wish this year had Obon because it emotionally and spiritually separates my year into pieces, but it doesn’t so… it’s amazing how much heals in a month, not everything, but a lot.
Meta Emotion: Looking back at the seventh month I went through struggles, but found it more than worth it and I feel at place with my small place in the big world for the first time I can remember.
Good things and bad things. ๐น
Physical Health: Can see the down spiral, but didn’t find an intervention.
Social Health: Grateful for my friends, trying to find peace with my family.
Mental Health: Being ill cut my brain power in half and put me out of touch with everything like a blanket of fog, I did my best, but I knew I wasn’t at my best.
Something New: Our Adventure Scouts did our first archery event, cool watching the girls and boys learn new things or participate with each other and the moms too.
What helped: A sincere thank you from a student, I will treasure that for quite a long time.
“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.”– Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
GOALS THIS WEEK: See my husband off, clean the house, dream.
Last Week: Still sick.
This Week: Struggling to get back on task with paperwork.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: Thrown off, my husband has a week left and the future is so uncertain exactly when and where will meet him again, probably in a few months.
Physical Health: Still sick, not too uncomfortable but wanting to be regular already, impatient.
Social Health: Doing okay but conflicted between cleaning my home and going out, resting, and seeing my friends before I leave the state.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week was a unicorn birthday party, my husband’s things were taken by the movers. This week it overshadows the rest of my life that my husband is leaving soon. I want to catch up with our paperwork, but without messing it up, so I’m strategically not doing it because I want to make sure it’s done well when I do do it. (Wednesday my sister said she could help me so it was a good idea in hindsight.)
Sunday: Last week I wanted to do hedges, but I was too sick. This week I was even more sick, pretty uncomfortable with alternating fevers and total body aches. I remembered being a kid a lot because I was often very sick then. I would get delirium, this time I did get some delirium and dizzy spells, it reminded me of being a kid in a bad way. I wonder what is the point and if I can ever catch up with what is expected of me, as an adult I try not to take it seriously and just let it pass.
Monday: Last week started cleaning the house. This week taking it easy since I’m sick, sore, and nauseated and don’t seem to be digesting any food. Having a hard time keeping water down. A bit sad my husband is leaving, kind of feels like we haven’t gained anything since getting married. When we married we had one car, one motorcycle and a rented home, now we have one car, zero motorcycles and no home of our own yet… I have a cello and no bass, he has more tools and less clothes, but in the 10 years we have been together we haven’t been able to make a lot of financial gains and the time period being what it is, a lot of what we would save pays for inflation. I have to say at least we have kids, they are safe and healthy (not now, but mostly) and well educated.
Tuesday: Last week I made seven new shelves and started organizing my stuff. This week I’m wondering what the scout group will be like when I am gone, how funding will go after our 501, if we will have problems between directors in the future… I regret not having more music and art, but not having a designated storage area makes it harder.
Wednesday: Last week was a birthday party and my son made huge bubbles. This week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up or did errands. It didn’t feel too bad because it had been such a strong streak before. I was starting to get burnt out, even one day to organize helped me get a sense of what I wanted for the future. I ate a bowl of broth for dinner and it didn’t sit well at all, not sure if it’s because I’m sick or if I shouldn’t be eating chicken at all, but I had to stay up late letting my stomach settle. I cleaned one room well and put most the house in order, it felt nice.
Thursday: Last week I was feeling defeated between my low energy and the demands of my kids plus trying to make any sense of the world at all. Today I feel more energetic but very nostalgic. The light sabers came today for the pool noodles. We sent my husband’s car to the port, he got his ticket to leave Saturday night.
Went out to tidy the patio garden and spent a few hours doing garden therapy instead.Since the first year we moved here there are fallen tomato seeds regrowing new tomato plants. I haven’t kept up with the patio garden and expected it to have nothing, but there is a tomato sprout from the original ones I had such a fun time growing with my daughter years ago. It gives me hope.
I wanted to take a before picture, but didn’t. Cut down tall weeds.
My son’s science fair apple tree planted today.His second apple tree. The apple trees will mark the pond garden as the boundary between the golf lawn/my dad’s space and my favorite central garden.This area is so over grown, it was bare when I built it last year, since then we had a major wind storm and a hurricane, not much damage to my work, but a lot of debree and paths swallowed by jungle. This is the upper area of the pond, the plumbing is working fine but the middle pond seems to have a leak still.This is the lower part of the pond that holds water well, some water lotus are alive, I wonder if they will do well with the heat of the summer starting. It felt like a late summer this year.I don’t know if we will always golf, but it’s nice having a clearing to feel like there is space, the new trees will end the clearing but not cut into it.This is the first of five new avocado plants I planted today that we grew from seeds when we moved here. It’s a double, I don’t know if it grew from one seed, but it looks that way. I think I want to name it “Inspiration”.This one is growing alongside some bamboo orchids. Perhaps “Friendship”.This one, “Liberty,” I planted inside and then moved it outside of the green planter to space it equally from the center in a row with Friendship. I had one avocado tree in the “central garden” so I made it center of a row of three and a bit further back is this row of three. There were some lizard eggs I tried not to disturb when I dug the hole for this tree.The pathway will be really small if I don’t prune the Ohia, which I probably won’t, but there is an avocado hiding out behind the main fountain waterfall, “Perseverance” perhaps.My son loved playing with this water fountain, it probably wastes water, so I only run the fountain when we are using it, but it’s beautiful to me remembering him touching the water that is within safe reach.The green roof took a hit in the hurricane, but low structures help up well. The huge tree that once stood in the center of the property is gone, but a new koa tree grows near where it stood and a large sunflower bush I may move to become a privacy hedge is a cheerful addition to my daughter’s farm area.Four years ago papaya and tomatoes, three years ago daikon and Taro, two years corn and wheat, this year our farm consists of 4 blueberry plants, a bunch/but not a ton of strawberry, and Mexican Sunflower cuttings prepping to become a border hedge.Not sure the financial yield the blueberries will bring in yet, but they are very special as they were a gift from good friends.
I still feel like the garden can become a beautiful and special place someday, but it could become a place of weeds and ruin or a place of apathy and hate, it depends how we get along as a family if I can tolerate to be here to garden it or not. We got along better before the pandemic, I don’t know what the future holds, but I still have faith in the garden being a good piece of land.
Friday: Last week sick to my stomach, sad there isn’t a bon dance this year and for what the year didn’t have. This week I have mentally reconnected to who I am, what I want, my past, and future. This week I am optimistic about the future again. I’m into gardening, music, math, robotics, art, cleaning and exercise again, in short I guess I recovered from parental burnout/pandemic depression and I’m a pretty happy/optimistic person again.
I feel am getting more and more organized and hopeful about the future again.
Something new this week: Found this quote “Yosemite Valley, to me, is always a sunrise, a glitter of green and golden wonder in a vast edifice of stone and space.” – Ansel Adams
Something good this week: Getting better from being sick.
Something unexpected: Started exercising again, only once, but it’s a great start.
“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.”– Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
GOALS THIS WEEK: See my husband off, clean the house, dream.
Last Week: Still sick.
This Week: Struggling to get back on task with paperwork.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: Thrown off, my husband has a week left and the future is so uncertain exactly when and where will meet him again, probably in a few months.
Physical Health: Still sick, not too uncomfortable but wanting to be regular already, impatient.
Social Health: Doing okay but conflicted between cleaning my home and going out, resting, and seeing my friends before I leave the state.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week was a unicorn birthday party, my husband’s things were taken by the movers. This week it overshadows the rest of my life that my husband is leaving soon.
Sunday: Last week I wanted to do hedges, but I was too sick. This week I was even more sick, pretty uncomfortable with alternating fevers and total body aches.
Monday: Last week started cleaning the house. This week taking it easy since I’m sick, sore, and nauseated and don’t seem to be digesting any food.
Tuesday: Last week I made seven new shelves and started organizing my stuff.
Wednesday: Last week was a birthday party and my son made huge bubbles. This week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up or did errands. It didn’t feel too bad because it had been such a strong streak before. I was starting to get burnt out, even one day to organize helped me get a sense of what I wanted for the future.
Thursday: Last week my daughter changed her Google Profile cartoon from a little little kid to a kid and it really struck me how old her mind is now. This week I wish I felt more organized, I am starting to feel really behind on paperwork as well as not happy with my school routine yet. My son has been wanting more math than I have patience to help him with and more art as well. I’ve been decluttering, looking up non-profit law, trying to keep my kids school records straight and worried about a sick friend, as well as sorting out the start of my first year home schooling both kids, I feel like I’m not doing anything well trying to do everything.
Friday: Last week trying to help other homeschool parents get started with the year. This week sick to my stomach. Sad there isn’t a bon dance this year, it marks my year if they cancel it, it feels like I didn’t have a real year. There were some, but the one I go to is canceled. There was a 4th of July Parade that was pretty full, it wasn’t my favorite holiday before, but it feels good to me to see people alive doing normal things, just wish Tanabata and Obon would have made it this year too.
I feel like I am falling behind at everything.
Something new this week: My husband moved his weights out of the house and I built 7 shelves to organize my own stuff, I like the shelves so far, but it will take time still to sort like with like, what I need and don’t need ext.
Something good this week: Watching my son make huge bubbles at the beach, it made me happy, even though I was too tired to show it, it was cool he made his own and seemed to have fun.
Something unexpected: When the whole pop up tent flipped over at the beach, it was very unexpected.
Born to Be Alive 