“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️
GOALS THIS WEEK: See my husband off, clean the house, dream.
Last Week: Still sick.
This Week: Struggling to get back on task with paperwork.
Mental Health: Thrown off, my husband has a week left and the future is so uncertain exactly when and where will meet him again, probably in a few months.
Physical Health: Still sick, not too uncomfortable but wanting to be regular already, impatient.
Social Health: Doing okay but conflicted between cleaning my home and going out, resting, and seeing my friends before I leave the state.
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”– Roberto Assagioli
“There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.”
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week was a unicorn birthday party, my husband’s things were taken by the movers. This week it overshadows the rest of my life that my husband is leaving soon. I want to catch up with our paperwork, but without messing it up, so I’m strategically not doing it because I want to make sure it’s done well when I do do it. (Wednesday my sister said she could help me so it was a good idea in hindsight.)
Sunday: Last week I wanted to do hedges, but I was too sick. This week I was even more sick, pretty uncomfortable with alternating fevers and total body aches. I remembered being a kid a lot because I was often very sick then. I would get delirium, this time I did get some delirium and dizzy spells, it reminded me of being a kid in a bad way. I wonder what is the point and if I can ever catch up with what is expected of me, as an adult I try not to take it seriously and just let it pass.
Monday: Last week started cleaning the house. This week taking it easy since I’m sick, sore, and nauseated and don’t seem to be digesting any food. Having a hard time keeping water down. A bit sad my husband is leaving, kind of feels like we haven’t gained anything since getting married. When we married we had one car, one motorcycle and a rented home, now we have one car, zero motorcycles and no home of our own yet… I have a cello and no bass, he has more tools and less clothes, but in the 10 years we have been together we haven’t been able to make a lot of financial gains and the time period being what it is, a lot of what we would save pays for inflation. I have to say at least we have kids, they are safe and healthy (not now, but mostly) and well educated.
Tuesday: Last week I made seven new shelves and started organizing my stuff. This week I’m wondering what the scout group will be like when I am gone, how funding will go after our 501, if we will have problems between directors in the future… I regret not having more music and art, but not having a designated storage area makes it harder.
Wednesday: Last week was a birthday party and my son made huge bubbles. This week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up or did errands. It didn’t feel too bad because it had been such a strong streak before. I was starting to get burnt out, even one day to organize helped me get a sense of what I wanted for the future. I ate a bowl of broth for dinner and it didn’t sit well at all, not sure if it’s because I’m sick or if I shouldn’t be eating chicken at all, but I had to stay up late letting my stomach settle. I cleaned one room well and put most the house in order, it felt nice.
Thursday: Last week I was feeling defeated between my low energy and the demands of my kids plus trying to make any sense of the world at all. Today I feel more energetic but very nostalgic. The light sabers came today for the pool noodles. We sent my husband’s car to the port, he got his ticket to leave Saturday night.
I wanted to take a before picture, but didn’t. Cut down tall weeds.
I still feel like the garden can become a beautiful and special place someday, but it could become a place of weeds and ruin or a place of apathy and hate, it depends how we get along as a family if I can tolerate to be here to garden it or not. We got along better before the pandemic, I don’t know what the future holds, but I still have faith in the garden being a good piece of land.
Friday: Last week sick to my stomach, sad there isn’t a bon dance this year and for what the year didn’t have. This week I have mentally reconnected to who I am, what I want, my past, and future. This week I am optimistic about the future again. I’m into gardening, music, math, robotics, art, cleaning and exercise again, in short I guess I recovered from parental burnout/pandemic depression and I’m a pretty happy/optimistic person again.
I feel am getting more and more organized and hopeful about the future again.
Something new this week: Found this quote “Yosemite Valley, to me, is always a sunrise, a glitter of green and golden wonder in a vast edifice of stone and space.” – Ansel Adams
Something good this week: Getting better from being sick.
Something unexpected: Started exercising again, only once, but it’s a great start.