This Month of Emotions

Week One: The first week really concerned or I guess repulsed by the mental attitude of my birth family overall, super heartsick to be moving back to California which I don’t love, disheartened, did an article that made me feel blessed to be a part of something greater than myself, then I felt hopeful to be able to work with my daughter’s math anxiety now that she has it instead of her having to redo her math later like I had to, I felt happy taking my son to his first movie theater movie, then I felt dispair and depressed and angry and troubled all at the same time, but I’ll call it troubled, I ended the week feeling broken, I’ll call it hopeless. So much success and failure in the same week.

Week Two: The second week started I still felt miserable from the week before, then I was fatigued getting sick and feeling overwhelmed, the next day I was grateful thanks to music and a festival not cancelled, then I was just physically drained because I was getting sick, the next day I was even more drained and there was a hurricane so most stuff got cancelled, I felt really satisfied that the kids liked the light sabers more than I had hoped, I got more ill so by the time I made it to a sick bed I was spent and fell asleep like a child.

Week Three: The fourth week, I felt proud that our camping trip felt so right overall, the next day I was stunned trying to process so much that had happened on a sick brain, I was still shocked the next day about three days ago, then I got sick and felt serene, like I didn’t know what to do but it was okay to not have all the solutions, I felt pleased with myself for making it to the beach. it was taking me a long time to process, I was so exhausted with illness the next day I felt apathetic I ended the week thoughtful about us, the future, humanity trying to fix the past in the present.

Week Four: I felt optimistic with our first wellness meet up, hopeful the next day, excited the next day, concerned about the move coming up the next day, I was sad to be leaving my friends, then I was sick and emotionally spent, then I was touched by a student being sweet.

Today is August 12th, I wish this year had Obon because it emotionally and spiritually separates my year into pieces, but it doesn’t so… it’s amazing how much heals in a month, not everything, but a lot.

Meta Emotion: Looking back at the seventh month I went through struggles, but found it more than worth it and I feel at place with my small place in the big world for the first time I can remember.

Physical Health: Can see the down spiral, but didn’t find an intervention.

Social Health: Grateful for my friends, trying to find peace with my family.

Mental Health: Being ill cut my brain power in half and put me out of touch with everything like a blanket of fog, I did my best, but I knew I wasn’t at my best.

Something New: Our Adventure Scouts did our first archery event, cool watching the girls and boys learn new things or participate with each other and the moms too.

What helped: A sincere thank you from a student, I will treasure that for quite a long time.

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