This Month of Emotions

Week One: The first week apprehensive being in charge of new kids, trying not to break any rules or start any bad habits for them, I felt pleased to exercise, start a new garden and in general get stuff done after so long not getting stuff done, felt motivated to do our social studies and more music and civ games during school time, I felt satisfied when we decluttered the bathroom even though it took quite awhile, I felt inspired by the four kids who participated in the math decathalon, I felt exhilerated doing farm work it felt like I was good at something good, which is a great feeling at the end of the week I felt touched my friends threw me a surprise birthday party.

Week Two: I was optimistic to try grafting, that our camping trip felt so right overall, the next day I was upbeat decorating for fall, even though I was sick again, I was inspired giving away plants, drained the next day doing some garden work, I felt happy with myself for making it to the beach for martial arts, I was so motivated to work in my own garden cleaning the play house area. I ended the week satisfied because we did some music lesson together, so I was happy in a sense but also a little disappointed about how chaotic the world and the year was in a personal sense and a global sense both.

Week Three: The thired week started I still felt intoxicated with fall farming/gardening, I felt really inspired doing some mini-chain saw work, I felt optimistic and amused reseeding the grass lawn with bent grass, then I was festive planning my daughter’s birthday, the next day I was motivated thanks to more sleep since my youngest stopped night feeds, then I was excited because we found a place for pumpkin and watermelon beds, the next day I was happy to buy soil and pleased to put it in the next day.

Week Four: I felt inspired working with bamboo and jute twine, motivated the next day creating more staging area for my small plants, troubled the next day knowing some things that matter are being left undone, frustrated making the swing set since the kids lost one nut and I didn’t want to search around for it at the hardware stores, I was disappointed to have the math decathalon over shadowed by unwanted drama about sharing the beach space, then I was happy because I got to see a girl happy with some Double Knock Out Roses. I ended the week stressed doing paperwork, paperwork is not my favorite thing, even if I do it right or it seems right to do it, it’s really not my favorite thing at all.

Today is October 11th, I’m still a lot more tense and jittery than I used to be, I don’t know if that is something that is easy to fix with exercise or something that is going to be lingering, but I don’t think I used to be that way.

Meta Emotion: Looking back at the nineth month I was really happy gardening, even though I didn’t enjoy drama at the beach, which is usually my happy and peaceful place. I felt like my kids were being good and I was being good to them, something I don’t usually feel because my daughter is usually acting pretty badly for attention, by habit or for whatever her reasons are.

Physical Health: Some health and exercise.

Social Health: It’s easier living with just my sister, but also temporary, I don’t know what to do to destress about my dad, I don’t know exactly why he bothers me as much as he does, but I just find myself on edge and uneasy when he is standing over my shoulder.

Mental Health: I can see I’ve been overspending, but I don’t feel bad.

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