“There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive.“ – Terry Goodkind ๐๏ธ
GOALS THIS WEEK: I want to start exercising, spend more time outside, draw more, do music, get the house cleaned, finish the paperwork, be a good person, and stay organized.
Last Week: Was reflecting on priorities, goals, life, wishes, and productivity.
This Week: Want to draw up a schedule.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: Dark moods, overwhelmed at times, but my son being around lifts my spirits frequently and I am excited to be doing some things I am passionate about at times (such as dance and art).
Physical Health: Fighting something off, but comfortable at least.
Social Health: I want some time to reflect and get my house in order.
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ
– Roberto Assagioli
โThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week I was potted the onions into some “soil treys” and started expanding the top pond. This week we have company and to be honest, I want to be out in the garden working on a bed for the onions and the shape of the pond instead of spending time with people. On one hand, I see a lot of improvement in the kids’ behavior, teamwork, and listening to my rules and schedule, which is cool, but on the other hand, I see my home and garden messy and needing repairs, and those things not getting done with no one else to do them. Most of all I want to repair where the pond is broken. I accidentally emptied out the main pond and that was embarrassing, at least the fish could use the water change. Our backyard was hit hard by a hurricane-like storm called a Kona Low so going outside you see a lot of little damage and things and it’s hard to know what to do first, but on the upside I had been dying to move things around, so mixed blessings for it to be destroyed. I remember the aquaponic grow bed falling out forward and splashing down into the main pond all at once, the tarps all getting shredded by the wind and water, and the biggest tree getting pushed over. Being there was interesting, it gave me respect for the power of nature (even more) and also made me greatful to be inside, but I also know how things broke as opposed to my dad, who was away. The things he made were just broken, I at least got to see what stood and what fell and how to design for that. It was hard getting out of the house, but when we did we were able to do breakdancing for the first time, that was really fun.
Sunday: Last week I lived my best life building a pond and clearing the garden. This week I was helping some students, I was happy to be there for some math errors because when you see what math errors students are making it’s a lot more possible to help fix them. At the same time I worry that my pond will stay a big mess since I didn’t work on it at all this weekend, the supplies for that are piled up by the door, I was excited to buy them, excited to put them in, but if a long time goes by and I can’t work on it, I worry I will lose my place and momentum, I guess I struggle to trust myself.
Monday: Last week, I saw the first morning glories blooming on an Ohi’a tree, it was a metaphor for me of I guess me as a transplant to this new island and being able to live here and thrive or being able to make a difference in life and do things that have an effect on the world. It was one thing I wanted to do and see and it actually got done over time. I was so tired over all, my son has been waking up with growing pains, ice helps a lot, just got to remember we have it and what to do in the middle of the night. I didn’t do much Monday except be tired, managed to cook some pizza and bacon, but really couldn’t be super productive or even normal productive today.
Tuesday: Last week I did some more of the Mexican Sunflower hedge I can see that the ones I put in a few months ago are doing really well, fast approaching my height. This week was a birthday party, so in school training my daughter to use the dictionary and covering weathering from sand on rocks and that kind of stuff in science. It was a nice birthday party, not too much, but enough decorations, enough friends, good music, a cute cake, super awesome without being too much. I got to see the garden which was beautiful, tons of coffee, a lot of edibles, some ornamentals but not too much, really pretty set up, but so organized and functional (everything my garden is not). Someone reminded me you can take deep breaths to fight the feeling of overwhelm and I’m trying to remember that.
Wednesday: Last week we went to the beach and I noticed my son was better at swimming. This week we brought kid-grown produce, some blueberries, pumpkins, wheat, strawberries, and sunflowers, it made me happy that we grow a variety of things, even though we don’t have a large amount of stuff, we have some cool and diverse things for the kids to look at and enjoy. I felt inspired to grow more wheat and corn next year, but also happy we had something the kids got to grow themselves. This is the most peaceful I’ve ever been during the holiday season, I don’t feel pressured to participate in things I don’t want to do, I guess it’s the elders in your life that push that, kids don’t care if they get presents for x holiday or y holiday. I do like decoration, good food, and gratitude, but I don’t feel like it belongs to any day or group of people anymore, I think those things are there in all seasons for all people willing to take the energy to do those extra steps towards festivity.
Thursday: Last week I visited the train garden. This week I did a little gardening in my own yard and started the process of using the new electrical stuff I ordered bit by bit. I tidied up a little too. I worked on the pond actually, cutting back weeds, cutting down vines, laying land on a hilltop for the waterfall feature, I cut the extra liner with a sickle from the garden, it worked really well, I was investigating where the old leak was, but didn’t get that far before it was time to stop. The rain had filled up some of the new pond, it looks pretty. I made chocolate chip muffins, but they weren’t as good as blueberry. I was happy I had got back to work on the pond, I started the front West rock wall too and put some strawberries from a broken pot in trees, I moved the pot, moved an avocado tree that I’m not sure will make it. We lost our pet lizard Jumpy… I will miss Jumpy, but he did always look ill.
Friday: Two weeks ago I wanted to start exercising, spend more time outside, draw more, do music, get the house cleaned, finish the paperwork, be a good person, and stay organized. Last week I wanted to also, but I knew it would take some strategy. This week our gecko Jumpy is dead, but we bought a $200 cage for him so I wonder if we should get another gecko or not. It felt like a hectic week this week, I feel like strings of all the loose ends I started and didn’t finish are wrapping me up in a huge net of unfinished business. I wanted to cut the pumpkin plants from last year, but I didn’t yet because we had guests, the kids seemed full of joy but also tired from the change in light as well. We were able to link a Nintendo account I had been wanting to get linked since March, which felt nice, I thought that would be an issue forever.
Gratitude
Something new this week: The morning glories I wanted have succeeded, I hope to put in more, but I’m already captivated by their beauty and it works in harmony between the land that was here and what I put in and that was really important to me.
Something good this week: I looked up a cure for hives, TCM Traditional Chinese Medicine has one that works in clinical trials not just to bring them down, but to keep them away, I suffered so long with hives on a daily basis, now I’m better, but it feels like completing a cycle to find a cure anyways.
Something unexpected: Jumpy our gecko died, I should have expected it, but I didn’t, when I really like pets I can’t be honest about their mortality expectations.
Born to Be Alive 