“Passion rules reason, for better or for worse.“ – Terry Goodkind 🕊️
GOALS THIS WEEK: Just get through the turmoil.
Last Week: The storm hit.
This Week: I’m surprised we picked up so much of the storm mess, but there is a lot more to be done from the previous years.
Mental Health: Frustrated with the procrastination I am still going through in some areas of life and kind of proud of myself for making progress even though it wasn’t as much as I would want it to be.
Physical Health: Sick with step throat and flu.
Social Health: Been avoiding people so they don’t get sick, and also just because I can’t handle the drive to town right now with dizziness on and off, fevers and delirium.
Creatively Use and Respond to Change
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”– Roberto Assagioli
“There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.”
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Last week we put the desk in the office, it was really nice of my sister to buy me a desk. I had always wanted a desk with a window, now I have one, it’s really nice. I studied just anywhere without a study desk, but I really enjoy having a desk now. I’ve had lap top tables on sofas ext… but this is a real desk and I haven’t been that productive with it yet, but I hope to soon.
Reflection – Designer: The office is being used for school and to relax, and to do my writing and watch videos, it’s a good multifunctional room with a calm vibe. The current chairs are really high for the table level, but a new one is coming soon. It’s a lot nicer than it was.
Sunday: Last week I installed some new strawberries to the front door garden, this week they have snail collars to see it that keeps the bugs off. I put up a mesh plastic compost ring and started collecting the yard scraps there.
Reflection – Grower: In the front area I used gaskets and landscape staples to secure the weed cloth so it won’t come up. The soil in the cinder block garden was dry so I added a mix with more vermiculite, that seemed to help the soil stay moist, we hit an abnormal amount of sunny days, it felt nice to work in the sun. Now the soil is holding a bit of moisture a few inches down, it’s nice and friable, I noticed mushrooms growing, so it seems more fungal dominated than before which supposedly will help with the slugs.
Monday: Last week sick, this week still sick, but excited that it is Kwanzaa. The first day of Kwanzaa is the day of Unity, I’ve felt more unity this year since we started hanging out together at the beach. Before getting sick I was thinking back to pre pandemic when my preschool was dialed in with outside play, exercise, music and art. I wanted to get us back on a schedule with cleaning, good meals, music, garden time, play outside, exercise and art again, then I did, then I got sick and fell off, but I want things to start again. We watched the Mighty Ducks 1 and 2 to learn about Unity together.
Reflections – Gardener: I have hope for the future, but specifically this week the greenhouse is knocked down, everything is broken or breaking, it will take time to get back to zero, it is sad to see everything get knocked down by the storm.
Tuesday: Last week I was really sick, this week I was still sick but celebrating Kwanzaa. It was Self Determination (Kujichagulia) Day, I asked my kids what they would name themselves we watched Cool Runnings. My daughter likes her own name, I didn’t like mine growing up. We reviewed time management and goals with a book from my childhood A Kid’s Guide to Time by Joy Wilt Berry, I loved her books.
Reflection – Dreamer: The Goal Items still Exercise, Garden, Outside, Music, Responsibilities, Draw, Clean Paperwork, Organize. I want to build 6 small camp sites in my back yard and a theatre, but not sure when, also a river bed on the East side, a drive way in gravel on the West side and help all the gardens in our garden club as well.
Wednesday: For the last week three weeks I’ve stayed home, I don’t want to get any babies sick and there are a lot of babies in our group. Most people I know don’t like to take anti-biotics so I don’t want to get them sick more than I guess people who would want to take anti-biotics… Last week I had fevers most the day and delirium, but this week I just had a painful throat, and dizziness. I didn’t feel good or that I could handle the drive, so I didn’t feel guilty staying home. I made my daughter an outdoor section for her doll house now that she doesn’t put things in her mouth as much I feel more safe with her playing outside.
Today was the Collective Work (Ujima) Day of Kwanzaa, it made me happy to be working in the garden with my kids, I asked my daughter to stay with her brother for a little while then I let her do what she wanted to do, ride her scooter, it was nice we were able to work together to keep my son safe and all enjoy the outside. I’ve been thinking about who is responsible for children, I think it is society as a whole, because those children will grow up to be terrorists or chefs or trafficker’s or diplomats or prostitutes or poets, what we see from them will be a net of their opportunities and efforts and inspiring ethics or just helping out in small ways or offering small tokens of acknowledgement or help can make a big difference to young children, so in some ways the parents alone (or guardians), but in a true sense it is the work of humanity as a whole to raise up the people who will keep the power plants from melting down when the current generation retires. I feel my generation, at least in my family and my area is a link between an all take attitude towards Earth’s resources and an environmental harmony. We are starting to build soil together, to grow some food together, to ferment in the bokashi bin, which helps with emissions, we still use gas vehicles and are on the geothermal electrical grid, but we are off grid in water, sewage and some electrical, so we are not a “green family” the way some are, but a transition stage between what the status quo was when I grew up and baby steps towards a more sustainable life style. We watched On Bak together, it’s a movie where two monks save a buddha sculpture that was stolen from their village, but they work together to be able to do it, the actor Tony Jaa was also really a monk his acrobatics are really inspiring.
Reflections – Teacher: I did a lot, I could be more organized and wanted more, but I did a lot of pilot groups and testing and learning and what I know will help me move forward and the work I did isn’t for nothing it created a good foundation for many students to go further in math, language, computer coding, music and art, not a ton of students, but a few students in an honest way, where learning is authentic and the students have some control over their learning process.
Thursday: Last week I made a spontaneous front walkway cinder block garden, humble looking but it went through the storm really well. I was frustrated adjusting to my dad coming back, but things get easier over time. I want to rebuild the pond area. I’ve been cutting down weeds and laying landscape fabric and then tacking that down, it’s been good, I just try to do 3 buckets a day. I’m still sick, but I have been enjoying spending a little time outside in the unexpected sun. I want to build a gazebo next month. Today was Cooperative Economics (Ujamaa) Day. I owe a lot to others this year, most of my life I worked for what I have, this year was the first time I fundraised for our scouts or asked for a lot from others, it resulted in a math decathlon, a summer coding program, a science fair and a lot of other little good things, it was worth it to “beg” and accept that I can do more with others than I can on my own. I guess there is a line between begging and prostituting and as long as I stay on the begging side I’m happy to let others help me if they will, because I believe that our scout group is 9 parts positive for every 1 part negative if not better.
Reflections – Scout Director: I am behind on paperwork but everything we did this year was good and worth it, some squabbles and mistakes happen, but it’s how we move on that matters most.
Friday: Last week I was frustrated with being sick and gloomy, this week I feel hope for the future and actually feel satisfied that I did all I could this year and acted like a fallible but decent human being. It was the day of Purpose (Nia) in Kwanzaa so we watched Ratatouille which is cool watching now that I cook more I relate to it on more levels (specifically I now have white truffle oil and make soups). This week we have learned just a little Swahili and Zulu on Duo Lingo, I remember what I learned more or less, but haven’t pushed myself to learn a lot, I love that my kids can pronounce them though.
Reflections – Human: I did a good job overall, stress of the family moving and finding our new normal ext was high, but we survived I hope it’s easier next year.
The year was the most productive I have ever been towards things that actually matter to me, I felt like I know my purpose and am living it even though it feels vague at times and slips away from my mind, I’ve never felt closer or more clear than this vagueness. It was a hard year, but I learned many skills and many things and reflected on my own failings in a way that isn’t too sensitive to fix myself, it’s been challenging but also had a lot of good times and lessons learned. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want an easier year next year, but there isn’t anything major I regret and that feels good. Often at the end of the year I wondered if I mattered, if I did the right thing, if I let life slip by without living, this year didn’t feel that way, this year I tried my best all year long and failed on the way to making a better world in my own tiny way.
Something new this week: I cut weeds in the back corner of the property, I hope to fit a gazebo there to be able to make a get away spot for us as a family for my sister to escape the kids or us my dad or any combination, we live really close and just a bit of space would probably be better for reflection and well being.
Something good this week: My husband got a shot and some medicine at the clinic in his state, he looked really bad I hope he recovers well, he was trying to avoid seeing the doctor because he let his insurance laps, I’m glad he did.
Something unexpected: We found an awesome Taco truck (Tacos Jaliscos 💖) finally and it completely inspired me to make our lot usable by adding gravel, tarps, picnic tables and possible restrooms apart from the house in the future.