“People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it’s true, or because they are afraid it might be true.” – Terry Goodkind 🕊️
GOALS THIS WEEK: I want to start exercising, spend more time outside, draw more, do music, get the house cleaned, finish the paperwork, be a good person, and stay organized.
Last Week: Was reflecting on priorities, goals, life, wishes, and productivity.
This Week: Want to draw up a schedule.
HEALTH OVERVIEW:
Mental Health: Passed through the darker moods after Thanksgiving, that was a dark day for me in the past, now it’s a regular day whatever trauma it held has lifted so it’s just something I don’t do now, but not something that kills my day.
Physical Health: Pretty decent probably fighting off stuff but pretty well overall.
Social Health: Prefer to be alone and think about where I want to put my things and how to change my schedule now that the kids are getting more mentally settled into school. I want to take our school organization to the next level.
Creatively Use and Respond to Change
LIFE JOURNAL:
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”
– Roberto Assagioli
“There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.”
–Mary Anne Radmacher
Saturday: Two weeks ago I potted onions into treys, last week I tried a breakdancing meet-up. This week I’m wondering how life will flow between gardening and dancing and school for the kids. I hope I will be able to do gardening Sunday, perhaps trash, groceries and dance Saturday, and cleaning Monday, maybe Friday I can meal plan so I’m ready at the store Saturday? During November I’ve been thinking about the edges of the garden, this week I’m starting to shift to the principle “creatively use and respond to change” which I think is a good principle to have. It’s helping me leave the fear of the big storm or losing everything to slugs or all the past failures to be consistent as a gardener behind. So we did the trash run and dancing and it was nice, but what we didn’t do was shop.
Sunday: Last week I was helping some students. This week I ordered some new markers. My daughter is in Studio Art right now, she has advanced a lot in drawing and writing.
I was thinking of having her do a short narrative of her life for writing practice. I wrote my own and it was a good exercise, 1 sentence per year wasn’t too overwhelming and was still reflective. I didn’t have the childhood I wanted, but at least as a parent I’m remaking my relationship with childhood things. In a lot of ways my parents failed I don’t see how they could have not failed. Like find GI treatment in the US, it’s hard to find a doctor who knows anything about it. It’s not that they failed but that they didn’t try just a bit more that leaves me more bitter.
Monday: Last week, super tired but managed to make pizza. This week went grocery shopping and picked up medicine for my daughter, it felt so tiring running errands. It still feels like we have a mountain of trash built up, we keep taking it out but it seems like there is so much more. It feels like laundry, trash, dishes never stop, school, shopping, kid’s birthdays. I want to get ahead in cleaning and the garden, but it feels like I never will. I was happy setting up a toy parking garage for my son, but so tired that it was kind of a sad desperate feeling not knowing when I’ll not feel exhausted next, I think I’ll feel better after the paperwork that I have pending. There are good moments during the day, but I feel like I’m leaking blood I’m so tired.
Tuesday: Last week was a birthday party that was surprisingly fun. This week my daughter is sick and on antibiotics and I’m sick and although I’m happy we cleaned up a lot of clutter and mess, I am also exhausted in general. I’ve been avoiding thinking about December, but now I’ve decided to put myself on a paperwork schedule and try to use December to finish the financial report, but also the 501 application for our non-profit group, whether or not I have time to go to the beach, that’s my December goal, I can catch up with the garden in the spring but the paperwork might as well get done. I’ve been doing more exercise, art and music with the kids somehow, but it hasn’t become a habit yet, so it’s draining and I’m happy the kids progressed so much and happy they enjoy it, but bleeding energy in a way that feels unsustainable.
Wednesday: Last week we brought blueberries, pumpkins, wheat, strawberries, and sunflowers to the harvest festival, it made me happy for what we had and also want to do better next year. This week I chose to stay home for my daughter to rest and take her meds ext. I built the lizard cage for our now dead lizard that was kind of a weird experience. We have cleaned up a lot lately and decluttered, we have done a lot of good things and made progress in skills, communicating and things like swimming, rhythm, hand writing, but I wish I felt more closure over all. It feels like I’ve been randomly throwing together the school year and life and meals and I wish life was more planned and smooth than it is. But then how would I adjust to a pet’s death, how would I adjust to sick kids, how would I adjust to a storm tearing down the back yard, this year we survived and did a few good things, but it was painfully chaotic and disorganized.
Thursday: Last week I did a little gardening in my own yard on the pond laying land on a hilltop for the waterfall feature. This week moved the arch way for the berries, moved the old garden bed rocks, laid down weed cloth after cutting the weeds back, stapled the weed cloth into place, decided on a cinder block design because of the extreme rain here. I was a bit tired, the electric cutter was helpful, a lot of my tools were rusty, I should take better care to bring my metal tools inside, they rust badly outside in the greenhouse. Whenever I do a lot, I can see there is 100x or 1000x more to be done and it’s a weird feeling of bailing out a boat with a spoon, I don’t know if I weed more than the weeds grow in a year, but putting down weed cloth might help, I don’t know if I take out more pests in a year than just walk into the yard, but I learn more about what doesn’t work. I’m hoping that when I know more things will fit into place, and it’s possible, I learn a lot more each year about plants, work, consistency, myself… We put up our winter snowflake lights on time, I was surprised with how much I did in all arenas, but also daunted by everything left to do.
Friday: Three weeks ago I wanted to start exercising, spend more time outside, draw more, do music, get the house cleaned, finish the paperwork, be a good person, and stay organized. Last week our gecko died and it made me a little sad, but I still want to make positive changes this month to put some good habits in place for next year. I got to spend some time painting today, my son and daughter did too, it was nice, it’s something all three of us like, we also all like the garden so I hope we can do that more and get that more organized soon. Two hens and a rooster have been messing up my front garden, but it’s a little cute because I do like chickens and I like their clucking. Supposed to go get compost tomorrow morning and I probably will, but I don’t know for sure because if it’s a rainy day the compost is much heavier and I don’t know if it isn’t more important to get cinder bricks into place for the bed than to get free base soil for the bed that isn’t built.
Gratitude
Something new this week: Starting Mountain Magic tomato seeds, nothing sprouted yet, but hopefully soon.
Something good this week: I decided on a garden redesign for strawberries and blueberries in the backyard, I don’t know what will happen later, but it seems like it will be nice right now, right now it’s a beautiful dream and the kids look forward to it with me.
Something unexpected: My husband was sick so I told him to drink Mullein tea before getting sick and he decided to try it.
Born to Be Alive 