Saturday/Creative Day: The 6th day of Kwanzaa is my sister’s birthday too and also the last dance class of the year, it wasn’t a huge class, but I loved it, seeing my kids dance their best and being together in a creative space. The instructor is my personal hero of the year, without him I wouldn’t be break dancing now, he makes it inclusive instead of exclusive and fun and approachable, he breathes new life into what could feel like an outdated dance form.
Sunday/Faith Day: The last day of Kwanzaa our last candle wouldn’t light, which is a metaphor for reality, because it’s the day of faith and I’ve always lacked that. We bought dance floor pieces, I can’t wait to tiredly lug them to our next dance class, we figured out our speaker and two mics this time. I didn’t realize I made it a year journaling and a year teaching martial arts (except the month I was out sick ie December).
I had trouble thinking of what movie represented faith, we tried Homeward Bound, but actually that boy looses faith and it’s more about loyalty, hope, and perseverance, we tried Land Before Time and it’s okay but then I remembered Kung Fu Panda and that was more what I wanted, faith in yourself instead of in your family’s teachings.
I’m going to try to live by the Kwanzaa values all year long again, but I don’t always bring them up with my kids, so Kwanzaa is a good time to bring them up.
New years is a rebirth for me this year, I’m happy for a lot of things from last year, but I want to be more consistent this year. I maybe almost 40, but I’m kind of inconsistent still. I have paperwork waiting for me and no excuses, but I know to really do it I have to make some new habits, skills, and routines. I have the flu right now, but I’m starting to turn really optimistic in my mind that I can do good things in the garden, build a new shelter, keep teaching martial arts – maybe better then before, finish the 501 paperwork, right now, I believe.
I have last years notes for the first time this year, last year I was exercising a lot the first week, this year I think I will keep resting until the flu I have is gone. It’s nice to know that last year I was feeling better than this year, health wise.
Monday/Unity Day: Ran too many errands, seven, six would have been doable, but I lost focus on the seventh errand and it wasn’t even done right. I should be resting, but a lot of work falls onto my plate, a lot I create, even more comes from having had kids, some comes from the area and home ext, things that didn’t get done come bouncing back demanding time and energy. I’m not recovering well and I hate it, I hate life some days, I wouldn’t want to admit it, but I hate the place I am now, I’m trying to make my way through not knowing where my husband will buy a house, because that is annoying, I’m trying to make my way past being really sick and tired and having to take care of my kids and do their school teaching, because that is annoying, I’m trying to get through a lot of annoying paperwork but my head is in a fog from being sick, that is annoying. It’s not a good time, but I keep trying to set myself up for a better one to come. I keep trying to clean and organize, to brainstorm, to hope, but I won’t be able to enjoy life until this flu passes, it’s too much for me to take care of kids, be sick, and be positive, other people have done more, but it’s too much for ME.
Tuesday/Self-Determination: Sick and not looking forward to tomorrow. Just so sick and tired of being sick already. Potted a new Setsuma tree, so it was nice, sprayed it with neem and cedar oil since it came from Home Depot could have any pests on it, watered the strawberries too. Too tired to do major stuff, but it did feel nice to go out and do a little gardening with the kids. Wonder if I can set up drip irrigation of the front garden again. I’m super mad at my son today, he keeps making extra messes, water all over the bathroom, soup all over the bedroom. This year mirrored last year exactly discipling the kids and at my limit with their bad behavior and squabbling.
Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last year I wanted to write and do martial arts, this year writing is less important to me and tying up old ends is more important to me. We did 4 martial arts classes at the beach it was really fun. When I got home I restocked our reward prizes. I want to remember to bring trucks for my son next week, I said I would and forgot once already. I was still sick, but I was tired of being indoors, I hope I get better soon. It’s our 2 year anniversary, it felt really special to experience that. We haven’t grown a crazy amount, but we did grow six times six times our initial size, we have done a lot of cool things over the past year, but I want to find a way to make it less exhausting and more organized still. Definitely worth it overall. This year mirrored last year, I enjoyed the beach both years, but this year my health is lower and last year I was well.
Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Paperwork for our medical insurance, worrying about mold. I wanted to go and garden but the kids were still sick and I was still sick, going out yesterday was fun, but it didn’t shake off the end of our flu. If I thought I would always be so exhausted I would be sad, but I think it will be over soon. I’ve felt really weak this past flu, sometimes helpless and frustrated, really humble in facing my own limits in an undeniable and direct way. My feelings this year mirrored last year exactly today, in that I hit a place where I needed to rest and had no option.
Friday/Creativity Day: Started reading a new parenting book “123 Magic” it helped me a lot, it was the opposite of “Conscious Parent” instead of not planning what to do and thinking about it, this is having an exact plan before and standardizing discipline in a clear way it was simple instead of complicated and clear instead of convoluted so it was a really good fit for me. I’ve been struggling with discipline for 7 years, this is something doable for me that I think will work.
Last Year to This Year
2022 – Discipline Struggles
2023 – New Hope with 123 Magic Discipline System
Last Year: I was really exhausted and overwhelmed disciplining the kids, my husband settled into, then moved out of the state, we started spending more time with friends and activities, then the holidays and illness threw us off track even more, without a schedule the kids tend to act worse than average and I felt too tired to do any more to correct the situation, even though I care, I didn’t have more energy to throw at the dysfunctional family situation. I took my daughter to therapy for ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) ext and it helped a lot we did PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy) as well as being more consistent with her treatment for SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). We tried public school and settled on home school, we thought we were moving out of state and then didn’t, plus money was tight with my husband looking for work and moving out of state after moving in state so put off getting much furniture. I decided to start teaching karate after having taught BJJ/MMA and then taking a break. Surprised to learn to cook and start a scouting/kids group.
This Year: I feel like I’m about to get the family life in order and peaceful with the 123 Magic Discipline System.
Last Year: I thought about and did restart martial arts teaching including buying mats, searching for a place and questioning my skills and myself. “The things that make a good martial arts teacher are attention to detail, kindness in corrections, and consistency. Also belief in the moves, which is helped from competition or use, and a lack of hesitance. The technical side, and ethical side are both essential.”
This Year: Martial arts is blossoming, students come and go but the kids remember the skills and it’s stayed emotionally positive.
Last Year: In school my daughter was covering agriculture and theatre, I was really impressed with those classes, after that we covered a lot of basic courses, which are fine, but the advanced ones stick out as being worth the work.
This Year: We are covering studio art, still coding, still basics stuff like Science, English, Piano, Math, Foreign Language. It’s going well, even shifting to being outside twice a day and trying to integrate music and art more consistently.
Last Year: I was overwhelmed “I’m able to ramp up what I’m doing with the kids, painting, blocks, exercise, yet not nearly as much as they still would like. I’m able to ramp up cleaning the house, which looks horrible at times and other times looks okay but has mold due to our climate… It’s a dangerous game of being already spread too thin and wanting to do much more than I can do.”
This Year: I am still overwhelmed, but better at cleaning than before. I got bed frames so that helps, air filters, that helps, took off the closet doors to get air and light in that space, that helps, been cleaning with vinegar and essential oils and mold blocking spray all those help. Mold is still an issue, but I’m better than before at cleaning. Apart from getting used to the mold I definitely don’t have art, exercise consistent and the house clean, it’s a hard uphill slope for me to climb, but seeing some of my friends succeed spurs me onward a bit.
This week was about “rebirth,” like old me meeting last year me, blending and becoming a new smoothie of me.