Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Author Unknown

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week there was a storm, the storm in our area. This week we went skateboarding but everyone was a bit tired. A lot of plans shifting due to the bad weather, flights shifted, outdoor events shifted, a restless wondering if things will be canceled or not cancelled. The sun came out for a bit and that felt nice, then I did some cleaning work towards my goal, but I don’t know how I feel about it. It makes me feel good to see our community help, to be part of that, but I also don’t know if what we are doing is going to have a lasting effect and that makes me wonder if it’s worth neglecting my kids, which to be honest is what happens when I put a lot of work hours into a project or goal. It’s been about a week of school, which we do catch up on because we don’t take all the small holidays off and do shorter summer or winter breaks, still I don’t know what is right or wrong this week, my brain is too fuzzy and overwhelmed to understand priorities properly right now. I learned some new skateboard tricks, but I was a bit too tired and worn down to be happy about it.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I felt that I’m getting closer to the three goals I had on my mind last summer, I have been spending a lot of time and money and effort to reach the goals and I wonder in the end if goals are ever worth the work that goes into them, I don’t know if they will be, I feel unsure. We went to the Observatory’s 10th year anniversary and that was fun, I hadn’t been there in awhile and I like the changes. It’s more interactive for younger kids than it was before. It was fun seeing people I knew, I like living in a small town rather than a big city. I felt good because we did cool stuff with the kids and also I worked towards my goals, but by the end of the night I was exhausted so I know I can’t always live at that extreme productivity level that seems so cool for a day or two.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I cleaned up a friend’s house for the second week. This week I went back for a third week, I didn’t know how much work it would be, sometimes we make a lot of progress in one day with large items or large spaces, but small items and small spaces seem to take much longer and I can’t get a good mental estimate of what is left to do, what the end goal is, what are the steps to that goal and what each person helpings work pace is. My personal garden goals have been on hold, but they would have been anyways because I don’t want to work in this kind of weather.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Front: Stone Road, Milkweed. Back: Safe Paths. Site 2: Check In. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder. Site 3: Cherry Tree Support, Organize Plant Starts. Site 4: Central Play Clearing, Moon Arch, Sun and Moon Beds, Squash Trellis.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week cleaning, kind of tired of being in town so much, getting worn down. This week I had some fry bread that was delicious, got a lot of cleaning done it felt like, it’s hard to quantify lately. Seems like everyone is a bit under the weather, sleepy or grumpy lately. Taking the trash out feels good, bagging it feels good, washing the laundry feels good, it feels good getting things cleaner, but on the other hand it feels bad not knowing what will happen, how long is left, how much is left, the uncertainty of it is uncomfortable for me. It hasn’t been at all the right weather to let paint or stain dry so my own projects at home have just gone unfinished.

PROJECTS: Stain Picnic Table.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week rainy vibe at the beach, there was especially good music. This week I practiced some cello and am starting to get more comfortable bowing, holding the bulky instrument and trying to find the right notes. I am starting to get sick and my daughter is sick, I am admittedly grumpy. I cleaned my own bathroom for 20 minutes. Stuffed the piñatas for my son’s birthday next week. The kids really got on my nerves and the phone. It’s a nice rainy day but it doesn’t get me away from 50 different people with different opinions that kind of interrupt the flow of my day. I guess it’s my fault for checking my phone so much, I’m going to have to check it less. It’s stormy weather with warnings, a large tree fell down and blocked the highway something that happens a lot, but that is why it was good to stay home. It fell after I would have been home, but the weather hasn’t been good for being outside or working in the garden lately. We are all sick with a sore throat I’m hoping it goes away fast, we are also all off kilter with weird weather, the sky has a yellow tinge to it instead of blue, it’s dark during the day and loud at night with rain. My husband told me he is coming on Saturday for two weeks, it’s good to see him, but it’s also disruptive to any kind of easy or normal routine and it will end with the kids missing him and being bad until they get used to him being gone again. I guess a mixed blessing. I guess I feel ambivalent about it.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Growing 12 kale, 2 rosemary, 1 pear tomatoes, 2 butter lettuce, a bunch of basil. It’s going good, it was sad cutting the basil that had illness due to aphids/flea beetles, but in the end I think it’s for the best, big plants can tolerate a lot of pest damage, but little ones will often be stunted if they are under too much stress as they grow. Transplanted the monkey pod seeds outside.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Bathroom, in 20 minutes I could do a basic clean, meaning I sprayed the toilet with vinegar to disinfect it, wiped the toothpaste off the mirror, wiped the sink, wiped the knobs and cabinets, wiped the baseboard and floors, scrubbed the minerals off the toilet, wiped the toilet, threw away shower hair and empty soap, sprayed the dingy mildew off the shower curtain (but didn’t completely fix it). I put toilet paper together and towels together and put away stuff off the counters into the drawer. I sprayed the corners of the shower with vinegar. Stuff I didn’t do for a basic clean, take out under the cabinet and draw stuff, scrub the shower, mold spray the ceiling. I used to hate cleaning the bathroom, but I don’t focus on things I can’t change anymore like the grout color, the size of the bathroom, the stains on the cabinets, now I just sanitize the germs off, put things where they can go that makes sense and call it a day. If I wanted to work on grout or mold I could, but it wouldn’t be part of a basic clean it would be either a detailed clean, seasonal clean, or a house project. Redistricting that distinction in my mind actually helps a lot about not nitpicking things that are not even going to get cleaned and either decided to make it a goal for later or moving on.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I was taking a break from life not so much my responsibilities as much as my distain for what is coming up soon is draining me. This week did more decluttering than I expected to do, but I hope it makes a positive difference to the future, it’s always hard for me to know what projects will create a wanted outcome and which will be learning experiences of what not to do again. There was more to do than I could have done, and I don’t know if what I did was important or not to whatever the outcome will be, I don’t usually enjoy those conditions, but this year it seemed to be the tide of the zeitgeist to participate and throw in whatever effort I could alongside my friends, loose social pressure I guess.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week I slept over at my friends house with my kids, it was kind of anti-climatic, the bed was comfortable and it was easy to sleep somewhere new, but my kids weren’t well behaved so there is a component of not relaxing-ness when you are out with kids acting up. Today I am pretty exhausted, but glad that I am starting to read my daughter her new writing book. I shopped for a birthday the day after my son’s birthday. I stayed up really late working on the Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements version 2. The first one was too blurry and this second one is too large of a file to use for printing. So I don’t really know what to do to reduce it down for a shower curtain like I wanted to… Tried on my new dino costume today, I liked it.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was sick with a sore throat like I am now, stressed out by my son’s birthday being surrounded by other birthdays, responsibilities and events. Last year I was better on top of school this week, but I don’t think my kids were sick, I don’t like to push them when they aren’t doing well.

This Year: I am more aware of myself and what bothers me, still stressed, but less ashamed to be human and to be myself. I still have a lot of goals that are the same from last year to this year, but I also see completed goals of things I wanted to do and then did do. I just have too many building and garden goals that are above my skill level, it’s okay as long as I’m okay with it taking time to achieve them. Usually my goals aren’t relevant from one year to the next, but this year the goals I set last year still feel current, like a year hasn’t passed in my heart – only on the calendar.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive gardening and now woodworking, I feel really alive at the beach, I want to keep doing those things that allow me to feel that way. I am excited to try to repair my green house and plant milkweed in the front garden.

Lift – I am happy to be helping to do something that has been on my radar for a long time, but it is hard and tiring too so I can’t ignore the truth of it, I will need some rest soon, but I am happy to get to do what I said I wanted to do, I get to prove my integrity to myself a bit.

Love – The more I do what I say I will the more I love myself. The more I keep teaching martial arts the more I love myself. Wellbeing comes from art, music and the beach, but self love comes from service gardening or teaching martial arts. I can’t wait for the new flower bulbs. I’m happy I made the new Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements, even though I need to find out how to scale it, at least it’s done.

🦖