“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to coconut island the kids had a blast playing in the water. This week was Earth Day I visited my God Daughter, built a bench and then on accident dropped some garden trash on my foot. It was really scary, I have no idea if something was broken, but I was scared about bleeding out and major injury worse than a broken bone. I kept waiting for the pain, but I was so scared I guess my adrenaline kept the pain away or something. I was lucky it wasn’t worse, I felt really grateful the side of the trash with rusty metal didn’t hit me, the flat concrete did and crushed my foot down on the top part, later that day it was still crushed and bleeding if I didn’t elevate it. I’m glad I held direct pressure right away because it didn’t look like it was cut deep, but two days later I saw it was. Excellent day overall, felt a little ashamed and embarrassed to drop something on my foot, but it did make me feel happy to be alive and grateful for what I have, my kids who really care about me, my friends who help me without thinking about it, my family who will support me when they can, which is helpful, it’s more than some people have to get help and money when I could use some, it feels nicer than turning to the government which I guess is good too in a sense. I was really grateful to be alive and mostly well. It seems cheesy to say but when it happened I remembered Marcus Aurelius saying misfortune bore well is good fortune and it really did help me keep a positive attitude. At night I couldn’t sleep because my foot kept seeping blood and I was worried if I fell asleep I would un-elevate my foot and bleed out without waking up, or bleed so much I had to go to the hospitals, which aren’t my favorite way to spend money.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I sanded the wood for the bench we are making for Earth Day, this week it’s already installed, which feels nice. My foot took most the day to stop bleeding, which I didn’t understand because it only had two little circular cuts, but a few days later I looked under the bandages and one of the two was really deep inward… so in hindsight that’s why it took so long. I was grateful to my daughter for cooking for me and her brother and helping clean up, make tea and fetch me items. I felt kind of retarded for dropping trash on my foot. I was ashamed a bit, but honestly happy to be alive after being scared and actually elated to feel that even though I was scared it seemed like I was going to get away with an easy and cheap recovery and be well again soon without being in trouble. I enjoyed playing some Chopin on the piano at night. I enjoyed playing some Rimworld on the computer.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I dropped cinder blocks for the Earth Day bench, this week those blocks are a bench already, that feels good when projects roll like that. My foot fluffed out again, which was cool, I had less mobility, but the foot also looked like it would make a good recovery naturally which I was super excited about. I also felt excited to be alive, which felt hormonal. Though logically I have plenty of good in my life, I don’t usually feel as excited to be alive as this. My goals shifted to recover and notify people about what I can’t make it to, which felt so familiar somehow.

Clutter Fight Club: This week I did hobble around and clean my room from the floor, I didn’t wear myself down and I didn’t finish but I did tidy from disaster back to standard messy.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I was so happy to keep my People’s Garden Community Garden Status. This week my foot was very swollen to the point it hurt a bit from it’s own pressure. My friend gave me a poultice recipe and my daughter cut me some fresh comfrey, so that took the pain away really well and was soothing. It was crushed leaves with a teaspoon of salt, drained a bit and wrapped around my foot. I was grateful my friends were thinking of me, they really care, really sweet people. I went into my front garden without being able to walk and noticed the cinderblocks are kind of disability/convenient because they are low down but easy to get around, and the pea gravel was okay to scoot across, a little hot in the full sun, but then it cools fast as you shade it.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went rock climbing. This week I limped into the beach with a bamboo stick pole, but it was still nice seeing my friends and watching my kids have fun. I rested before going to the beach. I enjoyed talking to my friends after not seeing them for longer, sometimes I don’t appreciate it, but when it is less I do see the significance more of having people around me who support me, educated me, uplift me. I love the other garden people the most, but seeing the other people is fine too. I was so proud of one mom who brought a massage table to the beach and did scrubs for the other moms, it was so epic and cool she did that. It was inspiring that she made it happen after wanting to do it for about two years.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I shored up the side wall of the fish pond. This week I was both sick and also hurt/cripple. I felt blessed to have friends harvest me some healing herbs (plantain – not the banana – laukahi) the day before, I put them on and took a bath in Epson salts. I harvested more myself from my yard as they grow as a “weed” here, but I’ve started to consider growing them since they worked for my messed up stomach like curry leaf does and now for my smash injury as well. Very grateful to the plant for helping me so much. I was really weak from the combination of being sick and injured, I was at peace with the mess, but I noticed a mouse crawl under the fridge and I know we have to deal with that before it becomes a nightmare to clean all the mouse hair, poop and urine they leave all around wherever they go. Hoping we get it out humanly, but at all if not, because I’m allergic, I want to be well and I want my kids to be well more than I want the mouse to be well, though I don’t hate mice at all, they are cute and I would love them were they in the wild. My sister was tired from cleaning, dishes, the kids, the mess, but I feel like she really understands me better feeling my daily day for the most part, so it felt satisfying to see all the stuff I usually do tire out all the people who took over. Even though my injury keeps getting better it was a decent moderate injury so it will take some time. I got overwhelmed and hopeless at points during the day, but because I knew I was sick I didn’t take it to heart that much, I feel emotionally sh*tty when I am sick, I know that about me. I looked up cinder block castles and found this quote I liked a lot:

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

Not a huge surprise I like it, it’s Henry David Thoreau, I’ve always like Thoreau after reading Candide when I was a preteen.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week we went to visit a friend and see my daughters adopted chick. It was a pretty chill day, I browsed and bough a cane, still felt ill. The watermelon and bell pepper seeds were sprouting in their bags in the kitchen, I should have been happy, but I felt drained. I love nature, but you can’t time it, you can’t turn it off and you can’t control it. So my daughter helped me pot up the bell pepper and watermelon to old bags of soil, she help me spray neem on the berries, bokashi the watermelon sprouts (diluted) and then we made soursop juice, which is delicious. I’m a big fan of Grow, Cook, Eat, even though we grew different stuff and then made juice from someone else’s fruit, it kind of felt like the show and that was fun. In Pokemon Go, which I started to play in bed and realized later is about walking, ha ha ha. I had to think of a user name and all the ones I wanted were gone, so I became Dr. Bonsly. Even though it’s a video game user name, I felt some degree of success finally becoming a doctor after dropping out of medical school applications and finishing all the premed schooling, at least I am now a doctor in one capacity (a very limited capacity). It’s strange but satisfying form of closure for me. I am satisfied with my life overall, I love being a pretend farmer, hosting a real (though dilapidated) community garden, helping my kids with school and writing on this blog, those are the things I don’t hate.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS:

Adventure Garden: Safe roads, expanded parking, future bathroom area. Pond repair. Paths.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood/koa, mamake/soursop.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demouse. Demold. Declutter.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: It was the science fair, things were crazy, I did a martial arts tournament the Hawaii Triple Crown, I lost, but I understood what the other moms meant about it being significant just to compete after having kids, it was emotionally different than it used to be, a way to connect the past and present and say “I’m still alive.” I had a good time on one hand, I wanted to cry silently on the other hand, both were true.

I learned: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).

This Year: I am doing less and enjoying life way more, we still want to do a science fair, but we will give the summer to the kids to think about it and get ready and throw it right before school starts, so late July.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. To celebrate Earth Day we built a bench, I found it creative, I find the act of building really a creative process even based on other people’s plans. SUN Faith in myself. I messed up my foot and I’m not against going to the doctors later if I feel like it, but I gave myself emotionally permission to go when or if I feel like it and recover the way I feel like recovering and it feels good to trust myself and believe in my body to heal. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am happier with my family when I am not the one doing too much housework, I got to find out that because my foot was messed up or I would have just done most the work and not known for sure that if I don’t have to life is happier. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I want to fix up the community garden to a cute place for people learn and a functional place for plants to grow and sometimes I am scared I can’t or don’t know where to start, but I really do want to make it nice here. WED Teamwork smarter group work. I could help much at the beach meet up, but other people stepped up and made it awesome, that’s something I believe will always happen that the way things balance will always be enough, it sounds irrational, but I’ve come to believe it anyways. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I needed herbs from my friends to bring the swelling down, the comfrey I was using wasn’t enough, but the laukahi was, it was nice to receive the wisdom and the physical plants both, very touching for me as a plant enthusiast. FRI Purpose know what I can do. This week I can do barely anything, but I’m proud of getting a lot done when I could and somehow I’m at peace with just being alive this week, some weeks survival is enough.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I rest and play games, it’s not a lot, and I know a lot of people look down on it, but it’s fun to see the art, it’s fun to experience what’s new, it’s cool to see how games have changed and stayed the same. I do it less, but it still make me feel alive to relax and play games for an hour or two.

Lift – I felt really supported by my friends harvesting healing herbs for me and tending my wounds, it’s a position I wouldn’t want to put myself in, but I was really grateful for the kind help with no I told you not to do stupid things comments.

Love – I love that my friend harvested enough corn for all her family to have a piece of fresh corn from her own garden that I got to help set up. It’s like we have a community garden that exists in people’s homes instead of a normal one at one place, that way people can get to and tend and harvest what they grow, but in some sense it is a community garden spiritually.

🕊️

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to the museum for Theater Class and I was so happy that got restarted. This week we went to coconut island with a pop up tent, three chairs, fishing poles, boats, towels, extra clothes, water bottles, the first aid kid, it was just about right for pulling in the wagon and it seemed like enough stuff. The kids had a blast playing in the water, I liked my new long sleeved shirt so I could be in the sun a lot, together with my hat I was able to tolerate the extreme sun really comfortably in the water pulling the boats for the kids. We could use a longer rope… My kids had a really fun time playing with the other kids on the beach and I was happy to see them having such a fun time. My son walks a little too far for a four year old, but in only one year he will be expected to be all by himself at school so maybe it’s good he feels growing independence? I feel at ease at coconut island that’s why I like it more than the other beaches I go to, knowing the kids are not escaping helps me enjoy the day even if I have to cross the bridge with our stuff I like being across the bridge, it makes me feel like I’ve escaped the real world just once a month.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I did a lot of gardening, moved the bench that my dad made for my grandpa, rearranged the cider blocks and added gravel in. This week I sanded the wood for the bench we are making for Earth Day and stained it, it took a lot longer than I expected, but that’s how wood work seems to be. We made crepes, it was nice, we eat simple foods a lot of the week it was nice to eat something fancier and have a pretty relaxing day. Woodwork can be really relaxing after you know how to use the equipment, I like watching the wood get smooth when I sand it. I like looking at the color change when I stain it. Staining wood reminds me of the first time I stained wood for a garden trellis that was really beautiful. The garden I made it for fell into disrepair when I was pregnant, my husband always complains but he didn’t and won’t understand how draining it is to be pregnant and working full time, there isn’t time for everything in one life, making room for one thing costs another thing. I feel upbeat working on something for Earth Day I have loved Earth Day since attending a beach clean up/festival when I was a preteen.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I looked over my old Google Keep Notes and noticed how my values shifted. This week I had had to get out the door early, drop off an extra mattress, drop off cinder blocks for Earth Day and then I made curry at home. I’ve made enough soups and curries now that it’s not too bad anymore. Getting the broth right is still not set in stone, but at least the rest is okay. I laid the weed cloth for a larger road way, split up bamboo orchids, repotted fairy gardens, fertilized with bokashi. We did some cleaning, vacuum/mop the floors, washing blankets, stuff like that. I’m proud of my daughter being so good at cleaning. My daughter took a math test, she is okay in 3rd grade math, 2 years earlier than the school system here would have started her, I’m glad she is with me or she wouldn’t be getting the education her brain is ready to get. I feel tranquil working in the garden, I get into a good flow and the day passes quickly, but with a feeling of satisfaction, joy, and peace. I really like feeling tranquil after feeling tense and chaotic so much during my life.

Clutter Fight Club: This week I added things in, adding the right things in can help let the wrong things out, I believe that.

Made with Lucid Chart (Free Online Chart Maker)

This week I didn’t need to update my goals, because nothing is “done” but I did make progress on the watermelon, the ohia, the mamake, school, organizing, and the side roadway. A reasonable amount of progress, I feel pretty good about it.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I felt disconnected and when I reflected I realized I was unhappy with a lot of large things about my life, my spouse, my lack of owning a house, my lack of even having a plan. The USDA approved our People’s Garden Status today I was so happy, it meant a lot to me to be officially part of something that aligns so much with my own values. I was really inspired by the whole project, it helped me think about what assets my garden has to offer (picnic table, bench, relaxing bird sounds, room for a walking trail, good climate for berries, good learning environment for kids, native birds to watch and good area to grow native plants, pretty views) vs what is holding it back from being safer or more accessible (lack of separate bathroom, parking, safe pathways).

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week went over some paperwork at an informal directors meeting. This week we went rock climbing, it was a nice first field trip for the scout group. I really enjoyed the climbing, but I prefer rope climbing and outdoor climbing to bouldering or indoor climbing. I still need to learn how to use the climbing equipment that we got, ascenders, ropes, harnesses, I’ve used them when someone helped me, but I haven’t set them up for others. I miss that kind of exercise in my life where it doesn’t feel like exercise, but I can still use some of my body, like rowing, archery, climbing, I like high intensity and then rest, I don’t like steady exercise like walking, hiking, running at a steady pace. I do like jump rope and boxing and high intensity workouts that are shorter. I hadn’t exercised in so long I forgot that I do actually enjoy it. It was a joyful day seeing the kids climb and climbing, some of the little kids didn’t climb much, but it was cool they mostly got to be included.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I was excited my daughter was ready to start a fairy garden. This week I wanted to shore up the side wall of the fish pond, which was collapsing. I was thinking about how to do it and I remembered a conversation with a friend about how circles become hexagons if the side walls compress and it led me to my fix.

Lots to Do

Side Wall Collapse from Woodrot

I Want to Add a New Shallow Part

I really enjoy using cinder blocks, they are pretty strong. I leveled these for the pond so eventually when I put rocks on top those rocks will be able to sit in the water evenly with support on the bond board “shelf”. It looks like I will need 2 more loads on cinder, 15 fit in the car okay at a time… I’m so short I can safely make it under the cave area but I will be as careful as I can and kind of clear out the area as I go so I can get and and out without tripping. When we moved to the Big Island we did not know how much the weather was different than Oahu… It’s Call of the Wild kind of weather… Of like a hot Scotland, it demands rugged (or smart/flexible) construction or it’s going to break your sh*t. Now that we know that we can deal with that, we have strong wind strength to deal with, extreme moisture, extreme UV, frequent earthquakes, non-earthquake earth shifting from the volcano caldera dropping nearby, VOG fumes rusting metal ext. I feel energized when working with cinder blocks.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I got inspired by the Portland Oregon Japanese Garden and bought onions. This week it was great to visit a friend and see my daughters adopted chick “Eggy” and brush some goats. I don’t seem allergic to these goats, I wonder if I am allergic to only one kind, but not another? We had some kids sleep over, they were good and slept not too late and were good about leaving early in the morning for Earth Day, so that was surprising easy. I felt really grateful visiting my friends house because they are so welcoming and the kids have so much beautiful and fun to take in there.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Spouting Mamake.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa, corn, watermelon and strawberry.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was doing good for the community more than before, but at the cost of my healthy, my family time and my home organization.

I learned this last year: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).

This Year: I am struggling less when I leave space for me and my family in my own week, even if others complain it’s very necessary for me so it’s the only choice I can make.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. Changing the venue for boating really worked well, the new area has room to swim, but it’s in the harbor so the water is pretty tame. There is a bridge but we got a wagon to cross the bridge so that made it reasonable. SUN Faith in myself. I sanded a bench for Earth Day it may be a small thing, but it was something I didn’t do before, I learned how to do it. Starting creative projects is always emotionally draining, to decide what project to invest in among so many, to learn how, it feels like you risk a part of yourself more than just money and time. Like you put yourself into your work. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am starting to take a leadership role more at home, I want to take care of the home and garden and make it nice for the kids to inherit and also for us to live in now, it does mean I have less energy for friend and community stuff, but I knew I needed to shift towards taking care of home for a long time, I just didn’t know how or when it would happen. My dad is kind of realizing that he will need to hand over some stuff as he ages and I am starting to pick up some of it and attempt to work as a team even though it’s daunting. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am motivated to get my life in order because I want to fix and run the People’s Garden here at my house, it means so much to me to be involved with a real community garden, it’s an honor to me. WED Teamwork smarter group work. We went climbing for a birthday it was helpful to see which kids were able to follow directions more or less, and which ones were not, so now I know which ones are candidates for more difficult climbing physically/mentally and which are not right now. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I needed to fix a wall at the fish pond, my dad paid for the materials, a friend gave me an idea on how and I did the work (to get started at least) it felt like a good team effort in a way. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I feel pretty sure that the garden is the way forward for me to blend what I like and what I can help others with, I think that’s my purpose this year and maybe someday it will change but I feel that repairing and opening the community garden is my fate right now and also the next right thing for me to consciously choose like it’s both fated and chosen.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I build things, I want to stay within my limits, but I really enjoy the process.

Lift – I helped out a bit with a birthday event, even though I hate kid birthday stress, it’s a hard balance to help but not get over extended. It takes some thinking and pausing to stay green or yellow but not go into the red zone.

Love – I love that the ponds are getting renovated, they can be beautiful but we did need to work a bit more and put a bit more effort to get to a good stopping point again.

🧗

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was “Dance, Roll or Skate” it was really fun, the art activity was great, we made photo frames and my kids love the one we made. This week we went to the museum for Theater Class and I was so happy that got restarted. I was proud to watch my daughter teach that class, she kept practicing and getting better. It took us almost a year to find the right time and place to start theatre class again, but in the end the Museum is perfect because they don’t mind us sharing the stage. I was happy to have fries with my friends after the museum. Went to the airport to get my dad, then got groceries, got gas and made cabbage soup, it felt like a long day by the time the car was unloaded and dinner was ready.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I had to go to the airport. This week I did some gardening. I talked to my dad about where he wanted my front garden and moved the bench that my dad made for my grandpa. The same amount of cider locks in a new pattern look more interesting. I want to scrub the cinder blocks, add soil, write down the amaranth before I forget what it is. Planning to build a bench for Earth Day and maybe make some bokashi is with spouts… I was happy with the garden progress, still wat to add more soil in the block squares, tur the soil that is there, I am hoping to start more sunflowers in the soil, but I wonder if I should use Mexica Sunflowers so I don’t have to replat like I have to with mammoths. Ordered some fairy garden stuff, which was cool. Walked my daughter through a math challenge about Rabbits, I am proud of her for being able to add and multiply so well. At night I took slugs off the plastic collars, it doesn’t stop them from crossing over, but it seems to make it easy for me to see them at least… I wasn’t patient enough to see if they come from under the soil or over the plastic, but I am glad the strawberries are doing well overall and I am glad that taking the slugs off the collars is easier than hunting them in other places. I’m proud I got more courageous, they say courage is the mother of all values, because without it you can’t stand up to anything. I guess pest control is the courage of gardening, it’s pretty important to not allow pests to make your food crops unsafe if you really plant to eat them. I’ve been cleaning my own items, home, paperwork, garden and notes lately, I’m happy that it happened. Before I felt blocked and now I don’t, I’m not really sure why it was like that and what changed.

Day 1

Day 2

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I redid my goals sheet and replaced the graphic from last year with this year. This week I’m looking over my old Google Keep Notes and seeing how I’ve changed. I still enjoy using Zazzle Business Cards to make goal charts. My values switched from integrity, earth care, persistence, clarity, presence, harmony and order to creativity, faith, unity, self-determination, collective work, cooperative economics, and purpose.

Earth care switched to collective work, which was good, the game Farm Together encouraged me to get help farming and help others farm. Integrity switched to Unity, which was good because being focused on getting along with my family instead of my own integrity has helped me get along better, I still maintained my own integrity without making it a mental focus. I guess I was too introverted or burnt out to be group minded during the pandemic and as a new mother, being part of a group has been healing, but I had to be ready first not after, I couldn’t just get used to it, I needed to be ready to put myself out there emotionally. Clarity became purpose over time, as I felt what my heart wants, which is what I call purpose (not what I can do for others) I was able to own what I feel like my purpose is and take steps to shift energy and time and money towards that, I only told one person how I really feel about it, but it felt so good to tell someone who seems to understand. Presence shifted to self-determination, instead of being in the moment I’ve shifted to a mindset of looking forward to what I am doing and building, though I like living in the moment a building mindset requires looking a little ahead and that is where I am in life right now. Harmony shifted to faith, which is good, any change seems to stir up dis-harmony but having some faith that I’m doing the right thing to lead back to harmony and a positive change is a healthier place for me, a place where I stir up mud to do things and trust it will settle back down. Order has turned to creativity, which makes sense, before I stayed home in my own routine now I go out to help with and take dance, to teach music, to help with theatre, it was very emotionally difficult to become more public with creativity, but I don’t regret it, because I was able to plant some seeds of creativity for the community, which benefits me directly, but others as well, I really think the whole community thrives when creativity thrives, that the human mind and soul crave beauty, novelty, story…

Clutter Fight Club: Last week I did metaphorical cleaning, reviewing goals, letting go of fears this week spiritual, psychological, existential, cognitive cleaning, not on purpose, I just notice and feel it happening, letting go of old feelings, of who I was and ready to move on into the future or at least the present, I’m recovering emotionally from the pandemic trauma of the lockdown and food shortages and uncertainty if our family would be okay. It feels really good to forgive some of it, heal from some of it and let some of it go. When it happened I didn’t think it would affect me much, little by little it did and I was left wondering if I would ever be the same again. I’m not the same actually, but at least I am recovered, I changed a lot, got a lot more anxiety about things I didn’t have anxiety about before and less about what I did have anxiety about before, I shifted. I don’t know how I feel about things changing so much, I don’t really want to think about it right now, some good things happened, but at the cost of my kids being really stressed and restricted, so I don’t want to say only good came out of the pandemic, that wouldn’t be true. I guess I can say the time I had to reflect and the experiences I had outside of my normal routines helped me see myself better, but the amount of stress and tension that my family had because of everything degraded some of my family relationships to the point I don’t think they will be salvageable, so I don’t know if it’s a “win” but it was something that happened with loses and benefits.

Here are some quotes I keep collected, I usually keep them to myself, but I may as well put them out there, it feels right today.

1. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

2. “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Randou feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

3. “No one is to blame for your future situation but yourself. If you want to be successful, then become “Successful.” – Jaymin Shah

4. “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” – Abraham Lincoln

5. “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

6. “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together” – Vincent Van Gogh

7. “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz

8. “Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.” – Theodore Roosevelt

9. “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

10. “If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” – Napoleon Hill

11. “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

12. “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

13. “Be happy with what you have while working for what you want.” – Helen Keller

14. You’re so much stronger than your excuses.

15. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt

16. “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

17. “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

18. “A surplus of effort could overcome a deficit of confidence.” – Sonia Sotomayer

19. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

20. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” – Pirates of the Caribbean

21. “We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” – Malala Yousafzai

22. “Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

23. “Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

24. “What hurts you blesses you.” – Rumi

25. “The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” – Paulo Coelho

26. “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” – Bruce Lee

27. “It’s not what you do once in a while it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.” – Jenny Craig

28. “Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.” – Brian Vaszily

29. “The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of like is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give.” – William Arthur Ward

30. “If you’ve never eaten while crying you don’t know what life tastes like.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

31. “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise L Hay

32. “One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.” – Stephen Hawking

33. “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” – Napoleon Hill

34. “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” – Maya Angelou

35. “Dreams are the seeds of change. Nothing ever grows without a seed, and nothing ever changes without a dream.” – Debby Boone

36. “The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

37. “How to stop time: kiss. How to travel in time: read. How to escape time: music. How to feel time: write. How to release time: breathe.” – Matt Haig

38. “The trouble is, you think you have time.” – Buddha

39. “The greatest gift you could give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you can’t get back.” – Unknown

40. “Time always exposes what you mean to someone.” – Unknown

41. “Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat is accepted as a reality.” – Bruce Lee

42. “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

43. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” – J.K. Rowling

44. “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

45. Whenever you feel like a failure, just remember that even Coca Cola only sold 25 bottles their first year.

46. “Everything is hard before it is easy.” – Goethe

47. “Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” – Jim Rohn

48. “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” – Marcus Aurelius

49. “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Helen Keller

50. “The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has been before.’ – Albert Einstein

51. “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” – Mark Twain

52. “Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” – Marcus Aurelius

53. Book 7, 47 – Watch the stars in their courses as one that runs about with them therein; and think constantly upon the reciprocal changes of the elements, for thoughts on these things cleanse away the mire of our earthly life. – Marcus Aurelius

54. “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” – Unknown

55. “The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James

56. “It take s nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone.” – Hans F. Hansen

57. “Motivation may be what starts you off, but it’s habit that keeps you going back for more.” – Miya Yamanouchi

Made with Lucid Chart (Free Online Chart Maker)

I updated my goals from last week and had completed some important goals as well as unwanted responsibilities. I made plants for many goals, it was a productive week, I wish every week important goals got done, but sometimes I can’t work that hard because I’m tied up with bullsh*t.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I finished some paperwork that I wanted to get done and that made me happy. This week I am so tired and apathetic, I’ve been having trouble putting my feelings into a name lately, labeling, but actually I feel really disconnected and apathetic lately. My dad came back, that makes me feel stressed, I feel like a pressure to explain myself or a fear that I won’t be understood, I guess instead of wanting to feel repulsed by the pet mess or annoyed at the passive aggressive illogical banter I feel apathetic instead. I guess apathy is a sign of hiding from or turning to numbness instead of being angry or sad. I’ve worked physically hard for a few days, I’ve emotionally been drained by my friends feeling hectic, though I don’t mind being there for them making some phone calls ext makes me tired. My sister is sick, caring for her by making her food or tea is so draining, I can’t believe people do that for other people it really tires me out. So actually even though I am really tired and kind of sick of extra work, I am really fulfilled by the garden making some changes and I don’t want to lose momentum. So I am torn between a need for rest and an ambition to finish my garden projects. My dad’s dog barks more than most dogs and the way it sounds when it walks annoys me, so having the dog around stresses me out, since I’m living in my dad’s house it makes me kind of ashamed I didn’t save up enough for my own house, perhaps I just need to be far enough away to not hear the dog bark and clip clop around on the floor… I really hate that dog, it feels good to say that, I don’t think about it on a normal basis. My husband, I don’t know what he expects to do with his life and I don’t know if I want to live with him. Living without him I would eventually need to go back to work the weekends at least, but I’ve learned how to be happy, how to teach the kids, how to have a nice life. Living with him I don’t know if he will snap at the kids, which I don’t feel like they need, I don’t know if he will criticize me, which I don’t want in my life anymore, I don’t know if he is going to manage his stress without trying to take it out on us? I don’t know what it will be like living with him again or if I want to. I feel bad for him that he is sick, but the kids are about as much responsibility as I can take, I can’t baby him with a special needs daughter, it’s not possible for me. I don’t know what will happen between us at this point and that’s tiring, the last 3 years I’ve been 50:50 between divorce and staying, or actually the last 7 years when I am really honest. He hasn’t made a plan for our future and it kills me, and it doesn’t kill him that it stresses me. He hasn’t been attentive or kind to me on a person to person level. He hasn’t been an equal partner in raising the kids or even made an attempt to try harder when I ask. Now that we are starting to struggle financially, that’s the only thing that wasn’t broken… the romance was broken, the respect was broken, the peace was broken, the equality was broken, the novelty was broken, but we had a stable financial household, now that is less sure, it doesn’t sound pretty, but now that everything is broken I don’t know if I start fixing one by one or cut my loses. Am I going to say that publicly? Yeah, everyone who knows me knows I live a brutally honest life.

I ran into this quote on my list of favorites:

“One, remember to look up at the stars 

and not down at your feet. 

Two, never give up work. 

Work gives you meaning and purpose 

and life is empty without it. 

Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, 

remember it is there and don’t throw it away.” 

– Stephen Hawking

So, I guess I will keep trying with my husband, just probably have to learn to be more assertive about telling him what he does doesn’t work for all of us and maybe even that I have a point I will walk away from, but I don’t have to walk away if we don’t hit that point again. We have been to that point twice, when he left the country to party before we planned our wedding and when he was too harsh with the kids and they needed therapy after, I guess I need to remember what that place feels like so that I can tell when he is over stepping what I want to be involved with in my only life. I guess I’m ready to walk away, but I am also ready to stay, either way.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went to the library for math club, Lego club, animation club, chess club, it was nice to be back at the library after so long. This week we went over some paperwork at an informal directors meeting since one director was sick. It felt good to get on the same page. We had some pasta. I saw some little baby beets growing up and small corn, it was nice to see that. I talked about how I was having trouble tackling more paperwork without a designated time slot. I talked about the reasons I had for wanting to share more responsibility out and my vision of the future and I asked the other ladies about what they thought, I think they will need more time to think about it though.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I planted beets, this week they have sprouted nicely. I’m happy my dad paid for $300 of pea gravel, it’s looking really calm and pretty along with the existing greens and greys we already had. The front area was more or less level already so laying weed cloth under and spreading the gravel there wasn’t hard, the hill next to the house runs on a slope so it will need more gravel there to level out, unless I find something cheaper there to fill, maybe yard cuttings? Using gravel will be faster, filling with something free would be cheaper. Not sure yet. I go t a pretty fairy garden for my daughter, usually I would have gone cheaper, but it is beautiful and it’s the one she wanted to have.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I visited newly hatched chicks, a goat and a new garden, then had friends over at my house. This week the kids are sick, I feel like it missed me (or at least didn’t hit me hard -yet). Trying to be good about spending, writing down what I send now. I bought onion seeds today, but before paying $14 for a 8 type variety pack I found out Hawaii needs “Short Day” onions not long day onions, many onions I tried to grow like Walla Walla were “Long Day” onions, so it’s not all the way my fault they couldn’t survive, then I spend $2.07 on just one kind of short day onion. I can already imagine another renovation for this front garden. Portland Oregon Zen garden boarders and new paint/plastic rock façade. New benches for more seating, planters for more privacy from the main parking area, not sure how much will be too much, but it’s okay to plan and imagine.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Spouting Mamake.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa, corn, watermelon and strawberry.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was doing a lot, but super stressed out trying to find time to take care of the house, cook, exercise, clean my teach stuff, organize and keep my finances and paperwork in order. I wanted to make time to paint and write, relax and play music, but I never did because fun things took a back seat to productivity in the year that followed.

I learned this last year: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).

This Year: I am still struggling to make piece with my dad leaving his dog pee for others to clean, leaving his dog’s poop all over the yard, leaving trash all over the driveway and his junk on the kitchen, the floor, where ever, it takes a lot of stress or patience for a hoarder and non-hoarder to cohabitate and I often think it was a mistake on my part to enter into that situation with my kids, because I have no patience for my own kids that I love by the time I’m frustrated with my dad being a dysfunctional cleaner.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. Changing the venue for theatre helped a lot, having a stage helps the theatre vibe, having a few people together and some audience does as well. SUN Faith in myself. I talked to my dad about the garden layout, it is difficult for me because I don’t like the unclear way he talks, I just want a straight answer. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am struggling with the feeling that my dad doesn’t care about how his dog poop and trash makes the garden less enjoyable for the kids to play or for me to maintain, I don’t want to talk to him and find out he doesn’t care, I don’t believe talking to him will help, I really don’t believe he cares to clean up his own responsibilities, I think he doesn’t care and won’t change so much that I don’t even want to waste my breath talking to him about how I feel about it. I don’t want to clean after his pets because I don’t want him to get more as he ages further that he can’t care for himself. He might do it, but I don’t have to support it in anyway. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am trying to tune into my inner voice, but right now that I’m a bit sick I feel like my negative thoughts are blown out of proportion because I am a bit sick. WED Teamwork smarter group work. We began the discussion of legal terms and paperwork, it was good, it’s nice having a week out of the public eye after having a week in public for clubs. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I really enjoyed landscaping this week, I had a goal and was able to have enough time to work on it and finish that area, so often I am waiting on materials or something I don’t have (sprouts ext), this time I had everything I needed so it took 3 days instead of forever to finish a little landscaping project. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I feel unsure between my kids, my gardening, my friends, I don’t really know what my purpose is, I felt so unsettled by my husband wanting us to be somewhere else in the summers, I especially don’t want that, I hate how the people closest to me are the people who cause me the most trouble, I wish I had more supportive people in my life, what I have is a lot of trouble makers and not listeners and some nice people, but I don’t like the ratio still, I don’t think I can be myself until I know when and where I am living and I try to ignore the uncertainty, but it doesn’t disappear, it bothers me not knowing and that keeps me from enjoying life more and checking in with my feelings, because I have a feeling of dread at not knowing what will happen, since I don’t know.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I rake the gravel, I like the sound and the feel but also I like that I’m completing a garden goal.

Lift – I am encouraging my friends to start their own starts, it’s fun to see what they grow, one is starting collards and tomatoes and another squash, I am doing mostly bell peppers right now, but some cherry blossom and cedar too, it’s nice that we can be ourselves but get along.

Love – I love that my bokashi is working now for fertilizer so I don’t have to import more, part of the highest cost to my garden was fertilizer because I don’t have any chicken manure or cow manure or finished compost or basically anything else to fertilize with other than bokashi, worms are illegal to import where I live so I can’t make a worm bin for worm casting. But now that the bokashi is going well I feel like I have enough fertilizer for my needs without having to buy anything further.

🍝

Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis…

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was “Surf N Turf” at the Mokupapa Center and the Zoo, I really enjoyed it. This week was “Dance, Roll or Skate” it was really fun, the kids all seemed really in the zone scootering, skating or dancing and enjoying a wonderful sunny day, there was art as well and that was really enjoyable and low pressure, exactly how I like art to be. There was a family of ducks with four ducklings, blooming flowers on the grass and trees, it was the beginning of community ballet and the next phase of breakdancing and both were awesome. I had a wonderful time pushing some of my responsibility onto our President and her kids, I think they will do well with it and I know I can’t run our 8 monthly event by myself, even though we always help each other, being in charge is a different level of stress.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I wore my new dance clothes and did break dancing after visiting the Observatory. This week had to go to the airport, something I don’t like very much. Before that I did some driver’s training, which actually I like more than going to the airport, but less than gardening, but still more than cleaning or cooking. I like it more than cleaning and cooking, because I trust it will not be a project I have to keep doing daily or often. I’ve been feeling good about how some of last years goals got done and other ones are closer to being done than they used to be. On Thursday this week we met our 501 savings goal, which is important because I didn’t want to pay for the fee, I saw it as a sign that if the community paid for the fee it showed support and solidarity that what we were doing was right and in favor or the community, it was significant to me that we raised the fee together.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I went out to help a friend after doing some schoolwork with the kids. This week I redid my goals sheet and replaced the graphic from last year with this year, for some reason it was painful to look at the mantra I started with on this series top for April, “Omnia mutantur, everything changes, nos et mutamur in illis, and we change with it”. I’ve had a lot of change in my home, in my friend group, in my scout group, in my schedule, even some new students in our home school network, new classes in my children’s life and my life. I wonder if that’s how April always is? This April for sure is full of massive changes. Picked up a friend’s child from school, my kids had fun hosting, I admire his mom for being brave enough to go back to work, a really active and generous lady, but definitely different than me. It’s my nature to reserve myself, reserve my time and then in emergencies I have that reserve, other people live up to the edge of life or over it, I don’t care to do that or be like that, I need some breathing room.

Clutter Fight Club: Last week I did a lot of physical cleaning, this week it was more metaphorical cleaning, reviewing goals, letting go of fears.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week went to help a friend set up a school area and caught up on paperwork a little bit. This week I caught up more and it so that feels really good to not have it hanging over my head as much! This week I’m starting to get more comfortable in larger groups again, not like I’m a social butterfly, but way less social anxiety. I’ve thrown out the idea we are going to be able to accommodate all the kids, people or families at all the events and I’m hoping they can reflect on what they most want and communicate it to me and we can accommodate them at least once a month. I’ve also remembered to look at myself, my own family, pay attention to our goals and limits and notice when we are overextended or overworked. I have to hand more responsibility off to others if the group is ever going to function during the 6 months when I am away.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week I planted mamake and ohia seeds and went back to the beach for music time, the same kids for martial arts and story time. This week we went to the library for math club, Lego club, animation club, chess club, it was nice to be back at the library after so long. We talked to the branch manager, which was nice, she was supportive and patient with our kids that didn’t know the proper library etiquette yet. I wasn’t sure if there would be any interest or attendance, but we had a lot of both, now we need more structure and support. Our lack of punctuality as a group is making things difficult at this particular event, if possible we should improve on that aspect. It’s really nice to have support from the Library staff, we didn’t ask for permission up front, because we didn’t know what to ask for because we didn’t know what the kids interest would be yet.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I did a lot of cleaning. Had a talk about financial sustainability with my funders. We planted beets and took some photos of the garden to make some plans for the future. It’s nice to take my kids to do some farm work with the other kids on Thursday. It reminds me of the preschool I used to have, it reminds me of the life I wanted to have, it somehow ties together my identity of the past, who I am now and how I want to change the world into the future, sustainable gardening connects all three pieces in a way that nothing else really does. At one point three of us were potting a blackberry into a bigger pot and it was so fun, even though it can be done by one person, it was fun to be doing it together. Took home some amaranth so that was cool, at a point I used it for a Fend Shui wealth vase, it reminds me of when I was younger and also of prosperity.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week we had people over for cooking, which was fun, then a sleep over, which was fun, then rolling into dance day, which was fun, but in hindsight I would space things further apart. Today I cleaned the bathroom in 10 minutes, except the sink (which took 1 minute more), sprayed everything with vinegar, wiped everything, started the laundry, put stray items into the drawers. Cooked some pizza, bread and cassava. Visited some hatching chicks, which was very fun, I was happy to see our kids happy and receive the generosity of the family hosting us. We had so many good teas and saw a lot of new plants and even got to take home cassava, it’s always nice to take home a new plant. We made pesto from the basil in my kitchen, which was nice, I love fresh basil and also love eating home grown produce.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Trying to spout Mamake (seeds ordered).

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa and watermelon.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Passport. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was super stressed out that my husband was leaving the state.

I learned this last year: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).

This Year: I feel better about things not working out with my husband here. I’ve been able to do a lot of good things and settle into a healthy life for me and my kids. My husband wasted some money moving back and forth, but that’s life. The kids miss him sometimes, but mostly are okay with him being far away since they feel like he cares about them and that they are important to him. Still struggling with slugs, just picked a bunch off the plastic collars that are supposed to help. Maybe I can add metal to the collars? I’m more brave then I was last year, it was really hard for me to deal with the presence of slugs before, today I touched a bunch of them moving garden stuff around and it was really gross, but I washed my hands a bunch and put the slugs away in a jar of salt water, so even though it was scary and gross there wasn’t a real risk of me getting sick or my kids getting sick and that’s what makes it so scary is that we could get sick and die from the parasites our slugs carry, rat lungworm.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. It was great being a participant of an event, it was awesome having ballet for my daughter and break dancing for my son, we all had a great time with the art project. I enjoyed having art and preforming arts (dance) together. SUN Faith in myself. I moved camping and the science fair off April because April is a crazy time for most of our families between the biggest festivals, Earth Day, birthdays and Tournaments, but I think it’s the right thing to do and fill in those things at a better time. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am more comfortable with my family the less I focus on them and the more I focus on communicating and completing my own goals. My friends have become my family as far as support, and my family more like friends as far as I can’t count on them… TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am delegating more work, not to do less work, but to do the work that matters to me. WED Teamwork smarter group work. Library clubs were hard since it was the first day, but what they will offer is better than what we had before and I like that we are working towards something better, more well rounded and valuable. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I had such a fun time gardening, it’s interesting to see different gardens, how the weather, soil and elevation differences affect the plants and how different gardens affect people differently, helping them relax and heal, or inspiring them with beauty, or supporting them with food. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I had a good time making bread and pizza, I have become a good baker over the past year, practicing pizza over and over helped me get it down solidly.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I support dance, seeing the kids dance seems really worthwhile, I like it too, but I really love the kids feeling comfortable enough to dance.

Lift – I am supporting a friend who went back to work by helping pick up her son for a little bit, it feels nice to help her have her identity as a career worker since I have reclaimed mine as a farmer, teacher and scout director.

Love – I love that the Farm Together Program is still going, I love that we were able to start chess club, math club, animation club and Lego club at the library, I love the people who are still coming and the activities that we are doing together, even though they are imperfect, they are perfect to me in a sense, that they are good things to be doing and a mostly positive and safe emotional environment for the kids and for the adults as well. It’s a healthy, safe, fun space 98% of the time and I love that.

🩰