“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to coconut island the kids had a blast playing in the water. This week was Earth Day I visited my God Daughter, built a bench and then on accident dropped some garden trash on my foot. It was really scary, I have no idea if something was broken, but I was scared about bleeding out and major injury worse than a broken bone. I kept waiting for the pain, but I was so scared I guess my adrenaline kept the pain away or something. I was lucky it wasn’t worse, I felt really grateful the side of the trash with rusty metal didn’t hit me, the flat concrete did and crushed my foot down on the top part, later that day it was still crushed and bleeding if I didn’t elevate it. I’m glad I held direct pressure right away because it didn’t look like it was cut deep, but two days later I saw it was. Excellent day overall, felt a little ashamed and embarrassed to drop something on my foot, but it did make me feel happy to be alive and grateful for what I have, my kids who really care about me, my friends who help me without thinking about it, my family who will support me when they can, which is helpful, it’s more than some people have to get help and money when I could use some, it feels nicer than turning to the government which I guess is good too in a sense. I was really grateful to be alive and mostly well. It seems cheesy to say but when it happened I remembered Marcus Aurelius saying misfortune bore well is good fortune and it really did help me keep a positive attitude. At night I couldn’t sleep because my foot kept seeping blood and I was worried if I fell asleep I would un-elevate my foot and bleed out without waking up, or bleed so much I had to go to the hospitals, which aren’t my favorite way to spend money.
Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I sanded the wood for the bench we are making for Earth Day, this week it’s already installed, which feels nice. My foot took most the day to stop bleeding, which I didn’t understand because it only had two little circular cuts, but a few days later I looked under the bandages and one of the two was really deep inward… so in hindsight that’s why it took so long. I was grateful to my daughter for cooking for me and her brother and helping clean up, make tea and fetch me items. I felt kind of retarded for dropping trash on my foot. I was ashamed a bit, but honestly happy to be alive after being scared and actually elated to feel that even though I was scared it seemed like I was going to get away with an easy and cheap recovery and be well again soon without being in trouble. I enjoyed playing some Chopin on the piano at night. I enjoyed playing some Rimworld on the computer.
Monday/Unity Day: Last week I dropped cinder blocks for the Earth Day bench, this week those blocks are a bench already, that feels good when projects roll like that. My foot fluffed out again, which was cool, I had less mobility, but the foot also looked like it would make a good recovery naturally which I was super excited about. I also felt excited to be alive, which felt hormonal. Though logically I have plenty of good in my life, I don’t usually feel as excited to be alive as this. My goals shifted to recover and notify people about what I can’t make it to, which felt so familiar somehow.
Clutter Fight Club: This week I did hobble around and clean my room from the floor, I didn’t wear myself down and I didn’t finish but I did tidy from disaster back to standard messy.
Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I was so happy to keep my People’s Garden Community Garden Status. This week my foot was very swollen to the point it hurt a bit from it’s own pressure. My friend gave me a poultice recipe and my daughter cut me some fresh comfrey, so that took the pain away really well and was soothing. It was crushed leaves with a teaspoon of salt, drained a bit and wrapped around my foot. I was grateful my friends were thinking of me, they really care, really sweet people. I went into my front garden without being able to walk and noticed the cinderblocks are kind of disability/convenient because they are low down but easy to get around, and the pea gravel was okay to scoot across, a little hot in the full sun, but then it cools fast as you shade it.
Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went rock climbing. This week I limped into the beach with a bamboo stick pole, but it was still nice seeing my friends and watching my kids have fun. I rested before going to the beach. I enjoyed talking to my friends after not seeing them for longer, sometimes I don’t appreciate it, but when it is less I do see the significance more of having people around me who support me, educated me, uplift me. I love the other garden people the most, but seeing the other people is fine too. I was so proud of one mom who brought a massage table to the beach and did scrubs for the other moms, it was so epic and cool she did that. It was inspiring that she made it happen after wanting to do it for about two years.
Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I shored up the side wall of the fish pond. This week I was both sick and also hurt/cripple. I felt blessed to have friends harvest me some healing herbs (plantain – not the banana – laukahi) the day before, I put them on and took a bath in Epson salts. I harvested more myself from my yard as they grow as a “weed” here, but I’ve started to consider growing them since they worked for my messed up stomach like curry leaf does and now for my smash injury as well. Very grateful to the plant for helping me so much. I was really weak from the combination of being sick and injured, I was at peace with the mess, but I noticed a mouse crawl under the fridge and I know we have to deal with that before it becomes a nightmare to clean all the mouse hair, poop and urine they leave all around wherever they go. Hoping we get it out humanly, but at all if not, because I’m allergic, I want to be well and I want my kids to be well more than I want the mouse to be well, though I don’t hate mice at all, they are cute and I would love them were they in the wild. My sister was tired from cleaning, dishes, the kids, the mess, but I feel like she really understands me better feeling my daily day for the most part, so it felt satisfying to see all the stuff I usually do tire out all the people who took over. Even though my injury keeps getting better it was a decent moderate injury so it will take some time. I got overwhelmed and hopeless at points during the day, but because I knew I was sick I didn’t take it to heart that much, I feel emotionally sh*tty when I am sick, I know that about me. I looked up cinder block castles and found this quote I liked a lot:
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
Not a huge surprise I like it, it’s Henry David Thoreau, I’ve always like Thoreau after reading Candide when I was a preteen.
Friday/Purpose Day: Last week we went to visit a friend and see my daughters adopted chick. It was a pretty chill day, I browsed and bough a cane, still felt ill. The watermelon and bell pepper seeds were sprouting in their bags in the kitchen, I should have been happy, but I felt drained. I love nature, but you can’t time it, you can’t turn it off and you can’t control it. So my daughter helped me pot up the bell pepper and watermelon to old bags of soil, she help me spray neem on the berries, bokashi the watermelon sprouts (diluted) and then we made soursop juice, which is delicious. I’m a big fan of Grow, Cook, Eat, even though we grew different stuff and then made juice from someone else’s fruit, it kind of felt like the show and that was fun. In Pokemon Go, which I started to play in bed and realized later is about walking, ha ha ha. I had to think of a user name and all the ones I wanted were gone, so I became Dr. Bonsly. Even though it’s a video game user name, I felt some degree of success finally becoming a doctor after dropping out of medical school applications and finishing all the premed schooling, at least I am now a doctor in one capacity (a very limited capacity). It’s strange but satisfying form of closure for me. I am satisfied with my life overall, I love being a pretend farmer, hosting a real (though dilapidated) community garden, helping my kids with school and writing on this blog, those are the things I don’t hate.
GARDEN CLUB GOALS:
Adventure Garden: Safe roads, expanded parking, future bathroom area. Pond repair. Paths.
Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.
Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.
FARM TOGETHER GOALS: ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood/koa, mamake/soursop.
CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demouse. Demold. Declutter.
Last Year to This Year
Last Year: It was the science fair, things were crazy, I did a martial arts tournament the Hawaii Triple Crown, I lost, but I understood what the other moms meant about it being significant just to compete after having kids, it was emotionally different than it used to be, a way to connect the past and present and say “I’m still alive.” I had a good time on one hand, I wanted to cry silently on the other hand, both were true.
I learned: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).
This Year: I am doing less and enjoying life way more, we still want to do a science fair, but we will give the summer to the kids to think about it and get ready and throw it right before school starts, so late July.
VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:
SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. To celebrate Earth Day we built a bench, I found it creative, I find the act of building really a creative process even based on other people’s plans. SUN Faith in myself. I messed up my foot and I’m not against going to the doctors later if I feel like it, but I gave myself emotionally permission to go when or if I feel like it and recover the way I feel like recovering and it feels good to trust myself and believe in my body to heal. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am happier with my family when I am not the one doing too much housework, I got to find out that because my foot was messed up or I would have just done most the work and not known for sure that if I don’t have to life is happier. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I want to fix up the community garden to a cute place for people learn and a functional place for plants to grow and sometimes I am scared I can’t or don’t know where to start, but I really do want to make it nice here. WED Teamwork smarter group work. I could help much at the beach meet up, but other people stepped up and made it awesome, that’s something I believe will always happen that the way things balance will always be enough, it sounds irrational, but I’ve come to believe it anyways. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I needed herbs from my friends to bring the swelling down, the comfrey I was using wasn’t enough, but the laukahi was, it was nice to receive the wisdom and the physical plants both, very touching for me as a plant enthusiast. FRI Purpose know what I can do. This week I can do barely anything, but I’m proud of getting a lot done when I could and somehow I’m at peace with just being alive this week, some weeks survival is enough.
Live – Lift – Love
Live – I feel really alive when I rest and play games, it’s not a lot, and I know a lot of people look down on it, but it’s fun to see the art, it’s fun to experience what’s new, it’s cool to see how games have changed and stayed the same. I do it less, but it still make me feel alive to relax and play games for an hour or two.
Lift – I felt really supported by my friends harvesting healing herbs for me and tending my wounds, it’s a position I wouldn’t want to put myself in, but I was really grateful for the kind help with no I told you not to do stupid things comments.
Love – I love that my friend harvested enough corn for all her family to have a piece of fresh corn from her own garden that I got to help set up. It’s like we have a community garden that exists in people’s homes instead of a normal one at one place, that way people can get to and tend and harvest what they grow, but in some sense it is a community garden spiritually.
3 thoughts on “🌱 W17 Live – Lift – Love 🕊️”
you are so busy( in a good way!) and active. That is awesome! I have to say when i do get a chance to sit and read through some posts on here, yours are always the ones that inspire me in one way or another. I love your creativity, planning and self awareness…hugs, friend!!
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I think I steal courage from you, ever since I found your blog a few years ago it has always made me feel like I should take some sort of steps towards my dreams or at least a better life. 🦁
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*blush, blush*- thank you!!