“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was Earth Day I built a bench and got clumsy with trash. I was really satisfied with life today. In the morning we went to robotics for the kids, it was cancelled, but we were at the museum so they had fun, then we ate tacos, which is nice, then we went to the zoo, I was grateful to have help or I couldn’t have made it to the museum or the zoo. Then we went to pasta dinner at my friends house, it was nice watching the birds, it’s a beautiful sound of the rainforest in that area. Dinner was lovely, seeing the plants thriving was really cool, seeing the sunflowers we planted together doing well, even some broken and taped with scotch tape and wire are growing well now. It’s a beautiful. I love being there with my friends and seeing their farm.
Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I was the end of recovery week one for my foot, I had fun playing Frederick the piano game. This week I was sick as well as injured and it’s a different game. Simple things like the laundry and cleaning are somewhat doable while injured, but while sick and injured they become not worth the effort. The feeling of excitement I have about sprouting seeds changes to a feeling of burden now that walking to the potting soil is almost undoable. Like how we enjoyed lizards and chickens but also grew tired of the labor the garden also becomes a burden at times. I try to set it up as much as I can to accommodate my own inconsistency. Self watering treys, drainage holes a few inches up to buy me extra days between watering, vermiculite in the soil to store nutrition and water and slow release it back. I try to keep things low maintenance, but I don’t have drop in place because everything has been broken, torn out, and renovated. I’m really excited about someday doing drip irrigation again, but everything here breaks and needs fixing so it doesn’t make it as easy as one would imagine to start drip irrigation if you have frequent earthquakes and storms that knock down the things or power your system is built around. I wasn’t hating life at all but it was a day of storing strength, feeling my limits, struggling to do the minimum. I would call it a struggle day. My dad threw a tantrum because we asked about changing a kitchen cabinet door, I really can’t respect the way he communicates, it no longer surprises me or saddens me, but I do think it’s too bad he never learned how to discuss his boundaries without throwing a stupid fit. Overall it was a restful day, I felt good because although my dad’s yelling about things that don’t require yelling is annoying it didn’t make me angry anymore because I don’t expect better of him anymore, I have come to expect him to throw fits, communicate poorly and expect that other people will respect him after he mistreats them, which they won’t. I see it as a lesson of how not to be in life, extra and disrespectful to others.
Monday/Unity Day: Last week I was high on life and injury hormones. This week it’s calmed down, but I still feel greatful and dazed. I was pretty low energy resting up, my kids were a bit sick and crazy. I bought some new Legos I am excited to build them. I’m happy for the way my sister and I raise my kids together, it’s not normal that my husband is out of state working or that our dad is an obstacle half the time and a help the other half, but it is our normal. My sister understands how hard the kids are, she loves them, she offers me items for them that my husband wouldn’t be interested in getting them, he pays for school and food and electricity, my dad let’s us share cars and housing, we are supported in a weird way, but at least we are comfortable. I’m happy the kids can grow up comfortable.
Clutter Fight Club: This week things are pretty messy and cluttered, at times we clean up the crumbs by the table or the kitchen counter trash ext, but I have a moldy bedroom shelf I need to get to among other things.
Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I experienced my garden from a handicapped perspective and it made me want to build more accessible gardens. This week I needed a lot of rest, my new cane came. My son wants my cane to inherit so I’ll leave him the cane and my daughter my necklace. It was a chill day, I worked on some Legos my daughter started a “how to” drawing book, she is a very good artist now, over the past two years she went from standard to better than average. It was impossible to get ahead of the day, I made muffins, but couldn’t make dinner (my sister brought some), I took a bath, but couldn’t clean my room, I watched the kids but couldn’t do the laundry (my sister helped me), I’m able to do some things then I can’t anymore. I’m not in pain, but my body needs a lot of energy for healing I guess. It was fun watching my son crack eggs and mix with the mixer he is a good baker at 4, I guess because we bake a few times each week, where as I didn’t really bake even once until 8 and it was more of a yearly thing if that.
Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week I limped into the beach with a bamboo stick pole. This week is Library Club Day. The dawn was beautiful today, fast and golden, I guess I woke up at the end and it probably lasted the same amount of time… I’m wondering how long it will take me to get to the library today. I haven’t been out by myself since I hurt my foot, I drove and that was fine, I’ve been at home and that was fine, but if I do go alone it will be the first time since I hurt my foot that I do go out alone. It was a wonderful day, some people from the community gave us feed back that math club was helping their family directly and they came to the library specifically to return. One family that we know of and possibly more that we didn’t get feedback from in only one month of being open in that way, that was more than enough for me to be happy. I was really grateful that they told me about it other wise I wouldn’t really know if our programs were having an impact or not. A few weeks ago someone said to me our math program wasn’t publicly known and it got to me so bad, so I started math club as a way for everyone to know we have math stuff, then we have more math stuff other than math club, but math club is a very public way to demonstrate that there is math stuff and what math stuff we can explain to those that are interested. I always had our math stuff on the internet but some people really don’t check the internet, so the criticism was somewhat valid in that many people didn’t realize what math stuff we offer, namely tutoring to interested kids. I feel good that now it’s very public and today it went very well, we had last years student and math decathlon teaching this years math club, so it’s an evolution in a way and it makes me happy to see more scouts taking on leadership roles in teaching ballet, break dancing (at the park), theater club (at the museum), math club, digital animation club, story boarding club (at the library). We have grown and are evolving and though it isn’t easy I think it’s the right thing, it feels like the right thing for our area. We are integrating various resources we can access and bringing them the people who need their services who are already comfortable as a group, it feels like we are linking educational activities with other educational activities in a way that integrates subjects and people. I think it’s the right thing for us as an educational charity, I think it stretches are very low amount of capital in a way that makes sense for where we are right now. But there was a lot of criticism from people who wanted to stay at the beach all the time, I acknowledge that, but I can’t let it define what I do who will complain about what I do when I feel like what I do is right. My gut tells me kids in our area need help with STEM more than anything and that they will engage in it if it is in a fun group setting, the details are more difficult to pin down, but the results I’ve seen back from the average workshop we run is that the kids around this area need help with science and math more than anything else. I’m a good math tutor and science teacher, I’ve become friends with most the kids, so I’m in a position to help with the STEM gap and I think I should, both early education and overall. I’m also into forestry and kid farming. So I need to let myself be myself and get past other people wanting me to be what I can’t and what I’m not and just be what I can be. It was such a beautiful day at the library, kids feeling good about their math skills mostly, kids learning things they didn’t know with no pressure, covering fractions which are almost universally hard for kids, linking Legos with math in the kids brains by hosting them back to back at the same location, almost nefariously using neuroscience to make math more fun, except that the end goal isn’t evil. Just making math more casual and fun for as many kids as we could. Having kids take leadership roles in positive activities. Having kids celebrate art to tell a story in storyboarding and digital animation. It was a really good day for me. It felt like our educational non-profit is in fact educational and operating in the name of community good, in real life, not just on paper, nor in a superficial way, nor in a way that doesn’t matter. I want to live up to the trust people give me not stand in the shadow of what I say I am or what I say we do. It was the feeling of honesty and integrity, sadly kind of a rare feeling.
Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I found the Thoreau quote about castles in the sky,
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
this week that quote has become a mantra for my life, a ray of hope that I will be able to achieve my dreams. I felt optimistic about life that somehow things are going to keep getting better and it’s okay we didn’t save more or do more during these past few dark years.
Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I browsed and bough a cane a long time before I expected to, but when it came it suited me well. This week I feel my heart, body, and soul healing, it’s a weird feeling. It’s going to sound silly but math club really cheers me up, that there even is a math club I take as a success. It’s there to make math fun, boost confidence, and shift perspectives. I felt satisfied about who we are as a nonprofit educational group again. I felt like we actually do have some integrity.
GARDEN CLUB GOALS:
Adventure Garden: Safe roads, expanded parking, future bathroom area. Pond repair. Paths.
Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.
Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.
FARM TOGETHER GOALS: ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood/koa, mamake/soursop.
CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demouse. Demold. Declutter.
Last Year to This Year
Last Year: It was the science fair, things were crazy, I did a martial arts tournament the Hawaii Triple Crown, I lost, but I understood what the other moms meant about it being significant just to compete after having kids, it was emotionally different than it used to be, a way to connect the past and present and say “I’m still alive.” I had a good time on one hand, I wanted to cry silently on the other hand, both were true.
I learned: א (alef), ב (beit) , ג (gimel), ד (daled), ה (hei), ו (vav), ז (Zain), ח (get), ט (tet), י (yod), כ (kaf), ל (lamed), מ (mem), נ (noon), ס (sameh), ע (Ain), פ (pey), צ( tsadik), ק (kuf), ר (reish) , ש (shin), ת (taf).
This Year: I am doing less and enjoying life way more, we still want to do a science fair, but we will give the summer to the kids to think about it and get ready and throw it right before school starts, so late July.
VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:
SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. I felt happy eating a delicious meal in a pretty garden. I wasn’t really thinking a lot about creativity, but we do have an Art Camp week coming up. SUN Faith in myself. I help my own well being well other people were being dramatic, that takes some faith that your own well being matters as much or more than other people’s desire to off balance you because of their negative emotions. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I was happy to have my core family, which is my kids and my sister, since I had kids my sister helped me a lot through my husband not stepping up as an equal parent or any like it. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am still want a lot of the same things I did before, a nice garden, home grown food, art time with the kids, art time for myself, music time, it’s hard to arrange the time well. I need a schedule but don’t feel really ready yet. WED Teamwork smarter group work. It was great we had a good flow at the library, we had people helping set up, math tutoring, clean up, it was nice having people to participate and people to teach, really came off well. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I definitely feel more isolated being injured I made it a point to go to my normal stuff, but it draining even though very satisfying. Having my body out of sync completely made me feel different about putting myself out there. I noticed all the kids and people wondering about my hobbling, some were kind, but I would almost rather just going under the radar. It felt good not going out after going out newly cripple. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I felt like what I was doing was enough, but also like I need to remember when I do get well to do things that matter instead of doing other people’s cleaning first and never taking a break. The world didn’t end when I stopped doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and when I am better I don’t want to prioritize those things to the extent I used to. I hope I have the courage to leave other people’s messes for them to use their life on it.
Live – Lift – Love
Live – I felt alive at math club, I was really happy.
Lift – I felt tired at the zoo, but I really feel like my kids enjoy it, I’m happy we made it.
Love – I love seeing new plants like broccoli growing in a garden, I never saw it before, it’s so pretty. I stop thinking I will see new things I enjoy because they are far and few between, but just seeing the lives of veggies is for some reason something I love.