๐ŸŽ W18 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿฅฆ

โ€œIf you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.โ€

โ€“ Thoreau

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was Earth Day I built a bench and got clumsy with trash. I was really satisfied with life today. In the morning we went to robotics for the kids, it was cancelled, but we were at the museum so they had fun, then we ate tacos, which is nice, then we went to the zoo, I was grateful to have help or I couldn’t have made it to the museum or the zoo. Then we went to pasta dinner at my friends house, it was nice watching the birds, it’s a beautiful sound of the rainforest in that area. Dinner was lovely, seeing the plants thriving was really cool, seeing the sunflowers we planted together doing well, even some broken and taped with scotch tape and wire are growing well now. It’s a beautiful. I love being there with my friends and seeing their farm.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I was the end of recovery week one for my foot, I had fun playing Frederick the piano game. This week I was sick as well as injured and it’s a different game. Simple things like the laundry and cleaning are somewhat doable while injured, but while sick and injured they become not worth the effort. The feeling of excitement I have about sprouting seeds changes to a feeling of burden now that walking to the potting soil is almost undoable. Like how we enjoyed lizards and chickens but also grew tired of the labor the garden also becomes a burden at times. I try to set it up as much as I can to accommodate my own inconsistency. Self watering treys, drainage holes a few inches up to buy me extra days between watering, vermiculite in the soil to store nutrition and water and slow release it back. I try to keep things low maintenance, but I don’t have drop in place because everything has been broken, torn out, and renovated. I’m really excited about someday doing drip irrigation again, but everything here breaks and needs fixing so it doesn’t make it as easy as one would imagine to start drip irrigation if you have frequent earthquakes and storms that knock down the things or power your system is built around. I wasn’t hating life at all but it was a day of storing strength, feeling my limits, struggling to do the minimum. I would call it a struggle day. My dad threw a tantrum because we asked about changing a kitchen cabinet door, I really can’t respect the way he communicates, it no longer surprises me or saddens me, but I do think it’s too bad he never learned how to discuss his boundaries without throwing a stupid fit. Overall it was a restful day, I felt good because although my dad’s yelling about things that don’t require yelling is annoying it didn’t make me angry anymore because I don’t expect better of him anymore, I have come to expect him to throw fits, communicate poorly and expect that other people will respect him after he mistreats them, which they won’t. I see it as a lesson of how not to be in life, extra and disrespectful to others.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I was high on life and injury hormones. This week it’s calmed down, but I still feel greatful and dazed. I was pretty low energy resting up, my kids were a bit sick and crazy. I bought some new Legos I am excited to build them. I’m happy for the way my sister and I raise my kids together, it’s not normal that my husband is out of state working or that our dad is an obstacle half the time and a help the other half, but it is our normal. My sister understands how hard the kids are, she loves them, she offers me items for them that my husband wouldn’t be interested in getting them, he pays for school and food and electricity, my dad let’s us share cars and housing, we are supported in a weird way, but at least we are comfortable. I’m happy the kids can grow up comfortable.

Clutter Fight Club: This week things are pretty messy and cluttered, at times we clean up the crumbs by the table or the kitchen counter trash ext, but I have a moldy bedroom shelf I need to get to among other things.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I experienced my garden from a handicapped perspective and it made me want to build more accessible gardens. This week I needed a lot of rest, my new cane came. My son wants my cane to inherit so I’ll leave him the cane and my daughter my necklace. It was a chill day, I worked on some Legos my daughter started a “how to” drawing book, she is a very good artist now, over the past two years she went from standard to better than average. It was impossible to get ahead of the day, I made muffins, but couldn’t make dinner (my sister brought some), I took a bath, but couldn’t clean my room, I watched the kids but couldn’t do the laundry (my sister helped me), I’m able to do some things then I can’t anymore. I’m not in pain, but my body needs a lot of energy for healing I guess. It was fun watching my son crack eggs and mix with the mixer he is a good baker at 4, I guess because we bake a few times each week, where as I didn’t really bake even once until 8 and it was more of a yearly thing if that.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week I limped into the beach with a bamboo stick pole. This week is Library Club Day. The dawn was beautiful today, fast and golden, I guess I woke up at the end and it probably lasted the same amount of time… I’m wondering how long it will take me to get to the library today. I haven’t been out by myself since I hurt my foot, I drove and that was fine, I’ve been at home and that was fine, but if I do go alone it will be the first time since I hurt my foot that I do go out alone. It was a wonderful day, some people from the community gave us feed back that math club was helping their family directly and they came to the library specifically to return. One family that we know of and possibly more that we didn’t get feedback from in only one month of being open in that way, that was more than enough for me to be happy. I was really grateful that they told me about it other wise I wouldn’t really know if our programs were having an impact or not. A few weeks ago someone said to me our math program wasn’t publicly known and it got to me so bad, so I started math club as a way for everyone to know we have math stuff, then we have more math stuff other than math club, but math club is a very public way to demonstrate that there is math stuff and what math stuff we can explain to those that are interested. I always had our math stuff on the internet but some people really don’t check the internet, so the criticism was somewhat valid in that many people didn’t realize what math stuff we offer, namely tutoring to interested kids. I feel good that now it’s very public and today it went very well, we had last years student and math decathlon teaching this years math club, so it’s an evolution in a way and it makes me happy to see more scouts taking on leadership roles in teaching ballet, break dancing (at the park), theater club (at the museum), math club, digital animation club, story boarding club (at the library). We have grown and are evolving and though it isn’t easy I think it’s the right thing, it feels like the right thing for our area. We are integrating various resources we can access and bringing them the people who need their services who are already comfortable as a group, it feels like we are linking educational activities with other educational activities in a way that integrates subjects and people. I think it’s the right thing for us as an educational charity, I think it stretches are very low amount of capital in a way that makes sense for where we are right now. But there was a lot of criticism from people who wanted to stay at the beach all the time, I acknowledge that, but I can’t let it define what I do who will complain about what I do when I feel like what I do is right. My gut tells me kids in our area need help with STEM more than anything and that they will engage in it if it is in a fun group setting, the details are more difficult to pin down, but the results I’ve seen back from the average workshop we run is that the kids around this area need help with science and math more than anything else. I’m a good math tutor and science teacher, I’ve become friends with most the kids, so I’m in a position to help with the STEM gap and I think I should, both early education and overall. I’m also into forestry and kid farming. So I need to let myself be myself and get past other people wanting me to be what I can’t and what I’m not and just be what I can be. It was such a beautiful day at the library, kids feeling good about their math skills mostly, kids learning things they didn’t know with no pressure, covering fractions which are almost universally hard for kids, linking Legos with math in the kids brains by hosting them back to back at the same location, almost nefariously using neuroscience to make math more fun, except that the end goal isn’t evil. Just making math more casual and fun for as many kids as we could. Having kids take leadership roles in positive activities. Having kids celebrate art to tell a story in storyboarding and digital animation. It was a really good day for me. It felt like our educational non-profit is in fact educational and operating in the name of community good, in real life, not just on paper, nor in a superficial way, nor in a way that doesn’t matter. I want to live up to the trust people give me not stand in the shadow of what I say I am or what I say we do. It was the feeling of honesty and integrity, sadly kind of a rare feeling.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I found the Thoreau quote about castles in the sky,

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

this week that quote has become a mantra for my life, a ray of hope that I will be able to achieve my dreams. I felt optimistic about life that somehow things are going to keep getting better and it’s okay we didn’t save more or do more during these past few dark years.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I browsed and bough a cane a long time before I expected to, but when it came it suited me well. This week I feel my heart, body, and soul healing, it’s a weird feeling. It’s going to sound silly but math club really cheers me up, that there even is a math club I take as a success. It’s there to make math fun, boost confidence, and shift perspectives. I felt satisfied about who we are as a nonprofit educational group again. I felt like we actually do have some integrity.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS:

Adventure Garden: Safe roads, expanded parking, future bathroom area. Pond repair. Paths.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood/koa, mamake/soursop.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demouse. Demold. Declutter.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: It was the science fair, things were crazy, I did a martial arts tournament the Hawaii Triple Crown, I lost, but I understood what the other moms meant about it being significant just to compete after having kids, it was emotionally different than it used to be, a way to connect the past and present and say “I’m still alive.” I had a good time on one hand, I wanted to cry silently on the other hand, both were true.

I learned: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I am doing less and enjoying life way more, we still want to do a science fair, but we will give the summer to the kids to think about it and get ready and throw it right before school starts, so late July.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. I felt happy eating a delicious meal in a pretty garden. I wasn’t really thinking a lot about creativity, but we do have an Art Camp week coming up. SUN Faith in myself. I help my own well being well other people were being dramatic, that takes some faith that your own well being matters as much or more than other people’s desire to off balance you because of their negative emotions. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I was happy to have my core family, which is my kids and my sister, since I had kids my sister helped me a lot through my husband not stepping up as an equal parent or any like it. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am still want a lot of the same things I did before, a nice garden, home grown food, art time with the kids, art time for myself, music time, it’s hard to arrange the time well. I need a schedule but don’t feel really ready yet. WED Teamwork smarter group work. It was great we had a good flow at the library, we had people helping set up, math tutoring, clean up, it was nice having people to participate and people to teach, really came off well. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I definitely feel more isolated being injured I made it a point to go to my normal stuff, but it draining even though very satisfying. Having my body out of sync completely made me feel different about putting myself out there. I noticed all the kids and people wondering about my hobbling, some were kind, but I would almost rather just going under the radar. It felt good not going out after going out newly cripple. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I felt like what I was doing was enough, but also like I need to remember when I do get well to do things that matter instead of doing other people’s cleaning first and never taking a break. The world didn’t end when I stopped doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and when I am better I don’t want to prioritize those things to the extent I used to. I hope I have the courage to leave other people’s messes for them to use their life on it.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I felt alive at math club, I was really happy.

Lift – I felt tired at the zoo, but I really feel like my kids enjoy it, I’m happy we made it.

Love – I love seeing new plants like broccoli growing in a garden, I never saw it before, it’s so pretty. I stop thinking I will see new things I enjoy because they are far and few between, but just seeing the lives of veggies is for some reason something I love.

๐Ÿฅฆ

๐ŸŒฑ W17 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

โ€œDo what you can, with what you have, where you are.โ€

โ€“ Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to coconut island the kids had a blast playing in the water. This week was Earth Day I visited my God Daughter, built a bench and then on accident dropped some garden trash on my foot. It was really scary, I have no idea if something was broken, but I was scared about bleeding out and major injury worse than a broken bone. I kept waiting for the pain, but I was so scared I guess my adrenaline kept the pain away or something. I was lucky it wasn’t worse, I felt really grateful the side of the trash with rusty metal didn’t hit me, the flat concrete did and crushed my foot down on the top part, later that day it was still crushed and bleeding if I didn’t elevate it. I’m glad I held direct pressure right away because it didn’t look like it was cut deep, but two days later I saw it was. Excellent day overall, felt a little ashamed and embarrassed to drop something on my foot, but it did make me feel happy to be alive and grateful for what I have, my kids who really care about me, my friends who help me without thinking about it, my family who will support me when they can, which is helpful, it’s more than some people have to get help and money when I could use some, it feels nicer than turning to the government which I guess is good too in a sense. I was really grateful to be alive and mostly well. It seems cheesy to say but when it happened I remembered Marcus Aurelius saying misfortune bore well is good fortune and it really did help me keep a positive attitude. At night I couldn’t sleep because my foot kept seeping blood and I was worried if I fell asleep I would un-elevate my foot and bleed out without waking up, or bleed so much I had to go to the hospitals, which aren’t my favorite way to spend money.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I sanded the wood for the bench we are making for Earth Day, this week it’s already installed, which feels nice. My foot took most the day to stop bleeding, which I didn’t understand because it only had two little circular cuts, but a few days later I looked under the bandages and one of the two was really deep inward… so in hindsight that’s why it took so long. I was grateful to my daughter for cooking for me and her brother and helping clean up, make tea and fetch me items. I felt kind of retarded for dropping trash on my foot. I was ashamed a bit, but honestly happy to be alive after being scared and actually elated to feel that even though I was scared it seemed like I was going to get away with an easy and cheap recovery and be well again soon without being in trouble. I enjoyed playing some Chopin on the piano at night. I enjoyed playing some Rimworld on the computer.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I dropped cinder blocks for the Earth Day bench, this week those blocks are a bench already, that feels good when projects roll like that. My foot fluffed out again, which was cool, I had less mobility, but the foot also looked like it would make a good recovery naturally which I was super excited about. I also felt excited to be alive, which felt hormonal. Though logically I have plenty of good in my life, I don’t usually feel as excited to be alive as this. My goals shifted to recover and notify people about what I can’t make it to, which felt so familiar somehow.

Clutter Fight Club: This week I did hobble around and clean my room from the floor, I didn’t wear myself down and I didn’t finish but I did tidy from disaster back to standard messy.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I was so happy to keep my People’s Garden Community Garden Status. This week my foot was very swollen to the point it hurt a bit from it’s own pressure. My friend gave me a poultice recipe and my daughter cut me some fresh comfrey, so that took the pain away really well and was soothing. It was crushed leaves with a teaspoon of salt, drained a bit and wrapped around my foot. I was grateful my friends were thinking of me, they really care, really sweet people. I went into my front garden without being able to walk and noticed the cinderblocks are kind of disability/convenient because they are low down but easy to get around, and the pea gravel was okay to scoot across, a little hot in the full sun, but then it cools fast as you shade it.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went rock climbing. This week I limped into the beach with a bamboo stick pole, but it was still nice seeing my friends and watching my kids have fun. I rested before going to the beach. I enjoyed talking to my friends after not seeing them for longer, sometimes I don’t appreciate it, but when it is less I do see the significance more of having people around me who support me, educated me, uplift me. I love the other garden people the most, but seeing the other people is fine too. I was so proud of one mom who brought a massage table to the beach and did scrubs for the other moms, it was so epic and cool she did that. It was inspiring that she made it happen after wanting to do it for about two years.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I shored up the side wall of the fish pond. This week I was both sick and also hurt/cripple. I felt blessed to have friends harvest me some healing herbs (plantain – not the banana – laukahi) the day before, I put them on and took a bath in Epson salts. I harvested more myself from my yard as they grow as a “weed” here, but I’ve started to consider growing them since they worked for my messed up stomach like curry leaf does and now for my smash injury as well. Very grateful to the plant for helping me so much. I was really weak from the combination of being sick and injured, I was at peace with the mess, but I noticed a mouse crawl under the fridge and I know we have to deal with that before it becomes a nightmare to clean all the mouse hair, poop and urine they leave all around wherever they go. Hoping we get it out humanly, but at all if not, because I’m allergic, I want to be well and I want my kids to be well more than I want the mouse to be well, though I don’t hate mice at all, they are cute and I would love them were they in the wild. My sister was tired from cleaning, dishes, the kids, the mess, but I feel like she really understands me better feeling my daily day for the most part, so it felt satisfying to see all the stuff I usually do tire out all the people who took over. Even though my injury keeps getting better it was a decent moderate injury so it will take some time. I got overwhelmed and hopeless at points during the day, but because I knew I was sick I didn’t take it to heart that much, I feel emotionally sh*tty when I am sick, I know that about me. I looked up cinder block castles and found this quote I liked a lot:

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

Not a huge surprise I like it, it’s Henry David Thoreau, I’ve always like Thoreau after reading Candide when I was a preteen.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week we went to visit a friend and see my daughters adopted chick. It was a pretty chill day, I browsed and bough a cane, still felt ill. The watermelon and bell pepper seeds were sprouting in their bags in the kitchen, I should have been happy, but I felt drained. I love nature, but you can’t time it, you can’t turn it off and you can’t control it. So my daughter helped me pot up the bell pepper and watermelon to old bags of soil, she help me spray neem on the berries, bokashi the watermelon sprouts (diluted) and then we made soursop juice, which is delicious. I’m a big fan of Grow, Cook, Eat, even though we grew different stuff and then made juice from someone else’s fruit, it kind of felt like the show and that was fun. In Pokemon Go, which I started to play in bed and realized later is about walking, ha ha ha. I had to think of a user name and all the ones I wanted were gone, so I became Dr. Bonsly. Even though it’s a video game user name, I felt some degree of success finally becoming a doctor after dropping out of medical school applications and finishing all the premed schooling, at least I am now a doctor in one capacity (a very limited capacity). It’s strange but satisfying form of closure for me. I am satisfied with my life overall, I love being a pretend farmer, hosting a real (though dilapidated) community garden, helping my kids with school and writing on this blog, those are the things I don’t hate.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS:

Adventure Garden: Safe roads, expanded parking, future bathroom area. Pond repair. Paths.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood/koa, mamake/soursop.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demouse. Demold. Declutter.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: It was the science fair, things were crazy, I did a martial arts tournament the Hawaii Triple Crown, I lost, but I understood what the other moms meant about it being significant just to compete after having kids, it was emotionally different than it used to be, a way to connect the past and present and say “I’m still alive.” I had a good time on one hand, I wanted to cry silently on the other hand, both were true.

I learned: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I am doing less and enjoying life way more, we still want to do a science fair, but we will give the summer to the kids to think about it and get ready and throw it right before school starts, so late July.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. To celebrate Earth Day we built a bench, I found it creative, I find the act of building really a creative process even based on other people’s plans. SUN Faith in myself.ย I messed up my foot and I’m not against going to the doctors later if I feel like it, but I gave myself emotionally permission to go when or if I feel like it and recover the way I feel like recovering and it feels good to trust myself and believe in my body to heal. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am happier with my family when I am not the one doing too much housework, I got to find out that because my foot was messed up or I would have just done most the work and not known for sure that if I don’t have to life is happier. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I want to fix up the community garden to a cute place for people learn and a functional place for plants to grow and sometimes I am scared I can’t or don’t know where to start, but I really do want to make it nice here. WED Teamwork smarter group work. I could help much at the beach meet up, but other people stepped up and made it awesome, that’s something I believe will always happen that the way things balance will always be enough, it sounds irrational, but I’ve come to believe it anyways. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I needed herbs from my friends to bring the swelling down, the comfrey I was using wasn’t enough, but the laukahi was, it was nice to receive the wisdom and the physical plants both, very touching for me as a plant enthusiast. FRI Purpose know what I can do. This week I can do barely anything, but I’m proud of getting a lot done when I could and somehow I’m at peace with just being alive this week, some weeks survival is enough.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I rest and play games, it’s not a lot, and I know a lot of people look down on it, but it’s fun to see the art, it’s fun to experience what’s new, it’s cool to see how games have changed and stayed the same. I do it less, but it still make me feel alive to relax and play games for an hour or two.

Lift – I felt really supported by my friends harvesting healing herbs for me and tending my wounds, it’s a position I wouldn’t want to put myself in, but I was really grateful for the kind help with no I told you not to do stupid things comments.

Love – I love that my friend harvested enough corn for all her family to have a piece of fresh corn from her own garden that I got to help set up. It’s like we have a community garden that exists in people’s homes instead of a normal one at one place, that way people can get to and tend and harvest what they grow, but in some sense it is a community garden spiritually.

๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

๐ŸŒฑ W16 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿง—

โ€œDo what you can, with what you have, where you are.โ€

โ€“ Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to the museum for Theater Class and I was so happy that got restarted. This week we went to coconut island with a pop up tent, three chairs, fishing poles, boats, towels, extra clothes, water bottles, the first aid kid, it was just about right for pulling in the wagon and it seemed like enough stuff. The kids had a blast playing in the water, I liked my new long sleeved shirt so I could be in the sun a lot, together with my hat I was able to tolerate the extreme sun really comfortably in the water pulling the boats for the kids. We could use a longer rope… My kids had a really fun time playing with the other kids on the beach and I was happy to see them having such a fun time. My son walks a little too far for a four year old, but in only one year he will be expected to be all by himself at school so maybe it’s good he feels growing independence? I feel at ease at coconut island that’s why I like it more than the other beaches I go to, knowing the kids are not escaping helps me enjoy the day even if I have to cross the bridge with our stuff I like being across the bridge, it makes me feel like I’ve escaped the real world just once a month.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I did a lot of gardening, moved the bench that my dad made for my grandpa, rearranged the cider blocks and added gravel in. This week I sanded the wood for the bench we are making for Earth Day and stained it, it took a lot longer than I expected, but that’s how wood work seems to be. We made crepes, it was nice, we eat simple foods a lot of the week it was nice to eat something fancier and have a pretty relaxing day. Woodwork can be really relaxing after you know how to use the equipment, I like watching the wood get smooth when I sand it. I like looking at the color change when I stain it. Staining wood reminds me of the first time I stained wood for a garden trellis that was really beautiful. The garden I made it for fell into disrepair when I was pregnant, my husband always complains but he didn’t and won’t understand how draining it is to be pregnant and working full time, there isn’t time for everything in one life, making room for one thing costs another thing. I feel upbeat working on something for Earth Day I have loved Earth Day since attending a beach clean up/festival when I was a preteen.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I looked over my old Google Keep Notes and noticed how my values shifted. This week I had had to get out the door early, drop off an extra mattress, drop off cinder blocks for Earth Day and then I made curry at home. I’ve made enough soups and curries now that it’s not too bad anymore. Getting the broth right is still not set in stone, but at least the rest is okay. I laid the weed cloth for a larger road way, split up bamboo orchids, repotted fairy gardens, fertilized with bokashi. We did some cleaning, vacuum/mop the floors, washing blankets, stuff like that. I’m proud of my daughter being so good at cleaning. My daughter took a math test, she is okay in 3rd grade math, 2 years earlier than the school system here would have started her, I’m glad she is with me or she wouldn’t be getting the education her brain is ready to get. I feel tranquil working in the garden, I get into a good flow and the day passes quickly, but with a feeling of satisfaction, joy, and peace. I really like feeling tranquil after feeling tense and chaotic so much during my life.

Clutter Fight Club: This week I added things in, adding the right things in can help let the wrong things out, I believe that.

Made with Lucid Chart (Free Online Chart Maker)

This week I didn’t need to update my goals, because nothing is “done” but I did make progress on the watermelon, the ohia, the mamake, school, organizing, and the side roadway. A reasonable amount of progress, I feel pretty good about it.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I felt disconnected and when I reflected I realized I was unhappy with a lot of large things about my life, my spouse, my lack of owning a house, my lack of even having a plan. The USDA approved our People’s Garden Status today I was so happy, it meant a lot to me to be officially part of something that aligns so much with my own values. I was really inspired by the whole project, it helped me think about what assets my garden has to offer (picnic table, bench, relaxing bird sounds, room for a walking trail, good climate for berries, good learning environment for kids, native birds to watch and good area to grow native plants, pretty views) vs what is holding it back from being safer or more accessible (lack of separate bathroom, parking, safe pathways).

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week went over some paperwork at an informal directors meeting. This week we went rock climbing, it was a nice first field trip for the scout group. I really enjoyed the climbing, but I prefer rope climbing and outdoor climbing to bouldering or indoor climbing. I still need to learn how to use the climbing equipment that we got, ascenders, ropes, harnesses, I’ve used them when someone helped me, but I haven’t set them up for others. I miss that kind of exercise in my life where it doesn’t feel like exercise, but I can still use some of my body, like rowing, archery, climbing, I like high intensity and then rest, I don’t like steady exercise like walking, hiking, running at a steady pace. I do like jump rope and boxing and high intensity workouts that are shorter. I hadn’t exercised in so long I forgot that I do actually enjoy it. It was a joyful day seeing the kids climb and climbing, some of the little kids didn’t climb much, but it was cool they mostly got to be included.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I was excited my daughter was ready to start a fairy garden. This week I wanted to shore up the side wall of the fish pond, which was collapsing. I was thinking about how to do it and I remembered a conversation with a friend about how circles become hexagons if the side walls compress and it led me to my fix.

Lots to Do

Side Wall Collapse from Woodrot

I Want to Add a New Shallow Part

I really enjoy using cinder blocks, they are pretty strong. I leveled these for the pond so eventually when I put rocks on top those rocks will be able to sit in the water evenly with support on the bond board “shelf”. It looks like I will need 2 more loads on cinder, 15 fit in the car okay at a time… I’m so short I can safely make it under the cave area but I will be as careful as I can and kind of clear out the area as I go so I can get and and out without tripping. When we moved to the Big Island we did not know how much the weather was different than Oahu… It’s Call of the Wild kind of weather… Of like a hot Scotland, it demands rugged (or smart/flexible) construction or it’s going to break your sh*t. Now that we know that we can deal with that, we have strong wind strength to deal with, extreme moisture, extreme UV, frequent earthquakes, non-earthquake earth shifting from the volcano caldera dropping nearby, VOG fumes rusting metal ext. I feel energized when working with cinder blocks.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I got inspired by the Portland Oregon Japanese Garden and bought onions. This week it was great to visit a friend and see my daughters adopted chick “Eggy” and brush some goats. I don’t seem allergic to these goats, I wonder if I am allergic to only one kind, but not another? We had some kids sleep over, they were good and slept not too late and were good about leaving early in the morning for Earth Day, so that was surprising easy. I felt really grateful visiting my friends house because they are so welcoming and the kids have so much beautiful and fun to take in there.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Spouting Mamake.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa, corn, watermelon and strawberry.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was doing good for the community more than before, but at the cost of my healthy, my family time and my home organization.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I am struggling less when I leave space for me and my family in my own week, even if others complain it’s very necessary for me so it’s the only choice I can make.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. Changing the venue for boating really worked well, the new area has room to swim, but it’s in the harbor so the water is pretty tame. There is a bridge but we got a wagon to cross the bridge so that made it reasonable. SUN Faith in myself.ย I sanded a bench for Earth Day it may be a small thing, but it was something I didn’t do before, I learned how to do it. Starting creative projects is always emotionally draining, to decide what project to invest in among so many, to learn how, it feels like you risk a part of yourself more than just money and time. Like you put yourself into your work. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am starting to take a leadership role more at home, I want to take care of the home and garden and make it nice for the kids to inherit and also for us to live in now, it does mean I have less energy for friend and community stuff, but I knew I needed to shift towards taking care of home for a long time, I just didn’t know how or when it would happen. My dad is kind of realizing that he will need to hand over some stuff as he ages and I am starting to pick up some of it and attempt to work as a team even though it’s daunting. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am motivated to get my life in order because I want to fix and run the People’s Garden here at my house, it means so much to me to be involved with a real community garden, it’s an honor to me. WED Teamwork smarter group work. We went climbing for a birthday it was helpful to see which kids were able to follow directions more or less, and which ones were not, so now I know which ones are candidates for more difficult climbing physically/mentally and which are not right now. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I needed to fix a wall at the fish pond, my dad paid for the materials, a friend gave me an idea on how and I did the work (to get started at least) it felt like a good team effort in a way. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I feel pretty sure that the garden is the way forward for me to blend what I like and what I can help others with, I think that’s my purpose this year and maybe someday it will change but I feel that repairing and opening the community garden is my fate right now and also the next right thing for me to consciously choose like it’s both fated and chosen.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I build things, I want to stay within my limits, but I really enjoy the process.

Lift – I helped out a bit with a birthday event, even though I hate kid birthday stress, it’s a hard balance to help but not get over extended. It takes some thinking and pausing to stay green or yellow but not go into the red zone.

Love – I love that the ponds are getting renovated, they can be beautiful but we did need to work a bit more and put a bit more effort to get to a good stopping point again.

๐Ÿง—

๐ŸŒฑ W15 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ

โ€œDo what you can, with what you have, where you are.โ€

โ€“ Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was “Dance, Roll or Skate” it was really fun, the art activity was great, we made photo frames and my kids love the one we made. This week we went to the museum for Theater Class and I was so happy that got restarted. I was proud to watch my daughter teach that class, she kept practicing and getting better. It took us almost a year to find the right time and place to start theatre class again, but in the end the Museum is perfect because they don’t mind us sharing the stage. I was happy to have fries with my friends after the museum. Went to the airport to get my dad, then got groceries, got gas and made cabbage soup, it felt like a long day by the time the car was unloaded and dinner was ready.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I had to go to the airport. This week I did some gardening. I talked to my dad about where he wanted my front garden and moved the bench that my dad made for my grandpa. The same amount of cider locks in a new pattern look more interesting. I want to scrub the cinder blocks, add soil, write down the amaranth before I forget what it is. Planning to build a bench for Earth Day and maybe make some bokashi is with spouts… I was happy with the garden progress, still wat to add more soil in the block squares, tur the soil that is there, I am hoping to start more sunflowers in the soil, but I wonder if I should use Mexica Sunflowers so I don’t have to replat like I have to with mammoths. Ordered some fairy garden stuff, which was cool. Walked my daughter through a math challenge about Rabbits, I am proud of her for being able to add and multiply so well. At night I took slugs off the plastic collars, it doesn’t stop them from crossing over, but it seems to make it easy for me to see them at least… I wasn’t patient enough to see if they come from under the soil or over the plastic, but I am glad the strawberries are doing well overall and I am glad that taking the slugs off the collars is easier than hunting them in other places. I’m proud I got more courageous, they say courage is the mother of all values, because without it you can’t stand up to anything. I guess pest control is the courage of gardening, it’s pretty important to not allow pests to make your food crops unsafe if you really plant to eat them. I’ve been cleaning my own items, home, paperwork, garden and notes lately, I’m happy that it happened. Before I felt blocked and now I don’t, I’m not really sure why it was like that and what changed.

Day 1

Day 2

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I redid my goals sheet and replaced the graphic from last year with this year. This week I’m looking over my old Google Keep Notes and seeing how I’ve changed. I still enjoy using Zazzle Business Cards to make goal charts. My values switched from integrity, earth care, persistence, clarity, presence, harmony and order to creativity, faith, unity, self-determination, collective work, cooperative economics, and purpose.

Earth care switched to collective work, which was good, the game Farm Together encouraged me to get help farming and help others farm. Integrity switched to Unity, which was good because being focused on getting along with my family instead of my own integrity has helped me get along better, I still maintained my own integrity without making it a mental focus. I guess I was too introverted or burnt out to be group minded during the pandemic and as a new mother, being part of a group has been healing, but I had to be ready first not after, I couldn’t just get used to it, I needed to be ready to put myself out there emotionally. Clarity became purpose over time, as I felt what my heart wants, which is what I call purpose (not what I can do for others) I was able to own what I feel like my purpose is and take steps to shift energy and time and money towards that, I only told one person how I really feel about it, but it felt so good to tell someone who seems to understand. Presence shifted to self-determination, instead of being in the moment I’ve shifted to a mindset of looking forward to what I am doing and building, though I like living in the moment a building mindset requires looking a little ahead and that is where I am in life right now. Harmony shifted to faith, which is good, any change seems to stir up dis-harmony but having some faith that I’m doing the right thing to lead back to harmony and a positive change is a healthier place for me, a place where I stir up mud to do things and trust it will settle back down. Order has turned to creativity, which makes sense, before I stayed home in my own routine now I go out to help with and take dance, to teach music, to help with theatre, it was very emotionally difficult to become more public with creativity, but I don’t regret it, because I was able to plant some seeds of creativity for the community, which benefits me directly, but others as well, I really think the whole community thrives when creativity thrives, that the human mind and soul crave beauty, novelty, story…

Clutter Fight Club: Last week I did metaphorical cleaning, reviewing goals, letting go of fears this week spiritual, psychological, existential, cognitive cleaning, not on purpose, I just notice and feel it happening, letting go of old feelings, of who I was and ready to move on into the future or at least the present, I’m recovering emotionally from the pandemic trauma of the lockdown and food shortages and uncertainty if our family would be okay. It feels really good to forgive some of it, heal from some of it and let some of it go. When it happened I didn’t think it would affect me much, little by little it did and I was left wondering if I would ever be the same again. I’m not the same actually, but at least I am recovered, I changed a lot, got a lot more anxiety about things I didn’t have anxiety about before and less about what I did have anxiety about before, I shifted. I don’t know how I feel about things changing so much, I don’t really want to think about it right now, some good things happened, but at the cost of my kids being really stressed and restricted, so I don’t want to say only good came out of the pandemic, that wouldn’t be true. I guess I can say the time I had to reflect and the experiences I had outside of my normal routines helped me see myself better, but the amount of stress and tension that my family had because of everything degraded some of my family relationships to the point I don’t think they will be salvageable, so I don’t know if it’s a “win” but it was something that happened with loses and benefits.

Here are some quotes I keep collected, I usually keep them to myself, but I may as well put them out there, it feels right today.

1. โ€œWhen one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.โ€ – Helen Keller

2. โ€œThe question isnโ€™t who is going to let me; itโ€™s who is going to stop me.โ€ – Ayn Randou feel in your heart to be right โ€“ for youโ€™ll be criticized anyway.โ€ – Eleanor Roosevelt

3. โ€œNo one is to blame for your future situation but yourself. If you want to be successful, then become โ€œSuccessful.โ€ – Jaymin Shah

4. โ€œThings may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.โ€ – Abraham Lincoln

5. โ€œHow wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.โ€ – Anne Frank

6. โ€œGreat things are done by a series of small things brought togetherโ€ – Vincent Van Gogh

7. โ€œItโ€™s not the load that breaks you down, itโ€™s the way you carry it.โ€ – Lou Holtz

8. โ€œKeep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.โ€ – Theodore Roosevelt

9. โ€œDonโ€™t say you donโ€™t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.โ€ – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

10. โ€œIf you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.โ€ – Napoleon Hill

11. โ€œIn the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.โ€ – Albert Einstein

12. โ€œSuccess is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.โ€ – Maya Angelou

13. โ€œBe happy with what you have while working for what you want.โ€ – Helen Keller

14. Youโ€™re so much stronger than your excuses.

15. โ€œDo what you can, with what you have, where you are.โ€ – Theodore Roosevelt

16. โ€œYesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.โ€ – Rumi

17. โ€œThe question isnโ€™t who is going to let me; itโ€™s who is going to stop me.โ€ – Ayn Rand

18. โ€œA surplus of effort could overcome a deficit of confidence.โ€ – Sonia Sotomayer

19. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.โ€ – Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

20. โ€œThe problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.โ€ – Pirates of the Caribbean

21. โ€œWe realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.โ€ – Malala Yousafzai

22. “Failure is not the opposite of success, itโ€™s part of success.โ€ – Arianna Huffington

23. โ€œBe a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.โ€ – Judy Garland

24. โ€œWhat hurts you blesses you.โ€ – Rumi

25. โ€œThe world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.โ€ – Paulo Coelho

26. โ€œIโ€™m not in this world to live up to your expectations and youโ€™re not in this world to live up to mine.โ€ – Bruce Lee

27. โ€œItโ€™s not what you do once in a while itโ€™s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.โ€ – Jenny Craig

28. โ€œFalling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.โ€ – Brian Vaszily

29. โ€œThe adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of like is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give.โ€ – William Arthur Ward

30. โ€œIf youโ€™ve never eaten while crying you donโ€™t know what life tastes like.โ€ – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

31. โ€œRemember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasnโ€™t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.โ€ – Louise L Hay

32. โ€œOne, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and donโ€™t throw it away.โ€ – Stephen Hawking

33. โ€œA goal is a dream with a deadline.โ€ – Napoleon Hill

34. โ€œWe delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.โ€ – Maya Angelou

35. โ€œDreams are the seeds of change. Nothing ever grows without a seed, and nothing ever changes without a dream.โ€ – Debby Boone

36. โ€œThe secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.โ€ – Socrates

37. โ€œHow to stop time: kiss. How to travel in time: read. How to escape time: music. How to feel time: write. How to release time: breathe.โ€ – Matt Haig

38. โ€œThe trouble is, you think you have time.โ€ – Buddha

39. โ€œThe greatest gift you could give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you canโ€™t get back.โ€ – Unknown

40. โ€œTime always exposes what you mean to someone.โ€ – Unknown

41. โ€œDefeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat is accepted as a reality.โ€ – Bruce Lee

42. โ€œOur greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.โ€ – Confucius

43. โ€œIt is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.โ€ – J.K. Rowling

44. โ€œSuccess is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasmโ€ – Winston Churchill

45. Whenever you feel like a failure, just remember that even Coca Cola only sold 25 bottles their first year.

46. โ€œEverything is hard before it is easy.โ€ – Goethe

47. โ€œEither you run the day, or the day runs you.โ€ – Jim Rohn

48. โ€œVery little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.โ€ – Marcus Aurelius

49. โ€œLife is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.โ€ Helen Keller

50. โ€œThe woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has been before.โ€™ – Albert Einstein

51. โ€œThe man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.โ€ – Mark Twain

52. โ€œDwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.โ€ – Marcus Aurelius

53. Book 7, 47 – Watch the stars in their courses as one that runs about with them therein; and think constantly upon the reciprocal changes of the elements, for thoughts on these things cleanse away the mire of our earthly life. – Marcus Aurelius

54. โ€œDo something today that your future self will thank you for.โ€ – Unknown

55. โ€œThe greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.โ€ – William James

56. โ€œIt take s nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone.โ€ – Hans F. Hansen

57. โ€œMotivation may be what starts you off, but itโ€™s habit that keeps you going back for more.โ€ – Miya Yamanouchi

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I updated my goals from last week and had completed some important goals as well as unwanted responsibilities. I made plants for many goals, it was a productive week, I wish every week important goals got done, but sometimes I can’t work that hard because I’m tied up with bullsh*t.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I finished some paperwork that I wanted to get done and that made me happy. This week I am so tired and apathetic, I’ve been having trouble putting my feelings into a name lately, labeling, but actually I feel really disconnected and apathetic lately. My dad came back, that makes me feel stressed, I feel like a pressure to explain myself or a fear that I won’t be understood, I guess instead of wanting to feel repulsed by the pet mess or annoyed at the passive aggressive illogical banter I feel apathetic instead. I guess apathy is a sign of hiding from or turning to numbness instead of being angry or sad. I’ve worked physically hard for a few days, I’ve emotionally been drained by my friends feeling hectic, though I don’t mind being there for them making some phone calls ext makes me tired. My sister is sick, caring for her by making her food or tea is so draining, I can’t believe people do that for other people it really tires me out. So actually even though I am really tired and kind of sick of extra work, I am really fulfilled by the garden making some changes and I don’t want to lose momentum. So I am torn between a need for rest and an ambition to finish my garden projects. My dad’s dog barks more than most dogs and the way it sounds when it walks annoys me, so having the dog around stresses me out, since I’m living in my dad’s house it makes me kind of ashamed I didn’t save up enough for my own house, perhaps I just need to be far enough away to not hear the dog bark and clip clop around on the floor… I really hate that dog, it feels good to say that, I don’t think about it on a normal basis. My husband, I don’t know what he expects to do with his life and I don’t know if I want to live with him. Living without him I would eventually need to go back to work the weekends at least, but I’ve learned how to be happy, how to teach the kids, how to have a nice life. Living with him I don’t know if he will snap at the kids, which I don’t feel like they need, I don’t know if he will criticize me, which I don’t want in my life anymore, I don’t know if he is going to manage his stress without trying to take it out on us? I don’t know what it will be like living with him again or if I want to. I feel bad for him that he is sick, but the kids are about as much responsibility as I can take, I can’t baby him with a special needs daughter, it’s not possible for me. I don’t know what will happen between us at this point and that’s tiring, the last 3 years I’ve been 50:50 between divorce and staying, or actually the last 7 years when I am really honest. He hasn’t made a plan for our future and it kills me, and it doesn’t kill him that it stresses me. He hasn’t been attentive or kind to me on a person to person level. He hasn’t been an equal partner in raising the kids or even made an attempt to try harder when I ask. Now that we are starting to struggle financially, that’s the only thing that wasn’t broken… the romance was broken, the respect was broken, the peace was broken, the equality was broken, the novelty was broken, but we had a stable financial household, now that is less sure, it doesn’t sound pretty, but now that everything is broken I don’t know if I start fixing one by one or cut my loses. Am I going to say that publicly? Yeah, everyone who knows me knows I live a brutally honest life.

I ran into this quote on my list of favorites:

โ€œOne, remember to look up at the stars 

and not down at your feet. 

Two, never give up work. 

Work gives you meaning and purpose 

and life is empty without it. 

Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, 

remember it is there and donโ€™t throw it away.โ€ 

– Stephen Hawking

So, I guess I will keep trying with my husband, just probably have to learn to be more assertive about telling him what he does doesn’t work for all of us and maybe even that I have a point I will walk away from, but I don’t have to walk away if we don’t hit that point again. We have been to that point twice, when he left the country to party before we planned our wedding and when he was too harsh with the kids and they needed therapy after, I guess I need to remember what that place feels like so that I can tell when he is over stepping what I want to be involved with in my only life. I guess I’m ready to walk away, but I am also ready to stay, either way.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went to the library for math club, Lego club, animation club, chess club, it was nice to be back at the library after so long. This week we went over some paperwork at an informal directors meeting since one director was sick. It felt good to get on the same page. We had some pasta. I saw some little baby beets growing up and small corn, it was nice to see that. I talked about how I was having trouble tackling more paperwork without a designated time slot. I talked about the reasons I had for wanting to share more responsibility out and my vision of the future and I asked the other ladies about what they thought, I think they will need more time to think about it though.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I planted beets, this week they have sprouted nicely. I’m happy my dad paid for $300 of pea gravel, it’s looking really calm and pretty along with the existing greens and greys we already had. The front area was more or less level already so laying weed cloth under and spreading the gravel there wasn’t hard, the hill next to the house runs on a slope so it will need more gravel there to level out, unless I find something cheaper there to fill, maybe yard cuttings? Using gravel will be faster, filling with something free would be cheaper. Not sure yet. I go t a pretty fairy garden for my daughter, usually I would have gone cheaper, but it is beautiful and it’s the one she wanted to have.

Friday/Purpose Day: Last week I visited newly hatched chicks, a goat and a new garden, then had friends over at my house. This week the kids are sick, I feel like it missed me (or at least didn’t hit me hard -yet). Trying to be good about spending, writing down what I send now. I bought onion seeds today, but before paying $14 for a 8 type variety pack I found out Hawaii needs “Short Day” onions not long day onions, many onions I tried to grow like Walla Walla were “Long Day” onions, so it’s not all the way my fault they couldn’t survive, then I spend $2.07 on just one kind of short day onion. I can already imagine another renovation for this front garden. Portland Oregon Zen garden boarders and new paint/plastic rock faรงade. New benches for more seating, planters for more privacy from the main parking area, not sure how much will be too much, but it’s okay to plan and imagine.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Spouting Mamake.

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa, corn, watermelon and strawberry.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was doing a lot, but super stressed out trying to find time to take care of the house, cook, exercise, clean my teach stuff, organize and keep my finances and paperwork in order. I wanted to make time to paint and write, relax and play music, but I never did because fun things took a back seat to productivity in the year that followed.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I am still struggling to make piece with my dad leaving his dog pee for others to clean, leaving his dog’s poop all over the yard, leaving trash all over the driveway and his junk on the kitchen, the floor, where ever, it takes a lot of stress or patience for a hoarder and non-hoarder to cohabitate and I often think it was a mistake on my part to enter into that situation with my kids, because I have no patience for my own kids that I love by the time I’m frustrated with my dad being a dysfunctional cleaner.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. Changing the venue for theatre helped a lot, having a stage helps the theatre vibe, having a few people together and some audience does as well. SUN Faith in myself.ย I talked to my dad about the garden layout, it is difficult for me because I don’t like the unclear way he talks, I just want a straight answer. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am struggling with the feeling that my dad doesn’t care about how his dog poop and trash makes the garden less enjoyable for the kids to play or for me to maintain, I don’t want to talk to him and find out he doesn’t care, I don’t believe talking to him will help, I really don’t believe he cares to clean up his own responsibilities, I think he doesn’t care and won’t change so much that I don’t even want to waste my breath talking to him about how I feel about it. I don’t want to clean after his pets because I don’t want him to get more as he ages further that he can’t care for himself. He might do it, but I don’t have to support it in anyway. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am trying to tune into my inner voice, but right now that I’m a bit sick I feel like my negative thoughts are blown out of proportion because I am a bit sick. WED Teamwork smarter group work. We began the discussion of legal terms and paperwork, it was good, it’s nice having a week out of the public eye after having a week in public for clubs. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I really enjoyed landscaping this week, I had a goal and was able to have enough time to work on it and finish that area, so often I am waiting on materials or something I don’t have (sprouts ext), this time I had everything I needed so it took 3 days instead of forever to finish a little landscaping project. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I feel unsure between my kids, my gardening, my friends, I don’t really know what my purpose is, I felt so unsettled by my husband wanting us to be somewhere else in the summers, I especially don’t want that, I hate how the people closest to me are the people who cause me the most trouble, I wish I had more supportive people in my life, what I have is a lot of trouble makers and not listeners and some nice people, but I don’t like the ratio still, I don’t think I can be myself until I know when and where I am living and I try to ignore the uncertainty, but it doesn’t disappear, it bothers me not knowing and that keeps me from enjoying life more and checking in with my feelings, because I have a feeling of dread at not knowing what will happen, since I don’t know.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I rake the gravel, I like the sound and the feel but also I like that I’m completing a garden goal.

Lift – I am encouraging my friends to start their own starts, it’s fun to see what they grow, one is starting collards and tomatoes and another squash, I am doing mostly bell peppers right now, but some cherry blossom and cedar too, it’s nice that we can be ourselves but get along.

Love – I love that my bokashi is working now for fertilizer so I don’t have to import more, part of the highest cost to my garden was fertilizer because I don’t have any chicken manure or cow manure or finished compost or basically anything else to fertilize with other than bokashi, worms are illegal to import where I live so I can’t make a worm bin for worm casting. But now that the bokashi is going well I feel like I have enough fertilizer for my needs without having to buy anything further.

๐Ÿ

๐ŸŒฑ W14 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿฉฐ

Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis…

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week was “Surf N Turf” at the Mokupapa Center and the Zoo, I really enjoyed it. This week was “Dance, Roll or Skate” it was really fun, the kids all seemed really in the zone scootering, skating or dancing and enjoying a wonderful sunny day, there was art as well and that was really enjoyable and low pressure, exactly how I like art to be. There was a family of ducks with four ducklings, blooming flowers on the grass and trees, it was the beginning of community ballet and the next phase of breakdancing and both were awesome. I had a wonderful time pushing some of my responsibility onto our President and her kids, I think they will do well with it and I know I can’t run our 8 monthly event by myself, even though we always help each other, being in charge is a different level of stress.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I wore my new dance clothes and did break dancing after visiting the Observatory. This week had to go to the airport, something I don’t like very much. Before that I did some driver’s training, which actually I like more than going to the airport, but less than gardening, but still more than cleaning or cooking. I like it more than cleaning and cooking, because I trust it will not be a project I have to keep doing daily or often. I’ve been feeling good about how some of last years goals got done and other ones are closer to being done than they used to be. On Thursday this week we met our 501 savings goal, which is important because I didn’t want to pay for the fee, I saw it as a sign that if the community paid for the fee it showed support and solidarity that what we were doing was right and in favor or the community, it was significant to me that we raised the fee together.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I went out to help a friend after doing some schoolwork with the kids. This week I redid my goals sheet and replaced the graphic from last year with this year, for some reason it was painful to look at the mantra I started with on this series top for April, “Omnia mutantur, everything changes, nos et mutamur in illis, and we change with it”. I’ve had a lot of change in my home, in my friend group, in my scout group, in my schedule, even some new students in our home school network, new classes in my children’s life and my life. I wonder if that’s how April always is? This April for sure is full of massive changes. Picked up a friend’s child from school, my kids had fun hosting, I admire his mom for being brave enough to go back to work, a really active and generous lady, but definitely different than me. It’s my nature to reserve myself, reserve my time and then in emergencies I have that reserve, other people live up to the edge of life or over it, I don’t care to do that or be like that, I need some breathing room.

Clutter Fight Club: Last week I did a lot of physical cleaning, this week it was more metaphorical cleaning, reviewing goals, letting go of fears.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week went to help a friend set up a school area and caught up on paperwork a little bit. This week I caught up more and it so that feels really good to not have it hanging over my head as much! This week I’m starting to get more comfortable in larger groups again, not like I’m a social butterfly, but way less social anxiety. I’ve thrown out the idea we are going to be able to accommodate all the kids, people or families at all the events and I’m hoping they can reflect on what they most want and communicate it to me and we can accommodate them at least once a month. I’ve also remembered to look at myself, my own family, pay attention to our goals and limits and notice when we are overextended or overworked. I have to hand more responsibility off to others if the group is ever going to function during the 6 months when I am away.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week I planted mamake and ohia seeds and went back to the beach for music time, the same kids for martial arts and story time. This week we went to the library for math club, Lego club, animation club, chess club, it was nice to be back at the library after so long. We talked to the branch manager, which was nice, she was supportive and patient with our kids that didn’t know the proper library etiquette yet. I wasn’t sure if there would be any interest or attendance, but we had a lot of both, now we need more structure and support. Our lack of punctuality as a group is making things difficult at this particular event, if possible we should improve on that aspect. It’s really nice to have support from the Library staff, we didn’t ask for permission up front, because we didn’t know what to ask for because we didn’t know what the kids interest would be yet.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I did a lot of cleaning. Had a talk about financial sustainability with my funders. We planted beets and took some photos of the garden to make some plans for the future. It’s nice to take my kids to do some farm work with the other kids on Thursday. It reminds me of the preschool I used to have, it reminds me of the life I wanted to have, it somehow ties together my identity of the past, who I am now and how I want to change the world into the future, sustainable gardening connects all three pieces in a way that nothing else really does. At one point three of us were potting a blackberry into a bigger pot and it was so fun, even though it can be done by one person, it was fun to be doing it together. Took home some amaranth so that was cool, at a point I used it for a Fend Shui wealth vase, it reminds me of when I was younger and also of prosperity.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week we had people over for cooking, which was fun, then a sleep over, which was fun, then rolling into dance day, which was fun, but in hindsight I would space things further apart. Today I cleaned the bathroom in 10 minutes, except the sink (which took 1 minute more), sprayed everything with vinegar, wiped everything, started the laundry, put stray items into the drawers. Cooked some pizza, bread and cassava. Visited some hatching chicks, which was very fun, I was happy to see our kids happy and receive the generosity of the family hosting us. We had so many good teas and saw a lot of new plants and even got to take home cassava, it’s always nice to take home a new plant. We made pesto from the basil in my kitchen, which was nice, I love fresh basil and also love eating home grown produce.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Trying to spout Mamake (seeds ordered).

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump pond.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa and watermelon.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Passport. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was super stressed out that my husband was leaving the state.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I feel better about things not working out with my husband here. I’ve been able to do a lot of good things and settle into a healthy life for me and my kids. My husband wasted some money moving back and forth, but that’s life. The kids miss him sometimes, but mostly are okay with him being far away since they feel like he cares about them and that they are important to him. Still struggling with slugs, just picked a bunch off the plastic collars that are supposed to help. Maybe I can add metal to the collars? I’m more brave then I was last year, it was really hard for me to deal with the presence of slugs before, today I touched a bunch of them moving garden stuff around and it was really gross, but I washed my hands a bunch and put the slugs away in a jar of salt water, so even though it was scary and gross there wasn’t a real risk of me getting sick or my kids getting sick and that’s what makes it so scary is that we could get sick and die from the parasites our slugs carry, rat lungworm.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. It was great being a participant of an event, it was awesome having ballet for my daughter and break dancing for my son, we all had a great time with the art project. I enjoyed having art and preforming arts (dance) together. SUN Faith in myself. I moved camping and the science fair off April because April is a crazy time for most of our families between the biggest festivals, Earth Day, birthdays and Tournaments, but I think it’s the right thing to do and fill in those things at a better time. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am more comfortable with my family the less I focus on them and the more I focus on communicating and completing my own goals. My friends have become my family as far as support, and my family more like friends as far as I can’t count on them… TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am delegating more work, not to do less work, but to do the work that matters to me. WED Teamwork smarter group work. Library clubs were hard since it was the first day, but what they will offer is better than what we had before and I like that we are working towards something better, more well rounded and valuable. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I had such a fun time gardening, it’s interesting to see different gardens, how the weather, soil and elevation differences affect the plants and how different gardens affect people differently, helping them relax and heal, or inspiring them with beauty, or supporting them with food. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I had a good time making bread and pizza, I have become a good baker over the past year, practicing pizza over and over helped me get it down solidly.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I support dance, seeing the kids dance seems really worthwhile, I like it too, but I really love the kids feeling comfortable enough to dance.

Lift – I am supporting a friend who went back to work by helping pick up her son for a little bit, it feels nice to help her have her identity as a career worker since I have reclaimed mine as a farmer, teacher and scout director.

Love – I love that the Farm Together Program is still going, I love that we were able to start chess club, math club, animation club and Lego club at the library, I love the people who are still coming and the activities that we are doing together, even though they are imperfect, they are perfect to me in a sense, that they are good things to be doing and a mostly positive and safe emotional environment for the kids and for the adults as well. It’s a healthy, safe, fun space 98% of the time and I love that.

๐Ÿฉฐ

๐ŸŒฑ W13 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ–ฅ๏ธ

Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis…

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to coconut island, to fish and play with our friends, I had a really good time with the little boat. This week “Surf N Turf” the Mokupapa Center and the Zoo, I really enjoyed it. The zoo was a fun place to do big bubbles. It was nice watching new kids have fun with the giant bubbles. There was a lady I don’t care for at the petting zoo, but I had to let it go since I was with the kids. There are certain people not worth talking to or engaging with, negative hateful people who just aren’t worth the time it would take to get frustrated by. I’m excited to use more resources around us in our community such as the knot tying at the Mokupapa Center, their robotics program, I’m not sure what else, but I’m happy to be integrating into the other educational resources in our area. When I do our paperwork I have to describe how are we integrating into our area and I’m happy we are doing it in a real sense instead of half way fabricating a connection that doesn’t exisit for paperwork. That’s not who I want to be.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week we went to the bay, the kids had a lot of fun on that dirt/sand beach. This week I wore my new dance clothes and did break dancing after visiting the Observatory, very nice day for me. Played at a new rec center and it was fun to be somewhere different. I like the kids, the place and the vibe there. I was happy to check out Imi Loa Observatory’s children’s museum, their shows are included so we watched a really inspiring show about how people see the Orion constellation as a drum, or part of a canoe in different parts of the world, the thunder bird was cool as well. Orion was a personal favorite, because it was easy to see the three in a row and I had trouble and also because I like archery. I’m happy I can still see it after moving far back and forth in the pacific. The dance class was very helpful, I’m finally getting better at my six step.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week we finished my daughter’s Social Studies and got more focused on Math. This week we had a lazy day covering some school work, but then went out to help a friend after, which is nice as long as we are not too behind on our own home and schoolwork.

Clutter Fight Club: Helped a friend instead of myself this week, happy for their progress. In my own home I’m realizing having it not cleaner makes me afraid of new people, but I’m okay having people I’m already used to over. I’m afraid the kids may get hurt more than that it’s messy… which is a factor too, but especially the unsafe paths make me worry. (Later in the week I did some cleaning, not really decluttering, but that is good too, to get the dust and mold and grime off surfaces before it takes a deep hold.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I worked on reseeding the lawn, it’s been crazy rainy so hopefully the seeds are happy and not washed away, time will tell. Went to help a friend set up a school area, it went well and I’m happy it got done, it feels like something I wanted to do coming together. Caught up on paperwork a little bit so that feels really good to not have it hanging over my head as much. I thought we would run into someone better at paperwork than I was, but in the end we didn’t yet so I am working on finishing that just as I have been working on finishing my cleaning project. I’m happy to get those two things done, I also want to get my garden cleaned up and check on all the Farm Together Gardens, that’s defiantly my favorite program I’ve been a part of lately.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week I worked on transcripts and worksheets at home, I saw that I wanted to step away from a lot of group stuff, but not all, then I actually did, writing about it/realizing it help me live my truth more. Today I am ready to go back and I am happy to go and I am aligned with why I started and what I want to do in the future, sometimes a reset is important. Planted mamake and ohia seeds, hoping for a cell germination on peat moss to be better than what so far hasn’t worked. I really enjoyed some new kids enjoying music time, the same kids for martial arts and story time, but I was happy that it worked out and I liked how much deeper people got to explore the instruments with less going on and less people to wait for, it did feel a little empty, but also low pressure and casual and beautiful. I had time to really talk to my friends, I wouldn’t mind if it was always a small group. Later I bought replacement headphones for school and dice and number lines for math club, trying to keep my spending down and be conscious of it.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week my daughter finished Social Studies, and I took a more positive attitude towards cleaning. This week I did a lot more cleaning, I have guests coming over Friday so I wanted to make sure I cleaned but the day started with an airport drop off, then laundry pick up (we saw a cool rainbow on the way), then washing laundry and blankets most the day, doing school and cleaning the house. The bathroom I don’t clean as much took 25 minutes, the normal one only 10 since I did it last week, the back bedroom I don’t usually clean took at least 50 minutes and was full of mold, water and broken systems of trash, laundry and returning dishes… a lot less clothes than in the past, which is good to let air circulate. I started the hall, Livingroom, moved the sofa to clean the floor, then got really tired, which is okay because it was really late after just those 2.5 rooms… tomorrow I really should clean the kitchen and fridge because we are going to cook and the fridge smells gross. I’ve gotten really good at dishes and laundry, but I’m still not the best at organizing and I don’t know at all about grout and detailed cleaning yet.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week we dropped off new milkweed sprouts and planted sunflowers. We had a fun cooking competition and got new gravel for the garden. It was a lovely day, two shifts of friends came over and it was nice, but time seemed to fly by. I do like having friends, getting support, learning new things, but also it seems like with a lot of friends over there isn’t time to think about life and goals. So a middle ground is nice with some days together and some days apart to think about what to do next and to breathe and enjoy life. I like cleaning for friends to come over, I like gardening and playing together, but I like reading and drawing by myself so I value some quiet and tranquil moments built into the week so I don’t forget that I like that time to myself. I’m struggling with a balance still.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Trying to spout Mamake (seeds ordered).

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa and watermelon.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Passport. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I wanted to plant lavender, I don’t have any large ones, but I do have starts I was able to germinate from seeds. I did fix the small pond, I did read to the kids and I am getting more organized, so a lot of things came to pass and some other things I’m working on still. I’m still struggling with slugs in the garden. Wondering about my student loans because the two sides of the government are fighting over it in court. “Vacillating between tired of cleaning and tired of a mess. Frustrated with the way my kids prefer to listen if they get punished, I would prefer a kinder gentler world, but they simply don’t respond to positive reinforcement without negative reinforcement no matter what studies say, my kids won’t behave without periodic punishment.” that was last year and it’s exactly the same feeling still… happy for spring cleanliness, but tired by the cleaning. I should take care of the blueberries we planted last year. Last year I tried sprouting soursop seeds and got impatient, this year I heated the seeds via paper towel method instead of direct sow and it went much faster. Looking at the pictures of this room from last year is fun, last year kids stuff dominated this room, this year this room is dominated by my non-profit stuff and my style, so it’s fun that it became my space, because I hadn’t really claimed any space since getting married. The living room used to have our lizard, but this year we aren’t keeping caged lizards anymore, that’s helpful to not have the cage to clean and crickets to buy. I like lizards, but I don’t like pet care. I was super sad my friends were leaving but kept moving forward making elephant toothpaste for the kids at the beach, demolding my house and growing blueberries, three things I’m still up to this year again.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. It was nice being next to a giant butterfly for bubble time, it felt different than bubbles at the beach. Trying a new recipe for the bubble mix was worth it. SUN Faith in myself. I was camping last year, but this year we are starting more classes and I want to help nurture their start up through the rough scheduling and feeling out locations/routines/equipment phase. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. I am not comfortable with my dad still, but being around my friends helps a lot, we are supporting one another more and more. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I am getting more in touch with my intentions, what makes me happy, what I think is right than ever before. WED Teamwork smarter group work. It was really good to do a reset of my own activities, although I am helping with other classes I see that I let mine slide and become disorganized in the process, I’m glad I was able to make corrections to bring it back into my life and the communities life. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I am getting better at coordinating with the other directors, for a long time we didn’t talk via text much and when we sometimes missed eachother we fell more and more out of the loop, I’m glad we are starting to all be on the same page again. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I didn’t realize it but I would find out I’m a good bubble chemist on Saturday.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“ (daled), ื” (hei), ื• (vav), ื– (Zain), ื— (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf).

This Year: I’m starting to feel more of myself after having kids, my youngest is 4 now, I feel like I have my own identity again, I’m taking care of my appearance better (not for dating, but just to look presentable and normal or well), I have my own room space for now, I feel like I have a job, even though it’s not a paying job, and I feel like I have a purpose outside of my kids, to help people garden. There are a lot of changes with the scouting group, I feel like they are really positive changes that will set us up to grow in a healthy way for the future. That we can and will stay authentically who we started as being as long as we keep checking in with our intentions.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I loaned a friend my extra monitor after I said I would, that I can say I will do something and then do it makes me happy.

Lift – I am supporting new classes and clubs that I think will really benefit the kids and people in our area, I’m excited to empower other people to know they can teach before they have everything perfect or the perfect class structure or venue…

Love – I love that some of my friends understand me, some still don’t, but that there are so many that do get my humor or understand what I mean and especially that respect my dreams and boundaries, I love being around my friends again for the first time since Jr. High…it was draining socializing after the pandemic, but I’ve become less drained by it and had some interesting experiences because of my friends.

Our first coding student from last year’s coding camp finished the next coding course, that is very inspiring to me.

๐Ÿ–ฅ๏ธ

โ˜” W12 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ€

Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Author Unknown

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went to the Museum of Science and Technology. This week we went to coconut island, to fish and play with our friends. It went well setting up and crossing the bridge, for some reason being on a smaller island across from an island makes me more aware of how much food we do or don’t have… I want to figure out something good to bring eventually. We had fun between fishing, boating and playing in the sand. I love that little island, it feels like a metaphor, it feels healing and it is very beautiful. We dropped off my husband to the airport at the end of the day, my daughter was sad and my son was alright, the opposite of the last time. I guess we need people, or feel we do, differently at different times in life.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week we had a garden day, a little composting, some weed cloth laying (going to lay more weed cloth/mulch). This week we went to the bay, the kids have a lot of fun on that dirt/sand beach, it’s extremely sunny. I think we all got burnt even with two applications of sunscreen. Possibly if we hadn’t just come from the beach the day before we would have been okay. I think in the future mandatory hats at the bay front, it seems much brighter than our normal beaches are. My dad went fishing, I guess that works for him. In the future, maybe a cold juice and hats. Probably do half a day of school in the morning because we didn’t leave until about noon anyways. Early lunch, make juice in the morning and muffins… Perhaps music class in the morning and just a quick water of the garden. Maybe once a month instead of twice… I talked to my sister about wanting more balance and she said schedule down time first instead of last.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week we covered some extra English to kind of catch up with the academic year. We did Social Studies and Math, covered reading before lunch, then outside time after lunch. It was cute, my daughter learned to swing. I got annoyed with my father trying the micromanage my daughter’s swinging… I was happy she did what she wanted anyways, but sad that he doesn’t have more manners or sense than a seven year old. We tolerate his argumentative nature, but it keeps us from really respecting him. Respect is a two way street, people who don’t address others respectfully will never really be respectable themselves in a true sense. We got our new dance floor in and I put it away in it’s rolling carts, I charged the speakers, changed the mics batteries, unboxed the projector screen, cut the golf lawn with a hand sickle, electric grass cutter, manual grass cutter and weed whacker. All have certain advantages. The weed whacker doesn’t take out stems better then the hand sickle, the manual grass cutter separates dandelions from grass well. I don’t like the weed whacker much… but I do see a speed advantage, though I feel less connected to nature and the plants which takes away from the joy of gardening for me. I guess it could be good to maintain something, but it doesn’t feel as helpful for designing and feeling out the terrain and soil. Started my values reflection again, that feels good, so I’m starting to get more organized at home, in the garden and kind of existentially as well. I wanted to help a friend set up a garden and another tidy up and I was able to do those things, so yes I have my own garden and home to tidy, but I’m happy to be able to rise together, to give and take help in a way I wasn’t used to doing before. It feels good getting some new clothes and new uniforms for the kid’s homeschool.

Clutter Fight Club: I cleaned my own room today, moving the bed and shelves, wiping the windows and shelves down with anti-mold spray. Cleaning the baseboards, floor and tables with vinegar. First I put everything misc into laundry baskets, then I started separating obvious trash out, then I saw some items should be together, dance class items, martial arts/exercise items, prizes for school, pens for white boards, pens/pencils not for white boards, camping stuff, movie making stuff, my personal clothes, clothes that rarely get used. I put the laundry away as I found it, I put things for my friends in bags depending on what friend they are headed out to, I started putting garden stuff together.

In the office I didn’t start much, just putting papers vertical, books vertical, and pens away.

In the garden I used old soil/soil bags for new sunflowers and milkweed plants, potted the chayote in soil, and moved my second generation sunflowers from soaking to toilet tissue/zip lock germination bags. I moved the bokashi outside (long in coming), and set up the next aeurogarden headed out bound, I wiped down the patio tables, which felt good, it had been a long time. Everything sat fallow in the colder part of winter, but it’s locally spring already where I am, the seeds sprout in 1-2 days and it just feels hot already after a stormy and cold start to the year.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I we finished building the picnic table, it felt good to finish a project as a three generation team. Today I worked on reseeding the lawn. It’s been a long time since I put in the golf green in the back yard, it wasn’t hard to start a lawn, but it’s different than a green in that a golf green is very low, even the high part is lower than the low part of a lawn. So without spending a lot I hadn’t figured out how to trim the grass to the right height yet. Still experimenting with that. I sowed what I think will be better grass for our area, it’s Bent Creeping Grass instead of Bermuda. There is still some wild grass and weeds that can be removed, but I’ve been removing the weeds and fallen leaves in general and raked to try to aerate the soil, then I used a hose setting to try to break up the soil, now it’s a waiting game to see how the new grass does, I’m debating adding a higher plastic margin around the grass to keep more weeds out…

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we went to the arboretum and the waterfall. This week it’s raining and we cancelled our friend meet up, it’s pretty relaxing. Lets me work on transcripts and worksheets at home. Got a lot of report cards printed out… It felt good to be home and sort half my bedroom clutter, a lot of tiny items just needed to get returned and other items needed new homes with the room evolving after my husband moved rooms and then the kids moved rooms and the room returned to me unexpectedly. Unexpected would be a good word to describe my life right now. I’m homeschool kids I didn’t know I would have, separated to a husband I didn’t know I would get married to, working at a non-profit I didn’t expect to form, and trying to make it jive with what I think my true purpose or at least true happiness in life is, gardening/farming. I like to grow food to spiritually connect kids or people to Earth, not about volume or profit, but just sharing that joy of growing. I also like to design garden areas that set the scene of healing, healing the soul from the stress and constant barrage of modern life. Detox Gardens… Soul Sanctuaries. Altars of Nature… not sure how to call it, but I can see where my abilities, strengths, education, and life experiences intersect is more along the lines of gardening and less towards people, even though I’m stewarding our scout group as best as I can I don’t want to always be involved with event planning, notifying people, supporting other people’s goals/education/growth. I can’t wait for the day I can step away from all non-gardening aspects of the group stuff.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week planted sunflowers in a friend’s garden. This week the kids were sleepy, it’s just a sleepy day this morning. I do like not having to start the day early because we are homeschooling. For awhile I was trying to compete with regular school, keep the same hours ext. Now I keep as many hours, but we start later if we want to, fill in weekends if we want to ext. I’m trying to use my advantages where I can since I have disadvantages of having to source teachers for theatre, music, exercise and having to buy science, playground and shop equipment… I’m happy that I do have support from other homeschoolers. My daughter finished Social Studies, which is usually a happy day, but my daughter was very emotional and felt like a regression of her 6 year old self who just started school and was rebelling against the idea of having to put in a normal student work day. I can’t abide a student not studying, so we pushed through the day, I hope I was kind, but I know I got results. I’m excited to be getting some gravel and some new bamboo, it’s going to be beautiful here someday. I’m happy to get things done and upgrade the house, but I’m also happy with myself right now, I feel like I’m starting to improve myself in the way I bite off small responsibility, like cleaning the bathroom in the morning. There are still more things that could get done, but I’ve started to get a handle on “regular people stuff” like cleaning up, putting things away when I come home, accepting the cost of gas, charging my cell phone…

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week we went to visit my husband’s coworkers and found koa seeds. This week we dropped off new milkweed sprouts to be raised in a warmer garden, planted in ground red sunflowers, dawf sunflowers, teddy sunflowers and kale, delivered white sunflowers and an aeuroponic garden system with some spring seeds from the community seed bank. A lot of changes in the garden in just a day. The kids got to paint with a really awesome instructor, which was nice. We made nan from a new recipe that was pretty good, 3 cups of warm water with 6 TS sugar, 4 TS yeast proofed for 15 minutes, 6 cups of flour, 1.5 TS salt, 3/4 TS baking powder, 3 TBS oil, stir, kneed, rest for 30-90 minutes in an oiled bowl with a towel over.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Adventure Garden: Plank Road, Milkweed (six). Front-Front: Trying to spout Mamake (seeds ordered).

Jungle Garden: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder.

Tropical Garden: Organize Plant Starts.

Farm Garden: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100), sandalwood, koa and watermelon.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Passport. Backyard road.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room. Declutter my bedroom items.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I felt overwhelmed socializing, but this year I reconnected with myself, I’m doing good things, helping start speech and breakdancing was right for me, even if other people won’t understand why I diverted my time and energy from what they preferred, it was right for me. Last year it was a huge effort to feel in public and this year I feel better than I ever have, because I represent people without voices, trees, kids, quieter introverts, remembering the people I care about most gives me the strength to face embarrassment, misunderstanding, tension and ridicule. Maybe it’s just getting older too, I know teens have trouble speaking up, it’s also the supportive people in my life lifting my spirits.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. This week felt really good as far as the changes we have made to move public things to the weekend have felt right and worked out really well now that we dropped the midweek days for now. It makes me feel like we made the right decision to shift to weekends publicly (our scout non-profit) and to enjoy our weekdays casually again. The week becomes more creative again because we are trying new things and open to new ideas and places, it’s almost like an artist’s date now. I’m really enjoying it. SUN Faith in myself. I feel a little scared, about being able to step up to help with camping, and being able to meet my own projects of gardening/farming/forest restoration and doing the non-profit paperwork and doing homeschool well, I’m looking forward to my husband getting us a home so I can take a vacation half the year. I’ll be trying my best to support the new classes though. MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. This week I felt really comfortable with my own kids, with being apart from my husband, with letting my sister have some time apart from us. I am still not comfortable with my dad, it seems like no matter what we do to compromise with him, he will sulk about people not wanting to do everything his way, so it makes me feel like not even trying to harmonize with him at all. So mentally I know it’s easier to work together, but emotionally I have no desire to set myself up for disappointment. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. I’m starting to know myself, but it’s backwards somewhat, meaning I know what I don’t want in my life. WED Teamwork smarter group work. It’s been scary communicating more, but it’s leading to people having the activities they want more. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. I didn’t realize it but I would be experiencing it on Sunday at dance class. FRI Purpose know what I can do. I didn’t realize it but I would find out I’m a good bubble chemist on Saturday. SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. I lived this by trying a new bubble recipe and a new meet up and both went really well.

Last year we grew daffodils are a garden club, this year lilies instead. Last year I had a stomach ache too, I wonder at the similarities from year to year that occur on the same days. I was sad/happy my good friends were leaving/staying a bit longer. The group was growing and I was enjoying it, enjoying my kids spending more time with other kids.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“, (daled), ื” (hei), ื•, (vav), ื– (Zain), ื—, (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf) and don’t want to forget.

This Year: I made the adjustments I needed to between my social life and home life, between my professional life and social life, between my kid’s educational and family lives, boundaries make life better. But there was a backlash.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I complete my own goals, even if they are silly or small, I accidently got sucked into completing other people’s goals to the extent I didn’t have enough time for my own anymore. I’m starting to find out what is comfortable for me to give and what I need to keep for myself, it’s been really good for me and in the long term good for those around me so I’m not completely burnt out of the services I am comfortable helping out with.

Lift – I am helping with healing garden spaces because I want to, I am helping start new educational classes because I want to, I am not running a large social club, because I don’t want to, I’m not worrying about the future right now, because I feel like I can’t bear that emotional drain right now.

Love – Things feel chaotic, like winds of change, so I’m trying to be a leaf on the wind at peace, but focusing on things I love, my friend’s first sunflower sprouting, my other friend germinating seeds in an aeroponic garden for the first time, some kids seeing giant bubbles for the first time, seeing middle aged kids still feel comfortable to play at the zoo, hearing jokes from teens that feel safe joking to me, seeing smiles of people that understand my humor, feeling comfortable with friends that we don’t need to talk or look fancy.

I feel inspired today to write 100 good things from this year:

  1. My son’s birthday party car track being fun.
  2. My son sharing a birthday cake nicely with a friend born close together.
  3. A friend baking my son’s birthday cake for us.
  4. A gift of home made sunscreen.
  5. Making perfume for my God Daughter hoping she will like it.
  6. Knowing other people don’t like their birthday too.
  7. Piecing my nose again reminding me of being young.
  8. My friends worrying about my nose when it had a bandaid.
  9. Watching a planetarium show with kids, without getting kicked out.
  10. Seeing my friends in person.
  11. Seeing my daughter dancing.
  12. Seeing my son dancing.
  13. Hearing my son sing his own song.
  14. Playing Pokemon Battle Royal with my friends and kids.
  15. Getting a new book.
  16. The library being open again.
  17. Pulling my friends in a tiny boat next to a tiny beach.
  18. Having good health.
  19. Trying to save the forest.
  20. Learning to Bokashi precompost for fertilizer.
  21. Gathering forest seeds with my kids and kids.
  22. Visiting the arboretum and learning more trees.
  23. Ordering Japanese Pine Tree Seedlings.
  24. Ordering gravel.
  25. Getting new bamboo that might grow better in our climate.
  26. Saving strawberry seeds from seascape strawberries.
  27. Trying to plant a new row of sunflowers.
  28. Putting together the front fountain I wanted to do for a long time.
  29. Feeling more comfortable dancing.
  30. Feeling more comfortable living.
  31. Being less scared of being around people.
  32. Being less scared to speak up for people who are scared of being around people.
  33. Being okay with not liking to clean other people’s messes.
  34. Making a boundary class with the All Your Base meme.
  35. Enjoying multiplication songs just because I enjoy them.
  36. Had a home made soup that was good.
  37. Helped my friends enough that I don’t feel guilty.
  38. Re-did the Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements
  39. Took the time to listen to parents requests for educational programs, even if we can’t do them all.
  40. Got a museum pass for the kids again, which is something I like them to have in their life.
  41. Restarted theatre class, which is very challenging for me.
  42. Made an effort to encourage speech class to start, which was so rewarding and taught me so much.
  43. Made an effort to support break dancing class, which is so body positive and helpful for esteem, fitness, and soul health.
  44. Made an effort to become comfortable with failure or start a conversation about that.
  45. Found a better bubble solution mix to bring costs down and improve quality.
  46. Learned new skateboard tricks at 37, which feels fun and amusing and rejuvinating.
  47. Built a cool lego castle on the sea with lights and gears.
  48. Made a scout frame project and took it to share in public. From harvesting the wood, prep, design and display.
  49. Did my first trellis in the garden.
  50. Cut bamboo for kid fishing poles.
  51. Found something my dad and kids like to do together that is meaningful and fun and healthy instead of just fun for one person and boring for the other.
  52. Accepted help more.
  53. Accepted my limitations more.
  54. Accepted the idea of failure.
  55. Bought a new hat and dress, something I don’t do much, I don’t emotionally hope for a good fit that will be worth the money spent.
  56. Had my hair dyed pretty with blue and purple.
  57. Dared to dream that things can work out with art and music ext someday.
  58. Built a gazebo and picnic table in the back yard.
  59. Started a grass lawn remodel.
  60. Taught my kids their names in Japanese.
  61. Restarted language classes in our school.
  62. I let people know I believe trying is good enough.
  63. I let people know I care about them.
  64. I shifted slightly towards healthier food with fiber/protein French Toast.
  65. I got help managing my emotions from an unexpected place, other wordpress writers.
  66. I got help crossing a physical bridge to an island where we meet now, in the form of a cart from my dad.
  67. I got help managing my school from Roger Billings and his school, which still helps me in my day to day quest to educate my kids with current facts and science rather than 50+ year old facts and science that I got taught in my school system…
  68. I got help accepting myself by seeing other people struggle to live their truth even if it’s difficult socially.
  69. I tried a bread fruit for the first time.
  70. I learned more about the stars than I’ve ever known by looking at them across the seasons of a year.
  71. I told my friends I love them, but I will prioritize my family and needs first and them second. It was a lot for me to say and even more for me to mean it/do it.
  72. I saw my God Daughter grow as an artist and be more vocal about her feelings.
  73. I saw many of the students I educate thrive in the subjects they once struggled to complete.
  74. I saw that when my friends rise I rise, and when I rise they rise and that we affect one another in a hidden, but real way.
  75. I saw that my life holds a lot of potential for new learning.
  76. I was surprised I could organize some clutter I was struggling to organize in the past.
  77. I saw when I help others garden I learn a lot.
  78. I heard very beautiful music at the beach.
  79. I felt the sun on my face after sickness and darkness seemed to be all there was.
  80. I survived having COVID with asthma.
  81. I survived life in general.
  82. I am a better parents than my parents, bucket list check.
  83. I accept my kids for who they are in my heart, bucket list check.
  84. I made friends with some birds.
  85. I saw my son smile his sneaky smile.
  86. My daughter cooked for me.
  87. I learned the miter saw.
  88. I feel as strong as I was before having my kids.
  89. My soul feels unbroken.
  90. I feel happy to be alive in and of itself.
  91. I’m okay disappointing people.
  92. I turned to internally validating myself after being bullied.
  93. I supported my son when he was bleeding that I was there to honor his crying and pain and hurt not diminish it or try to deny it or stop it. That I care for him when he is in pain not just when he is happy, that I’m proud of him when he is weak not just strong, that I’m not embarrassed of him if he has a reason to cry.
  94. I noticed about myself that I don’t like tense situations and I allowed myself to choose to opt out of situations beyond my tolerance for comfort.
  95. I got less anxious about paperwork, even though I still don’t relish it.
  96. I got less scared of writing or publishing public blog posts.
  97. I felt less guilty about my own limitations and less ashamed to be myself and be imperfect.
  98. I learned to see the line between my goals and other people’s expectations more clearly.
  99. I taught a little bit of Chemistry Class.
  100. I remembered that the good outweighs the bad and it’s a normal human tendency to imagine the bad as x9 more prevalent than it is to help with survival over an evolutionary timespan.

So it’s a chaotic moment, in a chaotic period of time, in my chaotic life, but focusing on the things that did work gives me some confidence to keep going.

I told a friend once, it’s okay, you are not “leaving,” you are “going,” it’s true for us all the stream of time, we are going forward to whatever is ahead.

๐Ÿ€

โ˜” W11 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ‘ž

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Author Unknown

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we picked up my husband for a two week visit. This week we went to the Museum of Science and Technology, then we went to the hot springs which are interesting. I really enjoy the museum, and we added in a new speech class that was fun. The kids wanted to keep doing extra speeches it was fun to see that they actually enjoyed the activity instead of just completing it to complete it. The teacher was very good. It was nice to have a weekend activity go well because we are switching from midweek to weekend right now and I don’t know how many activities will be fun vs not fun. It was a busy day, I had fun going back to the hot springs, I had been avoiding it because I hadn’t been there since my friends from Israel left.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week we went to Essence Island and let the kids swim and play. This week was a garden day, did some composting and checking in with plans of what was going to be done on the site. Going to install more mulch and weed cloth in the central area it’s still a bit untenable. My husband stayed home he was a bit gardened out after helping with a squash trellis the other week. I’m glad my projects are going better at home. I learn a lot at my friend’s gardens about plants and the climate difference and for some reason most my friends are better at large size plant care, I think it may be a steady rain at their climate zone that I don’t have. I lost a few trees to a micro drought that hit before the back to back wind storms and winter rains, my friends mostly don’t have to keep an eye on dry weather. I’m also at 4000 feet and most of my friends are lower down where the elevation won’t be a major factor.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week the kids were happy gardening. This week we covered some extra English and worked on a picnic table. The kids took a walk with me to look for lizards, we found one, but it was run over. We also found some forest seeds and I started trying to plant them on my seed tray. It was a nice walk around the neighborhood, it’s so rainy I seldom have walked around here. My husband gets frustrated easily, it’s more peaceful living by myself than with others, I wonder if when I’m old if I will be left alone and hate it or enjoy it? I guess I should really make more time to be alone before that happens, maybe if I took more time by myself to recharge I would enjoy the company of other people more than I do. Right now I love working with other people, to restore the forest, or do garden work, but not just to waste time, I haven’t learned to enjoy that seemingly basic human ability.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I was thinking about and getting ready for my son’s birthday. This week all that birthday nostalgia, and stress, and joy feels like it was years ago. I had to switch phones because my service provider wouldn’t provide for the old phone anymore. We dropped off my daughter’s friend who helped with the table. It was nice to finish the picnic table together, my dad helped a lot and was patient with the kids, my husband had trouble working with kids and with us, but at least we were able to finish the project. He doesn’t enjoy making things by hand, I do enjoy it, but when materials cost more I am willing to buy things premade to save that time for teaching or gardening instead of demanding I build everything. Though I do enjoy building, I enjoy other things as well.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week it was my son’s birthday party and the kids played with a car ramp. This week we went to the arboretum and looked at 110 types of trees. The kids got into map reading. The lychee and tamarind were particularly lovely to stand under and take in shade. I talked to them about ordering Sugi Pines. I loved the experience, it was another experience of visiting someone else’s work, the site was once an animal quarantine, but had been turned into an arboretum that spawned many other arboretum, a rare plant workshop ext. There was a party we didn’t go to, but my husband and I walked the waterfall and the town, I think it’s important to remember that we aren’t people who can go to all the parties, we are people who need to recharge, no matter what other people want or what we want we aren’t socialites by nature. I ordered a mosquito zapper and some fake plant screens to try to give my neighbor back some privacy. Gave out most the photo cups I made, but still going through customer service for cracked ones.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I ordered some Sugi Pines from the Arboretum. This week went to a friend’s garden, it was cool to set up sunflowers. The sunflowers were the end of a seed pack I got for another friend, they were fun to grow, Mammoths, so they got really tall and it felt successful growing such a tall plant. I was too late to save my seeds on accident, so they got eaten by a mouse or rat after falling to the ground… I would have liked to save them, but life has been so busy that I am not surprised I didn’t have time to do that. My friend’s mom wants to grow cucumbers so that is going to be something new for me, I’ve done peas, but never cucumbers. I know they will need to get covered because of the pickleworm moths here. So I ended up ordering some self pollinating seeds so at least they won’t have to be uncovered and re-covered.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week we to lunch for my son’s birthday. This week we went to visit my husband’s coworkers, it was a long drive. We found throwing our shoes at koa tree seed pods was enough to knock the mature seeds loose so we picked up a few to bring home to germinate to help the sandalwood trees (which are hemiparasites) grow. When we came back the stars were out, Jupiter, Venus and Mars were aligned more or less and especially Venus was shining super brightly. We put the lights up on the gazebo area, it was really pretty at night, the remote lets us turn them off from inside the house, which is really cool. There is a lot of good in my life right now, but also stress and overspending as well. Overspending in money, but also in energy, in the amount of time I give to others without resting or relaxing. I need to make more time to relax, if it’s 30 minutes or an hour or whatever it is or I’m going to get sick or burnt out.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Front: Stone Road, Milkweed (germination process). Back: Safe Paths. Front-Front: Mamake (seeds ordered). Site 2: Central Garden further mulch and garden bed weeding. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder. Site 3: Cherry Tree Support, Organize Plant Starts. Site 4: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Veggie Beds, Solar pump.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Growing 6 kale, 2 rosemary, 1 pear tomatoes, 1 butter lettuce, a bunch of basil. Also starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100) and hopefully sandalwood and koa to reforest. Hoping for a watermelon field this year.

PROJECTS: Waterproof mortar for pond repair. Passport.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was reflecting on my values more, this year I am taking actions towards goals, which is nice, but I am not really reflecting as much. Next week I will revisit my old value reflections so I remember to do that again, I liked it.

VALUES REFLECTION REMINDERS:

SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better. SUN Faith in myself.ย ย MON Unity, feeling comfortable in a family. TUE Proactivity, know what I want. WED Teamwork smarter group work. THR Connection, sharing my passion with the world/accepting others gifts. FRI Purpose know what I can do. SAT Creativity thinking of new ways to do better.

Last year we grew daffodils are a garden club, this year lilies instead. Last year I had a stomach ache too, I wonder at the similarities from year to year that occur on the same days. I was sad/happy my good friends were leaving/staying a bit longer. The group was growing and I was enjoying it, enjoying my kids spending more time with other kids.

I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“, (daled), ื” (hei), ื•, (vav), ื– (Zain), ื—, (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf) and don’t want to forget.

This Year: I think my kids are over involved with other kids and I am overextended with group activities (slightly), so I want to dial that back to find a few hours of rest and fun without our friends on an average week. I’m kind of happy with the way the grass lawn came in, but it’s also very over grown so I’m exploring how to chop that back nicely.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive when I step back and watch the kids have outdoor fun without agendas, even though I want to teach them some things, I think them exploring physics and nature is worthy of time and effort I think to be exploring is to be truly human. It was nice watching the kids explore the boat/ocean interaction, the buoyancy of it of course but also to connect to their ancient sailing roots.

Lift – I am helping create a healing garden (I hope), so I am happy with that because it was something I wanted to do for myself and also for others and now I am able to do it in a few spaces, I like the way a change of environment affects the spirit as well as the physical space.

Love – Things are still shifting, my husband is leaving back to work out of state again, my father for more surgeries, my sister for work and vacation, our group is changing activities ext. But right now it seems like things are shifting to where they should be? The world was shut down, now that it is open there are more places to be so we don’t have to do as much on our own, we can start to rely on a larger community to give us what we need and enjoy a larger community to give back to as well (I love giving plants out).

๐Ÿ‘ž

โ˜” W10 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿ’

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Author Unknown

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week we went skateboarding. This week a day of transition, we picked up my husband, ended the main cleaning session of our Clutter Fight Club… We had a nice burger, saw a pretty sunset. Got home late after helping change a tire. I had my hair dyed and re-pierced my nose, it makes me feel younger because that is how I had it when I was younger, I like it. I’m not a conservative person and I don’t really like to look conservative, but as parent I didn’t prioritize my hair or fashion for a long time. I’m getting some things done, but I still have the feeling I want to make more progress on other things. So I feel good and bad about what I have been able to do. My son’s birthday is coming soon so I am starting to feel excited about it more now that the other cleaning is done and now that my husband is here to help me with things. My husband came back Saturday. I ended my Kaizen Blitz and loaded up the garden party things. It was nice, we had a hamburger, helped fix a flat tire. I didn’t know how it would feel, but it felt peaceful and nice.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week we went to the Observatory’s 10th year anniversary. It feels like a long time ago just a week later. We went to Essence Island and let the kids swim and play. I wanted to support our local dance class, but I was too sick. We did go to the beach but just sat and rested as we waited for the kids to finish playing and swimming.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I went back for a third week of cleaning. This week we did garden club, it was super fun. The kids were running around all happy, on the skate ramp, the trampoline, the farm… I was happy too, putting in a welded wire arch for chayote, putting in grow beds, mixing soil. The arch needs some bamboo for support.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week I had some fry bread that was delicious and cleaned. This week was festive because my son’s birthday was coming up. I didn’t slow down enough to be sad. My son is so smart and sweet, I feel better watching him grow than I did with my daughter who seemed to lack support and have lagging skills, my son seems well liked, supported and growing well, so there is nothing to regret.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week we stayed home with a sore throat and extreme weather warnings not to go out. This week went well in some ways, the kids had fun with a ramp, my son had a happy birthday, I gave away lilies, but in a different way I saw how hard it was on my friends to host such a large event with me each week, it’s been hard on me too, so it’s time for a change of pace and change of place again to go back to our roots of who we are and also who we want to be now.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I was decluttering and cleaning. This week ordered Mamake and ‘Ohia seeds from a local non-profit seed bank. I had to think about what we wanted to do, what I wanted to do, what we may be able to do, what we are going to do now and this weekend, then I checked in with the people I could check with.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week I stayed up really late working on the Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements version 2. This week took my son out for lunch for his 4th birthday and went to Home Depot, got excited there was waterproof mortar. We were able to stain the picnic table today, five of us worked on it and it went faster than I expected, it looks really pretty with dark brown stain. Went out and gathered ‘Ohia seeds to reforest, my goal is to give 10 friends 10 trees each year, so 100 a year, as well as posting the process. I bought some demold spray again.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Front: Stone Road, Milkweed. Back: Safe Paths. Front-Front: Mamake. Site 2: Assess. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder. Site 3: Cherry Tree Support, Organize Plant Starts. Site 4: Central Clearing, Moon Arch, Sun and Moon Beds, Squash Trellis 2.0 Reshape. Solar pump.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Growing 12 kale, 2 rosemary, 1 pear tomatoes, 2 butter lettuce, a bunch of basil. Also starting mamake, ‘Ohia (0/100) and hopefully sandalwood and koa to reforest. Hoping for a watermelon field this year.

PROJECTS: Assemble picnic table. Waterproof mortar for pond.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Demold living room.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was sick with a sore throat like I am now, stressed out by my son’s birthday being surrounded by other birthdays, responsibilities and events. Last year I was better on top of school this week, but I don’t think my kids were sick, I don’t like to push them when they aren’t doing well. This year I am more laid back, last year was a sad and hard year more than this one. I learned this last year: ื (alef), ื‘ (beit) , ื’ (gimel), ื“, (daled), ื” (hei), ื•, (vav), ื– (Zain), ื—, (get), ื˜ (tet), ื™ (yod), ื› (kaf), ืœ (lamed), ืž (mem), ื  (noon), ืก (sameh), ืข (Ain), ืค (pey), ืฆ( tsadik), ืง (kuf), ืจ (reish) , ืฉ (shin), ืช (taf) and don’t want to forget.

This Year: I am more aware of myself and what bothers me, still stressed, but less ashamed to be human and to be myself. I still have a lot of goals that are the same from last year to this year, but I also see completed goals of things I wanted to do and then did do. I have too many building and garden goals that are above my skill level, it’s okay as long as I’m okay with it taking time to achieve them. Usually my goals aren’t relevant from one year to the next, but this year the goals I set last year still feel current, like a year hasn’t passed in my heart – only on the calendar. I don’t know why last year bled into this one, but the pandemic felt like it melted year separating rituals and events and also year ending ones…

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive gardening and now woodworking, I feel really alive at the beach, but don’t mind a break. I want to keep doing things that allow me to feel alive, but the things can change. I am excited to try to repair my green house and plant milkweed in the front garden.

Lift – I am helping my friends, but I am trying to do what I can and not more than I can. One friend needs accountability getting her space in order, one needs distance from a painful problem, myself I need to see my limits but not despair in them and organize my home, garden and paperwork.

Love – Things are shifting, but I am glad the 2.0 of our group ended with lilies and I feel full of hope entering our 3.0 which will have more plants and gardening, less ocean and martial arts, but hopefully joy and horizontal growth. I love that we ended that chapter with lilies.

๐Ÿ’

โ˜” W9 Live – Lift – Love ๐Ÿฆ–

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Author Unknown

Saturday/Creative Day: Last week there was a storm, the storm in our area. This week we went skateboarding but everyone was a bit tired. A lot of plans shifting due to the bad weather, flights shifted, outdoor events shifted, a restless wondering if things will be canceled or not cancelled. The sun came out for a bit and that felt nice, then I did some cleaning work towards my goal, but I don’t know how I feel about it. It makes me feel good to see our community help, to be part of that, but I also don’t know if what we are doing is going to have a lasting effect and that makes me wonder if it’s worth neglecting my kids, which to be honest is what happens when I put a lot of work hours into a project or goal. It’s been about a week of school, which we do catch up on because we don’t take all the small holidays off and do shorter summer or winter breaks, still I don’t know what is right or wrong this week, my brain is too fuzzy and overwhelmed to understand priorities properly right now. I learned some new skateboard tricks, but I was a bit too tired and worn down to be happy about it.

Sunday/Faith Day: Last week I felt that I’m getting closer to the three goals I had on my mind last summer, I have been spending a lot of time and money and effort to reach the goals and I wonder in the end if goals are ever worth the work that goes into them, I don’t know if they will be, I feel unsure. We went to the Observatory’s 10th year anniversary and that was fun, I hadn’t been there in awhile and I like the changes. It’s more interactive for younger kids than it was before. It was fun seeing people I knew, I like living in a small town rather than a big city. I felt good because we did cool stuff with the kids and also I worked towards my goals, but by the end of the night I was exhausted so I know I can’t always live at that extreme productivity level that seems so cool for a day or two.

Monday/Unity Day: Last week I cleaned up a friend’s house for the second week. This week I went back for a third week, I didn’t know how much work it would be, sometimes we make a lot of progress in one day with large items or large spaces, but small items and small spaces seem to take much longer and I can’t get a good mental estimate of what is left to do, what the end goal is, what are the steps to that goal and what each person helpings work pace is. My personal garden goals have been on hold, but they would have been anyways because I don’t want to work in this kind of weather.

GARDEN CLUB GOALS: Front: Stone Road, Milkweed. Back: Safe Paths. Site 2: Check In. Practice Ladder Knott. Test Ladder. Site 3: Cherry Tree Support, Organize Plant Starts. Site 4: Central Play Clearing, Moon Arch, Sun and Moon Beds, Squash Trellis.

Tuesday/Self-Determination: Last week cleaning, kind of tired of being in town so much, getting worn down. This week I had some fry bread that was delicious, got a lot of cleaning done it felt like, it’s hard to quantify lately. Seems like everyone is a bit under the weather, sleepy or grumpy lately. Taking the trash out feels good, bagging it feels good, washing the laundry feels good, it feels good getting things cleaner, but on the other hand it feels bad not knowing what will happen, how long is left, how much is left, the uncertainty of it is uncomfortable for me. It hasn’t been at all the right weather to let paint or stain dry so my own projects at home have just gone unfinished.

PROJECTS: Stain Picnic Table.

Wednesday/Collective Work Day: Last week rainy vibe at the beach, there was especially good music. This week I practiced some cello and am starting to get more comfortable bowing, holding the bulky instrument and trying to find the right notes. I am starting to get sick and my daughter is sick, I am admittedly grumpy. I cleaned my own bathroom for 20 minutes. Stuffed the piรฑatas for my son’s birthday next week. The kids really got on my nerves and the phone. It’s a nice rainy day but it doesn’t get me away from 50 different people with different opinions that kind of interrupt the flow of my day. I guess it’s my fault for checking my phone so much, I’m going to have to check it less. It’s stormy weather with warnings, a large tree fell down and blocked the highway something that happens a lot, but that is why it was good to stay home. It fell after I would have been home, but the weather hasn’t been good for being outside or working in the garden lately. We are all sick with a sore throat I’m hoping it goes away fast, we are also all off kilter with weird weather, the sky has a yellow tinge to it instead of blue, it’s dark during the day and loud at night with rain. My husband told me he is coming on Saturday for two weeks, it’s good to see him, but it’s also disruptive to any kind of easy or normal routine and it will end with the kids missing him and being bad until they get used to him being gone again. I guess a mixed blessing. I guess I feel ambivalent about it.

FARM TOGETHER GOALS: Growing 12 kale, 2 rosemary, 1 pear tomatoes, 2 butter lettuce, a bunch of basil. It’s going good, it was sad cutting the basil that had illness due to aphids/flea beetles, but in the end I think it’s for the best, big plants can tolerate a lot of pest damage, but little ones will often be stunted if they are under too much stress as they grow. Transplanted the monkey pod seeds outside.

CLUTTER FIGHT CLUB: Bathroom, in 20 minutes I could do a basic clean, meaning I sprayed the toilet with vinegar to disinfect it, wiped the toothpaste off the mirror, wiped the sink, wiped the knobs and cabinets, wiped the baseboard and floors, scrubbed the minerals off the toilet, wiped the toilet, threw away shower hair and empty soap, sprayed the dingy mildew off the shower curtain (but didn’t completely fix it). I put toilet paper together and towels together and put away stuff off the counters into the drawer. I sprayed the corners of the shower with vinegar. Stuff I didn’t do for a basic clean, take out under the cabinet and draw stuff, scrub the shower, mold spray the ceiling. I used to hate cleaning the bathroom, but I don’t focus on things I can’t change anymore like the grout color, the size of the bathroom, the stains on the cabinets, now I just sanitize the germs off, put things where they can go that makes sense and call it a day. If I wanted to work on grout or mold I could, but it wouldn’t be part of a basic clean it would be either a detailed clean, seasonal clean, or a house project. Redistricting that distinction in my mind actually helps a lot about not nitpicking things that are not even going to get cleaned and either decided to make it a goal for later or moving on.

Thursday/Cooperative Economics Day: Last week I was taking a break from life not so much my responsibilities as much as my distain for what is coming up soon is draining me. This week did more decluttering than I expected to do, but I hope it makes a positive difference to the future, it’s always hard for me to know what projects will create a wanted outcome and which will be learning experiences of what not to do again. There was more to do than I could have done, and I don’t know if what I did was important or not to whatever the outcome will be, I don’t usually enjoy those conditions, but this year it seemed to be the tide of the zeitgeist to participate and throw in whatever effort I could alongside my friends, loose social pressure I guess.

Friday/Creativity Day: Last week I slept over at my friends house with my kids, it was kind of anti-climatic, the bed was comfortable and it was easy to sleep somewhere new, but my kids weren’t well behaved so there is a component of not relaxing-ness when you are out with kids acting up. Today I am pretty exhausted, but glad that I am starting to read my daughter her new writing book. I shopped for a birthday the day after my son’s birthday. I stayed up really late working on the Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements version 2. The first one was too blurry and this second one is too large of a file to use for printing. So I don’t really know what to do to reduce it down for a shower curtain like I wanted to… Tried on my new dino costume today, I liked it.

Last Year to This Year

Last Year: I was sick with a sore throat like I am now, stressed out by my son’s birthday being surrounded by other birthdays, responsibilities and events. Last year I was better on top of school this week, but I don’t think my kids were sick, I don’t like to push them when they aren’t doing well.

This Year: I am more aware of myself and what bothers me, still stressed, but less ashamed to be human and to be myself. I still have a lot of goals that are the same from last year to this year, but I also see completed goals of things I wanted to do and then did do. I just have too many building and garden goals that are above my skill level, it’s okay as long as I’m okay with it taking time to achieve them. Usually my goals aren’t relevant from one year to the next, but this year the goals I set last year still feel current, like a year hasn’t passed in my heart – only on the calendar.

Live – Lift – Love

Live – I feel really alive gardening and now woodworking, I feel really alive at the beach, I want to keep doing those things that allow me to feel that way. I am excited to try to repair my green house and plant milkweed in the front garden.

Lift – I am happy to be helping to do something that has been on my radar for a long time, but it is hard and tiring too so I can’t ignore the truth of it, I will need some rest soon, but I am happy to get to do what I said I wanted to do, I get to prove my integrity to myself a bit.

Love – The more I do what I say I will the more I love myself. The more I keep teaching martial arts the more I love myself. Wellbeing comes from art, music and the beach, but self love comes from service gardening or teaching martial arts. I can’t wait for the new flower bulbs. I’m happy I made the new Pokemon Periodic Table of Elements, even though I need to find out how to scale it, at least it’s done.

๐Ÿฆ–