๐ŸŽƒ 2022 Thirty-Eigth Week ๐ŸŒŠ

“People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it’s true, or because they are afraid it might be true.” Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Even though I have a lot I want to do I feel so stressed I want to destress somehow.

Last Week: Continuing to garden.

This Week: Look for site for greenhouse.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Too overwhelmed to be guilty or anxious. Camping is coming up, visitors, my daughter’s birthday, and Halloween, I need to do the minimum for awhile or I’ll go crazy.

Physical Health: Caught this same flu x3, sadness.

Social Health: Not looking forward to October, just seems so stressful a gateway to the holiday season that I detest.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week put up a gate and did some community cleaning, it was a really nice day. This week we did a lot of science learning collaboration, Life Science, Physical Science, and Human Body, Acellus Science, and some math, stuff we normally do on Friday, but on Saturday, that felt kind of weird, but at least sciencey so that’s nice in a way.

Sunday: Last week I was teaching the second set of 5 letters of Japanese and some math, it was nice. This week I taught more math and science and did some dancing with the kids, it was pretty fun. Started some new Duolingo users, which is awesome. I’m getting behind in cleaning, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but at least I have Kyara’s birthday and Halloween figured out.

Monday: Last week trying to get my house in order, mentally, and actually his week a lot of reading and some paperwork for a friend. Paperwork kind of makes me anxious, not about the paperwork I’m doing, but about what I am not doing and “should” be doing. I really want to get some paperwork done, yet at the same time, it’s not easy to set aside enough time to make it feel significant.

Tuesday: Last week the school schedule, I made two weeks ago was not working, which I’m okay with. This week a lot of paperwork and a lot of reading with the kids. kind of thinking about life. Getting in the Halloween mood, and noticing my son is so big and such an independent person already. I want to do music and dance and exercise every day, but I don’t know if I ever will or if I will end up moving each thing to once a week, it’s really draining doing music and exercise, dance is a bit easier, but all three things are draining.

Wednesday: Last week we had the math decathlon and I’m proud of the kids, very proud. This week was block day, I found it lovely and wonderful, the sun felt warm rather than burning, the surface of the water was beautiful, it was one of those days kind of like falling in love, but no new love interests in my life, just such a beautiful day each section was romantic in its splendor. I was able to talk to some friends in a meaningful way despite us all chasing our kids and I felt really blessed in that because often it feels like I brush aside my well-being for my kids, and that’s fine sometimes, but it felt magical for them to have fun and me to have fun, it felt like a miracle. We jarred some bugs in the garden this week, it was okay, definitely not all the bugs, but some of them.

Thursday: Last week Crook Neck Squash and Nasturtiums went into the garden, this week they are small, but looking good. We saw what looked like Spotted Eagle Rays at the beach, it was pretty cool, had a cool little picnic dinner at the beach with friends. Not the most chill day for me, but happy my kids were happy, to a point. My daughter jumped from the local high spot and it was cool to see her so brave as she normally is. Learned some Korean at night I used to know the alphabet and it’s coming back really quickly, I remember the coworker who taught it to me and when he bought me a burger, it was cool, just one small nice gesture with no pressure, there isn’t enough kindness like that with no strings attached in this world.

Friday: Last week there was stressful paperwork looming over my mind, this week there is still more paperwork, but I’m not going to worry about it. Instead I’m stressed about my dad coming back, cleaning up, my husband visiting, my daughter’s birthday, the camping trip, but I don’t want to stress about the camping trip so I think I won’t. I put three slugs into the slug jar today, leapord slugs, which are super gross to me, beyond being gross they have paracites in my area. Sprouted some crook neck squash they smell good, really good as sprouts. My cherry seeds are struggling to sprout. Lavender is doing good though. Going to try some cococoir for the cherry seeds soon. Saw my friends, cooked some curry and watched a fried rice demo. Helped set up Duo Lingo for Japanese. Moved some roses from the Southside to the Northside of a garden. Had a really good time with my friends. There was three of us adults and it felt like we could really talk in that amount compared to the large group on Wednesday.


How’s it Growing?

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratified, paper towel. Getting moldy, switched back to the fridge, thinking of scarafying and moving to coco coir. โŒ›

Lavender – Cold stratified, Germinated in weeks via paper towel with heat and light. They are sprouting bit by bit, seedlings look fine. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Sunflower – Germinated in 3 days after 24 hour soak. Grown. Distributed. Growing well. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Morning Glory – Germinated in 1 day via cup of water, moved to paper towels > grow bags. Grown. Distributed. Growing well. ๐ŸŒฑ They look good some are vining now.

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via papertowel. Grown. Distributed. Looking good. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden A. ๐Ÿ”ฎ

Blueberry – Germinating…

Raspberry – Germinating… seem all gross, not sure if it’s just the way the seed capsule is.

Something new this week: Played tick tack toe in Korean.

Something good this week: Friday having the three of us together felt cool.

Something unexpected: Thursday saw spotted eagle manta rays.

๐ŸŒŠ

๐Ÿ 2022 Thirty-Seventh Week ๐Ÿ˜

There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive. Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Start thinking about a paperwork day.

Last Week: Getting soil beds ready for pumpkins.

This Week: Continuing to garden.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Guilty about everything I didn’t do, overwhelmed by everything I want to do, enjoying working on projects, but scared I won’t finish as much as I want to finish.

Physical Health: Doing a lot better, crossing my fingers I won’t catch this same flu x3 (x2 was enough I hope).

Social Health: Uber into gardening, trying to finish up projects, pathway part B on Sunday maybe, pumpkin, watermelon, tomatoes hopefully going in soon.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week another “mulch party”. This week going to check on a project left unfinished. Hoping to put in a lot of watermelons and pumpkins. So did work on both projects, planted more watermelon, pumpkins, and sunflowers, used some bamboo I grew to put up my first fence, a weak garden fence, but it sets off the area the kids are supposed to stay inside of at least. Baited for LFA at two gardens. I was really in a flow state with bamboo and jute twine. Kind of did some kaizen stuff with organizing after doing the permaculture stuff, it feels better to do the garden stuff. Pizza Recipe ๐Ÿ•.

Sunday: Last week I moved the small plants out of the patio and onto a medium plant staging area. This week it feels like a long time has passed since last week, I moved about 40 of the pumpkins out of the staging area into the community. I was teaching the second set of 5 letters of Japanese and some math, it was nice. It was kind of a rainy sleepy day. I calculated most seeds I grow cost $0.04, the bags cost $0.05, the soil costs a lot more $0.45, but dropping off plants anywhere kind of costs $10 with gas at $5/gallon, and my car only gets 18 miles/gallon and we live about 30 miles out of town… so 60 miles round trip and that takes at least 3 gallons, so it’s noticeable now, yet thankfully I can still do it for now. $0.54 per plant is my average cost growing from seed right now, if I had better natural soil it would be $0.09 but the difference almost doesn’t matter alongside the $10-15 it costs to deliver anything anywhere. I am toying with the notion of becoming a lavender farm right now, who knows what the future holds for anyone? I enjoyed moving pumpkins along the line to fill the gap where the ones that got planted were taken from, I still have four little tables of pumpkins, tomatoes doing well and a full table of watermelon with some herbs, and morning glories. My rosemary is doing horrible, but my friend’s rosemary is doing well (I could steal some!). I have more serrano pepper than I probably need coming up, and finally some cilantro, some green onion planted, and some pumpkin and butter lettuce. I’ll miss my plants when I leave.

Monday: Last week cut a pathway through the woods and my son did piano and Spanish homework for the first time, he was so cute and happy. This week I feel very unsettled, I feel like life is off kilter for some reason. I’m trying to get my house in order, mentally and actually, and I know I have paperwork waiting and my social life even though I enjoy it, is draining me, so I feel conflicted about where I can spend less energy and time to be able to do the things I need to do and I don’t really know what matters the most or what to do first. I’m thinking of a leaking boat and I’m the boat.

Tuesday: Last week I was trying to work out the school schedule, this week it’s already not working, but that’s okay. Been gardening, starting seeds, transferring seeds to soil, clearing places, at night swings came, we made them with the kids, but the kids lost one nut so it’s going to be a longer process to assemble them, which is okay, just feels like every process surrounding the home becomes a long process.

Wednesday: Last week we placed the sites for pumpkin and watermelon got a de-slugging station set up. Wednesday it was a nice day at the beach overall, brought some roma tomatoes, we had the math decathlon, which was nice, yet also there was some conflict which I hope we can better avoid in the future. It’s hard to say, yes I had fun with the kids making oil and water stuff, but at the same time things happened that were not positive also, so it’s hard to find a way to phrase that there was good and bad, and it’s a bit hard to accept that my most peaceful place was less peaceful, but that’s reality, the good with the bad.

Thursday: Last week I the pumpkin patch soil went in (Friday), this week we planted Crook Neck Squash and Nasturtiums and put copper mesh around the growing areas, so that was really cool because it went from an idea to a reality very fast, I didn’t think the seeds would arrive and germinate so fast, it seems like it went from idea to reality in a week. Dropped off some roses, which was cool, I never appreciated roses much, but these Double Red Knockout Roses are so vibrant a red here next to the vivid green of Hawaii.

Friday: Last week we had a super cool rainbow cake. Doing some paperwork really felt like it bogged down the day, we also made cookies, pizza and started a student on Duolingo, which is nice, but the paperwork somehow dominated everything. It was fun letting the kids play a bit more car racing then normal. I think it’s not just paperwork being draining, yet also that it reminds me of my guilt over not doing more paperwork…


How’s it Growing?

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratified, paper towel. Getting moldy doing a hydrogen peroxide soak. โŒ›

Lavender – Cold stratified, Germinated in weeks via paper towel with heat and light. They are sprouting bit by bit, seedlings look fine. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Sunflower – Germinated in 3 days after 24 hour soak. Grown. Distributed. Growing well. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Morning Glory – Germinated in 1 day via cup of water, moved to paper towels > grow bags. Grown. Distributed. Growing well. ๐ŸŒฑ They look good some are vining now.

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via papertowel. Grown. Distributed. Looking good. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden A. ๐Ÿ”ฎ

Blueberry – Germinating…

Raspberry – Germinating… seem all gross, not sure if it’s just the way the seed capsule is.

Something new this week: Macadamia Nut milk is okay, ran out of everything else, used it for baking, coffee ext, it was fine.

Something good this week: Toned down on the spending by buying 7 bags of steer manure instead of 20, it was nice to start gardens, yet it’s good to reign it in.

Something unexpected: I’m so into gardening again after being not into it for awhile, I don’t know what makes me hate or love gardening so much more or less, but sometimes it feels magical and other times pointless.

๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ 2022 Thirty-Sixth Week ๐Ÿฐ

Passion rules reason, for better or for worse. Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Get better and take invetory.

Last Week: Trying to germinate pumpkin, watermelon, lavender, and cherry blossom.

This Week: Did germinate pumpkin and watermelon. Lavender, and cherry blossom still cold stratifying.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Trying to do the paperwork for our 501 soon.

Physical Health: Whole house sick again, but it’s passing a lot faster this second time.

Social Health: Still super into gardening, trying to finish up projects, pathway, pumpkin, watermelon, tomatoes specifically.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Three weeks ago I grafted cherry tomato from my first year here onto an avocado tree in my daughter’s square-foot garden, last week my daughter said thank you, this week it has failed, but we will try again. I’ve added new soil to the square foot garden already, this week another “mulch party” we did so 10 bags this time, it was cool, did a good job, layed down 2 bags of straw on the second half of the project going to tarp that down with weed cloth soon. Tried out the mini chain saw for guava wood, wow it’s hard wood, but the mini chain saw works well. Worked on the lawn a little.

Sunday: Last week we put our fall indoor lights up, which felt tiring but good. It felt good when people came over and noticed the change. I moved the small plants out of the patio and onto a medium plant staging area I cleared. Reseeded the grass lawn and cut more levels. When I sit on the grass and hand cut it I feel like a little Pickmen and it’s a really fun feeling.

Monday: Last week went to the zoo with a pack of kids. This week cut a pathway through the woods, cleaning the patio and trying to organize the seedlings. Ordered my daughter’s birthday stuff, which is mentally draining, but glad it is done. Started the day with spooky Singing Walrus songs it was fun. My 4lb hammer came in the mail, it feels awesome. My son did piano and Spanish homework for the first time, he was so cute and happy.

Tuesday: Last week we planted about 80 pumpkins and about 80 watermelons. This week I have a bit of a runny nose, I am supposed to go shopping. I should take out the trash. I’ve been up since about 4AM looking at pictures of tree houses. My son started not drinking milk at night a few days ago and my daughter sleeps in her own bed most the week now, so I’m getting better sleep finally. 90% I’m happy to be getting better sleep, 10% I am sad that my kids are growing so fast, it does feel like I didn’t slow down and enjoy them much because I was rushing to do the laundry, shopping, cooking and recover from it all. There is some regret, but also we are all moving on and learning new skills and becoming better people together. I learned to cook and play violin, my son to use the computer and read and do math, my daughter learned Spanish, manners and a lot of reading and science.

Trying to do more with the day, school is going well, but trying to add more cleaning and exercise now that meals are more under control. Sleep > school > meals > exercise > cleaning tends to be how I get life in order.

Me, exercise at 11, cleaning at 3, school at 7, 8, 10, 2.
Daughter, homework early, mixed play.
Son, school early, lots of free time.

SCHOOL – 7 AM Advanced Learning: math+ on the computer with my son, then 8 AM Review Learning: daughter, math, reading, language, coding, piano, while my son reviews meet the math facts, 10 AM Fun Learning, Singing Walrus songs and more playful school and outside, then 2 PM Deep Learning/Integration like civilization games, cooking, gardening ext.

EXERCISE – It’s been a long time since we exercised much… exercised with the kids at 11, it helps to have a schedule. We did Alphabet Exercise it was okay, not easy, but not hard, medium for coming off not exercising.

CLEANING – This is a new routine. We vacuumed and mopped before exercising, it makes a big difference, I was on a spot under the chairs and got all itchy, but then cleaned it and was fine, I’m not uber sensitive, but I am sensitive. Finished washing and making the beds, that always feels crazy hard…

Wednesday: Last week did martial arts, which felt nice. This week I want to teach fractions so I’m not going to teach martial arts, even though I’m tempted to teach martial arts, if I do no one else is going to teach fractions and the math decathlon is next week, so that won’t do. I prepared the fractions materials and I’m going to do it. So I did talk to a few students about fractions, which was cool, not everyone, but it was good. Taking the day off of martial arts was really nice, I had more fun in the water not having it hanging over my head, it was a beautiful day. We placed the sites for pumpkin and watermelon got a de-slugging station set up. REMINDER TO SELF – BRING SWORD AND CHESS BOARD NEXT WEEK.

Thursday: Last week I weeded around my daughter’s playhouse, this week I should weed the rest of that area for my pumpkin patch. It’s raining, I picked up 20 bags of steer manure compost and dropped them off. At home we made Sugar Spun Run’s pizza dough, pizza with olives and bacon, made cranberry muffins as muffins and cake and made lime tofu pie.

Friday: Last week we made strawberry cake and did piano. This week we had rainbow cake, lime pie, cranberry muffins, and curry. Put in 200 gallons of good soil to two grow beds, took two loads of trash out, and brought two loads of soil into the garden, so it was a cool balance in a way. Really looking forward to continuing in this garden, had three kids under six watering the new plants and planting in the pumpkins, which is pretty awesome, maybe later the older ones will get involved.


How’s it Growing?

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratified, paper towel. โŒ›

Lavender – Cold stratified, paper towel. โŒ›

Sunflower – Germinated in 3 days after 24 hour soak in cup of water, sprouting well. Grown. Distributed. Extra growing. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ Mine are fine. Northeastern Site doing excellent. Southeast gone, overeaten by rabbit.

Morning Glory – Germinated in 1 day via cup of water, moved to paper towels, moved to grow bags. Grown. Distributed. Extra growing. Planted in my front garden too. ๐ŸŒฑ They look good some are vining now.

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel. Grown, doing well almost reading to distribute. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden A. ๐Ÿ”ฎ

Something new this week: Daughter having first sleepover, it’s comfortable more than I expected, but definitely a little sentimental.

Something good this week: New community garden going in, a good place to distribute plants, and maybe a great precursor to our art garden we hope to build someday.

Something unexpected: I didn’t know I would learn so much about pest control from our scout group, I was hoping I would, but I didn’t know it, since learning about cabbage moths I may be able to protect my pumpkins better this year, maybe have my own pumpkin patch for the first time. So thankful for people who share knowledge freely.

๐Ÿฐ

๐Ÿ 2022 Thirty-Fifth Week ๐Ÿฆฅ

“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.” Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Just survive the flu and don’t worry about the future.

Last Week: Spouting sunflower and rhubarb.

This Week: Trying to germinate pumpkin, watermelon, lavender, and cherry blossom.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Got to get the math decathlon details ironed out.

Physical Health: Whole house sick again, exercised Sunday, danced Sunday, did push-ups/gymnastics Wednesday, gardening Thursday and Friday somewhat tired/sore, but also feel a bit better/energized from exercising too.

Social Health: Very inspired to be gardening with my friends, trying to see their visions and bypass mistakes I’ve made for their gardens, it’s weird and humbling to see the landscape different from where I shaped it outside of my own home.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Two weeks ago I grafted cherry tomato from my first year here onto an avocado tree in my daughter’s square-foot garden, this week my daughter said thank you. Last week I wanted to add new soil and turn the soil, but I needed more vermiculite and also wanted more compost, this week I have them mixed in a big storage box in the car, so that’s cool.

Sunday: Last week I exercised again, for 25 minutes. This week I was sick, so I didn’t exercise. I didn’t know how I would finish the projects I started. I did want to mulch, I relate fall and mulch. We put our fall indoor lights up, which felt tiring but good.

I like how the old grow bags blend to the tree bark, trying to use this tree as a planter for morning glories, not at all sure how much soil they need but trying anyways.
Hoping A the copper tape keeps slugs out and B I remember to keep the surrounding weeds off it in the case it does work.
Hoping the dish scrubber keeps slugs off long enough for the plant to be able to lose leaves and still thrive or at least survive.
Trying this system to water the tomato roots while keeping the leaves dry, the idea was from Grow, Cook, Eat, then I can also add a trellis there too.
The center tree has a tomato graft, I should have left the plastic on it longer, but didn’t so now the leaves are very dry… not sure if the graft will fail or work, but going to wait and see, it’s my first graft anyways, I’m glad I tried. My son has a new orange tree, first time mulching with rocks, don’t know if that is good or bad yet, these rocks are a little salty, don’t know if they will keep slugs off or not. It’s nice to have my daughter’s square foot garden still, it reminds me why I garden. For fun, to do something with my daughter and to leave something of who I was in the garden. The bamboo dried out from neglect mostly, some of the base roots are alive still, I’ll turn what is left to support for morning glory or tomato.
Cutting back weeds is a time to level out the extreme slope from high to low, whatever path gets layed someday will be easier with a level slope.
This is one of the most enjoyable spots for me, really unfinished and overgrown now, but something about it, there are a ton of wild chameleons, the air flow is fresh, it faces the rising stars in a South East way… I don’t know if I believe in energy spots or not, but there is nothing in this spot to explain why it feels like a good spot, the same plants/weeds as elsewhere, but for some reason a cool spot. I do like the rock wall I built here to keep in my dad’s smaller chihuahua.
Made this mulch around the sunflowers with dead climbing fern and dead Hapu’u fern branches, the Hapu’u fern is supposedly thousands of years old because it never dies, but instead falls over and regrows from a new spot… I find it inspiring, almost intimidating to use. I found a new garden quote I liked, something about use the good points of the garden, fix the deficits and make it an enjoyable place to be. Permaculture is cool, but focuses on 0 waste and bringing in only local supplies, I like to do those things, but I really like to not stress over 0 waste, but rather just reduce waste 50% if possible and I want whatever supplies I can get that I need no matter where they come from… I guess I’m not ready for a total commitment because I have little man power and work time, I want to do a lot with what I have and that means sometimes having good supplies that may or may not be found locally or on-site… but when I do make things on site, it does feel good.
On the left a large pile of sharp sticks to mulch, someday a hedge of Mexican Sunflower and Pananax, the cuttings are mostly doing well, this is the first time there was enough debree gone to be able to walk the front garden from the West side to the East side, it’s a long garden, but not huge.
Trying to see if the ferns can hold morning glories, I would love them to climb the branches and eventually send flowers dripping off.

We played a lot of music today, my son played all the instruments one by one, I put a bridge on a violin and then started learning to play the violin, the notes are “good daughters are elegant, G-D-A-E” I was going to tune it, but then I ended up watching a tutorial and enjoying playing twinkle twinkle little star. As I’m getting closer to hearing the pitches right I can kind of find my notes on the violin bridge, I noticed the bow was over-tightened and loosening that plus extra rosin on the bow and strings of the violin reduce the squeeky sound a lot. I never really intended to play violin, but my kids wanted some after hearing about Hayden who played violin and piano at a young age. It was really nice playing music today, it didn’t feel like a chore like it sometimes does.

Monday: Last week finished social studies, trying to remember to review “Mankind the Story of All of Us,” Children of the Nile and Nebakanezer and Cesar and Pharoh, Daniel Tiger, and music lessons. This week we went to the zoo with a pack of kids, it was a completely different experience, it was fun having snacks and playing and catching up, our zoo has a sloth, an alligator, some goats, two tigers, an emu named Bling and a playground, it’s a great small zoo, but it feels scortching hot so I don’t go often. There is also a really cool black swan. After going to the zoo we went to mulch a pathway which is my kind of party. I got to give away some more of the sunflowers, I don’t want to have a lot of annuals to replant, so I really like the Mexican Sunflowers better than Mammoth sunflowers, also distributed most of the rhubarb that I don’t really care for either… one little girl was really attached to a morning glory, which was so cute. I hope the kids have fun watching the sprouts grow bigger.

Tuesday: Last week we cleaned the bathroom, decluttering our stuff as well which takes more time. This week planted about 80 pumpkins in grow bags and about 80 watermelon, very tired. My son helped, he can get grow bags when we run out, mix soil, fill soil and place seedlings, that was cool. But it was just tiring. I have been at half strength since at least Friday, that makes me a bit sad. I want to pick up a rock, but I can only lift it 2-4 inches and I want to lift it up to set it on the 3 foot wall.

Wednesday: Last week we finished out the computer coding. This week we are headed toward the math decathlon, I finished the questions and chose the dates, looks like we will go camping soon. Did martial arts, which felt nice. Another scout wanted to participate in Clutter Fight Club, so my daughter got pumped up about it, which was cool.

Thursday: Last week I made some progress for the pumpkin patch. This week I’ve got the straw, but could use 6 bags of steer manure compost and 7-10 bags of mulch. I spent a lot of time gardening, I put new sod on my daughter’s green roof, potted up strawberries/tomatoes for a tower garden, pruned the strawberries, delivered that to town, got straw, and dropped that off to the pumpkin patch site. I switched my patio plant area from deep beds to shelves for small plants going out. I started cleaning up the walkway next to the stairs, I’m leveling the front garden path with trimmings as I go. I weeded around my daughter’s playhouse, there is one spider in there I will probably evict to get it more kid ready again, cut down the net that was around it…

Friday: Last week a lot of math was going on. This week we made strawberry cake, it was pretty good, tasted like a cookie though, which is not the worst, but I prefer a light fluffy cake texture more. I was hoping to branch out from math to music and we did, so we started one new math class. We had three piano students, which was awesome. We were so tired I didn’t think we would do much math or music, but we started a math class, we had three students, we did computer coding and three new students did piano, so that’s awesome actually. I give all the credit to the kids, they are good kids open-minded to learning rather than dragging their feet.


How’s it Growing?

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratified, soaking. โŒ›

Lavender – Cold stratified, soaking. โŒ›

Rhubarb – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel. Grown. Distributed. ๐Ÿฆ‹

Sunflower – Germinated in 3 days after 24 hour soak in cup of water, sprouting well. Grown. Distributed. Extra growing. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Morning Glory – Germinated in 1 day via cup of water, moved to paper towels, moved to grow bags. Grown. Distributed. Extra growing. Planted in my front garden too. ๐ŸŒฑ

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel. Grown, doing well almost reading to distribute. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden A. ๐Ÿ”ฎ

Something new this week: Finally figured out the math decathalon questions and that made life easier, not doing it was draining me more than I knew.

Something good this week: Helped a friend figure out a wedding gift choice, it’s good when you can help a friend.

Something unexpected: The zoo was a different experience together, I didn’t realize that it would be so different.

๐Ÿฆฅ

๐Ÿ 2022 Thirty-Fourth Week ๐ŸŒป

“People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it’s true, or because they are afraid it might be true. Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Start clearing a place for my friend to do our market analysis for our programs.

Last Week: Spouting morning glories.

This Week: Sprouted sunflower and rhubarb.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Happy to be closing out the coding challenge even though I’m proud of the kids.

Physical Health: So much better, exercised Sunday and was okay, feel the tiniest bit short of breath in my lungs still, with a lingering cough, so truthfully not 100%, but close.

Social Health: Happy to be gardening with my friends again.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week I grafted cherry tomato from my first year here onto an avocado tree in my daughter’s square-foot garden. I wanted to add new soil and turn the soil, but I need more vermiculite and also want more compost, so I’ll have to do a store run. We had some kids over, sweet kids, I was surprised at how fast they adapted to our home, they were easy to feed the simple foods I have, and easy to have them brush their teeth and settle down at night. It was stressful not wanting to break their mom’s rules/trust, every candy or movie felt like, is this the candy/movie that will get me in trouble, or is this candy/movie totally fine? I didn’t want to let her down. The kids said they always eat cereal, but I didn’t know if that was true… so they ate healthy over here… the kids wanted videos I don’t show, so they watched multiplication songs and Daniel Tiger over here, the kids wanted to play games, I didn’t know what games were allowed, so it was just “you need authorization for that”. I never felt sure about their rules.

Sunday: Last week I had fun sailing, and did some Hilo gardening, clutter fight club, and shopping. This week I exercised again, for 25 minutes, but it’s a grueling 25 minutes with T25. I went shopping and got exhausted, I went five places for vermiculite (Home Depot, General Store, Hilo Grow Shop, Walmart, Ace) that didn’t have it after doing grocery shopping. I just ordered it online at night, screw “shop local” when they never have what I want, how about “stock local” first… Thank you, Amazon, for having the items I want to buy.

Monday: Last week I was super tired, but then got inspired and cleaned half the patio. This week a lot of social studies, it wasn’t my intention to finish it so soon, but I liked it, it let me know the subject matter that is being covered in the “standard curriculum” then that lets me know what I want to add or integrate like Columbus is covered and they also cover that in “Mankind the Story of All of Us” so I can integrate the curriculum that way and also with Civ games such as Children of the Nile and Nebakanezer and Cesar and Pharoh. My son particularly likes civilization-building games, he is 3 now, at that age my daughter preferred zoo and theme park games. We did some Daniel Tiger to start the school day, we did some music time too.

Tuesday: Last week I we did a ton of social studies, and more music. This week both kids pretty much finished social studies, learning about continents, and historical events (Columbus, Alamo, Titanic), social studies makes me the saddest because I notice how little we know about the Native Americans, my daughter is about a quarter indigenous, I’m 4%, but we really know so little, I’m a little Eqyptian, but I know so much more about that. Also, my kids are Mexican American, so the Alamo is the first time we discussed our own people kind of murdering other people… which is going to come up again as Germans, as Japanese, as Chinese… but this is the first time (second grade) when the horrors of war start coming up, the war of independence is a bit glorified and watered down in Kindergarten and first grade, but second grade starts to be grimmer. We cleaned the bathroom, decluttering our stuff as well which takes more time.

Wednesday: Last week I planned my school day, it was a birthday, math day, gymnastics, and tie-dye. It was nice to finish out the computer coding. I’m so proud of the kids who were involved, all our programs are so grassroots, it takes a lot of faith and flexibility on the part of the kids to believe in us that there will be any value in the work they put in and then it’s a gamble, some put in a lot of work hours and I hope they got value out of the work they put in.

Thursday: Last week I made some clutter fight club graphics and cleaned up the front garden. This week I want to go grab steer manure, the vermiculite is already here. I did get 8 bags of steer manure compost, 7 bags of brown mulch, and site selected, filled, and mixed the pumpkin patch garden bed, also viewed the larger site of one garden, and built a large composter.

Friday: Last week we started Japanese lessons finally… which was awesome. This week a lot of math was going on, some writing numbers, some Fibonacci addition, and some fraction multiplication. Started distributing principal mementos to the scouts, seven so far.

How’s it Growing?

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel, moved to grow bags. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Lavender – Cold stratified, soaking. โŒ›

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratified, soaking. โŒ›

Morning Glory – Germinated in 1 day via cup of water, moved to paper towels, moved to grow bags. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Rhubarb – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden A. ๐Ÿ”ฎ

Sunflower – Germinated in 3 days after 24 hour soak in cup of water, sprouting well. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ


Something new this week: Put in a pumpkin patch, worked leveling a road, and put in planters and sunflowers.

Something good this week: The Summer Coding Challenge ended, it’s good to do things, but it’s also good to close out projects.

Something unexpected: A surprise birthday party for me, it was really sweet.

๐ŸŒป

๐Ÿฎ 2022 Thirty-Third Week๐Ÿ–ฅ๏ธ

There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive. Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Grateful to be alive, not overachieving this week, going to solidify some habits.

Last Week: Spouting tomatoes and clover.

This Week: Sprouting morning glories.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Still invigorated with gardening.

Physical Health: A lot better.

Social Health: Doing well again, at peace.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week I did 43 pages of paperwork. This week I grafted cherry tomato from my first year here onto an avocado tree in my daughter’s square-foot garden. I moved the tall tomatoes into soil bags/aeroponic sponge cells, I soaked morning glory seeds (again) to spout, I moved the clover sprouts onto soil treys, I watered my avocado, which are in shock moving from shade to sun.

Sunday: Last week I was planning to graph tomatoes onto avocado, this week I did already! I was going to start aeroponics again indoors to make salads to eat, this week the aeroponic system is up and running with tomatoes. Used the plant bags for Roma tomatoes. Put lavender/cherry seeds into the freezer to cold stratify. Morning glory seeds soaked yesterday and can spout today. One compost barrel is ready for drop-off, and spouted clover, and alfalfa too. One compost bin set up, one to go. Had fun sailing, and did some Hilo gardening, clutter fight club, and shopping.

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel, moved to grow bags. Need more steer manure and vermiculite.

Lavender – Cold stratifying.

Cherry Blossom – Cold stratifying.

Morning Glory – Ready to germinate.

Rhubarb, Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden.

Monday: Last week we are starting the medicinal herb challenge. This week I was super tired, but then got inspired and cleaned. Took the trash out. I cleaned up half the patio for bonsai round 2, the morning glories sprouted very quickly this time around, I wasn’t prepared for that and am tired.

Tuesday: Last week I was doing Nebacanezer with the kids, built a chicken coop, and had tacos. This week is more low-key, I was half as tired as Monday. We covered Engineering and social studies and Japanese alphabet. Did a ton of social studies, my son is grappling with carrying ones into tens for math. We have been doing more music.

Wednesday: Last week my mental landscape shifted to gardening.

A few years ago I was talking to an unschooling parent, about what to do during an unschooling day (I’m a homeschooler who does cover traditional subjects in lower rations and fine arts and electives in higher ratios than a traditional school), her children wrote responses to the classics like Aristotle, so in a sense, their school is a continuation of the academy, out doors, freedom of thought, but not freedom to avoid thoughtโ€ฆ so that school wasn’t unschooling in the way I imagined it.

What I don’t resonate with about Montessory is the no tech aspect, what I don’t resonate about public school is the one method, one opinion is correct, one sized fits all reality they use to be able to teach high volumes, what I don’t like about homeschool, the work can feel very iosolated from reality and become unintegrated in an abstract way, what I don’t like about Charlotte Mason is it’s very draining.
What I love about Montessory is respect for the kids ability and individuality, what I love about public school is the clarity of zones and schema, what I love about homeschool is the ability to fix low skill levels in a targeted way, add more fun things and not kill the natural love of learning and wonder about life, what I love about Charlotte Mason is the outside time seems to give learning more integrated meaning, it seems mentally and emotionally healing.

I’m planning my current day,
(Tech/International/Global Leader Student Time) < Prepare to Save the World
8AM Language Studies
9AM Traditional Subjects
10AM Integration (lab/exploration or homework)
(Montessory-ish Time) < Respect the Kids Natural Learning Process
11AM Music
12PM Cooking or Crashcourse or Cleaning
(Charlotte Masony Time) < Daily Well Being
1PM Exercise or outside
2PM Reading or Art
3PM Free Time

It’s 7:24 now, my son wanted to do math, that would work for me, but no internet so I guess I could cover double-digit addition, but I would rather do it later on.

It was block day at the beach, a successful hand-off of blocks, it was nice a lot of new kids and some old kids and the normal kids, most having a lot of fun with blocks.

Thursday: Last week my daughter’s mental health treatment machine’s wires broke, she spent hours in inconsolable fits. The new wires are on the way. I made some clutter fight club graphics today. Cleaned up the front garden, cutting back weeds, collecting trash, jarring slugs in the slug jar behind the tree, collecting yard scraps… I want to add more vermiculite and steer manure to this really dense soil.

These avocados are doing better, one is doing poorly, I ordered an umbrella for it in case the full sun was the problem, I added steer manure compost in case roots were exposed, I watered and made drams to keep the water in better. I was proud of myself that I added the steer manure instead of “forgetting,” I also want to cut back the weeds and mulch around, maybe even buy trim so it isn’t hard to see the trees…

Friday: Last week we started Japanese lessons finally… which was awesome. This week was mathtastic, we had computer coding too, but a lot of the younger kids engaged in the Fibonacci series addition and some grouping by fives.


Something new this week: Found this quote: โ€œThe more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.โ€ – Epictetus

Something good this week: All three of our coding families independently working, it’s nice to be together, but knowing they continue at home makes me feel like our program has rippled outward into the world.

Something unexpected: A larger amount of gift bananas… more than I ever expected.

๐Ÿ–ฅ๏ธ

๐Ÿฎ 2022 Thirty-Second Week ๐ŸŒ

Passion rules reason, for better or for worse. Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: Cleaning house.

Last Week: Struggling with paperwork.

This Week: Feel better, not 100%, but 80%.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: I am so invigorated with the garden.

Physical Health: So much better, exercised once so far, but planning to do about 3 times a week.

Social Health: Doing well again, somehow made peace with the migratory nomadic lifestyle again.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week I wanted to catch up with our paperwork. This week I am 43 pages into the paperwork, but I found a great guide so I feel more confident writing a business plan. That wasn’t something I’ve ever done and I was intimidated. I went to my friend’s store opening, so proud of her. My husband left the state at night, the kids were okay with it, I don’t know how to feel about it, I don’t feel bad, I thought I would feel bad, but I’m focusing on eating better for the kids and I to have better immune systems and cleaning up around the house so when I leave in a few months everything is pretty much in order already… I’m onboarding five members to our non-profit corporation, doing paperwork for that… Fixing up my garden and hoping to help the community gardens soon.

Sunday: Last week I was sick with a fever and body aches. This week a tiny bit of cough left, but almost none. It was a great day, I went to a friend’s house and helped her garden, we moved a shelf into her shed, placed the old one in the garden and are getting some pots and beds ready for the spring. Then went to another friend’s house to garden as well and was able to block out a pathway, two garden beds, get some mint and some lemon balm planted. I’m having a lot of fun in the garden lately, at my home I am planning to graph tomatoes onto avocado.

Going to start hydroponics again indoors to make salads to eat, I eat $10 of salads a week, the hydroponic system cost $109 I wonder if it will ever earn it’s money back?

Got 400 plant bags for seeding, since I started 140 roma tomatoes I guess they will go quickly… I got lavender seeds again they did germinate well after cold stratification, I just didn’t pay attention to watering them enough. I got Cherry Blossom seeds, it’s still on my bucket list to sprout them. Morning glory seeds, they never have done well, but maybe I need to wait longer before planting them outside. Two compost barrels… rhubarb, clover, and alfalfa.

Roma Tomato – Germinated in 2 days via paper towel, waiting to move to grow bags. Need more steer manure and vermiculite. Straw and weed cloth.

Lavender – Waiting to grow and share.

Cherry Blossom – Waiting to grow and share.

Morning Glory – Waiting to grow and share.

Rhubarb, Clover, Alfalfa – For the Hilo Garden.

I did a class about mental redirection during the pandemic, it was helpful. I remember at that time I often felt like a loser, with 40,000 of student loan debt, no car, no house, no job, I have two kids I love, but our family life was chaotic, so I didn’t love our battles, routines, and overall life together. This year things are better because I’ve applied to have my debt reduced, I’ve got a budget to try to stick to for food and items, I still have no car, no house, and no paying job, but I have a unpaid job at a non-profit that I love and my family is getting along better. So I don’t really feel like a loser anymore, mostly because of having a martial art’s class and being involved with our Scout Non-Profit, but also because I have been writing consistently on this blog and I’ve been talking to other people. Even now that I talk to people I like more than ever before I find writing the blog helps me know my own mind, and it makes me feel better because I see the things that I do get right, where as in real life I notice more of the bad things. So thank you to you, my readers! It’s different than talking in person, but it is fun talking to the whole world as well, the feedback I get is often really motivating and inspiring. The main difference between talking and blogging is blogging gives you more time to think, so the quality of thought is a bit higher, that really helps me when I am making goals, reviewing goals and to be honest it helps in the feedback quality too. I love my friends in person, but often they are too tired to even think of something to say, or maybe not interested in what I am, but online though the relationship may not be intimate you can find people who deeply share your interests or who take the time to write very helpful comments which are sometimes more thoughtful or thought-provoking then we would have time to say in person.
During lockdown in our urban area in our really small living areas I felt like a prisoner more than ever before, it added a lot of pressure to my life that was pretty much in crisis, so that it defiantly tipped me into a crisis and a depression despite not wanting it too. I didn’t really think I was depressed, but I knew my empathy had run out and that I was burnt out as a parent. My marriage survived, but didn’t bounce back to it’s pre-pandemic level and I don’t really expect that it will. But me as an individual I am more “not sorry” about who I am now, yes I was reading Sarah Knight books, but also over time I found I couldn’t be anyone else other than myself, so I started living as myself without being ashamed more and more, until I like myself and I don’t care what other people want me to be, I care about who I am. I trust that I am who I am to fill some need in the world for someone like me, it makes me feel at peace believing that.
I used to feel like an idiot, because to be honest family members I trusted treated me like an idiot. But I am not any more of an idiot than anyone else, I just have strong and weak subjects, I couldn’t have known everything and I know quite a bit within my strong subjects, so… I know I’m not an idiot, even if I make mistakes and don’t know everything, that’s just human, I am human.
This is still a hang up I can’t seem to shake, but 3/4 of my most negative mindsets changing is pretty awesome, so for now I’m not even going to worry about it. Though this feeling does affect me, it keeps me from finishing a book, it keeps me from feeling like an artist, from enjoying painting and music more.

Part of my mind is wanting to keep a lot of notes, but another part is wanting to let them go… I don’t all the way understand it, but when I took the Stregth Finders Test it said Input people like to keep notes or information but perhaps as a Resolver I like to get rid of them?

Notes about redirecting ANTS/automatic negative thinking.
I would change Warrior to Martial Artist, Philosopher to Human, Story Teller to Teacher and Artist to Community Member. My duties at the Adventure Scouts have changed how much connection I get, how healthy my mind is as a parent, and changed the way I think about myself in everyday, so it makes sense why I feel better now. Instead of focusing on how much I struggle and fail, I almost constantly focus on how I can make the world better, that we are making the world better and how I enjoy helping my friends when I can… it’s less me focused, but there is still an introversion, a knowing myself, a trying to enjoy life for myself, it’s just less now, it’s found a good balance now. I had to think less about my kids, trying to solve their problems was driving me crazy, our even our problems, or even how to give them a reasonable home life… but thanks to PCIT I was lucky to find what was a good solution for my biggest problem child and then also just not thinking about it and still having problems has been good for me.

As a community instructor, I teach math, science, karate, and music, as a human I need to exercise, eat, write and talk to my friends, as a home school teacher I teach traditional subjects, but also focus on outside time, also focus on art, also focus on conscious life balance, as a Non-profit Director, I bring supplies to the beach, I update the website, I do paperwork and I try to bring people together to create a village for our kids and also for us, because we need a village to be really happy for the most part most of us need that.

That feels good, like I have finally found a good place in life, a humble place, perhaps a weird place, but a place I can use my talents to improve the world in a way that is significant to me, in a manner that suits me.

Monday: Last week taking it easy since I was sick. This week feeling good. Thinking about gardening. We are starting some medicinal herb gardens like peppermint, and coconut, maybe neem. I’m excited to try coconut bonsai trees hopefully soon. I don’t see whole coconuts too often, I guess some Walmarts have them, but ours is out of stock. 1. Mullien 2. Mugwort 3. Spilanthes 4. Comfrey 5. Lemon Balm 6. Holy Basil 7. Aloe 8. Sunflower 9. Oregano 10. Thyme 11. Lavender 12. Spearmint 13. Peppermint 14. Coconut 15. Curry Leaf 16. Cleavers 17. Italian Basil 18. Raspberry Tea 19. Garlic 20. Neem

Tuesday: Last week I was wondering about the scout group, where its ultimate fate lies? This week I still care, but I feel more grounded baking bread with my own family and both kids played a Mesopotamian civilization-building game (Nebacanezer) where they grow wheat for bread to feed the people, so we looked at the wheat we grew last year and made some bread together. My son beat the first mission and my daughter the first three. So math, civ games, some class, music 3 songs, lunch… Built a chicken coop and had tacos, it was very fun.

Wednesday: Last week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up, I cleaned one room well and put most the house in order, it felt nice. This weeks feels like 10 years after last week for some reason. My mental landscape shifted to gardening, a friend commented two weeks ago about how important food is to humanity and struggling between the kids and gardening since both take so much time and that reinvigorated my deep passion for gardening. So now we have a medicinal herb project going, but I hope I can be more consistent than I have been before. It was lovely to be with friends, it was a lovely day.

Thursday: Last week we sent my husband’s car to the port, he got his ticket to leave Saturday night. This week it feels as if he had been gone for ages already. My daughter’s mental health treatment machine’s wires broke, she spent hours in inconsolable fits. I’m so lucky we ever found that treatment, the new wires are on the way. The upside is I can see she still needs it, when we do use it I am not sure if she needs it at all, but without it, she can’t settle down to sleep, she gets crazy at night instead of tired, and she can’t do her school work without fidgeting or worrying or running off, plus she looks unhappy because she stays in a negative miasma of ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) that probably drives the other behavior, she picks at her face x40 more than normal and in general, just cranks up her natural neuroticisms to 11. I had some gift bananas so we made “banana” banana bread muffins. Built a turning composter.

Friday: Last week felt optimistic about the future again. This week I feel borderline crazily optimistic ie “exhilarated.” We made noodles and muffins and more muffins, we covered Kindergarten math, second-grade math, third-grade math, sixth and seventh-grade math, and high school algebra, it takes a different mental state to hold all the math together, but I enjoy it. We started Japanese lessons finally… which was awesome. It’s hard to overstate how much I enjoy seeing our friends, it’s only been more now that we are planning to migrate out of state back and forth.


Found this quote again since we started Crash Course world history:

“The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools and bars and hospitals and dorm rooms and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether youโ€™ll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether youโ€™ll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, will make your life yours. And everything, everything, will be on it.”The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools and bars and hospitals and dorm rooms and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether youโ€™ll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether youโ€™ll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, will make your life yours. And everything, everything, will be on it. – John Green

Something new this week: Set up an aeroponic garden in the kitchen for green onion or basil so we won’t have slugs on what we eat fresh, since our area is ubersluggy.

Something good this week: Been integrating world history lessons from social studies with Civ games and with Crash Course World History and with cooking, I like it when our curriculum is heavily integrated, plus my daughter integrates again with art.

Something unexpected: Gift bananas, they feel so special from the farmer.

๐ŸŒ

๐ŸŸ 2022 Sturgeon Moon ๐ŸŽ‘

This Month of Emotions

Week One: The first week really concerned or I guess repulsed by the mental attitude of my birth family overall, super heartsick to be moving back to California which I don’t love, disheartened, did an article that made me feel blessed to be a part of something greater than myself, then I felt hopeful to be able to work with my daughter’s math anxiety now that she has it instead of her having to redo her math later like I had to, I felt happy taking my son to his first movie theater movie, then I felt dispair and depressed and angry and troubled all at the same time, but I’ll call it troubled, I ended the week feeling broken, I’ll call it hopeless. So much success and failure in the same week.

Week Two: The second week started I still felt miserable from the week before, then I was fatigued getting sick and feeling overwhelmed, the next day I was grateful thanks to music and a festival not cancelled, then I was just physically drained because I was getting sick, the next day I was even more drained and there was a hurricane so most stuff got cancelled, I felt really satisfied that the kids liked the light sabers more than I had hoped, I got more ill so by the time I made it to a sick bed I was spent and fell asleep like a child.

Week Three: The fourth week, I felt proud that our camping trip felt so right overall, the next day I was stunned trying to process so much that had happened on a sick brain, I was still shocked the next day about three days ago, then I got sick and felt serene, like I didn’t know what to do but it was okay to not have all the solutions, I felt pleased with myself for making it to the beach. it was taking me a long time to process, I was so exhausted with illness the next day I felt apathetic I ended the week thoughtful about us, the future, humanity trying to fix the past in the present.

Week Four: I felt optimistic with our first wellness meet up, hopeful the next day, excited the next day, concerned about the move coming up the next day, I was sad to be leaving my friends, then I was sick and emotionally spent, then I was touched by a student being sweet.

Today is August 12th, I wish this year had Obon because it emotionally and spiritually separates my year into pieces, but it doesn’t so… it’s amazing how much heals in a month, not everything, but a lot.

Meta Emotion: Looking back at the seventh month I went through struggles, but found it more than worth it and I feel at place with my small place in the big world for the first time I can remember.

Good things and bad things. ๐Ÿน

Physical Health: Can see the down spiral, but didn’t find an intervention.

Social Health: Grateful for my friends, trying to find peace with my family.

Mental Health: Being ill cut my brain power in half and put me out of touch with everything like a blanket of fog, I did my best, but I knew I wasn’t at my best.

Something New: Our Adventure Scouts did our first archery event, cool watching the girls and boys learn new things or participate with each other and the moms too.

What helped: A sincere thank you from a student, I will treasure that for quite a long time.

๐Ÿน

๐Ÿฎ 2022 Thirty-First Week ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.” Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: See my husband off, clean the house, dream.

Last Week: Still sick.

This Week: Struggling to get back on task with paperwork.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Thrown off, my husband has a week left and the future is so uncertain exactly when and where will meet him again, probably in a few months.

Physical Health: Still sick, not too uncomfortable but wanting to be regular already, impatient.

Social Health: Doing okay but conflicted between cleaning my home and going out, resting, and seeing my friends before I leave the state.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week was a unicorn birthday party, my husband’s things were taken by the movers. This week it overshadows the rest of my life that my husband is leaving soon. I want to catch up with our paperwork, but without messing it up, so I’m strategically not doing it because I want to make sure it’s done well when I do do it. (Wednesday my sister said she could help me so it was a good idea in hindsight.)

Sunday: Last week I wanted to do hedges, but I was too sick. This week I was even more sick, pretty uncomfortable with alternating fevers and total body aches. I remembered being a kid a lot because I was often very sick then. I would get delirium, this time I did get some delirium and dizzy spells, it reminded me of being a kid in a bad way. I wonder what is the point and if I can ever catch up with what is expected of me, as an adult I try not to take it seriously and just let it pass.

Monday: Last week started cleaning the house. This week taking it easy since I’m sick, sore, and nauseated and don’t seem to be digesting any food. Having a hard time keeping water down. A bit sad my husband is leaving, kind of feels like we haven’t gained anything since getting married. When we married we had one car, one motorcycle and a rented home, now we have one car, zero motorcycles and no home of our own yet… I have a cello and no bass, he has more tools and less clothes, but in the 10 years we have been together we haven’t been able to make a lot of financial gains and the time period being what it is, a lot of what we would save pays for inflation. I have to say at least we have kids, they are safe and healthy (not now, but mostly) and well educated.

Tuesday: Last week I made seven new shelves and started organizing my stuff. This week I’m wondering what the scout group will be like when I am gone, how funding will go after our 501, if we will have problems between directors in the future… I regret not having more music and art, but not having a designated storage area makes it harder.

Wednesday: Last week was a birthday party and my son made huge bubbles. This week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up or did errands. It didn’t feel too bad because it had been such a strong streak before. I was starting to get burnt out, even one day to organize helped me get a sense of what I wanted for the future. I ate a bowl of broth for dinner and it didn’t sit well at all, not sure if it’s because I’m sick or if I shouldn’t be eating chicken at all, but I had to stay up late letting my stomach settle. I cleaned one room well and put most the house in order, it felt nice.

Thursday: Last week I was feeling defeated between my low energy and the demands of my kids plus trying to make any sense of the world at all. Today I feel more energetic but very nostalgic. The light sabers came today for the pool noodles. We sent my husband’s car to the port, he got his ticket to leave Saturday night.

Went out to tidy the patio garden and spent a few hours doing garden therapy instead.
Since the first year we moved here there are fallen tomato seeds regrowing new tomato plants. I haven’t kept up with the patio garden and expected it to have nothing, but there is a tomato sprout from the original ones I had such a fun time growing with my daughter years ago. It gives me hope.

I wanted to take a before picture, but didn’t. Cut down tall weeds.

My son’s science fair apple tree planted today.
His second apple tree. The apple trees will mark the pond garden as the boundary between the golf lawn/my dad’s space and my favorite central garden.
This area is so over grown, it was bare when I built it last year, since then we had a major wind storm and a hurricane, not much damage to my work, but a lot of debree and paths swallowed by jungle. This is the upper area of the pond, the plumbing is working fine but the middle pond seems to have a leak still.
This is the lower part of the pond that holds water well, some water lotus are alive, I wonder if they will do well with the heat of the summer starting. It felt like a late summer this year.
I don’t know if we will always golf, but it’s nice having a clearing to feel like there is space, the new trees will end the clearing but not cut into it.
This is the first of five new avocado plants I planted today that we grew from seeds when we moved here. It’s a double, I don’t know if it grew from one seed, but it looks that way. I think I want to name it “Inspiration”.
This one is growing alongside some bamboo orchids. Perhaps “Friendship”.
This one, “Liberty,” I planted inside and then moved it outside of the green planter to space it equally from the center in a row with Friendship. I had one avocado tree in the “central garden” so I made it center of a row of three and a bit further back is this row of three. There were some lizard eggs I tried not to disturb when I dug the hole for this tree.
The pathway will be really small if I don’t prune the Ohia, which I probably won’t, but there is an avocado hiding out behind the main fountain waterfall, “Perseverance” perhaps.
My son loved playing with this water fountain, it probably wastes water, so I only run the fountain when we are using it, but it’s beautiful to me remembering him touching the water that is within safe reach.
The green roof took a hit in the hurricane, but low structures help up well. The huge tree that once stood in the center of the property is gone, but a new koa tree grows near where it stood and a large sunflower bush I may move to become a privacy hedge is a cheerful addition to my daughter’s farm area.
Four years ago papaya and tomatoes, three years ago daikon and Taro, two years corn and wheat, this year our farm consists of 4 blueberry plants, a bunch/but not a ton of strawberry, and Mexican Sunflower cuttings prepping to become a border hedge.
Not sure the financial yield the blueberries will bring in yet, but they are very special as they were a gift from good friends.

I still feel like the garden can become a beautiful and special place someday, but it could become a place of weeds and ruin or a place of apathy and hate, it depends how we get along as a family if I can tolerate to be here to garden it or not. We got along better before the pandemic, I don’t know what the future holds, but I still have faith in the garden being a good piece of land.

Friday: Last week sick to my stomach, sad there isn’t a bon dance this year and for what the year didn’t have. This week I have mentally reconnected to who I am, what I want, my past, and future. This week I am optimistic about the future again. I’m into gardening, music, math, robotics, art, cleaning and exercise again, in short I guess I recovered from parental burnout/pandemic depression and I’m a pretty happy/optimistic person again.


I feel am getting more and more organized and hopeful about the future again.

Something new this week: Found this quote “Yosemite Valley, to me, is always a sunrise, a glitter of green and golden wonder in a vast edifice of stone and space.” – Ansel Adams

Something good this week: Getting better from being sick.

Something unexpected: Started exercising again, only once, but it’s a great start.

๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

๐Ÿฎ 2022 Thirtieth Week ๐Ÿซง

“Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm.” Terry Goodkind ๐Ÿ•Š๏ธ

GOALS THIS WEEK: See my husband off, clean the house, dream.

Last Week: Still sick.

This Week: Struggling to get back on task with paperwork.

HEALTH OVERVIEW:

Mental Health: Thrown off, my husband has a week left and the future is so uncertain exactly when and where will meet him again, probably in a few months.

Physical Health: Still sick, not too uncomfortable but wanting to be regular already, impatient.

Social Health: Doing okay but conflicted between cleaning my home and going out, resting, and seeing my friends before I leave the state.


LIFE JOURNAL:

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.โ€

– Roberto Assagioli

โ€œThere is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.โ€

Mary Anne Radmacher

Saturday: Last week was a unicorn birthday party, my husband’s things were taken by the movers. This week it overshadows the rest of my life that my husband is leaving soon.

Sunday: Last week I wanted to do hedges, but I was too sick. This week I was even more sick, pretty uncomfortable with alternating fevers and total body aches.

Monday: Last week started cleaning the house. This week taking it easy since I’m sick, sore, and nauseated and don’t seem to be digesting any food.

Tuesday: Last week I made seven new shelves and started organizing my stuff.

Wednesday: Last week was a birthday party and my son made huge bubbles. This week we were pretty much all sick with flus so most of us cleaned up or did errands. It didn’t feel too bad because it had been such a strong streak before. I was starting to get burnt out, even one day to organize helped me get a sense of what I wanted for the future.

Thursday: Last week my daughter changed her Google Profile cartoon from a little little kid to a kid and it really struck me how old her mind is now. This week I wish I felt more organized, I am starting to feel really behind on paperwork as well as not happy with my school routine yet. My son has been wanting more math than I have patience to help him with and more art as well. I’ve been decluttering, looking up non-profit law, trying to keep my kids school records straight and worried about a sick friend, as well as sorting out the start of my first year home schooling both kids, I feel like I’m not doing anything well trying to do everything.

Friday: Last week trying to help other homeschool parents get started with the year. This week sick to my stomach. Sad there isn’t a bon dance this year, it marks my year if they cancel it, it feels like I didn’t have a real year. There were some, but the one I go to is canceled. There was a 4th of July Parade that was pretty full, it wasn’t my favorite holiday before, but it feels good to me to see people alive doing normal things, just wish Tanabata and Obon would have made it this year too.


I feel like I am falling behind at everything.

Something new this week: My husband moved his weights out of the house and I built 7 shelves to organize my own stuff, I like the shelves so far, but it will take time still to sort like with like, what I need and don’t need ext.

Something good this week: Watching my son make huge bubbles at the beach, it made me happy, even though I was too tired to show it, it was cool he made his own and seemed to have fun.

Something unexpected: When the whole pop up tent flipped over at the beach, it was very unexpected.

๐Ÿซง