๐Ÿ› Transformation Week V ๐Ÿ”ฅ

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Extreme Heat Today, But Expected.

PHYSICAL TRANSFORMATION

“Think little of thy flesh: blood, bones, and a skin; a pretty piece of knit and twisted work, consisting of nerves, veins and arteries; think no more of it, than so.”

– Marcus Aurelius

Your body is the harp of your soul and it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds.

– Khalil Gibran

I didn’t have a real reason to restart T25 a few weeks ago, I just did it, but I think I know why now, I think I’m trying to strengthen my mind for my own Everest (which isn’t the real Everest).

WEEK 1 T25

Day 1 Speed 1.0 I wanted to quit after 20 minutes.
Day 2 Cardio I wanted to quit after 5 minutes.
Day 3 Total Body Circuit I wanted to quit the whole time.
Day 4 Ab Intervals (first time I didn’t feel like quitting).
Day 5 Lower Focus
Day 6 Cardio I wanted to quit after 11 minutes.
Day 7 Stretch


WEEK 2 T25

Day 8 Cardio I wanted to quit the whole time, minor pain.
1 DAY OFF
Day 9 Total Body Circuit I wanted to quit after 19 minutes. Better! Day 10 Speed 1.0 Day 11 Cardio Day 12 Lower Focus Day 13 Ab Intervals Day 14 Stretch

WEEK 3 T25

Day 15 Total Body Circuit I wanted to quit after 5 minutes (hard day). Day 16 Speed 1.0 Day 17 Lower Focus 2nd DAY OFF 3rd DAY OFF Day 18 Cardio Day 19 Total Body Circuit and Ab Intervals

Looking at the past three weeks I’ve noticed I’ve wanted to quit less and less, my mental strength is different. I don’t know if it takes more strength to want to quit and face it or to not want to quit? I feel like actually facing the feeling of wanting to quit builds more strength, but if I don’t want to quit I can’t “want to” just to get stronger…

Yes I do have more energy, drink less coffee, am a bit more patient, and am stronger, I’m looking more like Bruce Lee than I ever expected to (was husky in youth and am lean for the first time ever, feels weird) but I’m becoming more and more aware that it’s much more significantly a meditation in focusing than anything else.

The 24 hour day has 1,440 minutes.

T25 feels like forever in the middle of it, but I have 57.6 T25s of time in a day.

1440 minutes a day dived into 25 minute periods becomes 57.6 forever’s in each day.

“To see a World in a Grain of Sand, and a Heaven in aย Wild Flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And Eternity in an hour.”

– William Blake

To hold infinity in the palm of your mind, do the T25 workout with Shaun T and realize that you have more than 57 times that much time every day.

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If I could “hyper” focus I could get every aspect of life under control in the time I already have.

Sleeping takes 480 minutes, or 19.2 “T25 Periods” of time, breakfast, lunch and dinner take at least one each, so putting showers with sleeping that’s 20 + 3 for eating = 23 for the body. 40%

I’ve learned to respect the body as a friend instead of just a vehicle… I’ve started making peace with what it needs and respecting what it givees.

I watch a lot of Bear Grylls and I noticed the survival rules 1. Air (3 Minutes) 2. Protection/Shelter (3 Hours), 3. Water (3 Days), 4. Food (3 Weeks) are missing something important. Sleep! Lack of sleep can kill you in 2 weeks, therefore it should be number 4 and food should be number 5. Also I can survive outside indefinitely in all the climates I’ve lived in…

But looking at the survival rules the right way for me and my area:

  1. Air (Deep Breathing) 2. Protection from Heat Exhaustion (Cool Towel, Extra Water and Ice) 3. Water 4. Sleep 5. Food

Has let me play out today’s extreme heat in a decent way, and also given me a lot of insight as to why my marriage is as strained as it is, we haven’t slept well in over 5 years… why would we be communicating and problems solving at our best then?

Another note about the physical journey is that I did the double workout I was supposed to do for the first time this week, before I couldn’t have, I’ve been doing my absolute best, but that didn’t include being able to do the double workouts and it didn’t include earning the 3 off days I’ve taken.

Traditionally each double workout day earns you 1 day off, so I’m still in debt 2 days, but I’m okay with that since I know I’ve given my all.

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I put me here, but I’m scared to come out.

MENTAL TRANSFORMATION

I’ve ironed out so many things at home that I’m starting to see the lack of personal satisfaction I have as an individual behind the scenes of creating the mental unhappiness that does happen in my life. I create the prison I keep me in, but noticing is easier than escaping.

I reached this place of having the cage door open, but not knowing if I can survive on the outside.

The door is open, but I wasn’t prepared to make a break for it.

I noticed that once our survival needs are met we tend to ignore those really important parts of life, air, protection, water, sleep, food in the name of 1. Love, 2. Knowledge, 3. Purpose, 4. Inspiration and 5. Meaning.

I noticed that before attending a class (Zoom seminar) with Lei Wang today about “3 Steps to Achieving Your Personal & Professional Best.”

I think what I call inspiration she calls excitement, but not 100% sure about that.

It was humbling to meet Lei Wang, she has completed the explorers grand slam (climbing the 7 peaks of each continent and hiking both poles). Her blog. She was so humble and down to Earth, but you could tell she was really strong at the core in a way that made it a pleasure to meet her and see that she was “real.”

Each time I meet a book writer or blogger I mentally “rub them” as if success and the ability to finish a book will rub off on me… (weird right? But you told me to be myself… so… I mentally rub people. Hopefully the right way though.)

I identified three things I would like to do in the class today 1. Teach my kids the Finnish way. 2. Go camping in Yosemite again when I can. 3. Learn to be a tree house builder. Also some possible things, learn to build eco homes, move to Seattle, move to the forest, live seasonally in the woods at least, perhaps get a botany degree to enter a forestry job or find some kind of biology field work I can do with or without reeducation.

I also identified three steps to take 1. Create space between the kids and me. 2. Save up and get information. 3. Look into a botany or building program (I like Tree Houses and Earth Ships…).

Lei was really great at pushing me past my prison bars to look out five years into the future and imagine something better… maybe because she had really lived it rather than just saying it or reading about it. That’s why I’m not a life coach, I tried it, because I wanted to work from home and like coaching, but I was definitely missing something Lei has and I don’t want to be the only one with a knife in a gun fight…

It was nice seeing someone not too different from me who has made it past the prison walls. She grew up in China, studied most of her life, was planning on being a doctor, then because a mountaineer. I’m Asian from the US, studied most of my life, was planning on being a doctor, all I’m missing is the last step…

She talked about excitement being the prime motivator for things to get done. I’m different and the same, for me tranquility is a stronger motivator, but I get excited expecting the tranquility so it’s in a way the same excitement.

She made so many interesting points, but one was that the very best thing about the South Pole was the regular events and people at the station when it was over, that surprise and expectations can be the only difference between something being enjoyable or unenjoyable.

She made the point if we want people to engage with us, students, spouses, readers ext we have to be exciting that nothing will kill a lesson, relationship or project more than boredom. It was a really important point for me to grapple with. For me as for everyone excitement matters, but it’s a smaller piece of the pie for me (I think) and I forget that if I want to have a family meeting, if I want to teach my students well, if I want to write a great book someday it’s not only about me, it’s about getting the other party excited. There is no I in team, but there is an I in excitement!

The main points of the class were, excitement is the prime motivator of successful endeavors, fun needs to be incorporated into learning and life for students, it’s not extra work it’s foundational work, for me to ascribe meaning to motivate me through everyday challenges, to incorporate the ideas of the students more, to reach for a “wow” from them.

wow
You wouldn’t know my excitement from the outside in, but it’s there.

I remember the last time I was really “wowed” my son taught himself to swim, it got me motivated to go in the pool I didn’t want to go in and had been avoiding for about 2 months straight everyday… that feeling of “wow” it really motivates all of us when we can get it.

So we all have different kinds of excitement, but it’s a strong driver of human activity hidden “in plain sight.”

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For isn’t every mom an island?

SOUL TRANSFORMATION

Sunday I had the family break through of watching Nanny 911 I was waiting to have, we watched a mom with 22 boys just nailing that, she was just amazing in pretty much every way, but you didn’t hate her, you just had to like her. And the next episode a mom with 3 kids, just sucking (a lot like our family). Finally my husband, my daughter and I were all paying attention and we got to an episode with an undermining spouse, because that is what my husband did and what I needed him to recognize and stop doing. It was sad, but the emotional needs of the children were not being met, the nanny said “the emotional needs of the children are not being met” so that made it clear, but yet a bit embarrassing because this family was finally the family that matched our problems, and it was my fault in the end, for not pushing hard enough to let my older child know I love her now that we have a younger (and easier, unofficially favorite) child. It was also my husband’s fault for disrespecting me semi-constantly because he finds it fun and funny to step on the line and past it, but expecting me to be able to discipline our kids who would then obviously not respect my authority to do so. So he bit himself in the as* on that one, by disrespecting me the discipline failed and he hated the misbehavior. Surprisingly once we knew what exactly was going on it was pretty fast to fix it. Sure it’s a work in progress, but I think it’s 90% better than before, so it leaves me more room to breathe as an individual that there isn’t as many fires to put out within the family dynamic.The kind of fitness I care most about is inside you, it’s in your mind it’s in your heart, and both of those are great places to find strength, because you’re in charge there. No body else can tell you what to do, or who you are, or how strong you can be, it’s all up to you. Can you screen out the noise in your life and hear what you need to? Can you push away the people that tell you it can’t be done and decide for yourself what you can achieve? Can you trust yourself to handle the stress of change? Can yo believe in your ability to succeed now, even if you’ve fallen short before?

Listening to T is for Transformation, again this week:

It stuck out to me:

Paraphrasing heavily > “You have to hand the baton from the past you, to your present you, and trust your future you will take it” also “you need to love all those people, the past you got you where you are now.”

– Shaun T (Poorly Paraphrased from Memory)

PERSONAL CORE

๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ <What’s important to you?

๐Ÿ‘ฉ<I guess being outside, teaching the kids and reaching for my own dreams of building a tree house and being in the woods.

๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ <Who’s important to you?

๐Ÿ‘ฉ<My students, my kids. Hopefully my husband in the future… feel guilty he isn’t on this list 100% sincerely.

๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ <What’s driving you forward?

๐Ÿ‘ฉ<I’m excited to keep doing my part, even though what I do seems so small, overtime it seems to drive other people around me forward in their own way, also small things open greater journeys and potentials, also small things are just beautiful in and of themselves. I’m excited to put order to the world in my own small way the way the ants do…

๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ< Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

๐Ÿ‘ฉ<I am already uncomfortable, but I’m starting to think about getting more uncomfortable.

๐Ÿ“– The 7 Superpowers Notes:

  1. Be Uncomfortable (Getting Better)
  2. Full Out – Enthusiasm – Excitement (Getting Better)
  3. Creative (Ok)
  4. Flexible (Getting Better)
  5. Selfish (Getting Better)
  6. Feeling It – Identify and Feel Passion (Getting Better)
  7. Bananas (Not Fully Sure What It Means)

Shaun T’s book really inspired me the first time, it’s still helpful the second time, but it also feels like I’ll need more tools for this journey of transformation.

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I guess I’m mostly missing the bananas?

I think tomorrow will be the day I can get the drawing tablet I wanted to try to draw comics… it’s unpleasant that my enthusiasm has dipped now that it’s almost here.

NEW FRIENDS TO HELP ME

(YES I HAVE MANY FRIENDS THAT ARE BOOKS, YOU DON’T?)

I spent my sister’s 3 credits on 3 new books that I hope will be the perfect ones to help me get through the end of this child > adult transition I’m going through at the age of 35… if I finish in time I’ll be an adult before 36.

I feel like I should be ashamed of that, but yet I’m not.

Shame is weird. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be ashamed of something but I am, but other times I feel like I should be ashamed and I’m not.

What defines how I should feel to me? To whom or what did I grant that power.

I’m super excited about reading Bear Grylls book the most, I love Sarah Knight’s books but don’t know which will help (the anti-anxiety book didn’t for me, but the boundary book did), I really liked Boundaries with Kids by John Townsend.

I’m also excited my daughter decided to be mostly vegetarian, which is weird because I’m a total omnivore. But I’ve always been waiting to support her in some way where she was clearly following her own path I guess?

I like when people who aren’t comfortable eating meat don’t eat meat and people who are comfortable eating meat can eat meat. I think it’s worth cutting down as a nation because of the environmental impact, but I see respectful meat consumption as a deep part of native american heritage that shouldn’t need to disappear in a blanket manner.

I was thinking if the US reduced meat consumption by half, that would make a huge difference, but no one would really be worse off, overall plant consumption is healthier (but I disagree that it needs to be total).

For us, we used to eat breakfast and lunch vegetarian, but now my daughter wants a vegetarian dinner, so to make one dinner I could eat a vegetarian dinner with her.

One thing that once made my life hell for me was cooking 9 meals each day (daughter’s 3, sons’s 3 and my 3 all different), now all three of us eat blue berry oatmeal for breakfast, my daughter wants beans, rice and broccoli for dinner, perhaps with some cottage cheese, and then we can have fruits, avocado, hamburger (for me and my son) and fries for lunch? My daughter would just not eat the meat if she didn’t want to… I could learn to fry tofu, she likes it fried and we have an air fryer that works with no oil.

Anyways the last thing I will say is that the steps to survival make a good self care list as well:

SELF CARE A FANCY WORD FOR SURVIVAL

  1. Air > Deep Breathing (TED TALK with water coffee and whiskey breaths)

2. Shelter > Protection from Heat (or Cold): $15 Cool Towel and Ice Water

3. Water > Metal Straws Help Me

4. Sleep > Step 1: Don’t Have Kids (Joking – Kind Of)

5. Food > Soul Food is Kind of Self Care Above and Beyond Survival

I love you unconditionally.
Since I have no way to impose conditions on you! Ha ha… ha.

Thank you so much readers, many of you write and I am often inspired to up my game in bravery or being a good person or sharing a unique skill set by what you write, some of you comment and everyone no matter how short is a huge compliment to me, because I know there is something else you could be doing with your time, there really is, for you to choose to say a kind word or share an idea is an indicator to me that either there is good in humanity or my writing is going well or both, so win, win or win win situation for me.

I believe in you
My beliefs don’t have to make sense. They come from the heart and the heart wants what the heart wants.

I’m really a reader focused writer at heart, I’ve been so lost and so helped by other writers that I try to pay it forward. But I couldn’t be that without you. I know because I wrote another blog that didn’t get any traffic, this one is on WordPress.com so I get more than I personally feel I need or deserve simply due to the way WordPress.com works, but since I had the experience of writing publicly, yet in isolation for years I know how much you readers matter whether you write or comment or not, you play a big part in my momentum of trying to be a better person, trying to be accountable and also accepting my inevitable failures during the learning process.

cheers with champagne
I’ve seen the bad of humanity in person and the good via the internet, interesting but true.

I feel like you are all supporting me, until someone proves to me otherwise, I’ll continue to believe that, and I want you to know I believe in you too, that your dream is worth doing, that you have always done the best you could for the situation you were in at the time, I have faith in you that you are who you should be and where you should be and that you do your part in the world with the best intentions as much as anyone. To me every ordinary person is a bit heroic for getting out of bed (and if you can’t get out, even more so). Cheers to us normal people who never stop trying!

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When you arise in the morning (or afternoon), think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love…

*Sometimes giving up “stuff” is exactly the right thing to do. But don’t “give up,” don’t give up your passion for good. Juri Sharma wrote a great post about when to give up stuff.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

– F. Scott Fitzgerald

What’s your passion? The fire of your eyes? Is it cats? Cars? Cats in cars?

๐Ÿ”ฅ

3 thoughts on “๐Ÿ› Transformation Week V ๐Ÿ”ฅ

  1. Life By Wyetha says:

    I commend you for acknowledging that parenting isn’t easy by any means. I know I made mistakes as a single mom, and now that my daughter is 28 – we sometimes talk about those things, but what she remembers is that I did everything in my power to ensure that she had what she needed, and everything else was just water under the parenting bridge.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sakura says:

      My mom and I don’t have contact, so I’m always hoping that once the dust clears I end up like you and your daughter, and not like my mom and I. But I try to put what I can do for my daughter first, and fear of losing her, up to fate after I try my best to do the right thing. I think when you are abandoned by both of your parents it kind of haunts you as a parent, even if you don’t want it to impact you. And I also lost her twin, so seeing her has always brought forth a weird mixture of both abundance and loss. ๐Ÿ‘ป

      Liked by 1 person

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